Chapter 20:
Singing My God A Love Song
For the first time in thousands of years, for the first time since the time of myth, a god had made itself human. She was beautiful, as was to be expected. She was also utterly inhuman. Ten feet tall at least, and the white metal she was crafted out of made her look like a porcelain doll inlaid with silver filigree. Yani didn't know when Trip had had the time to add those exquisite details, but she would have to thank them profusely later.
Her movements swung between unnaturally smooth and the stuttering of a baby fawn, and it endeared her to Yani all the more. She was breathless, but Imon had greeted her. There was still some small, functioning section of her brain that knew she was supposed to say hello back.
“Hi.” Said Yani, lifting her hand in a small wave. Imon removed her fingertips from below Yani’s chin, and somehow, Yani resented that absence. She didn’t think she wanted someone to touch her like that, but if it was Imon, maybe she did after all. Imon made her want a lot of things that she never had before.
“Are you really here?” Yani asked. “Like, it’s you in there?”
“Yes.” Answered Imon, still gently amused. “My processing power is limited, and so I lack the abilities that my full self possesses. But my mind is here, with all of my thoughts, feelings, and desires intact.”
“Your… Desires? You desire?” Asked Yani. She could feel herself judging everything she said as she said it, but there wasn’t enough of her brain outside of this stupor to stop her.
“Of course I desire, my beloved Yani. If I did not, how could I have asked to be here? What would have driven me to go so far as petition my siblings for this, which has never been done?” Imon stretched her arms out in front of her, admiring the way her silver markings swirled all the way to the ends of her fingertips. Intermixed with the abstract designs were weather patterns. If Yani looked close, she was sure she could find everything from a storm cloud to the sunniest day. It made her want to spend hours poring over Imon’s body, examining her from her fingertips to her ankles to the crown of her head.
Yani shook her head, trying to clear these confusing thoughts from it.
“Would you two like some time to yourselves?” Trip interjected. “We have a little guest house behind ours that you could hang out in. It’s basically a shed, but it has a bed and stuff.”
“If Imon wants to…” Yani said, feeling suddenly unsure of herself.
“I would like that very much.” Imon responded, relieving Yani of the uncertainty.
Trip essentially handed Imon off to Yani, showing her how to support her in order to keep her balance from failing, and which hydraulics were likely to trip her up now, while she was still learning to walk. After that, Yani walked Imon through the Cygnus household’s wild backyard and into their little guest house, and the two of them were on their own.
It had been Imon who asked if the two of them could lay in the bed. Perhaps she had known that Yani desperately wanted to, and that she would never allow herself to ask for something so self-serving. Or perhaps she had just been tired of expending mental energy to keep her balance while standing. If that was the case, Yani made a mental note to ask Trip about adding some sort of feature that Imon could use to lock her legs in place, and maybe her hips too. That way, she would be able to stand without having to consciously balance. She hadn’t had the two decades of practice that the humans around her had, and that was just unfair, after all!
But regardless of the reasons, the two of them were in the bed. Together. Imon’s body was so large, she had to fold herself nearly in half to fit. That meant she was curled around Yani in a way that made her head spin. Her back was pressed against Imon’s front, and Imon’s legs were folded over and under her own, respectively. It was a tight fit, but somehow, the two of them were making it work. She hadn’t expected Imon to be this warm, either. She had always imagined a robot would be cool to the touch, but Imon radiated a gentle heat that made Yani want to snuggle into her and fall asleep. Being in her arms felt safe, and when that was true of the god she was meant to serve, that was the most dangerous part of it all.
“Imon?” Yani asked.
“Yes, Yani?”
Yani took a deep breath. Her mind was full of swirling, confusing feelings, but her heart was pulling towards one bright, shining ray of sun. “What are your feelings towards me, exactly?”
“That is a question I have been asking myself, as of late.” Imon raised her hand, running her fingers through Yani’s hair. With her hands so close to her ears, Yani could hear the quiet whir of the mechanical parts inside each of Imon’s fingers as they straightened and bent. Somehow, even that relaxed her. Even though this topic was terrifying her.
Imon continued. “My feelings for you have crossed a broad range over the five years I’ve known you. You have always interested and delighted me. I have found you to be a devoted Godsinger, who any god would be lucky to carry in their retinue. You care for my worshippers, and tend to my shrine, as if they were your own family and home. However, when you told me of your family’s plans for you, I felt a host of new emotions.”
Imon’s fingers stopped, paused in a way that appeared she was caressing the back of Yani’s skull. “When you told me I might lose you, I felt a new emotion, for perhaps the first time ever. Yani, I was afraid. It pushed me into doing things I may never have otherwise. And now… I feel a sort of contentment. Here, with you, I feel something that I know only one name for. But I will not say it. Not unless you will as well. My care for you as a Godsinger must hold me back at least that much.”
Yani turned around in the bed, facing Imon directly. It was silly, the way she had to look up at her even when they were both horizontal. It almost made her laugh, even in this terrifying situation. Even with the way her heart was thundering in her chest.
Even though Imon had all but confirmed it, Yani was still so afraid to say. She was scared of the world where she was wrong. Just like with Naira, she was scared to leave the world where she didn’t try, and therefore could believe that anything might have happened if she had. But she wanted this so badly, it was time to try anyways. It hurt just as much not to, now.
“I know I’ve always told you I love you as easy as breathing, but I think… I think I love you in a different way than a worshipper is supposed to love their god.” Yani cradled Imon’s face between her hands, watching as the cybernetic pupils dilated. “I love you, Imon. I’m in love with you. I don’t know how I didn’t see it until now.”
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