Preparation ✧ 8

“Don't get nervous right away, geez. It's probably nothing bad.”

Despite Mimi’s warning, I couldn't help but feel a bit flustered right away. I was still not used to people showing direct interest in me.

“I was just wondering… do you ever wish you two could be separate people?”

Under her curious gaze, my flustered state deepened. Nilsu seemed very interested in this question as well, looking at my face with attentive eyes.

Thinking about it for a bit, I remembered how there were times I indeed wished for such a thing. It was the same for Mimi as well—especially during our childhood when we couldn't make sense of each other, causing us a lot of frustration.

“Ugh, right… I just wanted to experience being truly alone for once. I couldn't stand having to share my thoughts with someone forever. Or at least, that's how I felt back then.”

The memories were bittersweet to look back to.

“Well, if I have to be completely honest, of course we both had such a wish at various points of our life. It's slightly odd to think about it now, as I wouldn't have it any other way.”

Ivone nodded. “Even if all of us are different, each of us go through stages where we first learn about, and then grow to accept our unique selves. I take it that… if given an opportunity, you definitely wouldn't want to be separate people?”

Honestly, the thought alone made me shudder. I was way too used to our lifestyle together. Not to mention…

“Oh, I don't think I'd ever accept such a thing. It'd feel way too lonely… what do you mean there isn't a Mimi inside my mind, giving me her reliable commentary?”

“Yeah, like. Someone's gotta be the sensible one.”

Hearing my reply, Ivone shrugged with a laugh. “I mean, it's not like she'd cease to exist completely. It's endearing though, your love for yourself and her.”

“Wanting me out would be a crime, to be fair. Also… I agree. There is no need for us to exist in separate bodies. Things are alright as they are.”

She expressed that there were both advantages and downsides to any situation, so while having separate bodies and being sisters like that would be convenient in some cases, it'd just bring a whole new batch of grievances with it.

Relaying this message to them, I couldn't help but want to ask their opinions about their Aberrances as well.

“Um… if I may ask, what about you? Would you prefer to be a Regular, given the chance?”

Before the blonde performer could speak, Nilsu intensely nodded, making her orange locks go up and down with the movement of her neck.

“Not a surprise there.”

Indeed, she wasn’t really giving the impression that she had reached that self-acceptance stage just yet. This made me even more curious to hear Ivone’s response, as she had a decade more of life experiences compared to us.

Nilsu passionately wrote in her notebook. “I'd take such an opportunity in a heartbeat. I even wanted to have surgery done on my vocal cords, but I was told there was no guarantee I wouldn't lose my voice for good.”

My heart literally hurt hearing that. I had to stop myself from clutching my chest. She had considered a whole surgery just to get rid of that mesmerizing voice of hers…?! What a cruel, cruel world this was…

Ivone’s usual carefree face had also turned into a concerned frown.

“Oh, Nilsu…”

“I was honestly okay with losing it completely, as long as it was not this hideous watery sound. But when I told my mother, she started to cry so I… couldn't make myself go forward with the procedure.”

Nilsu’s mother… I owed you so much…

Ivone gently patted her back, leaning her head towards hers like a nuzzling kitten. “Aw, honey… of course, anyone who loves you would never want such a thing for you. At the same time, your feelings are understandable. You just wanted to feel like a normal girl, right? To talk freely, to express yourself, not being confined to a notebook for your communication…”

Hearing her words, Nilsu’s aqua eyes flooded with tears.

“Oh dear, here she goes again.”

“Let her be… this is an emotional conversation.”

One that she would benefit from, for sure. I could imagine how lonely she felt, being heard must have meant a lot to her. I knew that feeling very well, after all…

That being said, I didn't want to push Nilsu into saying more, so I attempted to redirect the focus point.

“What about you, Ivone? Your Aberrance is a truly unique one. I've always been curious about your experiences…”

The short, blonde woman’s unique talent was to hear things from a distance—and I mean it when I say distance. According to her, sometimes she could even hear things from a different city. She didn't get to pick what she would hear most of the time, but she had trained herself to be able to hear certain people at her command. In her words, it was akin to changing radio channels. It was fragmented, and random, until she picked something to focus on.

“It must be a lot to deal with, just imagine…”

While at first glance, her Aberrance seemed very similar to Roan's, the specifics differed. Roan could not hear far—he heard very well. He could pick up on the slightest vibrational changes in a room, and seemed to have excellent auditory memory, evident by his fluency in many languages.

Ivone on the other hand, rather than hearing with sensitive precision, heard things that were way out of normal hearing range. What she would hear and when was a little bit random, just like my switches with Mimi. The fact that she had trained herself to be able to hear certain people made me wonder if I too would eventually be able to switch by command one day…

Hearing my question, she smiled widely. “Ohhh, I love talking about this question! I’d say that my Aberrance is perfect for someone like me, heh~”

She explained that she always loved to learn about the world, people, and their daily lives. Her ability made her have the chance to hear things she never would get to know otherwise.

“Now if I have to be honest… this Aberrance is truly a blessing, as I looove gossip~” She talked in a mischievous tone and winked, making us laugh.

“She must know some insane facts about all sorts of things. I do actually kind of envy it, though I don't think I'd be able to handle all the information.”

I was also feeling envious, as I shared the trait of loving to learn about people, especially about their private lives…

“Well… I have to be honest, I think it's also a blessing that I was given this Aberrance. I've heard terrible family secrets, some classified government discussions, and all sorts of private information, even if most of the times I have zero clue who the voices belong to. All of these… could definitely cause trouble, if they were given to the wrong hands.”

“Or ears.”

“Or ears~” She joked at the same time Mimi did, and patted on her tattooed ears. There were various patterns inked on her ears, it gave the impression that she truly owned her Aberrance with the way she emphasized her ears with the flashy designs.

It was truly refreshing to hear about.

The next day, I officially started to practice my lines for the show. All of the shows were set, and I had thought of how to introduce everyone’s performances by having a discussion with the performers beforehand. I stood in front of the mirror in the studio on the fifth floor, and carefully examined my gestures and expressions in the reflection.

It was a good thing that Mimi accompanied me at all times, as I didn't want to hold anyone back from their practice sessions. Not to mention, she was quite the honest critic. For better or worse…

“What is that face? You're not a comedian, but a ringmaster. Smile properly.”

“Ughhh, I'm trying~!”

I held a wooden stick in my hand and pictured it to be the microphone, trying out various poses. I didn't want to just stand, but be dynamic in the ring… it was definitely a more difficult job than I had initially thought.

I was starting to feel discouraged, wondering if I should just hand over my lines to Ivone or maybe even Roan… Surely they could do a better job than the awkward me… with their magnetic and charismatic demeanor…

I crouched on the ground, keeping my head between my knees. Mimi kept on telling me to stop being overdramatic, but I was starting to understand what they meant by Aberrants being sensitive under pressure…

I never was needed anywhere important, it was pretty much the first time something was expected from me. I didn't know how to handle this precious yet heavy expectation placed on me…

“Uh, Rai… you alright there?”

I raised my head hearing a familiar, soft voice and saw the gorgeous Rudi extending a hand to help me up.

“Oh, Rudi… wait, how did you know I am Rai?”

“Heh, didn't think Mimi is the type to despair like that. Everything okay…?”

I held his slender hand and pulled myself back up with his help.

“Woah, fresh haircut?”

It was true, his hair was considerably shorter now. I slightly blushed, it was a surprise to see him like that, yet it suited him amazingly well.

“I uh, yeah, I am fine…”

“The pressure of being a ringmaster got to you? I understand. Being the center of attention sucks…”

He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. Of course he would know, he was the main promoter of our circus. He was out the whole day, having his photos taken, and giving out interviews about FHN and the Aberrants' Circus. He was wearing a neat suit today, making me wonder if today's job was a bit more formal.

“Your haircut… suits you a lot! Did you get it specially done for today?”

“Ah, this?” He raised his hand from his neck to grab a strand of his now shortened hair. “Nah… I just saw a pair of scissors lying about in the bathroom, and cut it on a whim.”

That… was certainly something only someone as handsome as him could dare to do.

“Now that I look at it, the strands do look uneven. Still suits him though. Somehow.”

I had to agree there… the messiness somehow contrasted with his harmonious facial features, giving him a fresh new vibe.

“To be honest, I even considered cutting it like yours, but thought I shouldn't do that without the permission of the original owners. So… could I try it when it grows back again?”

Flustered to hear he had considered trying out our uneven haircut, I stammered that of course he could, and it's not like the idea belonged to us only.

“I mean, still… It wouldn't do to look like a cheap copy~”

“If he had made his hair like that, and people saw us next to each other, they'd assume that we were the cheap copy.”

“Agreed…”

Suddenly, someone called for his name. He sighed, and walked towards the door, his steps rather unenthusiastic.

“Ah, more duties await, I guess… Well, I just wanted to take a peek at this room, hearing your beautiful, pristine voice coming from it.”

Oh… the what what voice now?!

He gave me a thumbs up before leaving, accompanied with a blindingly bright smile. “You'll kill it, I promise. Everything will be juuuust fine.”