A Flimsy Reason...

A few hours later, evening.

Over the past few hours, Yuusuke has been asking us to help clean up all of the plastic bentos that everyone has consumed. After that, we were tasked with circling the park to check if something was off, since occasional stray animals would break in and destroy their crops.

Eventually, evening arrives, and our time with this small park has come to an end…

“It’s oveeeer!” I sat down at one of the park’s benches, stretching my arms out.

“Thanks for your hard work.” Yuusuke comes up to me from the side, bringing me a water bottle.

“Thanks…” I grab the bottle and dunk half of its contents in a single gulp.

“By the way, where’s your companion?” Yuusuke asks as he sits down next to me.

“Ohhh, she told me that she’ll be hanging out with…” I put my hand below my chin. “I think her name was Ms. Aimi…”

“Ahhh, seems like she got dragged into her flow…” Yuusuke lowers his shoulders, an exhausted smile plasters his face, “Well, hopefully she could keep up with her…”

“…?”

“Putting that to the side…” Yuusuke’s face reddens, scratching his cheek with his finger. “It’s… about what you asked…”

“…You’re not backing out, are you?” I ask.

“Nono! That’s not it! It’s just that…” Yuusuke looks away, yet his eyes dart back and forth. “Are you sure that… you want to do it with me?”

“I mean… I already asked you for it, and I’ve been looking forward to tonight…” I replied.

“I-Is that so…” Yuusuke replied, a stiff smile plastered on his face, “Well… I haven’t done it in years, so I might be pretty awkward…”

“That’s okay! Any experience is better than no experience after all!” I give a thumbs up.

“…Then…” Yuusuke stands up, stretching his hand towards me. “Our work is done for today, so…”

“…Yeah…” I stood up from the bench, ignoring his stretched-out hand.

“…”

“What’s wrong?” I tilt my head.

“…It’s nothing…” Yuusuke retracts his hand, taking a step ahead. “Let’s go to my house…”

…

…..

……

---

Upon arriving at Yuusuke’s home, we enter his room that only has a single bed and a single table that is filled with water and medicines, which kind of makes me a bit depressed when looking at it…

Both of us sat down on the bed, silently looking at each other.

“…”

“…”

Only for us to look away.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

The hell am I doing?!

I’ve come this far to get laid!

Do I really have to make the move myself?!

Aren’t you a man, Yuusuke?!

“Dammit!” I push Yuusuke towards his bed, putting myself above him.

“…?!”

“I know I was the one who asked for it, but why aren’t you doing anything?!” I screamed out as I lean closer towards his neck.

“T-That’s because— Aghh!”

I put my lips on his neck, slowly kissing it as I slowly work my way towards his collarbone, licking every inch.

“I-I won’t lose to you!” Yuusuke raised his body.

He grips his hands onto my arms, putting a lot of pressure—

‘I NEVER DROPPED YOU AS A CHILD, SO WHY ARE YOU THIS BRAINDEAD?!’

“AAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

I push the person in front of me with all of my strength, quickly running away to a nearby corner, cuddling myself up with my knees.

“Y-Yuiko?!"

“I’m sorry Mama, I’m sorry Mama, I’m sorry Mama, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry!”

“Yuiko! Get a grip on yourself!”

Two stretched out hands.

Rough exteriors.

Warm.

Hot.

It’s coming.

It’s coming!

“Mama I’m sorry! I-I’ll be better! I’ll do better! MAMA PLEASE!”

“…”

The hand motion has stopped.

Did she stop?

Am I saved?

Did I do it properly?

Did I obey her?

“Yuiko! I’m Yuusuke! Can you hear me?!”

“…?!”

…Yuusuke?

Wait, what was I—

“…Ah…”

Right.

I came here to lose my virginity…

I was about to lose it…

Did I… ruin it?

“…Yuiko?”

“A-Ahh… I remembered…” I sniff my nose, looking at Yuusuke through my watery eyes. “S-Sorry about that…”

“Ah, no… It’s fine, really…” Yuusuke closes in on me, his brows furrowing, “If anything, are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah…!” I replied as my chest tightened, making it difficult to voice my thoughts, “L-Let’s continue where we left off…”

“…No…” Yuusuke stood up, walking towards his desk and grabbed a bottle of water, “I think that’s enough for today…”

“B-But we haven’t—”

“Yuiko.”

“…”

“…Yuiko,” His voice softens as he walks towards me, offering a water bottle.

“…” I meekly grabbed the bottle, looking into its insides.

“Why are you this desperate to lose your virginity?” Yuusuke sat himself down on the floor, looking straight at me.

“…”

“You’re scared to be touched, yet you want to be touched…” Yuusuke combs through his hair, scratching it in place, “I don’t get it…”

“…Yeah…” I place both hands on top of my chest, “Honestly… I don’t really know myself either…”

“…?” Yuusuke tilts his head.

“It’s just that… it helps keep me alive, I guess…” I replied, my voice trailing off.

“…I’m sorry, but I don’t get how losing your virginity helps keep you alive…” Yuusuke replied, his shoulders dropping.

“It’s just… a flimsy reason…” I look downward, gripping my hands as tightly as possible.

“…Then, once you lose your virginity, what do you plan to do?” Yuusuke asks.

“…”

“…Well, not that it matters, considering that the world is going to end in a year…” Yuusuke lets out a sigh. He stood up from the floor and sat himself down on the bed, scratching his head.

“Umm…” I raise my head, looking at Yuusuke roaming around the room, “I-I’m sorry… for everything…”

“If you want to apologize, then I want you to figure out why you want to lose your virginity…” Yuusuke points at me.

“…”

“It doesn’t matter how shallow someone’s reason is, as long as it’s backed with something…”

“…”

“If we do things without thinking, then the only thing that’ll come from it is regret…” Yuusuke says, clasping his hands as hard as possible.

“…”

“Use that brain of yours to figure out why you want to have sex outside of staying alive…” Yuusuke says, his brows furrowed.

“…”

Losing my virginity, huh…

I know for a fact that all my eroges portray sex as if it’s the best thing ever, and part of it is true that I wanted to get a feel of that for myself.

But now that I think about it, even if I could touch myself through all their character routes, for some reason…

I keep going back to Kirei’s story route…

Of course, I could say that on paper, his route is considered to be the best, and during the series’ peak popularity, his route is the most upvoted one out of all the characters. That’s not to say that the others were bad; it’s just that Kirei’s story route is leagues better than the rest of the cast. Not to mention that Kirei’s sex scenes were the longest when compared to the rest of the characters.

But… is that really the reason why?

I’ve seen tons of forums talking about why Kirei’s route works for them,

But what about me?

Not only are Kirei’s scenes longer, they’re also more intense and passionate when compared to all the character routes…

And I think that I want to experience something like that…

That rough, passionate sex…

But… maybe I’m viewing this the wrong way…

There’s probably some other factor that makes it passionate.

“But…”

I wouldn’t really say it’s born from love either…

I mean, all the character routes have the protagonist falling in love and dating all of them, but whenever their sex scene arrives, it always feels gentle and kind. They’re still hot, but it’s kind of hard to touch myself on repeated viewings…

In Kirei’s route, their sex is also filled with love, but I feel there’s something primal about it that somehow makes it even hotter…

I’m guessing it’s a combination of lust that’s filled with love?

“…”

Is that… what I really want?

I guess I could say that I want both of those, but considering my phobia, I could drown in a pool of mess just from a light touch—

“…”

But then, how can I explain what Alice did to me?

I’m pretty sure I reacted the same way when Alice tried to touch me from our first meeting, but what makes this one different?

I thought I’d gotten over my fear from what happened a few hours ago.

But now…

It feels like all of those efforts have turned to dust…

As if it didn’t happen…

“…”

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