Volume 1 Chapter 1 : "Why did life feel like death"

1st black and white illustration: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Lpdacc7h7SsM068QZNqlme4B9V3jvcVM/view?usp=drivesdk

"In some lab, there is a trembling voice"

I am dying ninety-nine times in this world, and most interesting thing is that I am dying ninety-five times by none other than my real mother, who was dead.

"Let's start from zero"

My name is Shin Tomoko

I am the son of a famous company leader, also known as being rich. His name is Somoko Hinso

He had a love marriage with my mother. He could do anything for his wife.

He was kindhearted, he always cared about his wife and his only child, which was me.

My father and mother were kind-hearted, they always forgave everyone easily...

He even asked his servant so nicely. Every time, if a servant did something wrong.

They only say, 'Don't worry, it can be solved next time, right?

He even says her servants.

"Hey, you have a fever, you need to rest, Go and rest... don't worry about your salary, we will not cut it"

But when I was four years old, he started to come home late, and the reason was that he was always busy at his work.

After all, he was the biggest company owner.

And one day, when I was alone at home with my caretaker because my mother was at her some urgent work, someone entered our home.

His face was covered with a mask... on that mask, there was a finger pointing to the left.

Remembering his personality now, I think he was a total joker.

I mean, who the heck shows up like that?

If I ever find out where he is now, I swear i will give him at least three punches.

After a moment, he spoke.

"He said: 'Hey, listen, just give me this kid, and I will leave you untouched"'

The caretaker was scared, but she didn't give me to her.

"She said, 'I can't give you young master any way."'

Remembering my maid's words... I think she was truly loyal... to the end.

If she were alive, I swear I would've purposed to her.

I mean... she was so cute, and beautiful.

Honestly... she was my first love.

Even now, my hear aches whenever I remember her.

She was only fifteen.

She started working at our home because of that damn uncle of hers.

She was living with him ever since her parents... her mother, who had worked as a maid in our house, and her father, our butler... died in an accident.

Ater they passed, her uncle took custody of her.

But instead of protecting her... he beat her. Every single damn day.

When my father found out, he didn't waste a single damn second.

He gave that man a large sum of money... just to get her away from that hell.

He told her, "You don't have to work. Just live with us. From today onward, you're like my own niece"

But she refused.

She smiled and replied,

"I am really happy... but I don't want to be burden to anyone. I'd rather work here as a maid."

After that day on, she became our maid.

But as time passed... she became more than that.

When I was born, she became my caretaker. She overworked herself, always trying to do her best for us.

My parents noticed everything.

And eventually, they made a quiet decision...

Even my parents already decide to make her family member by marrying me to her.

They wanted to make her part of the family for real... by marrying her to me in future.

And me?

I love her too.

If life had given us time... maybe we could've had a future.

A simple one. A warm one.

Maybe even a happy marriage.

but that damn joker...

He said, "Really? If that's the case, then be ready to die."

He stabbed the knife into my caretaker.

She feel... but still held me tightly.

Even when she was on the edge of death,

... she didn't let me go.

She whispered something to me.

At that time, I didn't understand her words.

She said, "Oops... looks like I won't be able to live with you after all.

I was hoping to stay by your side...

but I guess not.

So promise me... find someone like me... andbe happy..."

Then her blood splashed on my face.

And she died.

Just like that...

The one who held my tiny hand

... even as her life slipped away.

The one who used to brush my messy hair

and say,

"Young master, your future bride should fall for this stubborn cowlick"

The girl who gave me sweet behind my parents' back.

Gone.

But at that time, I didn't even understand what death meant.

But now that I do...

Every time I remember her voice... I cry

Because I know what she meant.

And I will never forget her last words.

Back then.

I didn't know what was happening.

One moment... she was holding me.

The next... she fell down.

Blood... lots of it.

Her hand slipped from mine.

I didn't cry. I didn't even move.

I thought she was just tired.

I tugged at her sleeve.

She didn't give up.

I sat beside her, clutching her arm...

My chest hurt.

My throat felt tight.

My heart felt tight, but I didn't know why.

My heart was to small to understand the word love,

... but my tiny hands knew the warmth of hers.

I didn't want to let her go.

So I didn't.

I just lay there, hugging her, shaking, slient...

She had fallen in that house where...

Where she once fed me sweets she secretly made with her own money.

Where she told me bedtime stories when my parents were away.

All those memories...

Were now tainted in red.

Now remembering that, I wanted to scream .

Now, I wanted to punch that masked man until nothing of his left.

Then suddenly he carried me.

He was going to kill me with the knife, but then the door opened".

It was my mother.

"She said: 'What is going on here, you!

How did you get here? No way you could be here, Leave my child, right now!"'

"He said: 'I can't leave your son. I have to kill your son. if I don't, then there would be nothing correct."'

She started to grab the knife from him, but while she was grabbing it, the knife stabbed her stomach.

He started shouting, and then after shouting, he started crying.

He was crying like he had some deep connection with my mother.

My mother whispered something in his ears.

I was unable to listen to what she said but after that he stopped crying and ran out of the house.

When my father found out about my mother's death.

They did many things only to find the murderer of his wife so that he could kill him.

Two weeks passed.

In the end, he couldn't find him.

But they didn't lose hope, they tried for a whole month to find him.

He skipped dinner, breakfast, and everything.

After one month of searching, he had a fever, but he was the leader of the company, so he had to be in the company too.

He went to his company, and then he collapsed on the company stairs.

When he woke up, beside him was her manager.

She was deeply in love with my father. Seeing him like this broke her heart, so she started:... crying".

Seeing her like this Dad apologized to her.

At that same moment the manager told him her feelings.

She said: I love you! You know it but you wouldn't listen to my feelings right? Please stop torching yourself please! If your wife were alive she would of course, be angry with you.

My dad was in shock but then he said something to her.

"He said: 'I am very happy... to hear this from you so let me say this for now.

Will you marry me?"'

Tears started to fall from her eyes and then she said something.

"She said: 'Yes, of course I will do"'

Like this, they became a married couple in a single week.

After a whole month, he came home and said something to butler.

"He said: 'Hey Iraka, from today, you will be the only one there"'

There will be no one else, only you will take care of my son in this home I am moving to another house.

Iraka was a butler of my father, my father hired him when the marriage between him and my real mother happened.

He was around fourty-eight year old and he was very cold with all in our house he didn't talk much with others.

Even some people were saying he was an assassin once.

From then to now he always worked as a great butler.

After saying the butler, father left home without taking something with him.

When father left, I started crying...

Suddenly, butler looked at me with a very cold and dangerous look on his face

I scared from that look and stopped crying.

Even If any other kid were in my place they would've scared like the same.

"He took me to my room and sat on the sofa, played something on the screen it was anime or I say adult anime which usually kids don't watch because of adult things like dirty jokes:... violence, etc."

At first I was scared, but after the first episode finished, I was not scared instead I was smiling.

After a while he spoke to me.

He said: "Now it's dinner time, I will make you something to eat"

But like how otaku are famous for always watching anime... at least twelve episodes in a day... I said something to butler.

I said, "Aniimee..."

Butler asked: "What?"

I answered, "I want anime."

This was the first time I spoke.

And for an otaku like me, it was a proud and sad moment because the first words I spoke were: "No, I want anime."

This wasn't to my mother or father... it was anime.

And the saddest thing was, it didn't happen beside my mother or father.

Butler looked at me with a dangerous expression. .. just for a moment.

The next moment, he started laughing like a joker.

He become like a joker.

He began to act like joker.

He was acting completely different from before... it looked like personalities had switched.

After laughing for a while, he spoke to me.

He said, "Hey, you know what? I have surprise for you. You know what it Is?"

I looked at butler with excitement and nodded my head.

He said, "The surprise is... from now on, your name will be Sugimoto Kimora. It's better, and easier to say, right? So from now on, I will call you that"

He did awesome work, right?

He give me a nickname... so nice.

But it was not an ordinary name.

He gave me the name of his favorite anime character.

I couldn't say I didn't like it. in fact, I love it.

Well, like I said before, he turned in joker mode.

Like this, we had our fun sitting on the sofa, watching anime.

But after two months, the butler got a call from my father.

He said: "I want to tell you something"

Butler said: What do you want to talk about?

Father said: "From now on, My old house is yours, because you did what I said.

Now you can leave him in some orphanage and return to serve me in my new home"

Butler was shocked.

He said: What you did you say? He is your son, right? How can you do that to him?

Father answered with a cold personality.

He said: Listen, from now on he is no longer my son! I have claimed that he had died.

So it will be better for you to throw him in some orphanage or I will fire you and return to your duty in my new house:... from tomorrow. got it?"

Then Father cut the call.

My butler looked at me with a sad look on his face, then he shifted to his joker personality :...again.

Then he said something to me.

"He said: 'Hey, from tomorrow, you will go to school"'

I already knew that my father had left me because I heard my dad's words but I stayed slient I was thinking he would throw me in an orphanage:... in the guise of school"

Next morning, he took me to a school and :... enrolled me. I was confused why he would do this, Then, suddenly I heard something.

He said: "He is my real grandson, My son has died so I am taking care of him"

Then the teachers took me to my class.

I was officially into school.

After the end of class, he came to take me and then he took me to his nephew house and:... told him to take care of me, then left.

His brother's son at first looked at me with a serious face then asked me my name When I told her my real name he had the same expression.

But after I told him the name which was given to me by butler, he turned into Joker like Butler.

He started acting very nice to me.

He spoke gently to me he told me he was living alone and wished to get married.

He started to tell me what kind of girl he like it was not ordinary way to explain his type because all that he told me that he liked girls with good figure and big breasts he told me this:... in the name of what girl he like.

At that time he asked me something.

"He said: 'Did uncle do the same with you too?"'

"I asked: 'Did what to me?"'

"He said: 'I was an innocent three year old child when my parents died in a accident after that, he took the responsibility to raise me But"'

"I asked: 'But, What?"'

"He said: 'But after my uncle tooked me to his house, then he sat on the sofa and played some damn adult anime.

Not only that, but he gave me an adult magazine at my fourth birthday"'

"I asked: 'Adult magazine?"'

He stood up and went to his room to get magazine's and showed me :... all the magazine's he had.

Seriously, man who shows an adult magazine to a five year-old kid and tells him about :... what happened between women and men?

"He said: 'There are more things that my stupid uncle did to me, he even made me an otaku."'

"I asked: 'otaku?"'

He explained to me what does otaku means.

After explanation I said something.

"I said: 'So that's what an otaku means"'

After many hours, my most beautiful moments:... ended, I fell asleep.

And when I woke up infront of me was:... the butler who was at his brother's stupid son's house:... scolding him for show me adult magazines.

I wish it could happen.

Instead of that he was scolding his brother's son:... not because he showed me adult magazine's but because he didn't show me the adults movie where they do that stuff.

He was scolding his brother son.

"Why didn't you give him that movie which :... I gifted you on your fourth birthday"

Man, seriously, he was like some freaking joker.

Like this, we spend many happy moment of our life.

But then, the end of happiness because the sadness knocked the door.

After 1 year.

His brother's son was murdered. he wasn't crying... Instead, he had a killer look.

After a year, I saw the dangerous look instead of his usual joker face.

After a few minutes, he calmed down.

And said me something.

"He said: 'Hey from now on we will enjoy:... as much as we could"'

Without saying a word, we arrived home.

The next day, when I got to school...

I had many friends in school, many girls also said they liked me. I was very intelligent in my studies, and I was always number one in the entire school.

That's what I thought, but.

But sometimes, what we see and hear is fake... and what we don't, is real.

One day, when I got to school, I heard something i wished I hadn't.

My friends badmouthed me.

"My first friend said: 'Hey, looks like he is not arrive today"'

"My second friend said: 'Why? Do you want him to arrive?"'

"My first friend said: 'What? Who the heck said that? Huh? I hate that guy I mean he always said sorry and kept asking, "Did I do something wrong?" If yes then please forgive me, how can I like someone who's so weak and ugly?"'

"My first friend said: 'Yeah, dude, You're speaking the truth and we were being a little close to him and:... he started thinking we were friends; How stupid is he?"'

"Shiori said: 'Enough, guys. stop badmouthing about him."'

Shiori, I knew it... she was the best friend I could ever ask for, I knew it.

Shiori said: "Now no badmouthing about him. just look what I got"

My friends started yelling out in class...

"Hey! Hey... class attention Shiori has another video of him"

"What? Really I am coming"

My second friend said: After 2 days you arrived with a:... new video. It's so cruel"

Shiori said: "Cruel?"

My first friend said: So this time which video did you bring this time? :... when he was going to the toilet or about to slip on stairs.

Shiori said: "This time there is a big thing you would laugh at, I recorded the video :... where some boys was bullying him"

My third friend said: "Hey, don't tell lies I know you asked them to do this, right?"

Shiori said: "Oops, you caught me again"

My first friend said: "Seriously, you are so cruel Shiori he considers you his best friend"

Shiori said: "Huh, best friend? Why would I be his best friend? No way."

"Wait...

What is happening?

She sent those bullies to me?

Why would she even do this?

No way this can't be she is my best friend

Why?

Why did she do this" I whispered.

After hearing those cruel things for minutes I opened the door and didn't talk to anyone :... I just entered and sat down on my seat.

After school, I returned home, silent, with lifeless eyes.

My butler asked me something.

He asked: "What happened, my grandson?"

I answered, "Nothing."

He kept bothering me to tell him for minutes.

I accepted my loss and told him everything that happened to me suddenly, I felt a warmth... it was the butler he hugged me gently like a grandfather.

At that moment, I cried very loudly.

After that, we started to have more fun.

Like we spent our time together :... watching anime, reading manga for almost four years.

But sometimes in life :... we lose our loved ones and just like that, I lost someone too.

I lost my butler, whom I called my grandfather, was murdered like his brother's son.

At that moment deep down in my heart I :... felt nothing but heavy burden inside.

After butler died I had no one beside me.

I had no one to :... watch anime, read manga or read magazines with me.

My routine was :... to go school, then go home and sit in a place where my butler and I used to sit to :... watch anime sliently, alone.

I was feeling :... very lonely because I had no one left now and the money I used came from his pension which was coming from my own father.

My father was unware of that but the butler had no grandson... instead i was her real son.

Living off my butler's pension like an idiot, years kept passing.

Years later, I turned seventeen, and the Pension was stopped.

To survive, I started a part-time job in a convenience store.

I became a boy who was... nothing but ugly... messy hair, dark circles under my eyes, hair covering my face. it was because i no longer had interest in my personality or my life.

One day, when I was working at my job, a girl arrived. she was very beautiful. she said something to me.

"Hey, uum... I wanted to tell you that I-I..." She said, her face burning red.

I said: "Tell me? What do you want to talk about?"

"Umm... I-I love you... will you go out with me?" She said, her face was burning red even more now.

I said, "What...? You like me?"

She said, "I-I was kidding!"

Then, she ran out of the store.

"I think I have seen her somewhere before... but where did I see her before?

I think I saw her yesterday in a cat cafe, with her friend beside her.

Yes, I remember her completely now.

She was playing a game with her friends and she lost.

And then her friends told her to purpose to some convenience store freakin' idiot guy.

So that freakin' idiot was me after all?

Amazing, isn't it?" I whispered.

After some hours, my work time finished.

"Like always, today was boring. I didn't watch any anime since morning because of my damn part-time job.

Even today, a girl around my age proposed me... and I already know why she did it because I heard their conversation.

She played some freakin' damn game with her friends and lost.

Her friends said her to propose me, this was her punishment.

Really man, I was unware that... I am quite famous for being stupid.

Cool isn't it?

I have become a freakin' psycho otaku.

I don't even leave home after arriving home.

I think, If I was rich, I always stay my room... but because of my father kicked me out, I can't live that life.

And most importantly, I have no harem or any girlfriend in my life. let's leave harem and girlfriend aside... I don't even have a friend.

Man, really... I've become a completely otaku. But the most importantly thing is... I am even obsessed with a girl in anime.

Who would not love her? I admit she is just a side character... but still she is so cute..." I whispered.

But at that time an anime moment became reality.

The anime legend arrived to give me a peaceful life.

While I was thinking, Truck-kun began to get close to me.

After some seconds, he came close enough to kill me. I was about to get hit.

Then I whispered something.

I whispered, "Looks like my story is going to start, right? It is Truck Kun after all... the one who make main character life a harem and he is also known as the biggest plot device in isekai anime"

But at that moment, I became confused because I saw that Truck-Kun had a face.

I said: "Hey, Truck-kun, please send me to a world where I can get a harem"

I woke up in another world... but in the body of a dead boy.

When I woke up, there were many monsters beside me. I was going to run... but one of them killed me.

Then I woke up again and saw I had regenerated. Seeing this, I thanked my luck.

Then I tried to run, but they killed by me again.

I woke up again... auto-regenerate... again tried to run again, but it felt like my luck was laughing at me because I died again.

After waking up the fifth time, I saw a lady with a white coat beside me.

When I completely opened my eyes, I was in some lab.

But in that moment, the lady looked like someone who made me cry.

Because she was none other than my mother ...who had died in my world.

I said, "Hey, umm..."

"Wait...

If I said this, she would die again saving me, right?

No, I can't let this happen.

So what do I do now?

Do not tell her that I am her son?

Or do I tell them?

In my world, she died because of she saved me.

If that happens again, I can't forgive myself.

So I will be slient," I whispered.

I didn't say anything, but I was unaware that I was going to be tortured.

From Banri Tada: Man... really, what was i thinking uploading this chapter in its previous writing? I mean, there were so many mistakes. By the way, i will edit chapter 2 too thank you for reading my freaking chapter with grammar mistakes and some story missing before.