Spa Life! Bless This Dungeon Core and His Amazing Patrons!

Death by a falling cactus. He ordered it from Jungle.com because his Mother said to clean his room, and that if he had something to care for, he would be more responsible.

An animal pet was too much. He considered a plant. He bought a cactus.

What arrived the next day was a Godzilla-level threat, it toppled straight off the box and squashed him flat like a cartoon pancake, mother nature’s shadow cast across his face as the last scene of his NEET life.

Gahahaha! What an idiot! Who is he? Who is this poor, pitiful, unfortunate high school boy I can only point my finger at and fully belly laugh?!

He is me.

Sniffle* Ugh, ugh– WAHHH…!

Damn it!!!

What in the Jack and the Magic Bean Sprout was that?! Did they seriously bring it on one of those wind turbine trucks?! Was that the beeping from this morning?!

Sorry, Mom, Dad! I was too young to claim full life insurance. I’ll pay off the debt in a new life!

And so, here I was: not reincarnated as a hero, demon lord, or even a slime.

I was a natural spring. Or… more accurately, the magical Core that made this steamy cave the ultimate spa destination for monsters and humans alike.

Right now, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t blink.

I was the pool. The mineral water. The bubbles drifting up like carbonated thoughts. My consciousness drifted through warm currents and slippery stones.

Floating at my center was a lady – no, an Angel – sprawled in the middle of my spring like she owned it.

Her wavy pink hair fanned out around her, green healing mana curling up like lazy steam.

“Ahhh… it feels so good…”

Normally, when you looked down, you saw a torso, legs, and a belly you swore you’d do sit-ups for tomorrow.

Me? I saw everything in this cavern at once. Rocks. Water. Her. Every angle, like I was multiple security cameras that ran on holy water.

I wanted to say something, but I didn’t have a mouth. Or lungs. Or anything, really. Just my Core – a big, red crystal on the spring’s altar.

“My barrier?” she exclaimed, eyelids fluttering. “Trespassers!”

Leather and metal boots clunked on stone, and shouting bounced off my cavern walls. Shadows flickered near the entrance. It was a whole trio of humans, armed to the teeth with expensive swords, polished armor, and a greedy glint in their eyes.

“There it is! The legendary Spring of Everlasting Restoration!”

“We bottle this water, we sell it to kings! We’ll be rich!”

“Who’s that chick hogging all the good stuff?!”

“No,” she thought. “I can’t fight them alone. They’ll claim the spa… they’ll take all my relaxation for themselves!” The Angel floated higher, wings flicking droplets like diamonds. Her halo flickered as dangerously as their drawn weapons.

“This place isn’t for you!”

I panicked. My first instinct: HELP HER!

Somewhere deep in my crystal heart, an unlocking ding rang:

[Ability: Holy Geyser]!

[Ability: Healing Flow]!

Perfect! “[Holy Geyser Level 1]!”

I blasted them with my waters. A gushing wave of steamy, sparkling spring water shot across the cavern, knocking over the greedy humans like wet bowling pins.

They hit the rocky wall hard.

Idiot One groaned. Idiot Two injured. Idiot Three moaned.

“Ahhh… my back pain… gone…!”

“I feel ten years younger!”

“Thank you, blessed spring! Keep blessing us!”

Wait. What?!

The wounds I caused were healing!

The handsome boss adventurer jolted up, his previously scuffed nose suspiciously straight again. His buddy, who was missing two teeth, spat them out. “Pff! Haha!” And they grew back perfectly aligned, or not. “Why don’t I get my teeth back?!!”

“NO! I’m not blessing you! I’m trying to kick you out!”

The Angel floated above, glaring at all of us. “Stupid Core!” She threw a small pouch into my waters, containing a black wing of Vampires.

Somewhere deep in my geothermal soul, another ding:

[Ability: Energy Drain Flow]

Alright. Let’s try this!!

“[Energy Drain Flow Level 5]!” I swirled my waters around their ankles, sucking at their mana, little flickers of light draining from their bodies and into my core.

The humans bucked and their swords clattered. One guy face-planted into the pool with a happy sigh.

“You dare!” The hero yelled.

The Angel’s golden eyes sparkled. “Good job! Keep it up!”

Their strength seeped into my crystal heart like warm tea on a winter day. I felt… Powerful! Like I just drank ten cans of energy drinks and pulled an SSR character in my gacha game!

The boss intruder slumped face-first onto the rocks, snoring in a puddle of luxury spa water.

The Angel landed gracefully beside me, wings folding, hair dripping. She tapped the crystal once, like she was knocking on a door to see if anyone was home.

“Thank you.” She was endearing, her golden eyes half-lidded with long eyelashes, lazy like a cat in a sunbeam. “Best Dungeon Core. Now keep the water warm, dummy. I’m not done soaking.”

And me?

I’m Kazuki Susu. Once a NEET with a cactus. Now the world’s unluckiest, most popular Dungeon Core that runs a natural spring.

A natural spring that could heal wounds, steal mana, and apparently keep a freeloading Angel at maximum comfort.

“Hey.” I expressed loudly to her. “You can actually hear me, right?”

She tilted her head, halo bobbing. “Of course, I can hear you. I can hear all lower beings.”

“Lower-?!” I fizzed so hard that my waters bubbles over the edge.

She ignored my rage and dipped back in. “Now hush. More people will come before long.”

“More?”

That was when it hit me, like the cactus did, but with more existential dread.

People. Adventurers. Monsters. Kings, bandits, heroes, demon-kin – all will come here. Not to slay me, but to claim me. Use me. Fight over me.

My water was too good. Too tempting. Too profitable.

If I let them, they’d drain me dry. Tear up this cave. Poison my springs! Sell bottled “Kazuki Bathwater” to weird nobles with weird hobbies!

And this Angel? She’d soak forever while I do all the work!

Nope. Not happening!

If I was stuck like this, then I was doing it my way! I wouldn’t let this be another dungeon to conquer.

I’ll make it a sanctuary. A paradise. A spa so good monsters and humans can’t afford to fight because they’ll be too busy soaking, dropping coins, mana, offerings – whatever keeps me alive and keeps the peace.

I’ll keep my waters at the perfect temperature. I’ll keep my guests happy. I’ll keep the greedy ones out or drain them until they beg for release.

I was never good at caring for a single cactus. But maybe… just maybe… I can care for this whole wonderful world of people who may need healing and a spa.

“Hey, Angel.”

“What now?”

“You’re not the boss just because you got to me first. We’re business partners. From now on, everyone gets to enjoy my waters – Monsters, Humans, Demons, Angels. Got it?”

She opened one eye, stared at my core for a long moment, then closed it again with a tired hum. “Hmph.”

[Energy Drain Flow Level 1]!

“You will help me open up to the public.”

“Fine. Do what you want. Just keep it warm for now.”

[Energy Drain Flow Level 2]!

“I need a straight answer.”

“I will later.”

Is it because she was an Angel that this had zero effect on her? “Quit being so cheeky! Say you understand!”

[Energy Drain Flow Level 1000]!

Oh, she passed out. Shi–

So here I am: Kazuki Susu, a NEET turned spa. I’ll cleanse this world whether they like it or not.

And if Heaven won’t take me… I’ll build my own Heaven. One bath at a time!

“Damn you! Enjoy it while you can! We’ll come back to claim you, Dungeon Core!” The petty human party ran away.