Chapter 11 – You Would Not Steal a Bathing House

The surrounding became full of pink marble. Water trickled down a small artificial waterfall.

A paradise on earth and it was all empty for us. All for a price of totally nothing, which was quite acceptable for my finances.

I started to undress and nudged Elfin to do the same.

We stood there naked, but alas the very thought of ogling my impoverished slave was most uncomfortable instead of sexy.

I separated our clothes into two distinct piles.

- We should burn your old clothes.

- Master, they are good clothes.

- They are dirty old rags.

- But at least my work clothes, they are quite new.

I picked them. There was some black dot moving through them. Don’t tell me there are bugs..

I threw it in the other direction. I looked at her. I could not go and ask if she was bugged, could I?

- OK. We should remove humanoid parasites first.

I queried for parasites on us and nearest open-air pool of lava. I expanded parasite search to all of our clothes and the entire room. I made Throne teleport them above the lava, while shouting the fake spell “Raido”.

They incinerated most beautifully.

<Throne System Notice: Administrator Lynx has gained a new fake spell: Raido LVL 1>

ERASE THAT.

- Master is so amazing to cast so many spells chantless – she spoke and sighed.

- What are you waiting for? Burn the middle pile of clothes.

- I do not have kindling nor flint.

- Use your magic.

- But I cannot.

The apprehension on her face was slowly turning into fear. Once you fall from the horse it is important to get back on it as soon as you can. Otherwise you will develop a phobia.

- Do not concern yourself with burning anything. This place is made of stone and thus fireproof.

Except for the wooden roof, but that would worry her too much so I conveniently forgot to mention that. I had a Water Jet spell prepared secretly.

<Throne System Notice: Administrator Lynx has gained a new school of magic: Elemental Water Magic>

<Throne System Notice: Administrator Lynx has gained a new spell: Water Jet LVL 1>

- But.

- You cannot simply forego the arcane because of your accident. You need to work out the kinks in your magic handling sooner or later.

- But, I do not know how to cast that spell again.

Duh. She certainly had plenty MP to spare. I was not the greatest teacher as I myself was just a student experimenting with the Arts. I hoped my advice based on cliché novels would work out. The force was always within you, Harry!

- How about imaging them as that nasty slaver?

By the way I had to inquire about that slaver later. Get his name, get his life. Yup. A divine punishment, once, please. No one says my little half-elf is ugly. Such bad taste is heresy itself.

Suddenly twin streams of fire jetted out of Elfin’s arms. One of them reached target while the other passed close by me. Too close for my comfort. I forgot I was also flammable!

- Direct the fire!

She moved her stump and the fire followed. Thankfully the only damage was blackened wall and my pride.

- Now try to stop the spell. Cut the mana flow.

This went even worse. The fire sputtered.

She was clearly panicking.

- It is alright. You are the master of flame, not a slave to fire – I bullshitted professionally.

The flame jets died down.

Elfin slumped to her knees.

The filthy underwear were still burning, but he fire was non-magical.

- I am sorry, master Lynx. I will accept your punishment now.

- What are you sorry for, Elfin?.

- Your eyebrows.

- My eyebrows? What about them?

- The Mask.

I took the Oni mask off. Indeed, it no longer had those beautiful bushy caterpillar-like eyebrows.

- Oh.

I looked at her. She was almost crying again.

- It is alright. Just be careful next time. I think you misfired because one of your arms is currently gone. You could try to channel mana into the healthy hand only. Alas our exercise went pretty well, don’t you think so?

- I do not know, master.

- Well, you did cast some spell.

- Yesh.. thank you for your guidance.

She made a light bow. While trying to make it deeper her lame left leg gave in and she fell forward. I caught her into my arms. She asked while still down:

- Can master also cast fire magic?

- Nope – I admitted – Not a clue. Have not ever learned a thing about fire magic.

- Huh?

- Anyway, I thought you would be using some incantation or draw a circle with mana or anything else like that. At the very least I thought it is the first step in learning magic. To do everything instinctually.. it might be your demonic bloodline at play.. but it is amazing.

- Master’s magic is also chantless.

- That is quite a different affair altogether.

I said so and did not continue. It would be embarrassing to admit how I cheated on magic learning. I decided I needed to learn more about fire magic quickly, lest my subordinate will laugh at me.

The fire died down. I swiped my hand and removed the ashes. Again they were teleported to that volcano. Do not ask why ashes had to be disposed in a volcano. It made sense at that time. Also I could have done it before they burned through. Now the whole place smelled nasty and smoke drifted in the chamber.

I guess I wanted to see her magic at work. I have no comparison so I do not know if that was a powerful spell or not. Most of the clothes burned without leaving anything.

I searched through the spell library and quickly found something to disperse the smoke.

- I call forth a refreshing wind, Breeze!

<Throne System Notice: Administrator Lynx has gained a new school of magic: Elemental Air Magic>

<Throne System Notice: Administrator Lynx has gained a new spell: Breeze LVL 1>

This was a full incantation. Uttering that chuuni phrase was the price for auto-learning spells. Plus I did not really understand what I was doing exactly.

Gentle winds broke out, the smoke veil lifted, but the smell of expensive incense still lingered in the air.

There were candles lit in small alcoves spaced regularly along the walls.

All of this had set a kind of perfect atmosphere for an expensive and relaxing bath.

- It is high time we wash ourselves, little one.

I took out the eggs and smashed one on my head. Ouch. It hurt! Eggs are surprisingly hard. Probably not a good idea to smash them on one’s head. My slave giggled to herself.

- Yeah, very funny.

- No, master, haha, it is not, ha, funny, but master should use only the yolk. Hahahaha.

She bursted into a full-fledged laughter.

Ah. Well.

That was definitely not a good idea at all.

But laughing at your master’s misfortune.. no, no, I will have my vengeance!

I approached her stealthily, still covered in egg.

She silenced herself and looked at me all-serious. I raised my arms ominously and.. started tickling her sides. The effect was instantaneous.

- Ha, ha, who is laughing now?

Technically it was and had been still her.

- Mashter, staph! Pleaseee..

I have gotten my fill.

So satisfying.

I washed off the egg near a drain.

This time I separated the white and the yolk. Elfin tried to follow my steps, but I stopped her. She was quite miserable with only one hand.

- Wash your body first. I will help you then with your hair and any place you cannot reach.

I rushed to wash my hair as fast as possible.

Thankfully I was standing with my back to the entrance as at this very moment our little bathing trip had an unwelcome third wheel of an uninvited guest.

- What are you doing here?

- Washing ourselves, can’t you see?

- Who have let you in?

I took the water bucket and dumped in on my head. I guess washing with yolk worked somewhat.

I put on the mask.

- Allow me to return your question. Who have let you in? I though the bathhouse was reserved for exclusive use of Dark Rose Society members this very eve.

As I spoke those words I was slowly turning towards the guest, who turned out to be a lovely maid. I have managed to successfully silence her. The sight of the demon and fox masks must have had an effect as well.

- You could wait until we are finished with our cleansing rituals or we could allow you to join us in the nude.

She went red. What a lovely maid.

I sat on the bench watching her standing petrified at the entrance.

- Little Fox, you do not mind her joining us, don’t you?

There could only be one answer as she was my slave. Though I hoped with time she would take more liberties and start to behave more like a free person would. Yes, this would take time.

- No, master Ly..

- Hush – I quickly covered her mouth – Call me Demon or Master Demon, when we are wearing those masks. Otherwise our little conspiracy will break.

She nodded silently.

I beckoned to her.

- Come forth, let me wash your hair.

I sat her on my knees so that her face would not be seen from the entrance. I took off her fox mask. I have also took the eye-patch off and shuddered at the sight. Her eye was completely gone, surrounded by nasty scar tissue. It must have been quite painful.

She had already atone for whatever she did in the past. I was convinced of that.

- I will start with soap alone. You are quite grimy.

I soaped her wet hair up and almost instantly the dark rivulets trickled down her sides. For some reason she moaned and blushed. Does having your hair washed feel so good? Gotta have to try that myself someday.

- Why should I was myself with that filthy thing? I might catch fleas!

Oh. That maid. I forgot about her.

- That thing has a name! She is.. well.. you can call her Miss Fox. Or Vixen. She certainly has no fleas. You will not catch anything unless you brought it with you. Mind you, that she is only dirty because of her previous owner’s negligence. It ain’t fair to blame my little fox, ya know?

I must have convinced her as she has started undressing behind one of the partition screens. Soon she slipped into the main, large basin in the middle of the room. She was still wearing a towel. I sighed. No views for me. She also did not wash herself beforehand. I sighed again.

- You ain’t gonna wash yourself before?

- Shut up.

What a rude maid.

I rinsed Elfin and soaped her again. Finally I repeated the process with the yolk. Now her wet hair finally had a healthy sheen to it. I have truly bought myself a beauty, albeit still only a diamond in the rough.

I put her mask back on. I left the eyepatch where it lied. It was too caked with dirt from those closed wounds to consider salvaging.

- I will now help you with the places you cannot reach, my Vixen.

Unfortunately for my lecherous side there were not that many. I cleaned her until the soap bubbles turned more white than black-grey.

I washed myself. Nothing new here.

Elfin started to wash my back without an order.

- Thanks.

After rinsing everything down, we proceeded to enter the bath proper. It was quite large so that all three of us could fit in. There was even plenty of room left. I moved to sit closer to my little fox.

- This a pretty nice incense you have burned.

- Ah, it is just vanilla incense of the Dark Rose Society.

Technically it was half-vanilla demon panties incense. A rare kind of incense indeed.

Elfin blushed, but I could only barely see it through the side of her face mask. The fox muzzle covered the front of her face. Did I tell her about vanilla demons? I do not believe I had done that. I guess it was unnecessary.

The water was warm, the woman on my side hot, even fiery, when mad. What could a working man wish more for? I could finally relax.

- Have you come to assassinate me?

- Why would Society even bother to do such a thing with a lowly maid? Even if somewhat rude one.. – I responded lazily.

Elfin leaned towards me as if to ask me something in a whisper, but never did.

- You should read less fictional story books, lady maid.

If I bothered with watching her I would see her fuming. I never did so, though.

I caught the lazy bug.

So much for my promises of never catching anything in the bath.

I slumped down so that only my head was above the water level.

Soon Elfin followed my example.

- Master, I do not think she is a simple maid – she whispered directly to my ear.

I glanced at the soaked maid and invoked a silent status check. Doing so silently was against the very principles of the skill, but I was the one setting the rules here.

Oh.

That explains her behavior.

- Let’s say she is close to the queen – I whispered back.

Yeah, very close.

I was sure Ythall was not the capital of Velia Kingdom. I wondered briefly what was the royal court doing here. Then I recalled the conversation with the guards.

- Are you not afraid the royal court will have your heads for intruding on the grounds of Royal Baths?

How scary.

Still for the Queen of Velia to be threatening the safety of the God of Thrope’s head. Quite ironic.

At this point I stopped to care about it. There was not a single Thropian with an ounce of respect. God do not punish them for they do not know what they are doing or something,

- My head is mine alone, thank you very much – I said and continued while surrounding Elfin’s neck and head with my arm – Her head is mine along with the rest of her body. I doubt some mortal royal court could afford even a single toenail of hers. Besides the Dark Rose members are afraid of no one, but the sky falling on our heads!

Hugging so possessively felt so good. This is Heaven, so I declare.

<Throne System Notice: Administrator Lynx has gained a new skill: Professional Bullshitting LVL 1>

Now that was rude, Throne. Quickly hide that skill.

- Master, can it do that?

- Do what?

- Fall. The sky, can it fall?

- That is just a saying. It cannot. It is made of air and is constantly falling down on us. You cannot really feel it though.

I think the modern science was a tad bit too confusing so I quickly reassured her.

- It. Will not. Fall.

She nodded and nested in my arm. We sat there in blissful silence. I was tempted to continue that discussion to include the fall of Heavens themselves, but held myself in.

Finally, when the water started to turn cold we got out.

- You should not frown so much, maid. Wrinkles will set in on your face. No one will hire a wrinkled maid.

Somehow after seeing her half-naked I could no longer take Her Majesty seriously.