Runaway Hero and the Edge of the World

As I exit the small forest, I’m greeted by the ocean. After seven months I’ve finally reached the last waypoint on my journey. I have five months to leave and enjoy the end of my life before I even need to think about the Demon King. Perhaps he’ll come after me or perhaps he won’t bother. Perhaps I’ll be with humanity for eternity after all or perhaps I’ll kill the Demon King and be truly alone in the world. That seems just about right for a man such as me. I can’t live right and I won’t die right. I’ll just keep running away until there’s nothing left. All I can do is hope there really will be an escape at the edge of the world. A ladder that can take me away to a utopia where nobody needs to suffer anymore.

The village between me and the horizon is quaint, and even quite comforting. If I intended to live, I might choose to settle here, in all honesty. There’s an incredible warmth as I take in the village, one I’ve only ever felt when I was with Amelia. I don’t know why that is. I don’t understand anything, not even in my own heart.

This village stands strong at the furthest edge of the continent. It’s at the very tip of a long peninsula, snuggled against the coast. I can see people going to and from the beach, all of them carrying some kind of tool. I suppose this village is too far out for people to care. This ocean is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. It’s a shame so few people will see it, but I suppose more people around would interrupt the peace I’m feeling here. There’d be no tranquility if the Hero suddenly appeared in front of so many people, I’m sure. I suppose that with only the unknowable ocean beyond us, this village is the “edge of the world” in a way.

I’ve finally come face to face with my sole goal of the last seven months. All I need is to find a boat or make one. And yet, I’m only now preoccupied with doubts. I don’t understand anything. I don’t understand why I’ve done any of this. What am I even running from? What do I think will change if I run? No matter what, I’ll be stuck as myself. Stuck as the pathetic coward who left humanity to die. And yet, when I think of humanity’s extinction I feel little. The thought of all of humanity being wiped out in a single day doesn’t make me scared at all. I could do it whenever I pleased. If anything, we’re all quite hateful beings, taken as a whole. There’s a little comfort in knowing all our mistakes and misdeeds will be wiped clean along with us. And yet, when I think of Amelia dying, I can barely stand it. I want to be with her for longer. But if I just obediently die, then perhaps we can be together forevermore in a world without pain. We can just be happy together, and I won’t hurt her anymore. And I take comfort in that thought as well.

Am I truly just running away to suit my own purposes? Can’t I just stay and die then? I suppose that running away is just a coward’s way. I’ll run and cry like a sniveling coward, although I’ve never been known to cry. I’m sure that that sort of man, the sort of man I am, isn’t the sort of man meant to kill the Demon King. I’m sure the burden of the Hero’s duty was put in the wrong hands. I can’t save anyone. I don’t want to save anyone. It was all our misfortune that a weakling like me has to bear this power.

I suppose that’s what I’m running from. I’m running from power. When I finally reach a world without anything else, I will be without this hateful power of mine. I’ll at last be normal. I’ll have the normal strength a man such as me should have. There will be no battles for me to triumph. No duties for me to fail. No people to adore me. No people to hate me. No crowds to bother me. No crowds to look upon with hollow joy. What will it matter if I sustain myself without eating or drinking? What will it matter if I remain alert without a moment of rest? None of it will matter once I’m truly and wholly alone. I’ll finally be more man than Hero.

I try looking around the village. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I can simply create a boat with magic and set off. And yet I don’t. I stay in this village a little longer. I stay enveloped in this warmth a little longer. I ruminate on my doubts a little longer. As if I’m looking for an excuse to stay.

But I can’t. I don’t deserve to stay. How could I stay after everything I’ve done? I don’t deserve to die with the rest of humanity. I don’t deserve anything if I can’t even save them. All there is for me now is peaceful isolation. All will be well in my solitude. I’ll never have to think again. I’ll never have to hate myself again. If only I could run away.

So why can’t I force myself to move? What’s keeping me here? Why can’t I just go to my paradise? Why can’t I just remove myself from this society? I already know I can’t live in it, so why can’t I leave it behind?

I can’t stand it anymore. It’s all too complicated for me. Just let me be a coward. I begin to walk towards the ocean. I don’t feel anything at all anymore. I don’t think I need to breathe, so why should I even bother. I’ll just keep walking. I’ll run away until I find paradise or die. That should be penance enough. But as I walk towards the beach I hear a faint voice behind me.

“Miss Bethel, can I help you carry those?”

I turn back and look behind me. Standing near the village entrance is a woman, and a man carrying things for her. And I take a step towards them, transfixed. And then I can’t move another step. And again I am rooted in place.