Will You Still Look At Me the Same?

Miyami blinked as the aircon blasted her hair upward for a moment, the vane creaking slightly as it rocked back and forth in the steady, artificial breeze. It was a quiet late afternoon in Nagashiro, and the sun had started to set, casting long shadows across the small city with golden-orange rays of light.

It'd been roughly six hours since the incident in the storeroom. Time had passed in a blur since then. 

Miyami knew that they'd walked together to the cafe after that, and she knew that Hinoka had tried to start a conversation about what had happened. But the details of the lunch were fuzzy, and her memories of what came after were even more vague and disjointed. 

Everything had just felt numb, like she'd been walking in a dream.

Now she was here, in the comfort of her new apartment, alone with her thoughts once more. The scent of incense lingered on her skin from her earlier prayers, and the small shrine she'd put together for her mother calmly sat there in the corner of the room.

Miyami shifted around on the bed, staring blankly at the shrine as dampness lingered on her cheeks.

When she was little, talking to her mother had always made her feel safe. Miyami briefly reminisced of soft hands holding her tightly as she cried her eyes out over some bully or other mean comment.

Now here she was again, having just done her best to follow through with one of her mother's final wishes: to always keep her updated on her life. Her mother had wanted her to keep doing this—even when she was gone and the sickness had finally extinguished her voice forever.

Miyami's eyes fell on the photo of the two of them together.

"Mom…"

Her voice was hushed, nearly mute, even in the quiet of her room.

She'd passed way before Miyami had begun to understand herself. Back when she'd still been Michio—the name her father had always referred to her as. The one she hated nearly more than anything.

She sniffled, her hands reaching out for something to hug but finding nothing.

Would her mother have accepted her had she known? Would she have supported her and told her that everything was going to be okay? Would she have been able to convince her father she wasn't just faking?

Miyami slowly laid down on her side, exhausted tears dripping down her cheeks. She curled her knees up to her chest, holding them tightly, before burying her face in the sheets of the mattress.

She'd done so good at burying that side of her. So, so good.

She'd worked so hard to get a new job in a new city.

She'd worked so hard to be comfortable in her own skin.

She'd worked so hard to become a girl in her own mind.

She'd worked so hard on her voice training despite the lackluster results.

And yet it'd all been for nothing.

Her second day.

A slip of her uncle's tongue. A name that wasn't her own anymore. And everything was ruined.

"…" Miyami sniffed. She knew it wasn't really her uncle's fault—he was trying his best to get used to her and she really appreciated it. But, still, it'd hurt so much, like a knife had been stabbed into her, twisting and turning until she was completely cut open.

She could remember Hinoka's reaction to it—the shock, the concern, the awkward attempt to talk about it in the cafe later. 

And she could also remember the look in her eyes. That mixture of confusion and disbelief, but also something else—something that had sent chills down her spine and made her want to run away as soon as possible.

Uncertainty.

Miyami buried her head deeper into the sheets, her shoulders trembling. Her breath was ragged, and her eyes stung from the tears that wouldn't stop flowing. She wanted to scream into her pillow if she could reach it.

It wasn't because Hinoka had reacted badly or anything. If anything, she was leagues better than most. Many would've just called her weird and a freak, not offered to continue their lunch plans, nor carefully walked her back home, nor tried to cheer her up and make sure she was safe before gracefully leaving.

Miyami just didn't want Hinoka to look at her differently. To see her for who she really was, to know the things she'd been hiding from the world since she'd been old enough choose for herself.

But it was too late for that.

Even if she'd never confirmed anything yet, Hinoka was smart enough to put the pieces together. She'd figured it out, just like everyone else eventually did.

And now, everything would change.

She didn't know what that would entail, but it would. It was inevitable, and there was no way she could stop it now. She couldn't hide from the truth anymore. Not after this. The only thing left was for her to wait, wait and hope that maybe, just maybe, Hinoka would still be okay being her friend.

She just wished that she'd had a bit more time to live her new life before it ended.

*bzzt!*

*♫'Message for the cutest girl in the world!'♫*

"!!!" Miyami suddenly jolted at the sound of her phone lighting up next to her.

W-when had she put that notification sound in?! She hadn't done that, had she?!

*bzzt!*

*♫'Message for the cutest girl in the world!'♫*

The sound played again as if to confirm it was real, and Miyami's face started to burn. The vague memory of her sleepily changing the message tone to something cute the previous night resurfaced.

Oh, God, why?! Why did she do this to herself? Was she actually just a drooling masochist?!

*buzzing!*

*♫'Message for the cutest girl in the world!'♫* *♫'Message for the cutest girl in the world!'♫* *♫'Message for the cutest gir—'♫*

*quick tap*

"…!" She quickly grabbed the device and turned off the volume, her heart racing at a thousand kilometers per hour. She would change it later to something more normal—something that didn't sound like a cheesy pickup line out of a romance anime. But for now, she'd just mute it so—

*bzzt!*

*♫'Message for the cutest girl in the world!'-♫*

"…!!!" Miyami almost threw the damned thing across the room. She'd just turned the volume down. WHY WAS IT STILL—

She blinked.

Oh, that was the app volume, not the notifications volume.

She held the slider down with shaky fingers until it was truly and completely dead.

"…" With an exasperated sigh, Miyami collapsed back down onto the bed and unlocked the device, staring at the bright screen in front of her.

The chat log was filled with messages from Hinoka. She'd suddenly sent a lot of them, and while Miyami couldn't read the messages in the preview window, she felt like she knew what they were about.

She'd have to check. There was no getting around it.

With a strangle tingling traveling up her wrists and her pulse dropping, Miyami tapped the chat and scrolled up to where the messages began.

She read through them slowly, trying to take in each one carefully.

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 >> Hey, Miyami. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything that happened today. I feel like I was being a little too nosy. I probably shouldn't have prompted us to try chatting over lunch. I know you have a lot on your mind right now and that it's a really delicate thing.

 >> I was just really concerned for you. But I guess in the end I ended up making you feel uncomfortable.

 >> Also wanted to reiterate that I'm not a total creep or anything. Honestly. You're just super cute and I've never met anyone quite like you before and I got swept up in the heat of the moment. I promise, I'm not usually like this. I've NEVER been this bad before.

 >> Anyway, um, yeah. I'll give you some space if you need it. I'm just worried about you.

 >> I don't know if you need me to, but I'm also willing to be someone to talk to about anything.

 >> Just think of me as an older sis type of figure if that makes it easier. It's totally okay, I swear! (´∀`)♡

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Miyami stared at the chat log in silence. Her eyes scanned over the words, and she felt her heart stir. Hinoka wasn't trying to bring up the incident at all—she was just trying to apologize for being so pushy earlier.

Miyami's fingers hovered over the keyboard, and she typed in a reply before deleting it. She typed it again and again, and again, before finally settling on a response.

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 > It's fine, Hinoka. I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to make you worry so much. I just don't want to burden you with my problems, and it's really embarrassing to talk about.

 > I was probably going to try tell you at some point, but then it happened, and it was just so sudden that it caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do.

 > Also, thank you for walking me home and staying to make sure I was okay.

 > I hope I didn't make you worry too much. (m;_ _)m

 [[ HINOKA IS TYPING… ]]

 >> It's totally fine, I promise. I'm glad I was able to walk you back at least.

 >> Erm, uh, a thought just occurred to me. How old are you?

 >> Crap, don't answer that if you don't want to. Stupid nosey Hinoka, stop asking stuff like that. (￣ヘ￣;)

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Miyami let out a soft giggle at the emoticon. Hinoka was really funny sometimes, especially when she was trying to be serious. To think that she'd been able to witness so many sides of her ponytailed colleague in just a couple of days.

"…it's fine…" she whispered to herself as she typed in her age.

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 > I'm twenty-five, twenty-six in about a month. (^_^;

 > I know. I'm not exactly a spring chicken anymore, am I? (╥﹏╥)

 [[ HINOKA IS TYPING… ]]

 >> … I regrettably retract what I said about being an older sister figure. You're like, way older than me, and that'd make me feel like some sort of weird kid who doesn't know any better. (´;︵;`)

 >> I just turned twenty-four. Apologies senpai!!!

*surprised gasp*

*frantic tapping*

 > W-what?! (°ロ°) ! You're younger?! But you seem so much older!

 > I-I mean that in a good way! You're mature and cool and everything, and I'm just a mess of a person.

 > Also, you don't have to refer to me as senpai. Please. I feel like I'll melt into a puddle of embarrassment if you keep calling me that. (*ﾉωﾉ)

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Hinoka was twenty-four? Who would've thought? She was so composed, so self-assured, and so confident that Miyami had assumed she was older.

Hmph, silly her, assuming things again.

Miyami felt the chill of the aircon brush over her briefly, blowing a few of her hairs over her face. The scent of incense was finally beginning to wear off, and the sun was now completely behind the mountains, casting the room into darkness.

She briefly locked her phone, fidgeting with it as she waited for a reply, before noticing her reflection in the dark glass.

Huh. When had she begun to start smiling again?

Her eyes were still red and puffy from before, and she still felt drained from everything that had happened today. But despite that, a little smile had somehow appeared like a surprise drop on a limited-event banner.

She really was weak, wasn't she?

Just some little messages from Hinoka, and she was already smiling like an idiot. It was almost pathetic, honestly. She'd been so sure that her new life had been over before it even really began, yet here she was, feeling more alive than ever.

All thanks to the girl with the ponytail and the fiery eyes.

Miyami's heart swelled as she unlocked the phone again, the screen lighting up her face in the darkness of the room.

And she waited for her next message.