Chapter 9: Spectators Fallacy

Where am I? I can’t hear anything. I can’t see anything. When attempting to move my limbs, there isn't a sensation. Even my perception of what’s up or down has left me, leaving me with nothing. Leaving me with Null. Yeah, that’s the perfect word to describe what’s happening, or to be accurate, what isn’t.

Absent are the sensations of an oncoming chill or an impending bead of sweat as I float in this endless space, though I am still unsure of even that. How am I going to get out of this? Anyone else would be panicking, but I feel no emotion. Almost as if I’ve already accepted this as my life now.

A twinkle of light glimmers in the distance, like a passing star in this endless void. It expands with a flash and collapses like a dying star, sucking me into its singularity. As it pulls me closer towards its light, I begin to feel whole again. Raising both my arms, I grab hold of my chest. My heart is beating.

Another flash of light invades my vision, and this time it’s brighter than the last. During that moment, I remember why I’m here in the first place and brace myself for what's to come.

I hear the clicks of someone's heels. The steadiness of their stride leads me to believe they’ve got somewhere to be, but aren’t exactly in a hurry. Each step against the hollow wooden floor echoes through the hallway, or at least that’s where I assume it’s coming from. I’ve had my eyes closed this whole time, but now I’m curious.

As I open them, I see a door at the end of the dimly lit hall in front of me. A small flame dances within each of the lanterns hanging up against the walls on each side, along with a number of crucifixes. It’s a rather normal setting, but what’s strange is that I am the one walking.

My eyes look down, I seem to be carrying a large metal plate in my hands, but something is odd. The sensation of carrying it should be distinct, but I don’t feel myself holding it. In fact, it’s the same when it comes to walking as well. I should be feeling the wooden floor creaking with each step, but it's like I’m a spectator.

Looking at the pastries and sweets sitting on the plate, I notice their chest pushing against their black and white gown. It seems I’m a woman, or at least I’m experiencing this from her perspective. Is this Ava’s body?

Before I could speculate further, she takes the plate in one hand and opens the door at the end of the hall.

“Ms.Ordelia!” shouts a little girl as she runs up to me.

“Your back!”

“We’ve missed you, where have you been?”

“Hey, look at what I made Ms.Ordelia!”

One after another, the children clamor towards this woman, wrapping their arms around her waist and legs in excitement. Seeing this amount of love and affection is heartwarming though a bit unexpected. Yet she still manages to balance the plate in one hand while patting their heads.

“My my, isn’t this a warm welcome. It’s only been two days.” she says in a bright manner while looking down at their little faces.

“That’s too long!” cries the cheetah-boy while gripping her gown with his cheetah printed arm.

“Yeah, you should let us know when you’re going away!” yells the monkey-boy while puffing out his chest with his demand.

“Stop acting all tough Bastion, I saw you crying over Ms.Ordelia just a minute ago!” shouts the squirrel-girl, while pointing at the demanding boy.

“No, I wasn’t, Timothy was doing all the crying! I just wanted him to feel better.” Bastion insists with a sniffle.

“I...wasn’t crying…” Timothy mumbles with tears running down his cheek, before rubbing his face on her gown.

“Now Milly, what have I told you about picking on others?” Ordelia asks the little squirrel girl with a stern tone, while rubbing Timothy’s furry head.

“Uh...treat others how you want to be treated.”

“Exactly, so no more teasing, okay?”

“Okay…” she mutters.

While her scolding was light, Milly couldn’t hide her pouting bottom lip. She’s trying not to, but she’s throwing glances at Ordelia’s hand as she pats Timothy’s head. Seeing this sort of innocent jealousy coming from them, it’s clear that they are vying for her attention, though who could blame them. They are kids after all.

Perhaps realizing this, Ordelia takes one of the small pastries from her plate and hands it to Milly. Her expression brightens into a smile the moment she takes hold of the small pink macaroon.

“No fair, I want one too!” Bastion shouts.

“Don’t worry, I brought enough for everyone. Remember only one each!” She says, walking toward the table at the center of the room.

She places the plate on the coffee table, allowing them to grab a treat. Seeing their excitement, it's amusing to think they were sulking just a moment, but they’ve forgiven her now. Their initial excitement makes sense now. She seems like a mother to them.

Noticing the sullen look on his teary face, Ordelia makes sure to give Timothy a small slice of cake. His face brightens a tad as he takes a bite, but he still looks hesitant.

“What’s wrong, you don’t like it?” Ordelia asks, kneeling at his eye level. He glances at the cake and back into her eyes, almost as if he wants to say something. Staring into his eyes causes this tense feeling in my throat, despite the fact that I’m witnessing this through Ordelia’s eyes.

“No...it’s not that. It’s just that you’ve been going away a lot lately.”

Ordelia places her hand on his shoulder. “Aw, you don’t have to worry sweetie. I’m not going anywhere.”

Timothy looks up. “You promise?”

My chest tightens. It’s happening again. Despite my indifference towards their conversation, I’m unable to evade this feeling.

While the other children chatter and scream with their treats, Ordelia continues staring into his teary eyes. What, in reality, is only a few seconds feels like a slice of eternity as she hesitates to give him a response.

It’s a bit odd, considering how delicate she’s been with them this entire time. It should be easy for her to reassure him, but for some reason it isn’t now.

She caresses his face, wiping away a tear with her finger. “Of course, silly! Ms.Ordelia will always be by your side.”

Timothy lunges at her with a hug, in an attempt to wrap his little spotted arms around her slim shoulders. Ordelia reciprocates with her own, rubbing his back gently. Glancing around the living room, the other children carry on playing with one another on the floor and couch. It reminds me of the days I was a kid, playing in the forest with Theresa and Mikel under the moonlit sky.

“Where’s Ava?” Ordelia asks. The words bounce around in my head. Is she referring to someone else named Ava? She must be, it would be too much of a coincidence for her not to be. I’ve yet to see how any of this relates to Ava, but if it somehow does, could that be the reason why I was brought here?

Ordelia looks down at Timothy, expecting him to know the answer, but Milly rushes over.

“She’s over there.” Milly says, pointing her fingers behind the large couch.

Leaving Timothy with a pat on the head, Ordelia makes her way towards the couch. Seeing how the living room has become a personal playground for the rest of the kids, she takes careful, poised steps past them. I assume it’s in an effort to not disturb them, seeing as how they’re laughing and frolicking about. And just like before, my heart seems to flutter at the sight of this, yet the feeling is brief.

Peaking over the armrest, Ordelia catches a glimpse of a long light brown ponytail. The little girl looks up and glares at her. Unlike the other children who celebrated at the sight of Ordelia’s return, she gives her a look of resentment. Her jade green eyes are tainted with a shrouded luster, as she bits down on the corner of her bottom lip.

“Ava sweetie, what’s wrong?!” Ordelia asks in a panic, reaching towards her. Ava slaps her hand away, giving her a sideways glance.

“Leave me alone!” she shouts, shuffling her hooved feet while backing herself up against the wall.

It’s her, but she’s so much younger. She looks around 9-10 years old, but the round lenses of her glasses make her look even younger. Judging from her attitude here, it’s apparent that she didn't gain her cool demeanor until much later. I wonder what triggered such a change.

Hearing the commotion, some of the children gather around out of curiosity.

“What’s going on?” Milly asks, while the rest look at the two of them.

“Aren’t you happy to see Ms.Ordelia again?” asks one of the other girls, her round mouse ears and whiskers twitching.

“Yeah, Chelsea’s right, you should be happy to see her!” Bastion shouts.

“No, She lied to me!” Ava shouts, tears welling up in her eyes.

“No, Ms.Ordelia would never lie…” Timothy says, stumbling over his words with a sniffle.

While it would be better to defuse the situation, Ordelia takes pause yet again. My mind becomes clouded, scrambling my judgment. These feelings aren’t my own.

Though I am still unable to feel the sensation of Ordelia gripping the leather couch, I somehow share her emotions. While I suppose this could be a consequence of being a spectator, the situation itself is still a shame. Not only must it be difficult for her to see these children feuding over her affection, but now they’re bad-mouthing the odd one out for her sake.

“She promised that we’d play together, but then she left for two weeks!” Ava stands up and shouts, with a clack of her left hoove on the wooden floor.

“Ava please, I-”

“Sure she went away for a while, but all of the other nuns were taking care of us! And besides, we all missed Ms.Ordelia, so what makes you think you can have her all to yourself, huh?” Bastion shouts back, his sudden passion smothering Ava’s indignation. Judging by his understanding of things, he must be one of the older ones.

Ava’s eyes widened. It’s clear she didn’t expect Bastion to get so angry, and neither did the others.

“No one asked you, lover boy! I hear she already has a boyfriend, so how about you mind your own business!” Ava shouts, pointing her finger towards him. Bastion steps back in recoil as the other children murmur and giggle amongst themselves, leaving his face bright red.

“Stop it you two, enough is enough!” Ordelia shouts, her voice cracking under the weight of her frustration. The children flinch at her sudden outburst, leaving them silent. Only the sound of Ava’s stifled whimpers can be heard.

Kneeling towards her, Ordelia takes a deep breath. “Ava, I’m sorry I broke my promise, but I’m here now.”

“Yeah, with Ms.Ordelia here we can have fun again!” Chelsea insists with a cheerful tone, stepping towards Ava.

“Yeah, we can all play together!” Milly agrees.

Ava looks at the group of children and looks back at Ordelia. She wipes her eyes and sniffles.

“But...I only wanna play Ms.Ordelia.”

One would expect some semblance of malice in her voice with a response like that, but there wasn’t. Staring back into Ava's eyes, I sense a genuine innocence. Being the odd one out must be hard for her, so Ordelia’s kindness must be her only source of comfort. It’s hard to imagine such an innocent girl turning into a killing machine, yet that is the woman I encountered. And these must be the events that preceded her.

When you’re tied up in ‘The Cats Cradle’, You as well as all of those that you hold dear shall be judged. Bare witness to the path I’ve walked…

Those were the last words Ava said to me before I ended up here, but only now do they make sense. The reason why everything I’ve witnessed thus far is related to Ava’s past, is because this is Ava’s past. This is the capability of The Cat’s Cradle.

It’s a startling revelation, for sure, but some things still don’t make sense. Since she’s here in an orphanage, much of her misfortune has already occurred. Is that why she seems so troubled now? It’s hard to say what events brought her here, but one thing is certain. Since this is the past, she’s already walking down the path of Ava in the present.

Ordelia takes Ava’s hand. “Oh Ava, you’re such a sweet girl. But if you wanna play, you should really learn to play nice with everyone else-”

Ava embraces Ordelia without warning, bringing the world around them to a halt. Her small hands grip tightly on to her gown, as if hoping to never let her go. And unsurprisingly, Ordelia doesn’t fret.

She coddles the girl with head pats, the same way a mother does for her child. And with everything I’ve seen thus far, she plays the role rather well. The role that causes them to vie for her affection like the spoiled children they are, in the manner they deserve too.

Seeing how they bear minor, but distinctly different features of various races, I realize this isn’t too long ago in the past. They’re victims of war, left behind like loose ends in a world that spins for the sake of continuing this endless conflict.

As for what happened to their parents, I suspect they were victims as well. Any manner of things could’ve brought them here; some could have simply been abandoned. It isn’t the sort of thing I’m going to figure out from looking through Ordelia’s eyes, but one thing is for certain. I was brought here for the sake of witnessing Ava’s past. As for why it’s hers instead of mine, I wish I knew.

Ava looks up at Ordelia with a longing gaze, reminding me of the moment she confessed her burdens. Her jade green eyes glimmering like glass marbles, as fewer tears trickle from them.

The entire scene in front of me begins to warp and blur. Is this happening to Ordelia as well? The question lingers in my mind as my vision starts zooming out, causing my perspective of Ava’s face to mix in with the warm colors of the living room around her. A sharp pain shoots through my head, along with the question I’ve been wondering since the start.

Who is Ordelia?...