I Am a Woman.

The morning passed by agonizingly slowly. I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I turned to eating to help — to distract me from the pain. That table of foreign snacks wasn’t gonna disappear on its own.

After an hour or so, I decided to play some Devil Souls 3 to pass the time. It might be the last time I ever get to, if I don’t come back, I thought.

There was no telling how the stream today would go. Maybe if I go into it with the mindset of never coming back, it’ll work. Anything was on the table at this point. It’s not like there were laws to reincarnation. Maybe I just had to wish for it enough.

Thus, I whittled some hours away, slashing my way through all manner of monsters (way easier than Scourge) and disfigured nasty guys. When engrossed in the world of a video game, time passed far faster.

But something gnawed at the back of my mind. You don’t know anything about this. You’re walking in blind.

What else am I supposed to do, though?

I dunno, try not indulging in escapism through video games, first.

You’re mean.

I’m you, dummy.

As I died to the Corrupted Pontiff again (I never could get his parry timing down), I sighed. Fine. I closed the game.

Where the heck would I even begin my research, though? All my effort yesterday just left me looking through pages and pages of anime. Maybe it was something in my streaming programs?

I opened up my software and started clicking through menus. I got transmigrated right as I hit ‘go live,’ right? Ugh, but it didn’t work at all last night.

Nothing. Frustrated, I clicked every single button in sight, just throwing anything at the wall to see what might stick. The EULA popped up on my screen. Hah, nobody reads these. And why would they? It was just a bunch of legalese garbage about rights, distribution, modification-

Wait. What?

Section 2 did not look right.

2. It is in the Radiant Princess’ own writing (though incomplete, some fragments lost to the tides of time) where we find evidence of her bifurcation — a term she seems to be the origin of — the most important points of which are summarized as follows:

a) She believed adamantly that the other shard of her soul was trapped in an “unbearably painful” reality, one that was even outright wrong or incorrect.

b) She sought desperately to reunite the pieces of her soul, and came to the conclusion that it was a matter of a kind of “internal acceptance.”

c) You agree that under no circumstances shall this software be altered, modified…

No, wait! Keep going, I need more! That’s not enough!

That was her name. The Radiant Princess. Soul Bifurcation. Would that be enough to go off of? It was miles better than where I was before, at least.

I tossed the terms into a search engine. “Radiant princess” was not helpful in the slightest. But “soul bifurcation” returned something. Hold on, isn’t that…?

A few posts from an account that I actually recognized popped up. It was… Well, it was another VTuber. And not just any random VTuber, either, it was the very streamer I had liked before I began streaming, the one who inspired me to start my own account. She had even been the one who had inspired me to make my character a princess in the first place, being a princess herself.

Come to think of it, where has she been lately? I haven’t seen her go live in ages.

I checked one of the posts.

I don’t wanna say too much cuz it’ll make me sound a little insane, but, yeah, I’m trying to figure it out. It feels like my soul got split in two… bifurcated, or something. I dunno. I’ll keep y’all posted, tho 💜

I’d never seen this post before. That was definitely her. And she was talking about the thing from the fantasy world.

I need more.

This sorta thing had completely passed me by before. By the time this was going on, it seemed I had already begun my streaming career myself.

I went to her profile. The last post was over a year ago, archived for eternity.

Sorry, guys, this is gonna be my last weekly post. Got …a lot going on. But I think I figured out the key to it. You all know I’ve struggled a lot with my, um, identity and all, but I’ve come to a spot of internal acceptance. Admitting to myself that I want to become who I was meant to be.

You might not see me for a while, but I promise, I’ll be happy. Thanks for always supporting me, and may the radiant sun shine brightly upon ya 💜

“The radiant sun.” That was definitely her. But she was gone, no online activities occurring for over a year, from what I could tell.

Internal acceptance, huh? Admitting to yourself that you want to become who you were… meant to be.

I was meant to be Elisabeth. And my soul definitely felt pretty damn bifurcated at the moment. But what was the key she figured out? What finally let her get to that place?

I don’t get it! I frustratedly thought.

Brrrrriiing! A loud alarm tore me from my research, my “Hey, Buddy, Put Some Food in Your Body Now Before Stream Starts or Else You Might Die” alarm. What? It’s 10 already? The time had disappeared before I knew it. I’d just have to figure it out on the fly. I got up and fixed myself a quick breakfast (or was it dinner? I’d been awake for a while) and scarfed it down.

9:51. Probably time to start everything up. Back to my PC, I opened my streaming software, the whole rigmarole — do you really want the details of that? Come on.

The chat was already a blur. People were back and ready to see ‘The Stream,’ whatever that meant. I shot a message out to them, to all the viewers eagerly waiting. Hey guys, I’ll need you all for this. Help me get back. Truthfully, I had no idea what I was even typing, if it meant anything whatsoever. The chat became a wall of question marks. Figures. It was absurd, but I was willing to try anything. Maybe there was some stupid power of friendship spirit nonsense that would propel me back.

The final post from that VTuber, my first inspiration, swam in front of my eyes. Internal acceptance. “Admitting to myself that I want to become who I was meant to be.” Was that the key? Was that what could get me back? Why couldn’t she have been clearer!?

The pre-stream chat accelerated rapidly as the clock ticked closer. People were excited.

Just what did they see on my stream? I wondered. Was it like a movie to them? An anime? A puppet show??

The key to returning eluded me, though an idea was slowly forming. Do I need to be honest with myself? About who I want to be? …And who I want to be with?

9:55. Wait, was my stream category and stuff set? I gotta-

No. Forget the minutiae of streaming. That didn’t matter. What did was getting back to my life as a woman.

Back to Finley.

I had to admit it to myself. To be honest with myself, exposing my raw emotions for the first time in my life. I had to… speak the truth.

The clock ticked closer, and my mind raced.

9:57. What would I say to Finley first? What had happened to my body there? Would I get to stay forever?

9:58. Perhaps I’d tell him the one thing I needed to say. I love you.

I don’t even care if it’s forever. I just have to get back.

9:59. I need to be a woman again. It’s… who I am.

I am a woman.

10:00. Time to go.

“I… am a woman.”

“I am Elisabeth.”

I winced, took a deep breath, and hit “start stream.”