The Appointment

After waiting in the lobby for a few minutes, Asuka is called by an assistant and is taken back to see Terushima-san. They pass through a long corridor of other closed offices. After knocking on the door and announcing their arrival, the male attendee bows curtly to Asuka and returns to the front. Opening the door, Terushima-san welcomes Asuka. He extends his hand towards her expectantly; she stares at it for a couple seconds too long before realizing he was initiating a handshake. She quickly moves to reciprocate, awkwardly grasping his outstretched palm. She mechanically attempts to imitate what’s she’s seen before on TV as best she can. Despite this, the movement of her wrists still comes out as too limp, yet stiff at the same time. She cringes inwardly, but hopefully he doesn’t mind.

“Hello, pleasure to finally meet you, my name is Terushima Souichirou.” His short brown hair is neatly smoothed back, betrayed only by a few stray wisps that curl in front of his forehead.

It seems like he hadn’t noticed her fumbling, or he at least mercifully ignores it. “Yes, it’s nice to meet you too, Terushima san,” Asuka follows, “I’m Tachibana Kyo’s younger sister, Asuka. We spoke over the phone.” He nods and invites her into the office and instinctively looks around the room. It’s mostly barren, save for the furniture in the middle of the room, and a picture frame with a black and white illustration of what she believes might be an autumn tree, but she can’t tell because of the lack of color.

“Please, have a seat,” he says gesturing to one of the two mustard yellow chairs placed front of a wooden large desk. As instructed, she moves toward the chairs, but her brain needlessly splits about which one she should choose. She quickly settles herself into the one on her right. The soft, springy cushions make her feel somewhat more relaxed. She rests her elbows on the arms of the chair, trying to make herself more comfortable. But the hard wooden edge pokes its ridges of the square doweled arm pokes its way into her bone no matter which way she re-positions them. Asuka gives up and lifts her head to find Terushima-san already settled into his chair, watching her with his hands on the armrests of his swivel chair.

He smiles when they make eye contact. Whoops. Now he must really think she’s a scatterbrain. Asuka sits up straight in her seat and opts to rest with her hands clasped in her lap. Now that she’s here Asuka begins to worry if her attire was too casual for the occasion. Unfortunately, it’s too late now.

Terushima-san steeples his hands in front of him on the table, the black sleeves with his suit slide back to reveal more of the white undershirt beneath it. “Asuka-san, thank you for taking the time to come here to meet with me.” he begins after a pause. She had hastily rehearsed potential questions and introductions she might encounter while speaking to him on the train ride over, in case it would make him more willing to divulge information on her brother. “No, of course,” she replies pleasantly, “I apologize for having missed your calls so many months ago.”

Terushima-san shakes his head, “please don’t worry about it.” Shifting in his seat, he shifts himself to place his hands on each arm rest. “Before we move on to business matters, please allow the first thing I do be to offer my condolences regarding your brother.”

She should’ve seen it coming but it always takes her by surprise.

“He was a very important member of our team. I still remember how it was the day he started working here.” There was a fond look in his eyes. “Though I didn't get many chances to meet him, he still made such a lasting impression on me. He will be missed.”

Asuka's mouth hangs open with nothing to say. “I appreciate your kindness, Terushima-san.” She manages to disguise the shake in her voice with a laugh as she spoke. Every time she goes through something like this it makes her feel a bit more fragile. Like the cracked screen of a car windshield.

“Now,” he says, reaching down he pulls out a drawer inside of the desk, “as for your documents.” He placed a thick folder on the desk. Asuka had never experienced receiving paperwork before (not unless mountains of make-up work for class counted) so she tried to pay attention. But no matter how hard she tried, all she really wanted to do was curl up into a ball. She watched his lips move, but it was like she was watching him on a muted screen, and she only picked up bits and pieces of what Terushima-san was trying to explain to her.

Sitting there, receiving a folder of documents that should belong to Kyo. Documents he should be here picking up. She hadn’t thought anything like this before coming and suddenly it was too much. Kyo is gone. It’s already been three months, and it’s just hitting her now. She had already seen his body at the hospital. She had already had his funeral and carried his ashes home, so why? Had that not been enough closure?

Every word that manages to enter her ears pelts her brain like hail on a glass roof. The fact that she’s here, collecting the remnants of his presence at his former workplace makes her feel as though she’s been seeing her life through someone else’s eyes since he’d been gone. Like she was in a tv show. But this is her reality, and she can’t go back. Her throat tightens like it’s trying to suffocate her. She forces down saliva as a way to open it back up, but it’s futile. It just makes her feel even more like crying. But she can’t. Not in front of a stranger. She came here to get information, not get a pity party. Actually, maybe it’ll make him feel sorry enough for her that he’ll send her to Misaki’s address in a taxi for free. The thought makes her exhale through her tongue.

“Do you have any questions?”

“Eh?” Asuka darts her eyes from the desk she was absently staring at to Terushima-san’s face. He was staring at her. His explanation is finished, and she can’t even repeat what the last thing he said was. Trying to play it off she shakes her head. “No, I think I understand it all,” she lies.

Terushima-san gathers the documents from the folder and text them before stuffing them back inside. “You really are just like your brother,” he chuckles.

“Thank you for your time today, please take care on your way back home,” Asuka bows and swishes around. She leaves before she hears him close the door, hurrying past the lobby as slowly as possible. The seed of guilt planted in her gut grows its roots. She had meant to ask so much more. Terushima-san was probably her biggest lead to finding out who Misaki was and where she worked, and she left without even asking a single thing about her. But she couldn’t do it.

She knows that the next time she opens her mouth will be the moment the faucet she was trying so desperately to keep shut will wrench open. It’s too humiliating to break down in front of other people. She barely did it in front of Kyo after she got older.

Mashing the already lit button next to the elevator door she taps her foot waiting for it to slide up to the second floor. She hadn’t noticed how agonizingly slow it opened the first time she used it, but it’s enough to make her squeeze through the widening crevice before it did so on its own. She slams the button for the lobby, narrowly missing.

On the way down she attempts a few deep breaths, but the tightness in her throat does not cease, and instead pushes her closer to the edge. The second the door opens, she feigns tranquility as the bunch of people waiting to enter the elevator let her pass. She walks calmly, trying to find a bathroom, but she is too unfamiliar with the layout of the building.

After a bit of meandering, she spots a sign at the end of one of the hallways and makes a move toward it. With relief just around the corner, she feels like she can hold it back just enough to stay silent, but not enough to keep the emotion out of her face. Now that she’s alone and certain no one can see her, she removes her hands from the bag strap she was wringing and places them over her face. Judging the spatial distance with her mind she continues, unable to see anything but the dark side of her palms.

“Are you okay?” Asuka freezes. Someone had stepped out of the women’s restroom and walked a little bit past her without her noticing when she was halfway there. Just one more hurdle before salvation. Slowly, Asuka lifts her face from her hands and turns her head back at the voice.

Miyuki from the front desk stood looking at her, concern etched into her features. I’m fine. The words were on Asuka’s tongue, but she couldn’t get them out. She feels her face contort and she quickly turns away from Miyuki to run into the bathroom.