Release

Whatever was occurring in Tomita’s mind and body, it was too much. Days of exhaustion nearly breaking him had already reduced his essence to a near flatline. Though he could not see her anymore, Izhari was beside him. Her screams of rage paused slightly when she sensed something wrong in her body. 

Her arm was hurting. Her jaw was tensing. Then something like an invisible knife seemed to stab into her chest. But it wasn’t from her. Turning her focus over to Tomita, she heard his breathing intensifying. She did not understand, but his heart was seizing.

“Familiar? Human?! Answer me!” she shouted.

Tomita couldn’t speak. His chest felt like it was snapping. His hand reached out and clung to Izhari’s wrist, startling her.

“Human?!” she called.

No words escaped his lips. Now, Izhari could sense the terror building in her chest that she knew was his. It was a terror for his life. He was dying.

“What is happening to you?!” she pleaded in confusion.

“Heart. Heart attack…” he answered in a rattling voice.

Izhari did not know what that meant, but the fear in her chest spread and she felt that her familiar was truly about to die. That meant she was as well if she didn’t act.

“You drank my draught of sorrow you fool! You wretched fool!” Izhari spat as she clawed her head in fright.

She needed a plan. The dread was building. Her chest was burning. Tomita’s mind was breaking. She had to think. Pausing her fretting, she forced herself to think.

He said he was a suicide. He said he’d known hurtful people. He spoke in a strange, frightened cadence. Maybe, maybe he was hurt as well. Maybe he was full of sorrow. To be full of one’s own sorrow and then consume the draught would be enough to break anybody. Nothing could be done to remove the draught’s effects. That was the point. But maybe she could at least temporarily remove his own hurt.

That was it! She had heard stories of familiars and masters sharing burdens. It was often for strength, via sharing vitality and stamina, but maybe she could share his burden and that might be enough. Hearing she had no other option, Izhari decided to try.

“Lay on the ground! On your back. I’m going to try something. With any luck, it will be enough!” she said.

Tomita obeyed instantly, and fell to the floor. The thud told Izhari he was in position.

“I am going to crawl on to you. Hold out your hands so I can find where to go!” she commanded.

Tomita held up his hands, and Izhari cautiously stepped forward. Her feet bumped into his side and she extended her hand for his. In the darkness of her sight, her fingers found his and intertwined into their hold. Nervous breaths betrayed her insecurity as her left leg lifted so that she could more easily mount him.

“I need you to help me down…” she said.

Tomita’s arms tensed to bear her weight, and as his elbows slowly bent, Izhari lowered herself down against her bad leg. He was broader than she expected, so her legs had to widen more than anticipated. Her hips came to rest on his stomach. Trembling hands remained connected. Tomita’s palms were clammy. Izhari tried to calm herself.

“I… I’ve never done this before, but I will do my best.”

“I have f-faith,” Tomita whispered.

Izhari imagined what needed to be done. In all her years, there was never any training for this moment. No guidance or story. Just anecdotes overheard by passing mages in the years before everything was erased. Now, it was up to her to keep them alive.

She kept her hands against his and led them to her chest and stomach.

“Place my hands over your stomach and your heart,” she said as she felt his palm press onto the space above her swiftly beating heart. His hand felt larger now than it did the other day. Without speaking, Tomita’s rattling hands slowly pulled hers into position.

“I am going to lean forward until our heads touch. Meet me if you must, or stay there and left me find you. But we must stay connected,” Izhari explained.

“I can guide you with my hands, then r-return them to the correct position, if if if that works,” Tomita gasped.

“Okay,” said Izhari.

With that, his hands gently clasped her cheeks and pulled her forward and down, until her forehead met his. They were close now. She could feel his uneven, cold breath against her nose. His fingers slid along her sides until they reached their destination. Her stomach tensed ever so slightly as his touch grazed along her body until his palm was once again in place.

Beneath her hips, she could feel his abdomen rising and falling with each swift, shaking breath. His scent was earthen. His gasps drifted along her whiskers and through her thin, coarse hair. They were ready.

“I shall begin,” she whispered.

Tomita couldn’t respond. His heart felt as though it might explode through his chest and into Izhari’s palm.

“Breath of mana, take from me and give to him. Take from him and give to me. Inhale him and sigh his life onto my lips. Send him into me. From his mind, where all memory resides. From his heart, where all feeling dwells. From his stomach, where the soul is guarded. May his burden move through my hands and into me. Let my strength soothe his heart.”

Tomita felt a warm furor pulling through his body. Izhari tensed her body and prepared for what was to come.

“Keep me close. Do not let me pull away,” she commanded.

“Roger,” said Tomita.

The transfer began. Izhari wasn’t ready for the intensity of what she received. Her pants and strained sighs were warm to Tomita’s skin.

In Izhari’s mind, images began to flash. She had experienced similar things in times when she had touched memory orbs that belonged to someone who could see. Still, that didn’t stop the shock from overwhelming her each time as memories of sight flooded her mind with visions she had no way of processing or understanding.

This was more than she had meant for. She had only wanted the abstract burden of his soul, but now she was receiving his complete memories. Uncontrolled flinches pulled her upwards but she kept herself in place, and Tomita moved his body to stay against hers.

In Izhari’s mind, memories rushed through the gates of her psyche like a flood, bringing sensations of pain, humiliation, rejection, neglect, hate, despair, and more.

There was a fist from a man she felt was her/his father. It struck his/her face and cracked his/her nose. There were laughs and mocking stares of schoolchildren, pointing at his wrinkled, too-short pants. There was an empty bed where his mother once slept. A bottle struck his head, sending him to the ground. Fists of angry teenagers split his lip. Staplers from bosses flung through the air and gashed his forehead. Traffic stretched for miles. Food was never the right temperature. His wife’s smile had faded, and each night she said less and less.

She was alone. Always alone. And she never knew why. They kept her locked away in a tower on the edge of the city. Food was never on time. She tried to escape. She begged for help. She begged for a friend.

He wanted to feel connected to just one person. Just once he wanted to feel like he was understood.

She wanted to be comforted. She wanted to know why all the world had cast her aside. Why she was left behind.

Tears ran down Izhari’s cheeks and onto Tomita’s. It was unclear if they were from her memories or his.

Overtime never ended. Years of his life working until ten at night. His wife left a message saying she was leaving. House keys were on the counter. She was gone by the time he got home.

One day everything changed. The ground ripped apart. There were screams. Screams lasted for days, then stopped. Then she was alone. Then the barrier on her tower fell, and she tore away the walls. Fog and solitude were what greeted her.

He/she saw his reflection in the elevator. He looked worse now. His skin was bloated. So that’s what he looked like. He was tired. He drowned at his desk every day. Then he got the medical results back from his annual physical. His liver was damaged. His brain’s grey matter volume was deteriorating.

There was a burning sensation now, pulsing from Tomita and into Izhari. The bond was almost complete.

“I’m almost there,” she sighed as she bit down and pressed closer to him.

She could feel his hand clasp her chest and grip her waist.

“I’m almost done!” Izhari whispered both to herself and to Tomita.

The pain in his heart began to calm. Radiating strain began to dissipate and a subtle warmth rose into her palm. Tomita let out a gasp of release.

She was all alone. He was all alone. They had wanted just one person to ever be there for them, but that person never came. She tried to survive. He tried to keep going. But the hunters found her. And the traumas overtook him.

Sensitivity screamed across Tomita’s body. Burdens that had been building for decades now swirled through his soul and into Izhari’s touch, just as hers poured into his. As they exhaled, droplets of pure untouched life mana drifted from each of their mouths and into the other’s.

“Finish! Finish!” Izhari begged.

Tomita’s fingers gripped her side as he choked and gagged. Milky white fluid was excreted from his mouth, but Izhari continued to breathe him in and exhale herself onto his lips. Tomita let out a mown from exertion.

“Exhale for me, familiar. Exhale! Exhale!”

Tomita choked once more and as he spat up the remaining draught, the burdens of his soul ruptured from his spirit and flowed into Izhari’s heart. Izhari moaned in strain as she pulled herself back to him and let herself feel release for once. As Tomita sighed in awakening, Izhari’s fear, loss, hopelessness, rage, and self doubt dripped from her soul and into his open arms.

Then it was over.

Tomita’s mind returned to him, and his vision slowly unblured. As consciousness returned, he realized Izhari was still straddling him. Warm, shaking breaths and trembling hips told him she was still fully against his body. Her head was still pressed to his. Fresh tears fell from her eyes, and Tomita found himself crying as well.

Neither of them moved. Their hands stayed against the other’s hearts and stomachs. For the first time, though neither could yet say it, both felt as though they might have finally met someone who understood, even abstractly, what the grief of their life felt like. And now, they had a slightly better understanding of one another as they passed the emotional wounds of life’s ruthless onslaught between one another in a warm loop.

“Tomita,” said Tomita.

Izhari’s ears twitched but she didn’t sit up.

“Hmm?” she whispered.

“My name is Tomita. You may call me that if you wish…”