No matter the cost.

“Well, this week has been… exhausting,” I huffed, sinking into a seat at the table in the clubroom. Pep had decided to go home for the day, thought not before profusely insisting she would be back the next day. That left Sai and I alone in our sanctuary for three.

“That it has, though something tells me you’ve had an even more draining week than I,” Sai replied, gracefully taking a seat opposite me. “So tell me, do you feel you’ve tied up the emotional loose ends that have been troubling you?”

“All except one. Fancy a game?”

“I thought you’d never ask. Shall we?”

RPS determined I would play white, and as had become so routine for us, we set up the chessboard and began to play. I opened with an unusual opening for myself with the king’s gambit, accepted, bishop gambit variation. Appropriately aggressive, but not one I had played much before. Sai responded with the Bryan counter gambit, first checking my king with queen-h4, then attacking my bishop with b5 after kf1. A response that hasn’t been popular among high level players for over a century.

“A suboptimal opening? I’m surprised, that’s hardly your style,” I said, lightly teasing her as I accepted her gambit by taking her b5 pawn with the bishop.

“You sound almost disappointed,” she responded calmly, developing her knight to f6.

“Disappointed? Of course not. It feels like you’re actually starting to listen to me,” I replied, developing my own knight to f3 and kicking the misplaced queen to h6.

“Well, it wouldn’t entirely be fair if it was only you learning things from me, would it?”

Even though the smile on her face was undeniably a smirk, I couldn’t help but smile along. I guess she earned that one.

“I suppose I can’t deny that one,” I said, consolidating control of the centre with d3, “I have learned quite a bit from you. More than I can say I ever expected.”

“My, is that humility I hear?” She replied, developing further with nh5, an unconventional move with a dangerous attack on the g3 square.

“What, you didn’t expect it of me?” I responded with the even more unconventional knight-to-h4, lining my own knight up next to hers at the board edge. It was at least nominally a poor move, but I could see uses for a future knight-f5.

“From the man who once stated ‘I am not a narcissist, as narcissists have delusions of grandeur, while my grandeur is very real?’ No, I cannot say I expected it. I’m almost impressed.” She moved her queen to the more aggressive square g5. This generated a threat on both the knight and bishop, but still failed to advance her development, as the queen had moved three separate times while only one minor piece had left its starting square.

“What can I say, maybe humility is one of the things I learned from you. Not that you have too much of it yourself, mind.” With the double-attack on my minor pieces, my only option was the previously scouted knight-to-f5. I disliked moving the same piece three times in the opening, but still felt better positionally than her.

“I’ve humility enough to admit you’re a better player than me, even if only marginally,” she replied, attacking my bishop with c6.

“I suppose even your superiority falters in the wake of undeniable facts,” I said, returning her smirk with my own. Rather than playing a game of cat and mouse, retreating my minor pieces from her attacks until one of use ran out of options, I countered with the aggressive pawn-to-g4, pressuring Sai’s only two active pieces.

“You may have finally dipped your hand in humility, but it seems your ego as yet runs unchecked.” She retreated her knight to f6 to prevent capture by the pawn, and now both my bishop and pawn were hanging. Still, I felt strangely confident about her stifled piece development.

“Perhaps control of my ego is also something I can learn from you,” I replied, judging the potential attack on h4 more important than the bishop and protecting the g4 pawn with rook-g1. “After all, I still think I have a whole lot to learn about myself, and about other people, and I want to be with you along the way. In fact, I think it has to be you.”

“I… I see…” to my surprise, my comment seemed to fluster, and she gave no further reply. She even hastily snatched the b5 bishop with her pawn, failing to notice the potential mounting attack on her queen.

The two of us sunk into a short silence, though that hardly stopped us focusing on the game. Just as I had hoped, I was able to boot her queen with the aggressive pawn-h4, backed up by the knight stationed on f5. Technically her development was greater than mine, but by chasing down her queen I had the potential to undo that advantage. She quickly retreated to g6, where I further pressed the attack with h5, forcing the queen back to g5 once again, almost entirely trapped. Now it was my own queen’s turn to attack, moving to f3 to add pressure to the f4 pawn and set up for a queen trap with bishop-f4. This forced her to retreat her knight to g8 to open a safe square for the queen, effectively undoing her only piece development.

Despite the trap now being impossible, I followed through with taking the f4 pawn with the bishop, content with the knowledge that my piece activity far outweighed hers, though one look at her face told me she was too preoccupied to focus entirely on the game.

“…you speak of wishing to learn further, yes? To what extent, if I may ask?” said Sai, finally breaking the silence. As she did so, she retreated her queen to f6, preventing the trap and attacking the b2 pawn. Between the material advantage and seeming gain in tempo from the potential attack, the untrained eye would see the game as heavily favoured towards her. But with none of her pieces developed except for her queen, she could hardly utilise those advantages without wasting several turns. Turns which I could use to press my steadily mounting attack

“I’m sorry? I don’t really understand the question.” I developed the second knight from it’s starting square to c3. Nominally, the immediate benefit of this move was to prevent queen-takes-b2, but I was more concerned with maintaining my activity advantage.

“You expressed a desire to continue our mutual learning, but have not been clear as to what you wish to learn. I only ask for clarification” She finally developed her dark-square bishop to an active square with bishop-to-c5, claiming substantial space in the centre and threatening the g1 rook, attempting to win back tempo and allow for further development of her pieces.

“I suppose I just want to keep pushing forward with the things I’ve already learned from you. Though, this time as partners, not competitors.” I moved the c3 knight once again, removing it as a defender for the b2 pawn, taking the aggressive d5 square, attacking the queen and a number of important squares around the king.

“And I appreciate the sentiment, truly, though you’re hardly answering the question. You claim you have learned from me, and that you wish to learn further, but you hesitate. I am asking not for a platitude, but for a personal answer. If it is only through me that you may learn what you wish, what is it that you wish to learn?” she said, taking the now-hanging pawn with her queen and threatening to take my rook with check.

“I guess what I’m saying is…even if it’s a goal I can never fully achieve… I want to keep trying to understand you.” Throwing whatever caution I had left to the wind, I ignored the threat on both rooks and my entire back rank, mounting a two pronged attack with the extreme aggression of bishop to d6. Chances were abound, but at the current rate my hesitation would allow them all to close. I could no longer passively await an opportunity. I had to create it for myself, no matter the cost.

“You hide your intentions within hesitant words. Do you mean to drive a stake into my heart?” She took the hanging rook on g1 with the c5 bishop.

“A stake in your heart is exactly what I’m hoping for. A majority share, in fact.” Pawn to e5, ignoring the attack on the rook.

“Ah, a smooth talker you are, truly. No faster way to a woman’s heart than a stock market analogy.” Queen takes rook with check on a1.

“Does that mean it’s not working?” King moves to e2 out of check, and black’s attack comes to an end.

“I said nothing of the sort. Continue.” Knight to a6, protecting c7.

“You’re being awfully demanding for some who’s yet to give me an answer.” Knight takes g7 with check.

“What answer can you expect me to give when you fail to voice a question?” King retreats to d8.

“You know what I’m asking you.” Queen check on f6.

“And yet, I ask that you say it aloud regardless.” Knight takes on f6.

“I love you.” Bishop to e7. Checkmate. “Please, let me learn everything about you?”

With no more game to serve as a distraction, I could look nowhere but Sai’s eyes. And how beautiful they were, those bright green eyes, so often obscured by eye-rolling or hidden by looking down, now staring back at me, wide and unyielding. For two people who spent so much time together, it may have been the first time we had so directly looked one another in the eyes, and all I could feel was happiness that I was able to do so, and regret that I hadn’t done so sooner.

Sai herself, despite being the one who demanded it, seemed to be rendered in complete shock at my confession. By the silent opening and closing of her mouth, it seemed she had briefly been made speechless.

“You… what are you saying so boldly? This is hardly how this is supposed to go, you don’t start with such a brazen declaration, that’s supposed to come later into the relationship, and that hardly counts as a relationship proposal at all, you once again throw all convention to the wind, do you not understand even the most basic precepts of social protocol? This isn’t what’s supposed to happen, it’s so far from what’s supposed to happen, how do you manage to throw me through a loop yet again…” she spoke as frantically as if she was on a plummeting plane, desperate to get a message across in limited time. She hardly so much as took a breath as she spoke.

“Does that mean you don’t feel the same way?” I prodded, failing to hide my smirk.

“You… you know that I do…” she replied, breaking eye contact and looking down.

“And yet,” I said, reaching forward and placing my hand on her cheek, “I’m asking you to say it out loud anyway.”

She placed her hand over my own on her cheek, her cheeks flushing a deep red. Yet, despite her apparent embarrassment, she slowly raised her head and met my eye again.

“I, too, love you, Kaburi. From this moment forth, I am yours. Please, in return, will you be mine?”