The Beggining

With the introductions out of the way, let's actually start this mess of a story.

It all began the day after I took an exam. I was walking home alone, which was rare — usually I go with friends — but I had rushed through the test to get home early. Alvingro FC was playing an important match, and there was no way I was gonna miss it. I probably flunked that test, but who cares? I was confident I'd pass the term anyway.

As I sped home, something weird happened.

I stopped.

Not by choice — my legs just… wouldn’t move. I couldn’t feel anything. My whole body went cold, my voice wouldn't come out. No panic. Just silence.

And then I died.
YIPEEEE.

But like any other generic light novel, I didn’t stay dead. I woke up in some strange, dark place — with a demonic being staring down at me with a smug grin.

He said,
“You pitiful human. I will take your body and dominate this pathetic world.”

Charming, right?

“Who are you?” I asked, half-asleep and half-annoyed.

“I am Lucifer. Prince of the Underworld. Heir to the throne of the Demon King, and soon… King of the Humans.”

“Wow,” I said, “didn’t know the Prince of Hell could be this stupid.”

He blinked. That shut him up.

“Fool! Do you know who you’re speaking to?” he shouted.

“Yeah, and honestly, you’re one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met. You could’ve picked anyone in the world — a powerful martial artist, a genius scientist, hell, even some overachieving honor student. But no. You picked me. The most average guy on Earth. Just to prove to Daddy Demon you could take over a body and rule the world. This could be a light novel synopsis with how ridiculous it is.”

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. “It was strategic. Easier to infiltrate human society this way and—”

“You could’ve picked someone pathetic and spineless. Boom — instant possession, zero effort. But you chose me.” I grinned. “Your first mistake.”

A massive fireball shot toward me. I rolled out of the way just in time, purely on instinct — and maybe because years of suffering through Soulslike games had conditioned me to dodge things faster than my own problems.

See? Video games do teach life skills.

Lucifer growled. “Since you’re such a talkative little worm, we’ll start early. Any final questions?”

“Yeah — where the hell am I?”

He smirked. “You’re inside your own subconscious.”

Inside my own subconscious, things escalated fast.

The world around me warped. No longer a dark, empty void — now we stood on a floating battlefield in the middle of nothingness. Broken stone platforms hovered in the air. Red lightning cracked across a swirling sky. And there I was, in the middle of it, wearing my school uniform like an idiot.

Across from me stood Lucifer — shirtless (of course), covered in demonic runes, with horns glowing, fire in his hands, and the aura of “I'm-better-than-you” cranked up to eleven.

“This is a Spiritual Battle,” he said. “Two souls, one body. Only one can stay.”

“And the loser?” I asked.

“They get erased from existence.”

“Cool cool cool,” I said. “Just checking.”

Without warning, Lu launched at me, his fist cloaked in black flame. I barely dodged in time, almost tripping over my own thoughts. The air exploded where his punch landed — sending chunks of reality flying into the abyss.

Okay. So he wasn’t kidding around.

I tried to punch back. Useless. My attacks passed through him like I was trying to fight a smoke monster on steroids. Every hit he landed, though? It hurt. Like mental migraines mixed with being emotionally roasted.

“You cannot win,” Lu declared, laughing. “You’re outmatched. Outclassed. You’re a mortal idiot.”

“True,” I said, panting. “But I’ve played a lot of broken games.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What?”

I grinned.

See, during the fight, I noticed something. Every time he landed a blow, my mindscape cracked a little. But when I did nothing — just stood there — the cracks healed.

So I tested it again. I sat down. Literally plopped myself onto the floating rock platform.

“...What are you doing?” Lu asked, confused.

“Camping,” I said. “Passive regeneration is a thing here, right? Because we’re in my subconscious. My rules.”

“That’s not how—!”

He dashed at me again, but I leaned back just enough to dodge. Barely. Like a Soulslike player cheesing the AI.

“Stop running!”

“Nope,” I said, standing just outside his range. “I figured it out. This isn’t about strength — it’s about control. And you can’t fully control this space unless you destabilize me. But if I don’t fight you, and you overexert yourself, you’ll burn out.”

He hesitated.

I stood up, pointed at the floating space around us.

“This isn’t Hell, Lucifer. It’s my brain. And I’ve spent years filling it with useless junk like game exploits, memes, anime tropes, and obscure loopholes in card games. You’ve entered the mind of someone who grew up pressing buttons until something worked.”

A crack of red lightning shot across the sky. Lu’s form started flickering.

“No... no, this isn’t—!”

“By the way,” I added, “you technically started the battle early without giving me time to mentally stabilize. That violates article 3, subsection B of the Spiritual Combat Code, I believe.”

“That doesn’t—!”

“Which means,” I continued, opening a fake translucent menu in front of me (because of course I imagined a menu screen), “I can file for an emergency override.”

I pressed an imaginary button.

Everything froze.

Lu’s body was locked mid-punch. The whole realm flickered like a glitched-out game.

“Wait—WAIT! THAT’S NOT—!”

“GG, Lucifer,” I said. “Get cheesed.”

And with one final blink, he vanished.

Spiritual Battle Complete.
Winner: Pedro (Human).
New Title Unlocked: “The Exploit King.”
Shared Body Permission Granted.

I woke up in my own bed, gasping for air. My hair was white. My eyes were yellow. My vision was perfect.

And somewhere deep in my head, I heard a familiar, angry voice mumbling:

"I hate you."