The Queen in Private

Both their gazes snap immediately to me. Feng Yu gets up on his feet again, while Liu Renqing turns ever so slightly towards me. There’s a weight to their regard that feels borderline uncomfortable.

“Oh. They don’t seem opposed.”

“I’d be honoured,” Liu Renqing says and drops to one knee.

Feng Yu does the same. I swallow. I knew it was serious for them, but this serious? Then again, Feng Yu cancelled their friendship over the feud and ultimately the whole city will burn because of it. It is that serious. Okay, so they probably won’t die, but at this point a death sentence seems more likely than getting those two hardheads together. I look back and forth between them, then at the queen.

“We’ll leave it as an option for later, then. Consider yourself candidates, and as such I won’t be sentencing you now. But if even a word of this, including your candidate status, leaves this palace… I won’t be lenient again.”

“Yes, Queen Zhu,” both of them reply in unison.

Candidates, huh? Would they have to stay in the palace, if they were concubines? Maybe locking them up together would bring them closer. Then again, if I learned anything from binge-watching all those palace dramas, it is that the inner palace is generally the worst place to be. It's full of intrigues and lies and jealousy. Maybe keeping them out here is not such a bad idea after all.

“You may leave,” the queen says. “Everyone except Zhu Qiu.”

I watch Feng Yu and Liu Renqing join Zhu Chun to walk out of the hall. One by one they disappear, including all attendants. Finally I am left alone in the large space with the most powerful woman in the queendom, which happens to be my character’s mother. I try not to shake too much, but my nerves are agitated to say the least. Here’s a woman who casually jokes about executing people, finding herself very funny. I wish she was as dry and boring as her drama character.

Then, finally, everyone has filed out. The hall is deathly silent, so silent I can hear the flames in the lanterns flicker and burn. The queen stands up and I instinctively look down when she walks up to me, only to be suddenly enveloped in a pair of strong arms, face pressed into a shoulder scented with flowers. She holds me securely, but I am too astonished to even return the hug. Her expression is soft when we separate.

“I loathe that I only see you when something bad happens. But I can’t call for a disciple of Huoyun Sect without reason, nor can I visit you, my dear child. How are you?”

“You’re not angry with me?” I ask.

“I am a bit, but I know your difficult position, so far away from us. And you know I have to keep up appearances. Your sister has become lazy since nothing ever happens around here. It does her good to be jumping into action from time to time. I only worry about these two men. I know what they’ve been doing for the past two years, so we can only hope they’re loyal enough to keep the secret.”

“Despite their respective reputations and the fact that they annoy me to no end, I believe they’re men of honour and integrity.”

“If you say so I will trust your judgement.” The queen pushes some stray hair from my forehead and smiles. “I haven’t seen you in over half a year. How time flies. You’ve become even more beautiful. You look like your grandmother.”

If I remember anything, this is the highest compliment I can hope to receive, since the previous queen was revered by all until she died and her throne was given to her daughter, Zhu Li, who is the current queen.

“Now if you have any problems with Feng Yu or Liu Renqing, you will notify me. I know their mothers. They will deal with them.”

I wonder if she could order them both to marry each other. Like a political thing. I wonder what she would say if I asked this of her. Another option. I have to strategically build my deck of cards with these options, as if this was a game.

“I understand. But they mean no harm.”

“Are you considering one of them? They seemed not to be disinclined to become candidates. Ah, I see in your eyes that there’s something.”

I just nod. What else can I do?

“You’re not the crown princess. I won’t police your affiliations. But you have to perform your duties as the guardian. That is and will always be your foremost task.”

“I understand.”

“I know. You’ve always been dedicated and never complained, even when I had to send you away as a child. It was your grandmother’s last order before she left us, and even though I knew you had to do it, it wasn’t easy to let you go.”

Queen Zhu squeezes my hand and shows me a doting smile. I realise I shouldn’t take everything I saw in the drama at face value. There had certainly needed to be some creative licence to fill the gaps in Gui’s retelling and the queen lost a lot of motherly warmth through it in favour of building up Dai Qian’s character.

“Now, that said, you still let yourself be seen, no matter how accidentally. We of the dragon people only show our real form to our family or marriage partners, when there’s no life-threatening emergency that forces us. Since they both saw you, you have to choose one of them.”

“Choose?”

“Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t become you. You will marry one of them. They obviously already like you, and seemed to like you still, despite the potential threat I am to them and their families. They weren’t put off by the idea of becoming concubines either, it seemed.”

Great. Now I’ll never get them together. And if I do, it’s useless because I have to marry one of them anyway. We’re all doomed. Doomed. Gui chose the wrong person for this job. Well, it’s not like I volunteered for it. It’s his own fault for not doing job interviews.

“Don’t tell them yet, please.”

“Why?”

“I want to be able to choose one without them pressuring me even more than now,” I lie. As long as they don’t know, I still have a chance. A last chance. Maybe I can get them to elope… which actually wouldn’t solve the problem either. Ugh.

“Alright. As long as they keep quiet, we can keep it a secret. But if you don’t choose one within a year, I will make the decision for you.”

Ah, she’s still the queen. Of course. I bow my head. Sorry, Murong Zhiyu. If everything goes well, I won’t be here anymore in a year, and you will be burdened by my actions today. Hopefully she’s still sleeping and not seeing all of my shame.

“Not to influence you,” she says then, while her tone says the opposite. “But I am quite fond of the phoenix boy.”

My eyes widen. This is the last thing I expected her to say. Shouldn’t she be in favour of the military man, the son of her general? Not the city’s playboy?

“Why?”

“I have my reasons. I won’t say any more. Now run along back to Huoyun Sect. It’s late and while I can get my energy from moonlight, I much prefer sleeping.”