Low-stakes banter

“Woah there sure is a lot of you guys! Thanks for showing up, I’m glad to see you all here!”

As the viewer numbers seemingly grew and grew (not that I could actually see the monitor to confirm that), Pep’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. Whatever number she was looking at, it was probably substantially higher than she had expected.

Pep’s joy at that revelation seemed to single-handedly outweigh both Sai’s and my concern.

“Aaaaaalrighty, now it seems like everyone’s here in chat, let me just explain how this stream is gonna be, kay?” She continued, her enthusiasm not waning for even a moment. “Now, after all the attention on a certain clip, I know a lot of people were excited to see my friends S and K for the first time, but unfortunately they’re not big fans of the camera. But! They are here with me today, even if they’re off screen. S, K, introduce yourselves to the stream!”

Pep gestured to us with her hands, though I wasn’t exactly sure why considering the camera didn’t see us. She had warned us of this beforehand, that she would turn chat over to us for a short moment in the intro so we can do a short introduction, but now that the moment had come I realised I had absolutely no idea what to say.

“I’m the one referred to as ‘S.’ I am a chess player and a last-year high school student. My thanks for your interest in me.”

Sai took the initiative before, giving a pretty big standard self-introduction, but delivered in a cadence and tone so unique to her that I assumed the chat would take to it anyway. And take to it they did, if Pep’s reaction was anything to go by.

“Great seeing so much love for S in chat! Isn’t her voice so pretty? I just love listening to her.” Pep kept a wide grin on her face as she talked, and I was having a hard time telling how much was performative and how much was genuine joy and excitement. “Now let’s hear from my other good friend K. K, tell the chat who you are!”

“Ah…. I’m K. I’m the captain of the chess club and the society of snide remarks. Good to be here.”

Since Sai’s most recognisable feature was her elocution, I decided to play into my own most obvious trait: dry sarcasm. Unfortunately, I could hardly call the setup natural, so it ended up sounding completely lacklustre.

It felt performative at best and outright phoned-in at worst.

But that didn’t seem to worry Pep or chat at all, as she let out a short laugh and went back to interacting with chat.

“Yep, that’s K alright. Never drops the snideness for a moment, he’s such a little tsundere-“

“Hey!”

“-but he’s actually a very nice person when you know him. Who are you guys more excited to hear more from, K or S?” She effortlessly kept the audience engaged, as if she had rehearsed it. “Think I’m seeing a little bit more S than K right. Psst, don’t tell them this, but I also like S more than K. She’s prettier.”

Despite her not really being involved in the clip that went viral, it was clear that Pep was the only one of us that could actually hold an audience after it’s made. If it was just Sai and I here, it would probably be a matter of minutes before the active viewer counter lost an entire digit or two. They may have been coming for us, but if they were staying it was for Pep.

Which was exactly what I hoped for. This way she could grow her own following without keeping us as crutches.

Still, I agreed to be here. I would at least do my part for now.

“Hey, scatterbrain,” I said, mustering my most theatrically derisive tone, “for someone who said she was gonna ‘explain how the stream will go,’ you’re doing a lot of nattering and not much explaining. Keep us waiting longer and this island might just float off into the deep ocean.”

“I’m slower than continental drift?!”

“Of course, that is not what K means to imply,” interjected Sai. “Continental drift theory is long since discarded. It is plate tectonics that you are slower than.”

“Isn’t that worse?!”

“Nah, it’s a much more elegant and realistic model for the way the Earth’s surface shifts over time.”

“I didn’t mean the theory!” Pep huffed dramatically, rolling her eyes while subtly making sure her expressions are clear in the webcam. “You guys see what I have to deal with? They’re such a nightmare.”

“I prefer to think of myself as a sleep paralysis hallucination,” I said

“Ah, that would explain the sheer terror and disgust I felt when last sleep-paralysed,” replied Sai.

“How long ago was that?”

“Two years.”

“You’re blaming me for something from before we even met?”

“I tend to attribute most of humanity's failings to you. Extending that blame to the subconscious and supernatural is only logical.”

“Are you conflating me with the devil?”

“Of course not. You’ve not the charm nor wit to entice woman as the devil did to Eve in Eden.”

“You’re saying I’m worse than the devil?”

“In terms of competence? Absolutely.”

“And in morality?”

“I hereby exercise my right to remain silent.”

“I hate you.”

“I don’t think about you at all.”

“Guys! You just told me off for sidetracking the stream!” Pep said in mock exasperation, though I could see the happy glint in her eye that told me this was what she wanted.

Though, as Pep started explaining the stream set up to chat, I thought back on the very first few times Sai and I met. Before either of us had any interest in trying to understand one another, before we realised we were better off challenging each other intellectually, she and I would argue with these juvenile playground-style insults and snides. This meaningless low-stakes banter had already begun to feel like a retracing of those steps, and I already wasn’t fond of it. I can hardly say I was particularly proud of who I was in those memories, even if they were incredibly recent in the grand scale.

I had no problems with low-stakes banter in general, obviously. Not every conversation needs to have a hidden layer of introspection and philosophising between the lines. In fact, I was pretty damn tired of emotionally and philosophically charged charged talks after the shitstorn that had been the few days before.

But part of the reason my relationship with Sai is so valuable to me is because we challenge and push each other with every word, constantly thinking and rethinking everything, trying to refine our views on the world. Compared to those conversations, this had already begun to feel… hollow, I suppose? It was difficult to explain.

But whatever that feeling was, I hoped it would fade quickly, because I had another couple hours ahead of me. And it only seemed set to get worse from here.

Dammit Pep. After all this shite, you better find success in that damned field. Don’t let it go to waste.