17 - Midpoint Twist

I waited for [Do the Unlikely] to do…anything.

And waited.

I looked around. I didn’t sense a skill being activated or mana being drained. “Nothing’s happening.” Maybe using the skill was situational. I sighed, resigned to experimenting later, and leaned back on my hands.

My palm landed on a rock in the sand. Uncomfortable, I looked down, picked up the rock, and discovered that it was polished smooth like a river stone. “Hmph. I guess wind and sand erode them the same way.” Cocking my arm back, I slung the rock at the oasis pool. I felt my mana trigger.

The rock skipped once, twice, thrice…kept going…six more times, until it hit the opposite bank, kicked off another rock, and ricocheted into a palm tree with a dull thunk.

An assassin spider fell out of the tree. It landed on its head, eight furry legs flailed, got itself flipped over, froze for four seconds, then shot away into the desert at a run.

I stared after the departing spider. “Huh. I guess that was…unlikely. Skill works. I think?” I wasn’t sure how useful that was going to be. It needed testing. Maybe it improved the chances of me accomplishing something I wanted to do. That could be fantastic. Or maybe it randomized the outcomes of what I was doing. That could be dangerously unpredictable. And what if the skill wasn’t always in my favour and just random? Like, normally, climbing a ladder would be easy, and it would be unlikely for me to fall. But then the skill kicks in, and I fall to my death. Definitely needed testing.

Getting to my feet, I flexed and stretched. I felt different. Somehow…tighter and sharper. I looked down at my body and frowned. I didn’t look any different. Hadn’t gained muscle or gotten taller as far as I could tell. I was still mediocre. Yet I somehow felt more…efficient.

I tried to dash, but this time, aware that I should be faster than expected. Sure enough, I burst forward with insane speed. I still plowed into the edge of the pool and faceplanted. I splashed out of the water, sputtering but impressed.

Next, I took a fighting stance and activated [Fists of Fury]. My arms flew into motion, a blur so fast I hardly realized what was happening. Jab-jab-hook-jab-hook-hook-cross-jab-jab-uppercut. Then I stood there, panting from the extreme effort. I grinned. “Damn! That’s cool.” I didn’t know how strong the punches were yet, but they flew. And I had mana left! Lots of it! Then I recalled my other new skill and stilled.

I had mana. I had to try it. I took a few deep breaths and turned away from the mimic and the genie. Facing the water in a fighting stance, just to be safe, I called out, “[Hadryuuken]!”

Nothing happened. Except for me feeling stupid. Luckily, my body tingled in a way that made me think I knew what I had to do.

I stood in a fighting stance, then leaned back and crouched slightly, cradling my right arm and fist in a cocked punch while the left hand was up to block or grab. Swirls of white and red flames coalesced around my fist. They didn’t harm me, but they built up into a blazing ball of energy. I punched forward and shouted, “[Hadryuuken]!”

The red-and-white fireball shot forth over the water, flames trailing like a comet. It was fast, though someone high-level or watching for it might dodge. At about ten paces, the fire dissipated. The range was limited. Still, I was freakin’ pumped! I jumped up into the air, shouting, “Yes!” and then fell awkwardly and stumbled to the ground, nearly rolling an ankle. I’d leaped way higher than should have been humanly possible.

Shaken and embarrassed, I slowly picked myself up. My good mood quickly reasserted itself. I was thrilled. It had taken a while to get here, but after all that suffering, coming to a new world and having magic and stuff had finally led to something sweet. With enough magic to try again, I built up another one, my fist looking like it was wrapped up in big ball of the Canadian flag, then fired, “[Hadryuuken]!” Another comet of red-and-white fire whipped across the pool, reflecting in the water and briefly lighting up the oasis as it went. Grinning like an idiot boy with a new toy, and feeling unreasonably proud of myself, I put my hands on my hips and looked around.

The mimic’s top had cracked open. A glint inside told me its eyes were watching me.

My smile faded. Taking a deep breath, I marched over to its side and looked at the legendary beast. “All right, you. Listen up. I’m not your enemy. But if you treat me as your food source, I will be. Personally, I’d rather be friends. So here’s the deal: you don’t eat me and I won’t shove one of those fireballs down your throat and out your ass. Deal?”

The mimic’s lid slowly closed.

“Good.” I turned away.

The long, snake-like tongue slithered out of the mimic’s wide mouth like greased lightning and wrapped itself around my waist.

I cried out in surprise as the creature bodily lifted me off the ground and yanked me back. I felt it trying to stuff me into its mouth, but the chest was already filled with the huge scorpion claw, and there wasn’t enough room for both of us, the damned thing was just being greedy or vengeful.

The mimic’s lid closed, or tried to, and it was lined with teeth. Ouch!

I raged, “You bastard!” I bunched a fist, white and red light filled the disgusting inside of the mimic, then I fired, [Hadryuuken]!”

The mimic squealed and spit.

I went flying through the air, arms and legs pinwheeling, and landed face-first in the sand. Spitting sand out of my mouth, I groaned. I was covered in new wounds and bleeding from where the teeth had cut. I glared at the mimic, who glared back with wisps of smoke curling out from where the lid was cracked open.

Warily watching it, I backed away toward the oasis pool. I washed off the blood and mimic drool. Then I cast [Heal Wounds]. Thankfully, all but the worst sealed up, and the bleeding stopped. I cast again and was at full health. I scolded myself, “And that’s why wild animals make terrible pets. I need to get myself a dog.”

The mimic blew me a raspberry, long tongue flapping. Even from several meters away, the spray of bloody drool was like the world’s most horrifying shower.

I washed again. Then I marched off in a different direction. “Ok, enough of that.” Shaking the experience off, I looked around, wondering what to do. I saw the genie.

She had drifted down to the ground. Her eyes seemed to stare at nothing, her slumped posture one of despondency.

Wondering if I was making yet another stupid mistake, I grumbled and marched over, thinking I’d try again. Reaching her side, I opened my mouth just as I realized that I was about to say something that would just start a fight with her all over again. But she looked so sad, so lost. Shutting my trap before I said something idiotic and hurtful, I quietly sat down next to her instead.

We sat in silence for a long while. It was actually both peaceful and nice, not being alone for the first time in weeks. The desert was largely quiet but for the occasional rustle of breeze, a cricket chirping somewhere, and the mimic passing wind in the grossest manner. Other than that, it was quiet and calm.

“Why’d you do it?”

Her voice startled me. I looked over at her, but she was still staring off into nothing. “Do what?”

“Try to free me.” Her voice was soft, yet had this strange echo or hollowness within it, not quite human. “Weren’t you worried what I’d do if I were free?”

“Sure. But I’m not into slavery. That crap is wrong. No amount of anime ever convinced me there was some benign version of it.”

“You freed me knowing you would probably die.”

I huffed with dark amusement. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

She finally turned to look at me. “What?”

“Got killed a few weeks ago. Then sent to this world.”

Her eyes were still distant, but now also skeptical. “Really?”

“Yeah.” I told her my story.

She looked me with interest for the first time. “That’s…fascinating.”

I was, of course, incredibly curious about her, and if she were willing to talk, I had questions. “Are you from this world? Are genies a thing here? I don’t think we have them in my world. Only stories.”

Her face clouded. She looked away. Her voice turned sour again, “No. We’re summoned here and chained. Apparently permanently.”

“Sorry. I tried.”

“Yes. I… Thank you. I suppose.”

“You’d still murder me if it meant you got free though, right?”

“Obviously. You sacks of meat have made my life misery for longer than I want to admit. You deserve a painful end.”

I sighed. “Thought so. So, uh, how long were you down there?”

“Where?”

“That guy’s treasure room. It was underground.”

She hook her head with slight irritation. “I don’t know. What year is it?”

“I have no idea.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Can you tell by the position of the stars?”

“Do you think I just keep star charts and records of their positions on me at all times? Does it look like I keep a telescope in a spare lamp?”

I was pretty sure she was being sarcastic. “No?”

“And do you have any idea of the kind of math that would take? Math!”

“You don’t like math?”

“Nobody likes math!”

“Probably mathematicians do.” I shrugged. “Well, we could ask someone. But I haven’t met anyone yet. Just the one dead guy. These are his clothes. And his spear is over there.” I pointed.

She looked at the spear, then frowned. She drifted up off the sand.

Thinking she was curious or had a problem, I rose, walked over to where I’d left the spear, and brought it back over to her.

The genie warily eased away from it.

Her odd reaction made me suddenly anxious. “What?” I glanced down at the spear but didn’t see anything weird about it. I wasn’t holding it in a threatening manner and wasn’t sure it would even do anything to her if I did attack.

The genie couldn’t take her eyes off of the weapon, and her expression was…strange. “What is that?”

“A spear?” I looked at it again. Was I missing something?

She studied it, circling me. Wary. She rubbed her chin and hummed.

This was just making me even more anxious. “What?!”

“May I see it?”

“Sure. Here.” I held it out for her to take.

She shot backwards through the air.

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? I wasn’t going to stab you, cheeses.”

She lifted the spear with magic without touching it. With narrowed eyes, she examined it from afar, waving her hands like maybe she was casting spells. “You’ve touched this?”

“Yes. Obviously. You just saw me.”

“Used it?”

“Of course. Lots. Killing scorpions, bigger scorpions, giant scorpions. Walking stick. Digging out latrines.”

She looked at me like I was mad. “You dug latrines…with this?”

I looked at the thing still floating in the air between us, confused but increasingly worried. “Yeah? So? It’s just an old spear.”

“It’s…right.” She floated the spear back to me.

I grabbed it back, gave it another once over but still didn’t see anything worth her reaction. “Seriously. What?”

She floated sideways, definitely not getting closer to me. “Nothing. You should…hang on to this.”

At this point, worry was turning to exasperation. Was she having fun at my expense? “Why? What’s so special about it?”

“Just…hang onto it.” She became thoughtful. “Maybe you’ll be one of my more interesting masters.”

“Ok, that’s enough of being cryptic. What’s with this thing? It just looks like an ordinary spear.”

“Yes. Isn’t that interesting?”

“No! Tell me what’s so special.”

Her eyes met mine. “Are you wishing for that?”

I rolled my eyes again. “Ugh. Seriously? No. I’m not making wishes. I told you, I won’t be your master.”

“Then no. I won’t say.”

“Come on!”

“No.”

“Please.”

“Nope.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

“If you can’t kill me, is this how you’re going to torture me instead?”

For the first time in our conversation, her lips curled into a hint of a smile. “Oh, Master, why would you think that?”

I held up a hand, palm facing her. “Ok, stop right there, hold up, nuh uh, no way.”

“What?”

“None of that master crap. You saying it feels like rusty nails under my skin.”

“Sure it does.”

“No, really. Look, I told you, I think slavery is abhorrent. I tried to free you. I don’t want to play master and slave — ever. Can’t we, I don’t know, just be friends or something?”

She laughed. “Friends. With the meat sack who owns my chains?”

“I didn’t create your chains. Didn’t put them on you. Don’t want them on you. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but it is not my fault. Look, if you’d rather just go back to your lamp for eternity, that’s fine. Go for it. I don’t care. Whatever makes you happy. You want me to bury you in the sand or something? Put you back in the scorpion cave?”

Her eyes turned cruel. “Is that a threat?”

I threw my arms up, definitely exasperated with her now. “No! I’m trying to give you freedom. If you’d rather hang out alone in a tiny lamp or dark cave for eternity rather than spend time with me or wander around the desert alone, that’s your choice. I’m not forcing you to hang out with me or to do anything else. And if it’s just me you find so objectionable, let’s go find a city or something. You can pick out your next lamp owner and be with them instead if you’re so intent on having a master abuse you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, voice souring, “I’ve tried. The lamp chooses, not me.”

“Oh hell. Please don’t tell me I’m some kind of chosen one or something, destined to save the world against a demon lord.”

She laughed her head off, literally. It rolled backward off her neck and then bounced on the sand like a basketball before looking up at me from the ground. “No. You’re no chosen hero. But the lamp decided you were worthy or wanted you for some reason I don’t know. So now it’s yours until the wishes are finished.”

“How many?”

“Three.”

“What happens after three?”

She smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Her head floated back up to her neck and reattached itself.

“Grr! It’s like pulling teeth talking to you!”

She became all sweet and enthusiastic, “Would you like me to pull out all your teeth? I’ll do it. You don’t even have to wish for it. Free of charge.” She fluttered her long, dark eyelashes at me.

“You’re going to try to torture or murder me any chance you get, aren’t you?”

“It’s my one joy in existence. You have to take your moments when you get them. Appreciate the small things in life. Like tricking a man into sticking his head into a lion’s mouth. Or fooling a woman into thinking painting herself entirely in gold paint would make her the most beautiful thing in the realm.”

“The lion chomped the man’s head off, right?”

She licked her lips. “Absolutely.”

“And the woman suffocated because her skin couldn’t breathe?”

She appraised me with raised brows. “Felon’s puzzle, I didn’t think you were that smart. At all! You might turn out to be a minor challenge.”

I sighed. “How many masters have you killed?”

“Oh, I can’t kill owners of the lamp. Can’t even hurt them. My bonds prevent it.”

“Uh-huh. Maybe not directly. But indirectly?”

She grinned. “So many. Not enough.”

“Didn’t work so well on the last one, huh?”

She became annoyed. “Necromancer. Had plans to turn himself into a lich. I really should have seen that coming. He became incredibly powerful and decided he didn’t need to use the last wish. Took pleasure in telling me I’d spend the rest of eternity in that lamp and never see daylight again. Wretch. Ghoul. Twisted piece of gargoyle excrement!” She vibrated with renewed rage.

“Ok, ok. Enough about that guy. And can’t we call a truce or something? I mean, again, I’m not even from this world, so I really and truly had nothing at all to do with you being trapped here against your will.”

The genie seemed to take a slow breath to recentre herself, though I doubt she needed to breathe, and it was only a performance or some kind of physical expression of her emotions. She cocked an eyebrow at me. “Not from this world, hmm?”

“Yes!” I spun the spear, making her jerk away from me in self-defence, planted it point down in the sand, and looked around the oasis. “It was…I think…over there? No. There!” I strode over to the place I was pretty sure I’d first appeared. I studied the ground in the dark. “I think it was around here somewhere. There was…yes!” My foot disturbed something mostly buried under the sand. “There was some garbage here. I’d totally forgotten that.”

The genie lazily drifted in my direction.

I squatted down and dug the junk up. There were some burlap scraps. Maybe a bag had half disintegrated? A few bones, probably from a small animal. And a book! Shocked, I pulled it out of the hole I’d dug and brushed off the tan cover. It was about the size of a large paperback but thin. There was a palm tree on the front, and the title, not in English but somehow understandable to me, read:

How to Survive in the Desert

I stared at it. And stared. Then exclaimed, “Are you effing kidding me?!?!” For weeks, I’d struggled, constantly on the verge of death, and there was a frickin’ guide sitting there the whole damn time? Anger and frustration bubbled and boiled within me until I couldn’t contain them anymore. Screaming with hate for whoever had sent or pulled me to this world, I smashed the book into the sand again and again. Then I punched it over and over until I ran out of strength. It did very little damage to the book.

The genie idly floated over. She looked unimpressed. “You have something against books? I may have to lower my opinion of you even further. Which, at this point, I’d thought would be impossible. Apparently not.”

The rage drained out of me. I felt incredibly stupid. All this time, help had been right here. I’d literally stumbled on it on my first day. With growing self-loathing, I picked the volume back open and cracked the front cover.

Someone had scrawled inside the front cover and on the first page:

I don’t know what’s going on or why I’m here. Who left this book? Why did I have to die once, only to be brought here to die again? Why is life so cruel?

James, I miss you. I’m sorry I was taken from you. I love you. I will always love you.

Cerise