I Don't Care if Its Impossible, I Will Do It Anyways

I desperately need to chill out, I can’t let her know I’m freaking out. It was only a kiss. She’s my friend coming to me to talk about what's on her mind so I should be supportive and listen. After all, it's not like I have any chance to be with Saya anyways.

I do my best to put on a smile and respond to her.

“w o w    y o u    k i s s e d    h i m ” Damn, why do I sound so weird. I need to play it cool.

“It happened out of nowhere, he was walking me to the station and sat down at a park for a while. The mood was right then we kinda did it…”

I can't believe it, this creep was totally being pushy and took advantage of her!

"What kind of guy is he?" I try to make her keep talking as I try not to say anything weird.

"He's definitely handsome and since meeting him he's always treated me kindly, always looking out for me and trying to chat with me."

Fucking simp sounds like some of the guys I get online. Those creeps exist within normies too?

"Hey he also plays video games like you, he's got low key nerd vibes. Maybe you guys can be friends!”

No chance in hell.

Saya seems to be fumbling with something on her phone.

“Here look, whatcha think? Looks cute right?!" She turns her phone to show me her screen, a picture on InStarGram of the creep.

I lean over to get a closer look. In the photo he is sitting back in a chair drinking a bubble tea, it seems someone took this photo sitting beside him. He just looks like an average person around my age, normal as one can be. I truly don't know what to think, he has a normal haircut, a normal face and is wearing simple black jeans with a white tee shirt. The only thing interesting is he does seem tall and has a wide frame. What in the hell is so special in a guy like this?!?! This is the guy she's getting all her feelings in a mess for? It’s because he's tall! Girls like tall guys, something I'm not! What is even so good about being tall? Because they look strong? I can be strong too!---

Saya turns back her phone towards her.

“He uh… looks alright I guess?” I keep with the neutral responses.

“Yea I knew you'd say something like that...haha” she looks down at her phone as her smile slowly dissipates.

“This would be the first time I let a guy be close with me… I don’t know if I’m ready. I’ve always been weird with guys and that kinda stuff. I can never tell what another person thinks of me, so this was outta nowhere ya know?”

Saya rarely becomes this serious about anything, that's how I know she is speaking honestly about this. My anger slowly starts to cool down. I decided to stay silent and let Saya continue her monologue.

“I think I really do like him. Sure it's only been a week but these are feelings I've never experienced before… I don't know what to do from here. I get a feeling if he wants to take things further then I wouldn't mind being his…"

"I don't often talk about these things ever, so I just wanted to let you know. You have always been a good listener so... yea...” Saya never looked up at me even for a second.

The way she spoke hit me like a ton of bricks. A part of me wants to calm down but the anger I hold for this creep that stole Saya’s first kiss still burns me to my core. I fully understand that she seriously has feelings for this guy. I could have never imagined this day, the day Saya falls in love with someone. Honestly, I've never thought about her falling in love with me either as I only assumed that we would be together in the future somehow. I feel like a child who recently found out that Santa Clause isn't a real person.

Maybe I’m a little disappointed in myself that I let Saya slip away from me. I've known her the longest out of everyone she knows, and I’m one of the few if any guys she's talks to. Yet, this weird guy comes out of nowhere and takes everything away from me. She’s my childhood friend!

If I were in an anime, I would be the one that rejects her and goes on to date another person! In reality, she is the main character which then makes me the childhood friend… leaving me to be rejected… NO! I REFUSE! I refuse to accept this. If I could get rid of this guy then I can have my chance with Saya... I sound like I'm about to commit a grievous crime.

Saya finally relaxes a bit and reaches into her pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. The brazenness she has is quite impressive...

“Why are you looking at me like that? You want one or something?”

I read somewhere online that the nicotine in cigarettes is supposed to make you feel relaxed. In a moment of weakness, I fall for the temptation and seriously consider her offer.

“Really during school? In the school too?” I’m a bit worried about her getting caught.

“What? Don’t tell me Shiki, are you gonna snitch on me or something?” She says looking completely unbothered.

“I’m thinking about it.” I snark back.

“I know where you live, you know if you did that I’d kick your ass.” She says while putting a cigarette between her lips. She starts to rummage through her pockets and looks around on the floor beside her.

“Dammit Shiki, you made me lose my lighter.” With a slightly annoyed look on her face, she gives up trying to find it.

I give a sigh of relief. It would have been risky to smoke up here on school property.

“You know, for someone who smokes and acts soo cool, earlier you were totally like a little girl talking about your first crush hahaha.” I tease her a bit.

“Hah, you must really want me to kick your ass huh?”

She tries to mask her embarrassment but I see through it. I win this time.

“Try me.” I say without thinking.

She puts her pack of cigarettes back in her pockets.

"Hehehe, if you say so!"

Like a cat she pounces on me, tackling me to the floor.

Bad idea, I forgot she is overly aggressive when we joke around.

Grabbing me by my wrists, she tries to pin my arms above my head. A little test of strength I see. Maybe now is my chance to show her my man strength. I manage to break free for a split second and we lock hands. I grit my teeth and push back with all the strength I can muster. She looks surprised as I start to push her off of me as my back slowly lifts off the floor. I feel like a real man, this stupid girl thought she could out muscle me?

“That’s all you got?” She laughs and her smile turns into a devilish grin.

Seemingly out of nowhere she slowly becomes stronger and stronger. It feels like I'm about to fall over as my arms start giving out, what the hell is this power?! It's like the second phase of a boss fight you didn't prepare for. I simply don't have enough health or mana left over. At this point if I don't push back she will end up slamming me into the ground. I'm holding on for dear life!

“Dieeee” she hisses at me.

"Wait---"

My arms become like wet noodles and finally give up, and Saya mercilessly pushes me back to the floor and tumbles on top of me with all her weight. She hasn't let go of me so my back and head take the brunt of the fall.

I squeeze my eyes close as I grimace, why does she gotta be so rough?

I can't see anything but I can feel Saya’s body pressed against mine, almost like we are embracing. I’m starting to get goosebumps as a result of the sensory overload and it causes my emotions to overflow. Maybe I hit my head too hard but I can feel tears starting to build up in my eyes. Why am I just starting to realize my feelings for her now that it's too late? She's found someone else.

“Oww, you idiot” I slowly open my eyes as the pain and emotions start to fade.

I look up and catch a glimpse of Saya above me. The wind blows her hair to the side revealing a clear view of her face. Looking like she got caught doing a horrible act, her eyebrows are raised and eyes widened in shock. Her worried look gives me flashbacks of times we had in middle school. The last three years, where have they gone? It seems we have gotten farther apart over the years.

Her anxious face doesn't last long and quickly changes to a smile.

“I win, yaaay!”

“You always play around too rough! What if I actually died there?!”

"You're not bleeding or anything so you're fineee."

She finally releases my hands but clearly has no intention of getting off me quite yet.

"I don't think you have ever beaten me after all these years huh?" She has the face of someone who just won an Olympic gold medal with how proud she looks of herself.

"Yea yea yea, it was fun and all but next time try not to attempt to murder me."

She finally gets off me and extends her arm to help me up.

"My baddd, I was having too much fun. It's been a while since we play fought like that, felt like we were kids again."

I grab her hand and she pulls me off the floor.

"Play fought? I only ever recall you actually trying to injure me!"

We both started to laugh, I think we both missed those times we had as kids.

I think my subconscious has already made its decision.

Saya I can't let you go. I will get you back, no matter what it takes.

“Lunch is almost over, let's head back to our classes.” Saya says while collecting her bento off the ground.

I realized I never got the guy’s name. If I plan to get rid of him I need to start somewhere.

Just before Saya opens the door to exit the roof I quickly ask her.

"By the way what's the guy's name… your future boyfriend's name..."

"Takeuchi... Touma" She says, looking at me over her shoulder.

Touma… now that I think of it, I have never seen him at our school before…