Desperation - 5/30

After failing last night, our group had officially run out of drinkable water. Our water intake yesterday had been minimal before running out entirely, so we are already feeling the effects of dehydration. Most of the pools of water that had formed from the rain a few days prior had dried up in the heat, and the remaining ones were stagnant and full of contamination.

The city had smelled like dust before the first rain. Now it’s overwhelmingly decay.

Our current plan is to travel in the early morning, before the temperature reaches its peak, and rest during the middle of the day. At least moving gives us a better chance of running into a water source. Both the south and west edges of the city were equidistant at this point, the precious river running along them. We have been making a beeline for the bridge at that corner the whole time anyway.

Tony had predicted we would make it there today or tomorrow. We all prayed for today, but it was starting to feel more and more like we miscalculated the rationing.

I had asked Tony when we first set out why we didn’t beeline to the south side of the city, where the river should be less polluted, just by sheer volume compared to the backed-up sewer drains. Unfortunately, our location was the most inland it could be for reaching this side of the city. Great for avoiding flood water, terrible for finding water.

At the very least, the gross puddles provided some water we could dunk rags in to cool ourselves off. It wasn’t worth bathing in them, even if they had smelled better. Our layers of dirt provide some protection from the sun, and that is almost all we had left at this point.

We had come so far, but it was beginning to look desperate.

“I think we leave Lance behind today.” Alex starts right after Annitta makes the call for the afternoon break.

“Wait I…” I protest, only to be cut off immediately.

“Now hear me out first,” he continues. “We leave you behind and look for supplies in a wider range, maybe find the bridge. None of us can drag you much in the shape we are in, so our best bet is to scout and come back.”

“How is that different than every other time you go and scavenge?” I ask.

“First, all of us goin’ as a group. You’re on your own until we get back. Don’t need someone else wasting away when they could be lookin’.”

My eyes dart over to Marcos, who looks significantly worse than the others. His skin was a slight shade of red, and his lips were already severely chapped.

Why are you like this?

Alex had informed me earlier that Marcos had given up his water ration to me. Claimed it was to keep me fighting off the infections from my remaining wounds. Alex had given it to Rachel instead. Even without asking anyone, I knew they would have agreed with his call. Including Marcos.

Always have to make it harder on yourself.

“Alright, fine. At least get me off the cart before you leave. I’m safer the closer to the ground I am,” I conclude, wanting to be off the cart either way. The itching and soreness had become unbearable. Each bump was another earthquake's worth of pain for me.

“Well duh, but we still got some time before we leave too, so no need to panic bout it yet anyway.”

After getting situated in the safest shady spot we could find, we waited out the heat of the day. Most everyone napped in shifts, just in case.

“What point do we just drink the puddles?” I ask.

“Last resort, but that means end of day today for some of us. Was hoping we could get past this last ten or so miles without it.”

Alex had described the water as ‘liquid cement with a hint of corpse’ when we first started running low. Between the bodies and debris that had festered in the pools, the odds of the water not doing long-term harm were low. Which meant that until we got to a point where long-term wasn’t the main concern, we had to keep toughing it out.

“Haven’t people survived longer without water?”

“Sure, nothing says we wouldn’t either. But we’re out of food, water, shelter, and got all sorts of other issues hanging over us. I’ll push my luck getting sick tomorrow if it buys us time.”

“Might not buy us time at all if you throw it all up,” Marcos adds. He had been more alive since our talk, but between the dehydration and his internal demons, alive was starting to look less, well, alive.

“Got to choose a path at some point if it comes to that,” Alex responds, leaning back into the shade to relax again. “'Nough your questions, let me rest a little before I got to work.”

Our afternoon passed uneventfully, with only the occasional trip to the sludge pool to refresh a rag to help someone cool off with. I prayed silently to whatever god was above for rain. Or water in some other way. Even some dusty soup would probably be better for us than nothing, but those who came before us had wiped out the area of its supplies before evacuating. Guess that is what happens when your government says you are on your own to a couple of million people at once.

Deep inside me, there was still the guy who wanted to just give up, creaking through my fragile bones, looking to escape. As I sit in the heat, he tempts me more and more into a slumber I wasn’t fully sure would end as just a midday nap. Since Lan, I had barely thought about dying, at least not in the way I had done before. Those thoughts had left with the nightmares. At least I could see the others off with a brave face. It felt like the right thing to do.

Sunset arrives, but the heat hangs around longer than I had ever imagined it could. Marcos stands up beside me and gives me a grim look.

“I’ll be back, whatever it takes.”

“Just be safe,” I respond.

He didn’t say anything else as he packed his bag, leaving behind most of the old gear he had been lugging around in favor of less weight. The others nearby silently did the same. While Rachel is helping Kat, I slip the photo of Julie into her backpack. It was the third time a group was leaving me behind, and this time I would be completely alone. Julie didn’t deserve to get left behind again.

With the little voice inside me agreeing for the first time in a week, I almost hoped they didn’t come back for me. Not because I wanted them to die, but merely so that they could live. I wanted them to never look back, to live their remaining months happy and healthy. The look on Marco’s face told me otherwise. He was going to keep his promise even if it killed him.

I pray once again for rain as they depart west into the sunset.

“Anything to get them out of here safely, please, just make it happen,” I whisper into the air.

As I wait, sleep takes me. I had seen them off.

My dreams are pleasant for once. The others gather around me as we celebrate our survival in a place much different than here. A restaurant, lively and full of music. Everyone is cheering and drinking. Not just my current group, but all those who once haunted my dreams. Hugging, joyous, smiling, their once panicked yells have turned to laughter. We celebrate being alive together. I smile to myself, happy to be with them.

There is a pop in the distance late into the night. Followed by another. Sounds of machine gun volleys echo through the night air.

Lance never awakens from his slumber.