(V3) Chapter 15: The Weight of Who Seeks Love

(From Author)

Damn, it was just a blink of an eye and classes are returning next week! So now, I'm doing double time in writing (with lesser revisions) to at least finish Volume 3!

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“!!!”

My eyes snapped open, and the nightmare was ripped from my head.

I immediately scanned my surroundings, there were no flames.

No blood.

No screaming.

No violence. Just me.

Just me lying down in a well arranged room full of empty mattresses with white covers.

"Am I in the clinic?"

I don't remember anything after palpitating at the school debate—the same with what I had said before everything went black.

Because as I was speaking, there were images in my head.

Cars burning, horns blaring, wounds, Sentinel and blood.

I placed a hand on top of my chest and heaved a sigh.

My heart was drumming, my breathing swift and sharp.

The walls were white, tiles were spotless and the scent of antiseptic was like roses rather than a cheap detergent. I tried to lift my weight and roll around, and noticed that it wasn't a pillow beneath my head. It was way softer and warmer.

It was hips.

A pair of hips, clad in a school skirt.

And the flawless white surface I'd been lying on wasn't just a surface but the softest one I have ever laid my eyes on—and they belonged to a girl.

I was too close, and the air was flowery and sweet.

I looked up, and saw the sleeping face of Ayase. She seemed at peace, a stark contrast from the way she glanced at me from earlier.

The warm afternoon sunlight filtered through the glass and lit her like something out of a dream. If only I didn’t feel like I’d just shattered that dream myself.

With our bodies this close, I could see her perfectly, if not because of the pair of contours that sprung from her uniform.

Slowly, her eyes opened, and she met mine.

That moment, I felt my heart skip for a brief moment.

And the tear that spilled from her cheek to my uniform.

"Ishida...san..." Her voice wavered—not mechanical, not artificial, just hurt. "You're awake..."

Her shoulders loosened, her hands on my abdomen started to shake. "You scared me!"

How could I scare her?

My eyes averted, a few thoughts running in my head. And the memories of earlier and whatever the damn thing I said stood fresh.

I didn't know how to reply, so I remained silent as she broke down in a plaintive wail.

“I was scared I’m going to lose you!”

She sunk to my chest, embracing me tight, and cried it all out.

She was shaking.

And all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her it would be okay.

So I just returned it, and caressed her back.

"I'm so sorry for ignoring you all day," she said between sobs. "I had no idea what I did to make you upset, I swear I never thought you'd..."

She rose up and glanced at me with her damped eyes. That look alone made my stomach churn and heart sink.

"No," I argued and wiped off her tears with my finger. "You didn't make me upset, Ayase. I just thought that I should make myself sound real in that debate to make it work. To make it sound like I was never hiding anyone from them."

I rose up from her lap, sighing.

“But I think my traumas got a hold of me.”

“So…”

“Everything I said there,” I said again, this time softer. “I never meant it. I never feared you. I don't hate you. I never meant hurting anyone's feelings, especially you.”

I reached for a tissue roll and handed it to her. She wiped her tears gently, and sneezed into it.

She was too human to be called a Sentinel. But it was a long time ago I stopped thinking that she is.

To me, she was Ayase. That wounded girl I met on the rainy night and saved.

And I'm glad that the scars in her arms from before have already healed.

"And maybe my story can slow down the passing of that bill. If I hadn't, too many Sentinels will be encouraged to enroll here—and it would've just made things worse for you. And I couldn't risk that."

She turned, embarrassed. "I thought it was because I went too far..."

"You didn't," I immediately responded. "The government will regulate, watch and test everyone listed as Sentinels. If they found out that you were, and were too human for your own good, they'll shut you down. You were never a danger for just existing."

I clenched my fists.

Ayase looked stunned, her mouth slightly open.

“I wasn’t protecting the school,” I said. “I was trying to protect you.”

She blinked. “What…?”

She looked down, quiet, her bangs covering her eyes.

I shook my head, "There's no problem with you. The world has. And I don’t want to lose you just because someone in a lab coat decides your heart is too real and lays hands on you.”

She stayed quiet for a long moment.

Then, muffled sobs.

"I...Ishi..." she stutters, caught between sharp breaths.

"Ishida-san!" she exclaims, and I feel a pair of hands wrapping me from behind. "I'm really really sorry."

"Hey!" I called out, turning around to calm her down. "You can't feel that heavy! Hey! Do you want to shorten your lifespan?! Idiot!"

I trashed myself free from her tight embrace.

I was wrong.

She was crushing me.

"Ayase—!"

"I didn't mean to ignore you all day! I didn’t mean to not wake you up today! And I'm sorry for not cooking breakfast and not walking with you to school! I was just concerned if you're going to look for me and ask me if I'm okay! What Akito-chan earlier said were all true! I was checking my phone all day and staring at your pictures! All because I missed you! I really, really missed you!"

At that moment, I decided that Ayase was a child trapped inside an exquisite body. Her words stung in a way that healed a portion of me that was broken, and with all of the things she talked about, it sounded like it was the most beautiful thing in her world.

"So this is your way of telling me that you missed me? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

But the reality is that she might have been, if she wasn't human.

“No, Ishida-san…I just, I don’t know how to express it. It was the first time I felt this way…”

And with that, the blame is on me.

In the end, we’re only natural-born teenagers and we’re like empty dictionaries waiting to be filled with meanings of life.

I shook it off. I'm too young to even think about this stuff anyway.

She sighed apologetically, and sat beside me. I didn't scoot away.

"I'm sorry, Ishida-san. I'm so sorry." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me.

“Gah, enough apologies! I’m the sinful brat here.”

I returned the gesture by patting her head. She still smells floral, the fragrance still intoxicating.

Her cheeks tinted just slightly pink. Maybe it was programmed, maybe it wasn’t. I didn’t care anymore. I just want her right here.

“You had a panic attack, Ishida-san. That’s what I had assessed.”

I ruffled her pink hair and whispered, “Of course you know.”

She didn’t reply immediately.

She just nudged her face in my shoulders before finally admitting. “I can tell just by looking at someone. Akito-chan, Saori-chan…I could guess what they’re feeling or illnesses they have just by pointing out small differences in the patterns of the normal body.”

Do Sentinels possess that kind of ability? If they truly were, then that’s groundbreaking.

Or she’s the only one that could?

I brushed the feeling, my sole purpose of bridging things and asking for forgiveness from what happened earlier creeping in.

“And…I can see that you don't fear me at all. So thank you, Ishida-san.”

Of course I don't. I've never seen her worse than a pink-haired tangled mess that cooks breakfast and is annoyingly cuddly and warm.

“So…” I asked, careful, “…do I get a second chance to say the right things?”

She looked at me, this time fully—like she was trying to scan everything I wasn’t saying out loud.

“…Maybe, Ishida-san.” she replied. “But I hope we're teammates in the next debate.”

I smirked. “Deal.”

She giggled briefly before we fell into a restful silence.

I continued ruffling her fluffy short pink hair.

SLUUUUUUURPPPPP.

It was only cut when someone very loudly slurped from a juice box behind curtains.

And then condescending chuckles.

“THAT WAS THE MOST ANIME CONFESSION SCENE I HAVE EVER WITNESSED,” Akito cried, his eyes wide. “I NEED TO WRITE THIS DOWN. THIS IS GOLD.”

Saori stepped beside him, palm to her forehead again. “You two seriously need to get a room—or a therapist. Or both.”

I slid myself sidewards, immediately gaining distance from Ayase.

“It seems like you’re doing alright now, Haru?” Saori asked.

I scratched my head, glancing anywhere but them.

“Yeah, I guess. Sorry for what I did earlier.”

“We understand that.” she smiled. “Maybe talking about Sentinels and stuff isn’t the best idea.”

“It’s okay. I just lost control. I promise not to next time.”

With a soft pat on my shoulder, Saori turned to Akito.

“Ayase-chan missing Haru? Man, I really thought you’re just friends! My buddy finally gets his romance route!”

My cheeks started to heat up, Ayase blushed harder.

He stepped closer, "No need to act so embarrassed, buddy! We both know that thing between you two. You'll never escape the gold standard Komorebi High detective."

I tried to hide my burning face by stuffing tissue to my cheek.

Saori nodded, "It's quite obvious. And uh, Ayase-chan herself…"

"I don't know what Ishida-san feels though," Ayase voiced out and looked at her hands. She fiddled with her fingers and frowned.

Then she looked at Saori, and said, "Well, I missed Ishida-san so much. And maybe…there’s more than that. What should I do?"

Saori’s lips just cracked into a mischievous grin.

"Don't worry, I am going to take care of everything. And since you won’t stop pestering him, then he'll probably soften up and be less selfish. Right, Haru-kun?"

Before I could answer, Akito cuts in. "Just say yes! The heroine of the wallflower hero was finally summoned right here!"

"Your secrets are safe with me," Saori followed. "No need to get defensive."

I snorted. "What the hell are the three of you even talking about?"

"Feeling left out, Haru~kun?" Saori sang, leaning towards me. "We were actually discussing a proposal for a date, if you'll believe it," she added. "But it seems like our little Haru has other plans."

"Stop playing, we aren't engaged or something," I protested.

"Are you sure? We'll wait for your share of tea—telling us what you really feel."

I turned to them, and the three seemed to already have something in common.

They were all smirking at each other and looked so pleased with their hidden plans.

When I groaned in annoyance, they broke down in a collective laughter.

Dahlia, sunflowers, hydrangea, and Ayase's feelings…what else can bloom in the fleeting air of summer?

I sighed. “…This is gonna be a long semester, I guess."