My First Friend

“…Well, they feel less like friends, and more like acquaintances…” Alice placed her hands together, fiddling with her thumbs.

“…”

“I never really knew about them that well, but…” Alice’s thumbs stop in place. “I could tell that they went through a lot from the brief talk I overheard…”

“…”

“At some point, one of them asked me if I’ve ever sold myself before, and…” Alice clenched her hands. “I threw a bunch of insults towards them…”

“…”

“The worst part was that… I already knew why they’re working in that kind of environment, but…”

“…”

“I find it disgusting…” Alice bites her lip.

“…”

“Selling your body to a bunch of smelly, fat, lonely, depressed old men just to get a small profit… Just the idea itself is enough to give me goosebumps…” Alice lets her hand go, her gaze facing downwards.

“…”

“And yet despite that, they still tried their best to talk to me, as if we were equal…” She brings her arms together, hugging herself.

“…”

“They were all positive people, so I assumed that they were mentally strong for being able to endure all of that with a smile… Hell, when the first meteor that struck killed off most of our frequent customers, they looked… satisfied…” Alice said, her eyes tearing up.

“…”

“At first, I thought it was because they don’t have to deal with them anymore…” Alice brought her head up, looking at me through her empty gaze.

“…”

“But I was wrong.”

“…”

“Why did I treat them so harshly? Why did I always ignore them? Why… couldn’t I save them?” Alice brought her hands up to her head, ruffling her hair.

“…”

“Why… was I so stubborn?”[JA1] Alice covers her face, slowly sinking her body downwards.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…Well, that’s my end of the story!” Alice exclaims, letting out a clap.

“Eh? O-Ohh…” I look around the area, scratching my cheek with my finger.

“Not like I got any time to be depressed with you around!” Alice slung her arm over my shoulders, letting out a giant grin.

“…?!” I retract my shoulder away from her arm.

“Ah…”

“No! It’s not that—”

“R-Right… sorry about that…” Alice chuckled, scratching her head.

“N-No, it’s just… I was just surprised…” I look away, my gaze darting around, “But… you can do it if you want…” I keep my gaze towards the ground, fidgeting with my feet.

“Is it okay…?” She stretched her hand forward.

“…I want you to…” I shove myself closer to her.

“…Then… I’ll gladly do so,” Alice said, slinging her arm over my shoulder.

As she does so, her weight gradually falls on my shoulders.

Yet for some reason, that weight feels comforting rather than heavy…

As if someone is right behind me, pushing me up…

“…This feels nice…” I muttered.

“I’m glad…” She inches closer to me, making her arm sling deeper.

“…”

“…I’m glad I got to meet you, Yuiko…” Alice said, her voice softening, “If you didn’t barge into my life, I probably would’ve given up on that day…”

“…Huh?” I brought my face up towards Alice, “So then, this journey we’re on—”

“We’re still continuing it, of course…”[JA2] Alice said, tightening her arms.

“…”

“Well, that’s that!” Alice uncurled my shoulders, looking at me with a smirk. “Now it’s your turn to tell me your sappy story!” She points at me.

“…Well, a deal is a dead…” I softened my cheeks, scratching my head.

“I’d kill you if you decide to back off now,” Alice crossed her arms, her face slightly red, “It was difficult to say all those things, you know…”

“Yeah… Thanks for telling me…” I replied.

“…P-Putting that aside, let’s hear out your story now…” Alice said, looking away from me.

“Alright…” I fix up my glasses and rack up my jar of memories.

“…”

“…Back when I was a kid, I used to have a mother that was… really strict on me…” I grab onto my sleeves, tugging them downwards.

“…”

“Let’s just say that I didn’t get into Tokyo University without a little bit of… extreme discipline… hahaha…” I scratch my cheek, closing my eyes for a moment. “I guess that was part of the reason why I developed this weird phobia…” I opened my eyes, scratching my cheek.

“…”

“My mother did say some things that are not nice, but she’s always told me that it was for the best. And hey, it did technically work!” I said, puffing my chest out.

“Yuiko…”

“I did make it into the top ten of my class for the next twelve years, and I did get into Tokyo University, even though I barely qualified, hahaha…” I said, scratching my head.

“…”

“Yet despite all of that, I let her down without even telling her…” I grabbed onto my arm, clutching it as hard as I could.

“…”

“Though in the end, I couldn’t last in that University, so…” I gaze downwards, gripping my hand as hard as possible. “I dropped out…”

“…”

“What makes it even worst was the fact that my dad worked his hardest to get accepted in Tokyo…” I bit my lip, reallocating my gaze downward. “And yet…”

“…”

“…Well, my issue is less of terrible luck, and more of just me being stupid to be honest!” I scratch the back of my head, letting out a stiff laugh. “Both my parents did their best for me, but the only thing I did was run away from them…”

“…”

“Sorry that I don’t have much to say about myself…” I look away from Alice, feeling my face heat up. “You can make fun of me for how much of a coward I am…”

“…”

“Even I know that much…” I smiled.

“…Yuiko,” Alice’s face inches closer to me, “Can I… touch your face?”

“…Eh?”

“Can I?” Alice asks again, her eyes looking like a puppy.

“…”

“…”

“…We can try…” I reply, my body tensing up as I say so.

“If you can’t handle it, you can just step away from me, okay?”

“…Okay…” I nod.

“…Then… here we go…”

Alice stretches her hand out towards my face.

Its stretched out fingers slowly close in towards me.

‘WHY COULDN’T YOU DO THIS SIMPLE EQUATION YOU STUPID CHILD?!’

‘WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!’

“…!”

I close my eyes.

My heart rate speeds up.

My body is shaking.

I need to avoid it.

I need to move!

“Yuiko…”

I opened my eyes, noticing Alice’s retracted hand.

“Ah…”

…No…

This is not Mama.

This is my companion.

Someone I’ve been with over the past three months…

Someone whom I was able to be myself…

My… first friend…

“…Sorry about that, Alice…” I straightened my back, keeping my gaze at her level, “You can continue.”

“Are you sure?” Alice asks.

“If I want to have sex, I have to get over this at some point, so come at me!” I exclaimed, pointing towards my cheek.

“I don’t know why you have to make it sound so aggressive, but alright…” Alice stretches her hand out once again.

“…”

Don’t close your eyes.

She’s not going to hurt me.

She’s not going to punish me.

She’s just trying to get closer to me.

Her fingers slowly come close to me, her fingertips brushing over my cheek.

“Yuiko?” Alice asks.

“…It’s okay…” I said, trying my best to let out a smile.

“…”

Alice’s fingers ran through my left cheek, and eventually, I could feel the palm of her hand encapsulating my cheek.

“…Ah…”

It’s so… warm…

Was Alice’s hand ever this warm?

“Are you okay, Yuiko?” Alice asks, her brows furrowing.

“…Yeah…” I bring my left hand upwards, slowly letting it touch Alice’s hand, “…Yeah!”

“…I see…” Alice stretched her thumb out, wiping a single part of my cheek.

“E-Eh…?”

Am I… crying?

What’s wrong with me?

My chest is filled with so much relief that it feels like it’s causing floods from within.

But why am I crying?

This is… really weird…

“Yuiko…” Alice’s face inches closer to me, a kind smile plastered on her face, “You may be a coward before, but that doesn’t define who you are now…”

“*Hic*”

“The Yuiko I know can be sloppy, chaotic, and sometimes really impatient…”

“A-Are you mwakwing fwun owf me?!” I retort.

“But… she’s also someone who’s thorough, empathetic, and the best partner I could ever have!” Alice exclaims, wiping my tears with her fingers.

“…”

“That’s why…”

“…!”

Alice grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a hug, her grip tightening.

“I want you to be proud of yourself, Yuiko…” Alice combs my hair, each of her strokes is extremely soft.

“…Okay!” I let out a confident nod.

Letting the dam break loose.

…

…..

……..