My Polytheistic Dating Experience: That Time The Gods Hijacked My Love Life
Satoshi Komiya never had much luck in the world of romance.
Not because he was incredibly unattractive, annoying, or had noticeably poor hygiene. His medium-length black hair was a little messy, and he wore rectangular glasses, but he was slightly above average height and never caused anyone any fuss.
He just didn't put in much of an effort. Instead of talking to girls during lunch, or spending time with guys playing sports or joining a club, Satoshi sat at the back of the class, by the window, doodling in his notebook.
And as far as some divine powers were concerned, this just wouldn't do.
"Again? He's drawn that character five times now."
"I believe that's what humans call a 'comic', Bastet."
"Ugh, shut up Eros. The point is, it's boring."
"Why are you so interested in this boy anyway? We see millions of humans in worse situations than this."
"Because we're the gods of love, Eros, it's literally our job. We're supposed to give him a little push, y'know."
"And we already have. He's... #6,453,980,342 on the list of Automated Romance Clues. The system works well enough, I mean, humanity has managed to have a success rate of at least 90% in regards to romantic relationships. Though, let's not mention the retention rate..."
Bastet holds up a scroll and unfurls it. Presenting it to Eros, the paper glows and turns into a screen.
*Loading Video Footage*
"Look here. Every single attempt by the ARC system has failed. Like this one. A girl left him a love letter in an empty classroom and he took it to the student council to report it as lost property.
Or this one, where a girl intentionally fell over so she could be caught by him and he stepped aside, causing her to be caught by the guy next to him. Now, she and the guy are dating because she felt bad for him. Turns out they made a pretty good match though
The guy that sits in front of him even gave him chocolate on Valentine's day. Do you know what he did with it? He kept passing it backwards, as if he thought it was a class handout.
In fact, I don't think they've had any effect at all. The whole reason I've been watching this kid is that I don't get how he's managed to fool the system like this. Has he even looked at anyone today? Aren't teenagers supposed to be like 'Oh my god, look at ***, I can't believe I have the privilege to even smell the same air as them!'"
"So what you're saying is..."
"Yes, Eros, I want to..."
Bastet leans into Eros, whispering
"You know that's not allowed, right?"
"Nobody has to know, do they? Or do you want to tell on poor, sweet little Bastet?"
She does her best impression of a crying crocodile.
"Alright, alright, I'll help, but if any of the other Gods find out, I'm dropping all responsibility. Seeing you cry like that reminds me of Sobek."
"Fine, whatever. Besides, we got this, it'll be so easy that we'll have it done before anyone even suspects a thing. I'm a lot more than just the goddess of protection and fertility, after all."
Eros' vision zooms in on Bastet's cat ears.
"Of course. Although, I can't think of how being 'goddess of cats' will be of much help here."
"You know it's more than that! The arts, music, perfume, all the knowledge that this kid will need if he's going to get on the right track."
"And warfare, don't forget warfare."
"Yes, warfare! Wait, that probably won't be useful. Then again, who knows. And with your more specific expertise, we'll make a dynamite team. Come on, hands in the middle."
Bastet stretches out of hand, and Eros begrudgingly places his own atop it.
"Oh Zeus, what have I signed up for..."
They raise their hands in celebration.
"Let's go, team!"
"I'm the only qualified person on this team. Wait, why am I even going along with this."
"Oh be quiet, feathers. It'll be fun. I'm telling you, this'll be over before you know it."