Chapter 7:

Breaking Points

My Salaryman Familiar


Storms raged outside of the hut and within Tomita’s body. In the two days since Izhari had left, his withdrawals had triggered a cascade of painful reactions to ethanol dependencies that weren’t being met. Even with the etherdrop keeping him barely conscious, Tomita had still gone through feverish sweats, crushing migraines, intense vomiting, and now, hallucinations.

As strands of bile coated saliva dripped from his dehydrated mouth, voices echoed in his head. Voices of rage from his father. Whispers of disappointment from his former wife. Echoes of silence from the mother who left without a word. Jeering insults from bosses and supervisors who viewed him as a forgotten cog in a machine designed to grind him into dust while extracting every penny of value he could produce.

All of it was too much. Remembering it all, being confronted with the shame of his past and the fearful unknown of his present left Tomita broken and on the ground, begging for something to remove the strain that was threatening to tear him apart. Nothing came. So he suffered. Winds howled and the air in the hut became stiflingly humid. Against his better judgement, Tomita opened the door and crawled into the rain.

To his surprise, more of the glowing specks of light were hanging in the air now, yet they did not seem to be affected by the raging weather. Instead, they drifted and bobbed in silence, pulsing calming golden light. Something about them called to Tomita, and he found himself lurching towards the nearest point of light. Once he was near, a faint hum rang in his ears. His hand reached out in unstable confusion and touched the glowing orb.

A flash of pain howled through his body, but it wasn’t physical pain. It was more akin to the dread he felt in his chest. Echoes of screams for help and a frightened cry were heard in his mind.

‘Is anyone there?!’ cried the voice that sounded so familiar.

‘Helpppp! I need someone!!” it cried out.

Then the sensation was over.

“What is this?” Tomita asked.

He wanted to stop, but his mind wasn’t clear anymore. Another orb appeared beside him, and he touched it. Another sensation shot through his body, and he heard sounds in his head that sounded like great stones and swaths of earth being ripped apart. The familiar voice screamed out in pure terror. His chest felt echoes of fear and confusion as the imaginary ground shook in his mind. He couldn’t see anything. All around him it was black, making the experience even more terrifying.

Tomita’s legs buckled and he fell to the ground, accidentally striking another orb.

This time, he heard explosions around him and felt burns of beams rushing by like gunfire. He felt terror once more.

‘Get her!’ screamed a voice.

Gasps of desperation echoed once more. Deep breaths brought a scent to his mind that Tomita recognized. It was the scent of the Sanctum island.

Then it was over. Tomita wretched and vomited once more as reality burned back into his mind.

Those were memories. He didn’t know how, but those orbs seemed to be containing memories that belonged to one person: Izhari.

“Izhari?! Izhari where are you?!” Tomita called out.

Now he felt a new dread in his chest. It was his own. He was lost, alone and confused in a world he wanted no part of, with a being that despised him and was in great trouble. None of this was what he wanted. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

IShouldHaveDied

IWantedToDie

ITriedToDie

All of these words jumbled together and layered themselves into a loop in Tomita’s soul. He wished for death once again, but to his surprise, something stopped him. He remembered Izhari’s terrified, hateful gaze.

Unsure why he was thinking of her, Tomita closed his eyes and let the torrential downpour soak him. As he sat in the mud and and rain, he opened the vial and tried to take a sip. To his great disappointment, it was empty.

Adrenaline exploded through his body. His dependency had no solution now. There was no escape. The memories, voices, pains, and sensations all grew in his soul and he put his hands to his ears to drown them out, but it didn’t work. Alcohol had been the tool to push all of them away. Alcohol had helped him run. But it had also been one of the things that made all of this worse. Still, it had clawed its way into his spirit and stitched itself into the fabric of his soul, making it a necessary part of his being. Now, facing the thought of existing in this frightening world without it made him more afraid than he’d been thus far.

“No no no no…” Tomita whispered as he clenched his eyes shut.

Defeat won, and he resigned himself to suffering through the next round of withdrawals inside. He couldn’t taken any more rain or memory orbs.

Back in the hut, he closed the door and tried to calm his mind, but it was not no avail. Claws of gnawing, starving monsters tore at his skin from deep inside his mind. He needed something. Anything. Anything to alleviate his suffering.

Desperation broke his restraints and logic and an idea popped into his mind.

The white and blue vial.

Tomita couldn’t stop himself. Even if his better judgement was screaming for him to stop, the echoes and whispers of a thousand other hateful voices from decades of regret drowned them out in a chorus of selfish demand.

The cabinet was opened and there was the vial.

Its liquid contents were still and settled, but there were subtle swirls of blue coursing through the milky liquid. Tomita paused for only the slightest moment, then reached forward and grabbed the vial.

Hesitation abandoned him. Thunder crashed above him as he uncorked the vial and prayed for temporary reprieve. With that, he pressed the vial to his mouth and took a sip.

Regret struck him instantly, as a pain beyond anything he’d ever imagined exploded through every fiber of his being. Every cell seemed to be seething with murderous despair. Inside his chest, it felt as though a pit had torn itself open and was now pulling him inside out. Roars of tragic rage gnashed and bit at his throat and heart. Sorrow and dread led armies of loss that coated him in an excruciating blanket of self hate.

“What is this?!” Tomita asked as he corked the vial and slammed it onto the cabinet top.

Every breath caused the agony and fear to grow. His mind ripped from its containment and hallucinations flung him into a dark, ashen void where no hope resided. Thunder exploded and he thought the roof of the hut might rip away.

“Familiar?” a voice asked.

He could not answer. All he could do was scream out in terror and suffering.

“Familiar?!” the voice shouted.

It was closer now, but he could not see or feel her.

“Oh no. Oh no no no NO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!!”

“YOU IDIOT! YOU WRETCHED IDIOT!!!!!!” Izhari screamed in pure rage.

Everything blurred and darkness tore at the edges of Tomita’s mind. Darkness consumed him just as he heard a scream of unfiltered hate mix into the booming thunderclaps.