Chapter 481:

Savage simp slayer

En Passant Grandmaster

Back on the men's side, Davor had opened by moving his knight to f3 while the masked man moved his pawn to c5. Then came pawn e4, exactly as the masked man had hoped for.

"The Croatians have an affinity for the Zagreb, thus if I goad them into playing it, I can beat them with ease," the masked man thought as he moved his pawn to d6.

Everything appeared to proceed as planned with d4, c captures d4, knight captures d4, knight f6, knight c3, and a6 all being played. But that was as far as Davor would go on script.

"You think we're just blind followers that do nothing but stick to a predictable script? My relationship with Vlatka is SYMBIOTIC! I give her money, kiss her feet, and I can be her throne! To have such a hot woman willingly resting her hot ass on my thick back gets me so horny. And when Vlatka likes someone, they can deviate from her script ever slightly. This deviation will be your downfall off the cliffs to the sea," Davor thought as he moved his pawn to h3.

"Oh? The Adams' Attack? Let's see how long you last then," the masked man thought as he moved his pawn to e6, not giving a care about Davor's strategy.

Davor clearly knew what he was doing as he moved his pawn to g4, while the masked man moved his pawn to d5. He then captured the pawn at d5 with his e-pawn, which the masked man then captured with his knight.

"And now, my queen, VLATKA! SLAY THEM UNDER YOUR HEELS! IT MATTERS NOT IF YOU'RE NOT WEARING THEM TODAY, I'VE FELT THE STABBING OF YOUR FAVORITE CRIMSON PAIR!" Davor madly thought as he drooled and moved his queen to f3.

"Talk about down bad. Daria's never once come close to being this dementedly horny despite her playful side," the masked man thought as he moved his bishop to d4.

Davor's aroused grin quickly vanished, replaced with a scowl. "Oi, you reading my mind, you masked freak? You got a problem with my lust!? I got a problem with your whole existence! You've gotta have an engine running under that mask, it's the only way to explain how you've been beating everyone. That, or you rig everything," he thought as he moved his bishop to d2.

"Hoh? That face says 'I know you're reading my thoughts'. True, but not, I can't read it like a telepath, but I'm just so smart I can think it all up on my own," the masked man thought as he captured the knight at c3 with his knight.

Davor promptly captured the knight at c3 with his b-pawn, which in turn prompted the masked man to move his bishop to d6. Next came a turn of castling, but in opposite directions as Davor castled queen's side while the masked man castled king's side. It was then that Davor's simping on and off the board for his queen came into full-force as he moved his queen to e4, thinking it was a good move.

"And thus, the dangers of simping. You think your queen is all too mighty, neglecting to note that it is nothing but a single piece," the masked man thought as he moved his knight to d7.

But Davor was all in on his queen, even clearing the center by moving his knight to b3 so that the queen could truly be the center of attention.

"How perfect, you've illustrated your worldview on the board; "the queen rules everything and is center of all", except it isn't. Let me show you how to use a queen, since clearly you're only capable of being used by a tyrant," the masked man thought as he moved his queen to c7.

Davor's scowl returned once more as he decided to retreat his queen to e3. "You're trying to gang up on my queen? My queen has been under attack for far too long! VLATKA DID NOTHING WRONG!" he shouted in his mind, struggling not to let it slip out.

"At this point you should just say it aloud. The arbiters have already bent backwards to allow this match to occur, so a little vocal outburst wouldn't hurt. You're losing anyway, so they won't deprive me of a decisive victory via official action," the masked man thought as he moved his pawn to b5.

Next came a flurry of moves, starting with bishop g2, rook b8, f4, knight b6, queen d3, knight c4, f5, and a5, which left an even more favorable board for the masked man once the dust had settled.

"This bastard's cheating, I KNOW IT! But I'll crack his defenses soon, and present his calp and mask to my queen, VLATKA!" Davor thought as he moved his h-rook to e1.

"And your bank accounts run dry, Count Simp," the masked man thought as he moved his pawn to a4.

"IT BEGINS NOW!" Davor dementedly thought as he smiled manically and captured the pawn at e6 with his f-pawn.

"No, your downfall has been in effect for many moves now," the masked man scoffed in his mind as he captured the pawn at e6 with his bishop.

Davor gritted his teeth in fury as he moved his bishop to d4. "NO! THAT BISHOP WASN'T THERE WHEN I LOOKED! CHEATER! CHEATER!" he thought as the masked man nonchalantly moved his f-rook to d8. "Knights are the queen's mounts, MY ROLE!" Davor thought as he moved his knight to d4.

"It's a tad disgusting how bad I can piece together that you want to be turned into a chair for Vlatka to shit and fart on. I guess that would make you a glorified living toilet wannabe. Oh sorry, did I say that aloud? That's because you're in check, and I felt the need to inform you," the masked man scoffed as he moved his bishop to a3.

The look plastered upon Davor's face and that of everyone in earshot was priceless. While the others were mostly shocked, Davor's contorted face and madly twitching eyes took it to a whole new level.

"T- TOILET!? YOU DARE DISRESPECT MY STATUS AS CROATIA'S RICHEST COUNT AND VLATKA'S PERFECT THRNE!? A THRONE IS NOT SHAT ON, IT'S SAT ON!" Davor roared aloud as he angrily slammed his king down on b1.

"And now you've finally let loose. Not like it matters much now since you're moves away from mate," the masked man thought as he moved his pawn to b4.

"DON'T GO SILENT ON ME, YOU CHEATING SCUMBAG! CHECK, CHECK, CHECK! [YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT CHEAT AND SPEW HATRRED AGAINST QUEEN VLATKA]!" Davor madly shouted as he violently captured the pawn at h7, sending said pawn flying off.

"A shame I abide by the rules. You'll have to wait another turn for your next roasting," the masked man chuckled in his mind as he moved his king to h8.

Furious and frustrated, Davor let out an audible shout as he slammed his bishop down on c1.

"And things just became so much easier. Check," the masked man snickered as he captured the pawn at c3 with his b-pawn.

Davor descended into pure nonsensical screeching as he slammed his king down on a1.

"Now you're just being excessive, and embarrassing yourself. Check," the masked man snarled as he moved his bishop to b2.

"ZAČEPI! ZAČEPI! VARALICA! VARALICA! VARALICA [SHUT UP! SHUT UP! CHEATER! CHEATER! CHEATER]!" Davor screeched at the top of his lungs as he violently captured the bishop at b2 with his bishop.

The masked man quickly caught the airborne bishop, setting it down gently before delivering another check by capturing the bishop at b2 with his bishop. "Now you can feel free to slam the board and resign. It's over," he stated as Davor ignored his suggestion and played on by moving his king to b1.

The masked man didn't mind as he knew the game wouldn't last much longer anyway, inching closer to said victory by capturing the knight at d4 with his rook. But that very move seemed to dent Davor's anger and snap him back to reality ever slightly.

"No! You dare attack the queen!?" he shouted as he moved his queen to f3.

Though no one could see it, the masked man smirked beneath his mask as he nodded and moved his queen to d7. And this was when Davor finally went pale and sweated an ocean.

"NO! I'm going to lose! I can't lose, Vlatka will strip and whip me on the cross! What can I do!? WHAT CAN I DO!? ... THAT!" Davor thought as he grinned madly and moved his queen to b3.

"And look at that, you throw away the queen you're so enamored with and sell your cash and soul to. But I don't need it! Check!" the masked man declared as he captured the rook at d1 with his rook.

"WH- WHAT!? I'D NEVER DISCARD MY QUEEN! MY QUEEN IS... MY QUEEN IS... FUCK YOU CHEATER!" Davor cried as he violently captured the rook at d1 with his rook.

The masked man caught the flying rook, setting it down before staring Davor in the eye. "It's not cheating when you're so smart, you know and see everything. Have fun getting whipped at the cross, simp. Checkmate," the masked man snickered as he captured the rook at d1 with his queen, winning the game.

Davor sunk to his knees in dismay. Thanks to this win and Zago's, Japan now led 2-0 on the men's side, and with how things were looking on the other boards, a sweep was likely in the cards or at the very least a match win for Japan.

The full game:

White: Count Davor Draskovic (2550) Black: The masked man (101)

1. Nf3 c5

2. e4 d6

3. d4 cxd4

4. Nxd4 Nf6

5. Nc3 a6

6. h3 e6

7. g4 d5

8. exd5 Nxd5

9. Qf3 Bb4

10. Bd2 Nxc3