Chapter 447:

Asshole vs asshole

En Passant Grandmaster

Nyoan massaged her face as she trudged through the playing hall. Even though minutes had passed since the hit, she was still in shock over Kuon's actions.

"Why, nya? Did Kuon-sama not recognize me, nya? But my tail was showing, and I took off my mask, nya..."

Still trying to process her thoughts, Nyoan had attempted to track down Kuon once more, but by the time she had come to after the punch, Kuon and the American women's team as a whole had finished their games and had left the playing hall for the day. Since Nyoan was under the impression she'd be unable to get close to Kuon if Agatha spotted her, she had deliberately been avoiding the board, but in her depressed daze, she found herself there and learned of the match's fate.

"Nya... So Kuon-sama's team lost, nya. Guess I'll head back to the hotel, nya."

But as she turned, she was greeted by a squad of arbiters.

"Stop! Nyoan Nyakuoji, you're to be penalized for impersonating Minoo Rasulova of Uzbekistan!" Miga glared.

Color instantly vanished from Nyoan's face. "NYA! I FORGOT I KIDNAPPED HER, NYA!"

As the arbiters feared, Nyoan ended up making a mess of things as she scampered away, ruining the games of many. One notable one being between Heather and Valve.

"Ugh, as if this day couldn't get any worse. Wait! This might be a good thing. I don't think that stupid idiot took notes, so maybe I could squeeze out a comeback," Valve thought as she began setting up the pieces to where they had seemingly been before Nyoan scampered through.

...

Going back in time to the start of round 8, Valve and Heather glared as they found themselves pitted against each other.

"You tricked me! You sent your agents to rope me into one of your Fairy schemes! And I got humiliated too!" Valve fumed.

"HUH!? Don't go taking your failure out on your queen!" Heather snapped back.

"ME your subject!? You damn Brits think Estonia's nothing more than your little vacation pub, well we're NOT! Everyone! I want nothing short of absolute victory! Show these hoodlum tyrants what happens when they trick Estonians!"

The others nodded in approval as everyone got in position. With Valve now at board 1 against Heather, Maila had now been relegated to board 4, though there were hopes that she'd be able to easily beat Abigail.

"Well at least I can play today," Abigail thought as even she considered herself an underdog against Maila.

Once the round began, Valve opened the game by moving her knight to f3, while Heather responded by moving her pawn to c5. Valve then moved her pawn to c4 and shortly after, Heather moved her knight to f6, making things symmetrical.

"To think I'd be playing an English against her of all people. She deserves the humiliation though," Valve thought as she moved her pawn to g3.

"Hah! Playing an English against ME, the queen of England, and the spriggans!? She must think I'm incapable of playing normal chess... Well I'll show her!" Heather thought as she moved her pawn to d5.

With that, Valve kicked off the bloodshed by capturing the pawn at d5 with her c-pawn. Heather naturally retaliated by capturing said pawn with her knight, but Valve fianchettoed her bishop to g2, preparing to launch an attack. To counter, Heather doubled her knights on the diagonal by moving her knight to c6.

"What a stupid defense, befitting of a stupid self-proclaimed queen. I bet you don't even have an ounce of royal blood in you," Valve thought as she moved her knight to c3.

This assumption couldn't be further from the truth as Heather was not only part of the royal bloodline, but also smart when it came to chess, as demonstrated by her play of knight to c7. As things stood, the game was dead even, with the likelihood of ending in a draw if both players played perfectly. This looked to be the case as the king's side castle from Valve and pawn to e5 from Heather failed to move the eval bar even a smidge, nor did d3, bishop e7, or knight d2 for that matter.

Now with options for continuing down the drawn path, Heather opted to castle king's side, but Valve was not looking to draw, which is why she decided to get a bit more aggressive and capture the knight at c6 with her bishop. Heather naturally captured said bishop with her b-pawn, but Valve did not let up on her attack, moving her knight to c4.

Heather decided to counter with an attack of her own in the form of bishop to h3. Valve moved her rook to e1, perfectly countering Heather and keeping things even, despite her desire for a clean victory.

"Baltic bumpkin. You were so boatful, yet here you are struggling to hold a draw. I may not have all my favorite fairy chess pieces present, but this is more than enough to rout someone like you," Heather thought as she moved her pawn to f6.

"Like hell I'll draw you! I need to push... How about I go here?" Valve thought as she moved her queen to a4.

The gambit managed to yield some profit as it caused Heather to slip up and move her queen to e8 instead of d7, however, all it had done was ultimately return the game to it's previously even state.

"Are you kidding me!? Fuck up already!" Valve fumed in her mind as she slammed her bishop down on e3.

Her wish for someone to mess up would come true, thought not in the way she wanted, for after Heather moved her knight to b5, Valve herself moved her knight to e4, blundering away the game.

Heather's eyes lit up as she giddily pushed her pawn to f5. "Oh lucky day! YOU messed up! Scharlachrot would praise me for capitalizing on your mistake so quickly!" she thought as Valve, seemingly unaware of her predicament, captured the pawn at c5 with her knight. "Has Christmas come early? I can choose my own gift, er, does this mean this is effectively a gift card?" she thought as she moved her pawn to f4.

Then without thinking, Valve captured the pawn at f4 with her g-pawn. Time slowed down as the sudden realization came to Valve.

"NO! IT'S MATE IN TWO! DON'T SEE IT! DON'T SEE IT!"

Yet before Heather could properly react, Nyoan scampered through, sending all the pieces flying.

Valve stared in shock before chuckling like a lunatic. "I just got a second chance. She wasn't taking notes, so just maybe I can get away with making things go my way," she thought as she began to reset the pieces.

"Why are you setting things up again?" Heather asked.

"Uh, because I have a good memory of where everything was."

"And that's not standard protocol," a voice snarled.

The two turned to notice Ina standing before them.

"Ah! My hostage-"

"Try and kidnap me again, and here no less, and it's off to the holding facility. I really hate you. I've now got trauma from your torture sessions and the brass and my sisters are confining me to a damn desk job for the immediate future."

"Uh, what kind of torture?" Valve asked.

"I just followed Scharlachrot's manual, nothing more," Heather shrugged.

"A manual full of bargain bin war crimes... As for this game, even though I hate you, I am required as a WWCF official to facilitate a fair playing environment. Now I have the moves pulled up on my phone, so reset things to starting position, then I'll get you back to where you were."

As the board was reset and Ina played out the game up until where Nyoan had disrupted things, Valve gritted her teeth and trembled in fury. "Damn whore! Are you besieged with Stockholm syndrome to the point where you'd help your own captor beat me!? This was supposed to be the perfect opportunity for me to get away with swindling that idiot after my slip up. What's wring with-"

"Check. Looks like you'll be routed like we routed the Vikings back in 1066," Heather smirked as she moved her queen to g6.

Valve shook her head and angrily swatted her king off the board, causing Ina to let out a sigh as she picked it up. "And will I take that as your resignation?"

"Like I'd ever submit or resign to this vermin!"

"Then I'll take the liberty of placing this king down on h1, since it's the only place it can go."

"Um, you can't do that!"

"You touched the piece, and thus you must move it. This is your only legal move anyway. And now that it's her turn..."

"CHECKMATE! I DID IT! And they say I'm a jobber! Jobber's don't beat imbeciles like you!" Heather boastfully laughed as she moved her queen to g2, winning the game.

And if things weren't bad enough for Valve, Maila lost her game while the others all drew, meaning England had won the match 2.5-1.5.

"From Scharlachrot's handbook, 'A victory's a victory, take what you can get!' Such a celebration call for a drink, perhaps we'll dine in Talinn to celebrate once we're handed our gold medals," Heather taunted as she flicked her mantle and marched away.

"NYA! LET ME GO, NYA!" Nyoan cried as Miga finally managed to pin her down.

"As if! Now it's booking time at the WWCF holding facility. Kidnapping a player and impersonating as them is a serious offense. Won't be getting out anytime soon."

"NYOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And in an instant, Miga warped away with Nyoan to the WWCF holding facility before warping back about a minute later.

"Well that's that," Miga grumbled as she staggered over to a nearby chair.

"You alright? I can still take over for you," Ina frowned.

"Still here?"

"I've been resetting the boards, even the one for Heather's game."

Miga growled and pulled up her phone. "What move were they on?"

"Move 17, Black to move."

Miga let out another sigh and rose. "You did your job... Must have been hard, but it was fair. Now if you want to help, get me to a bed. I'm tired and need rest."

Ina smiled and nodded as Miga slumped down onto her. "You've really been working hard. I'm sorry I screwed up so bad."

"I'm the one that had to regrow my damn head, not you."

"I underwent weeks of humiliating and cruel torture."

"We're trained for that."

Ina let out a giggle as did Miga as the two trudged away.

The full game:

White: Valve Khover (2244) Black: Heather Spriggan (2620)

1. Nf3 c5

2. c4 Nf6

3. g3 d5

4. cxd5 Nxd5

5. Bg2 Nc6