Raiona’s Journal: Lurking threat

Spring day 62

Today, I have fallen ill.

Mother, for once, wasn’t sick, so she looked after me. Our roles reversed. I slept most of the day. I dreamt of the white horse visiting me, lying beside me. When I woke, I felt better.

Spring day 63

Today, I do not want to go to lessons.

I want fresh air and warmth. I went to the clinic garden and took white horse with me to the rooftop gardens. He skipped around, happy under the sun. A happy baby horse. So cute. His coat glittered like stardust. I don’t know if he’s a boy, a girl, or something else entirely. Maybe he’s just… horsey.

Writing now as he came to me to rest his head on my lap, under the shade of the biggest tree. What a baby. The skies are perfect. I love it here. I am happy that I am not alone. Stroking his mane felt nothing like a lion’s. It was softer, gentler. What name should I give him?

Spring day 64

Yesterday, after I fell asleep under the shade with horsey.

I only woke up when daystar was setting. And to my surprise, angry bird was also asleep nearby. I tried sneaking away, but horsey’s noisy rising woke him. I apologized and hurried off, but he walked with us. I returned horsey to the clinic. He looked sad. I kissed his nose goodnight.

I was trying to be sneaky, but suddenly, angry bird thanked the clinic staff for “allowing him” to borrow horsey. Excuse me? I kidnapped rescued him, not you!

I started to walk home, very confused with this bird. He started walking with me again, always a step behind. Like a bodyguard. He kept up with me until I was close to home. And it was a long way! The court is huge after all. I didn’t know what to say to him. It was an awkward walk. Bizarre bird.

I thanked him silently as he was starting to leave. He tried to smile. It was the first time I looked at him long enough. His face looks round and chubby. His red eyes were respectful. Heh! Release me. If you respect me then stop copying my answers during tests.

Today, I am just writing this in the library. I might get horsey again later. Maybe I can ride him when he is bigger and not sick. The plaster on his forehead is still there after all.

Spring day 65

Today, there was a lot of commotion in the court.

I stayed inside my mother's room. Well, I say her room, but it's more of a complex. She has a huge room with lots of rooms inside and it is easy to get lost in. We call it her royal chambers but it could might as well be her own tower in the court.

I was sketching skies by the main door when….taaadaaah! Horsey appeared. And he wasn’t alone. Riye brought him. That’s much more important! I nearly fainted after we locked eyes. His eyes are gold. I love his eyes. 

I wanted to talk to him, but then again, I can’t. I could only smile at him, tell everyone how I wanted to marry him. Our eyes met once more as he left, and I collapsed to the floor in dramatic rolls. Mother laughed until her sides hurt.

I exaggerated my theatrics for her. Because I love her, and she loves me. I almost forgot to ask why horsey was brought. Because Riye came back again! But this time… with Angry bird. Boo! What in the Meu?

Spring day 66

Today, we are all still within my mother's room.

I am writing while my breakfast is being prepared. Last night, the adults looked busy. Me, angry bird, horsey, sometimes Riye, were huddled in one room. I fell asleep while drawing. Father must’ve taken me to mothers bed.

I woke at dawn for the toilet and found father whispering with a general. They even woke poor sleeping Riye on the lounge before leaving. Angry bird and horsey slept on, innocent lumps. I keep calling him angry bird but I only saw his bird form one time. I do see him irritated and annoyed a lot. His cheeks really do look like ripe fruit.

Later we had lessons in one of the inner rooms. Me, horsey, and the bird. The teacher wasn't Riye. I think it was my father’s cousin, defense tactician, Uncle Shin. He’s strong, but still only a fraction of father’s might. Like Uncle Shin being 20% of what my father is. The rest are at 1%.

The lesson was on detecting hidden creatures. I can't understand this lesson in particular. I am just a defective lioness cub. I can't smell, see and hear as good as the rest when they’re in their animal forms.

Is the class relevant to the turmoil around the court? On why we are on lock down?

Riye kept coming and going, sometimes with father. I even glimpsed that girl from the festival, the one who keeps looking at Riye. She carried food and parcels to Uncle Shin. Hmph.

Waiting for my own dinner. And father. And Riye.

Spring day 67

Today, there’s less tension in my father's face and attitude.

I had been indoors for days. I want daystarshine. Maybe I’ll sneak horsey out.

Spring day 70

Caught sneaking out yesterday. Scolded magnificently. I don’t want to talk about it.

Spring day 75

Today, I still don’t want to talk. About anything.

Spring day 80

Today, bird came by to bring notes. The rest are allowed to go out already.

Summer day 1

Today, I learned about seasons in Meu.

Flowers - 80 days

Crops - 80 days

Flood - 20 days

Fall - 70 days

Dark - 90 days

Flood - 20 days

With some seasons having an extra day more depending on the moons. Bird’s notes are very clear and easy to understand. I can read his notes but he can’t read mine! Advantage!

I will continue using my own season names.

Summer day 2

Today, bird came by with horsey. 

We did not talk. I returned his notes and petted horsey. They were followed by a lot of guards. I gave them some sweets I’d made. I hope they will like it. I also gave some to all the guards following them and the ones stationed on the door. I am still holed up in my mother’s complex.

Summer day 3

Today, bird came by with horse. 

Mother saw us all speaking and they were invited in for snacks. She caught me calling them “bird” and “horsey”. She scolded me for the first time! Publicly too! How much scolding have I been receiving recently?

I now must call Angry bird his name, Mede. Horsey has no name yet. Mother said he’ll reveal it himself one day. Only to a select few he trusts with his life. Until then, Pan will do. For his love of rainbow pan fruit, which stains everything it touches.

Summer day 4

Today, Mother had been encouraging me to go out, and I won’t. 

I asked her why isn’t she coming out then? She can go out herself. If she gets to stay in, then so can I. Father overheard. His angry roar froze the whole court. Even his strongest guards retreated. He called Riye to escort me out. I ran before he arrived.

My question is valid. Something is wrong in this house. Or court. Why is mother being treated like a fragile person. Like she could break any moment. She is a lioness for goodness sakes. If father’s roar can obliterate, mother’s laugh (and music) can heal. She’s very strong.

I hid in the rooftop gardens. Guards ringed the exits, but left me alone. I fell asleep, and when I woke, angry bird Mede was there again. Always lurking around me silently. This must be how he gets to have the same answers as me all the time.

I started to walk home and he walked with me most of the way again. No words exchanged. Father and mother wanted to talk to me but I don’t want to leave my room. I wish I can hug someone right now, but I also want solitude.