(V3) Chapter 16: The Weight of Who Seeks Freedom

It was already midnight and I can't really find the way to relax my body and fall asleep after a long day full of rollercoasters of emotions.

I had a pile of apologies waiting to be told, my sudden panic attack earlier haunting not just me but my image at Komorebi High for a long time.

So here I am, sitting at the kitchen table staring blankly out into the windows, where a clear map of stars were shining brightly over the dark sky.

It is almost too beautiful to look at, the way the moon reflects off it perfectly like a shiny crystal.

I took another sip of coffee, the bitter taste reminding me of how I feel.

My brain just wouldn't shut up. The quiet in the kitchen felt loud somehow, screaming.

My mother gave me pictures of the moon to stare at when I was sick, she says it makes me feel better. It does, but now…it doesn't feel right. My heart just won't stop beating fast. And I'm scared.

Wouldn't it be better to have a clearer view of the moon outside?

So I slipped out of the kitchen without a word, careful to make sure I don't disturb anyone else, because there are some things you don't want other people to know about.

I threw my hoodie on as the breeze blew frosty winds onto my skin. The street is mostly silent, just the hums of distant cars and tons of crickets chirping at each other.

I wanted to drop by a convenience store to get some snacks and drinks, but when I saw a pile of clouds looming in the direction of the moon, I changed course.

I went to the direction of the riverside creek. There, there were no crowds, no noise, just the sound of water running and the occasional rustle of leaves.

And, of course, I expected to be alone.

But there was someone already there. There was a shadow sitting near the riverbank, back scrunched.

At first, I thought it was a trick of the moonlight reflecting on the water.

But then the wind shifted and I saw her—long black hair swaying, legs dangling just above the water, and the soft clink of bottles tipping over beside her.

"Takamine-san?"

Sitting by the water, like she was waiting for the world to catch up with her, or maybe for it to just stop for a while. She was holding a bottle, and from the way she was swaying, I could tell it wasn’t just water.

How did she sneak those out? Teenagers like us aren't allowed to buy them legally, right?

Of course we can, illegally.

“Takamine-san?” I asked, surprised at the sight of her.

She propped a denim jacket with a dark green shirt beneath it. With a mini denim skirt below, her snow-white thighs gleamed under the moonlight.

Her half-lidded eyes flickered lazily toward me. Her smile was loose, like the alcohol had softened every sharp corner of her personality.

"Oh~Haru-kun? What a surpriseeee~" her voice was drawn out, lazy and slurred. "Guess you're just as lost as me~?"

Takamine-san calling me by my first name just made everything awkward.

I frowned. “What the hell are you doing here? It’s past midnight, you’re drinking alone by the creek. This is dangerous, Takamine-san.”

She lifted the bottle, grinning like someone who didn’t care. “Dangerous, huh? Isn’t that the point? I mean, isn’t that the thing about being young? Feeling alive? You should try it sometime, Haru-kun. Because this...” she gulped one down, "...is my little rebellion."

I thought she already understood what I meant the day I rescued Shizumi. Someone fragile as her should be responsible with her freedom.

I let out a deep breath, sitting down beside her, though I kept a safe distance. “You shouldn’t be out here alone. You know that, right? Someone could—”

“It’s fine,” she murmured, cutting me off with a wave of her hand. “Just for tonight. Let me have this.”

"Takamine-san—"

She presses one finger to my lips.

"Shhh." she interrupted. "Tonight, you'll call me Shizuku~" and she giggled lazily. "Now let me hear it."

I gulped.

“Shi…”

When I trailed off, she leaned closer, and I captured the scent of expensive perfume and strong alcohol.

“Louder~”

My jaw tightened. This drunk girl is keen on teasing me.

"Alright, Shizuku-san." I slowly corrected myself.

Although it stings to call her by her given name for the first time, it felt exciting.

She lets out a mocking chuckle.

“I’m really fine,” her eyes narrowed, as though daring me to disagree. “Trouble’s nothing new for me.”

I sighed. There was a sharp, fruity smell hanging in the air—something cheap and strong. Her eyes were unfocused, but not entirely gone. Still half-there.

“People already have enough trouble seeing you for anything other than a perfect student and the perfect role model. You really think you’re gonna be fine out here?”

She looked down at the empty bottles scattered around her. “Yeah. I think I am. I am Takamine Shizuku, the so-called Madonna of Class 3-2. But no one sees what’s actually inside. They see the act. The facade. The ‘role model student’ that I don’t even recognize anymore. None of it’s me.”

There was a tiredness in her voice that I hadn’t expected. Something raw. Something I couldn’t quite place. It made me pause.

Her unforeseen confession hit deep.

I stayed quiet. Let her talk. Sometimes silence opens more doors than words.

"Hey, Haru-kun?" she asked. "Wanna know a secret~?"

I blinked and glanced over her. Her eyes sparked charm, as if trying to draw me in, to pull me closer, to show me her real self. And on the iceberg of a person she is, I guess predicting what kind of secrets she possesses is difficult.

I looked away, back at the moon. “If you say so.”

She chuckled, but it wasn’t a happy sound. It was hollow. "You're really easily swayed by me."

“Figures.”

She moved closer, and her index finger trailed from my cheeks to my chin. "Say~, you still love me, don’t you? Are you still dreaming over our little precious moment at Mukojima inn?"

I shrugged. “No. We talked about it back at your condominium balcony.”

She simply threatened me that night. And of course, knowing what she's capable of doing, I had to shut myself up from teasing.

“You were quite lucky I let you slip away that night. If I was this drunk, I don't mind giving up my virginity with you or anything—”

I cut in, sharp.

"That's not what I came here for."

I knew that my composure faltered in everything that alcohol-driven bluntness, but I'm not going to hand her that win.

Honestly, it's not about my own desires. It was my responsibility to protect her, so I stopped her from croaking more grotesque things students like us have no way of doing.

She groaned in exasperation, "Ah, a spoil! Thought you're going to play with me for a bit~"

“You're drunk. And we're not playing.” I countered.

With her movements slow and almost dragging her whole weight in, she picked up and opened another bottle.

“I'm leaving the country tomorrow.” she said, the earlier playfulness now gone. “That’s the secret.”

A jolt went through me, as if I was struck by lightning.

A brief pause settled before I could open my mouth.

“Leaving the country?” I repeated, testing the words on my mouth. “What are you talking about?”

Takamine’s eyes met mine, though there was an odd blankness in them now. “Dad’s sending me to the States. My mom wants me to finish school there, and...she’s been pushing for me to do modeling professionally. I’ll be there for years. Maybe forever. Better exposure, better pay, but I guess not a better life.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Of all the things I’d heard about her, I never expected that. But I know from earlier that this is already a problem, just by seeing her talk to Ogawa-san. They are probably the first ones to know.

And I'll fall clueless if we haven't stumbled upon each other tonight.

Intoxication can open you like a book. Given the raw honesty in her earlier words, I’m not in the position to carry disbelief.

She hands me her half-filled bottle, shaking it, urging me to drink.

I don’t understand any of these gestures.

But I grabbed the bottle anyway and took a swig.

The alcohol burns, but I don’t really feel much. It's just bitter, especially at the realization that this moment with her was fleeting and borrowed.

"Ha~! That's an indirect kiss~!" she smiled, lying her back against the grassy ground, as if ready for the world to take her and throw her away in favor of something more interesting.

It's probably just how the alcohol works, or she just doesn't feel anything at all.

"That's a joke, right?" I responded.

I shifted my weight, making the grass rustle against my clothes.

"Well, who knows?" she drawled. "Haru-kun...if it weren't for you, I would've just drowned myself. Or gotten drunk, or whatever." she laughed bitterly.

I froze, a lump growing in my throat. "What do you mean?" I managed to choke out, looking at her face.

A cold feeling washed over me, making me shiver involuntarily.

She laughed again, but this time it didn't reach her eyes.

“...I'd have forgotten everything before I hit the bottom of the river.”

“I would’ve rescued you by that time.”

“Oh, but the thing is, at this point—I don’t want to be saved by you.”

Her words cut straight to the core of my being. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the pain in her voice when she said that; maybe it was the way those words rang so desperate and true.

Who wants to be saved if it meant throwing them again into the cycle of others trying to decide the course of her life?

I will save her yes, but if I’m only confident enough that I can break the cycle after that.

“I don't want to be in this situation at all. But what else can I do? I’ve got no choice. It’s either this or…disappear completely. I don’t know what I want, but I know what they want. And that always wins.”

I didn’t have an answer for that. I watched her, knowing she wasn’t saying everything, but she didn’t have to.

I couldn’t stop myself from asking, though. “What about the field trip? We were all looking forward to that.”

Her gaze softened, a bittersweet laugh escaping her. “Yeah…guess I won’t be able to go. Guess I won’t get to ride that lame tour bus with you losers after all.”

I smirked. “Hey, the Losers’ Club has standards.”

“I know,” she said, her smile suddenly dim. “That’s why I liked being part of it while it lasted.”

We fell into silence again. Not awkward, just…full. Like there was too much in the air to talk through all at once.

After a moment, she added, “My mom’s stricter than my dad. Everything’ll be scheduled. My food, my hours, even who I talk to. No more random escapades at nights like this. No more ramen after school. No Airi-kun, no Losers' club..."

She trailed off, and the bottle fell.

The pale contents of the drink spilled free onto the low grass.

And a quiet sob, whilst she hugged her knees, face buried.

"No more Shizumi…”

My heart skipped at the mention of Shizumi. Of all the people I met inside their mansion, she was the only one that never followed customs. No formality, just being herself. She was fun and lighthearted. Always had someone laughing, smiling.

I felt the weight of her words. The loss. The uncertainty. It all hung in the air between us like something too heavy to ignore.

She sighed, “I won’t even get to see Shizumi much. At this point, she's the only one giving me reasons to push through. She’s the only one who really gets me. The only one who doesn’t look at me like some...polished, perfect version of a woman. She saw me as myself, a sister—and not the ambassador of our surname.”

I frowned, "And you fear she'll become like you once you're gone?"

She lifted her head. "Exactly. I want her to live a normal life, away from expectations. Away from orders. Away from traditions. Away from anything that makes her feel like she needs to be perfect."

I let the words hang there for a moment, then reached for the bottle she had offered me earlier. “You’re talking like you’ve already lost everything,” I said, my voice quieter than I meant it to be. “You haven’t lost everything. You’re still here. You can still do something that can probably change the course of the future.”

Her laugh came out more like a soft exhale, something between a chuckle and a sigh. “Yeah, here. But for how long? Sophism at its finest, huh?”

“...”

She looked down at her hands, fiddling with the bottle’s cap, before meeting my eyes. “I’ll miss her, Haru. I’ll miss Shizumi...so damn much. I can’t even imagine what it’s going to feel like to not have her around. If I can just run away,”

My chest tightened at the thought of Shizumi, but before I could say anything more, Takamine turned her head slightly, catching me off guard with something completely unexpected.

"Will you run away with us, Haru?"

My heart pounded against my ears.

I stared at her, wide eyed, my breath catching in my throat. "Wha...what did you just say?"

After all this time, that was the last thing I expected her to say.

She lifted herself towards me, closing the distance between us. My breathing quickened even more, but I forced myself not to move away.

Her warm and slender fingers gently grazed my lips, then to my cheeks.

“Because I don't want to say that I’ll miss you too, Haru.”

Her gaze was steady, clear, but there was a softness to it that I wasn’t used to seeing. “You’ve done more than what I can do in a short span. You've been there. For Shizumi. For me. Even if you don’t realize it. I’ll miss you.”

I stood frozen, my heart thumping harder in my chest than I wanted to admit. I had never, in a million years, expected that.

The rejection before didn't even matter. What she said is beyond my processing ability. The one who seemed so untouchable? Became tangible. Reachable.

That moment lingered in the air, thick with the kind of raw honesty I’d never seen in her before. And for a second, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know if I should.

She closed in to me, and I failed to get myself together.

Her arms were shaking at the back of my neck, but I knew that this wasn’t the trick of intoxication. It was a silent plea as if this gesture will heal her of everything.

Before I could get my lips to touch hers, she closed her eyes, her body suddenly slumping against me. The alcohol had taken over more than I realized.

“Takamine…san?” I whispered, but she was already out.

Her perfume was faint, something floral and expensive, but it didn’t hide the alcohol. She was asleep.

I looked down at her, her breath slow and steady, her face soft in a way it never was when she was awake. All the coldness, the composure—it was gone, leaving a girl who was fragile, broken in places, yet so desperately trying to hold everything together.

She was beautiful in her vulnerability.

Everyone only saw the perfect version of her. But in reality, she was just…a girl who needed someone to see through her.

And seeing her like this felt—unfair.

No one ever stayed long enough to see her like this. A picture of her tired and too human.

After chugging all the untouched bottles of beer tipped beside us, I gently stood, lifting her with care, her head resting against my shoulder. She didn’t stir. Her arms draped around me like she was holding onto the only thing that felt real in that moment.

It wasn’t even a question—I knew I had to take her home. Make sure she is safe.

And as I carried her away from the creek, I couldn’t help but think about her words. About how she’d miss me. It was a damn thing to hear, and it hit harder than I could’ve prepared for.

But there was something else I felt too. A strange, unfamiliar warmth that came from knowing—really knowing—that even someone like Takamine Shizuku wasn’t above feeling lost.

No drama. No stupid fantasies. Just the simple, quiet truth of wanting to be there for someone when they didn’t have the strength to stand on their own.

And under the hush of the stars and the gentle hum of the river, I walked—carrying the one girl who always looked like she needed no one.