Warning: Scribbles of Humanity!

The ceiling light flickered before it cut through the darkness. An array of items sat on a large shelf to the back of the room. A few tables pushed to the side held some pens, pencils, and scattered notebooks opened to Grabby’s scratchy notes. A question mark shaped note pad opened to rule 3,127 slid to the floor.

“Is this it?” Darius grumbled, “I was expecting more.”

Grabby voice had extra screech due to stress, “You think magic items are just scattered about the ethereal plane for the taking? No, they aren’t. I have to hunt them. It’s not easy. And I already told you I’m a mere hobbyist. This is everything I have.”

Darius picked up a red velvet muffin, brought it to the edge of his snout, and sniffed, “Is this a baked good?”

Grabby jumped, “Hey, don’t just touch whatever you want. Yes, it’s a baked good. It never goes rotten and if you don’t eat it all at once, it’ll regenerate! It’s limitless muffin!”

“What if I eat it all at once?”

“Then you’ll become the muffin.”

“Good thing I only eat meat,” Darius returned the muffin and picked up a box, which he rolled around in his multiple hands. He tapped at it with his claws, “This thing open?”

“Gah! That box is full of envy! I sealed it tight. It has a lot of storage space but you’ll never be satisfied with what you have so long as it remains unsealed. You’ll just keep filling it pointlessly! I lost half my inventory to it, and no you can’t retrieve anything!”

Darius stuffed the box back on the shelf. He picked up a glowing red bottle held by a ball of human hands, “You weren’t lying about your stash being odd. This bottle looks interesting. Are those human hands?”

“The bottle is full of rhetoric. And the hands, they are human shaped wax models. They don’t really do anything except hold things and diffuse tension. But that’s why the bottle is inside them.”

Claws pulled at the cork sealing the bottle, “Rhetoric eh, so, it’ll make me a great speaker if I open it? I’ll be able to convince anyone to do anything? How much is it?”

Grabby jumped, “No! No! No! It’s not for sale. Defective! Defective! It’ll roast you alive with words. I barely survived the only time I opened it. It doesn’t really give you any abilities. Though most of the advice is on point.”

The human that bottle had once been had taken forever to change and wreaked havoc on the liminal library. Grabby didn’t even want to think about opening it again, “If you really want it, five thousand gold doubloons should suffice.”

Darius frowned and returned the bottle to the shelf, “I get the sense you’re telling the truth. It oozes passion,” Darious picked up a little white blob with a pen stuck in it, “What does this do?”

“It holds pens. You can’t damage it. And if cheese is nearby, it will point to it.”

The next item was sealed in a sound proof box. The seal sliced open from Darius’s sharp claws. A plush bone chew toy fell out. It weighed more than its size suggested, yet squeezed easily. Darius gave it three squeezes and it squeaked in response.

Wah! Wah! Wah!

“I don’t sense any magic in this.”

The imp backed away, “If you say the password it’ll explode. I tested it somewhere safe. The size of the explosions vary randomly.”

“What’s the password?”

“I’m not going to say it! Put it back and seal it. If you want to buy it, I’ll write the word on a note for you. Just keep it folded and don’t let the item see it. Stop opening boxes like you own the place. If you want something, point. I’ll explain what it is.”

Darius growled at Grabby as the squeaky bone went back in the box with a WAH! He put the box back on the shelf. Then he pointed to a game board.

“What’s this?”

“A game board for a human game called Go. I don’t know how to play it. The pieces won’t stray far from the board, but if you make it angry it’ll shoot a piece at you. It plays music sometimes, mostly instrumentals and orchestra.”

“Not interested. What do these socks do?”

“They fill with candy over time, but only if you hang them on a wall. Also they multiply into more socks, but the duplicates are just regular socks.”

Clawed hand rubbed his head as he picked up a plush cat-girl doll, “I sensed something amazing here and that isn’t it.”

The cat girl doll spun around in his hand, “Nyan, nya~, nya~, nyaaaa~! Nyan, nya~, nya~, nyaaa~! Nyaaaaa…” It continued spinning and singing in this way.

“So this thing?”

“That’s all it does as far as I can tell. But it’s really cute!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me imp,” Darius put the doll back. Once he stopped holding it, the singing and spinning slowed to a stop. Amid other useless trinkets was a star patterned bottle next to a metal bull on the bottom shelf. He crouched to grab the bottle.

Grabby jumped. Sweat flicked off his eyelids, “Wait, that’s-”

Darius flipped open the lid. The smell made him cringe. The aura made him cringe. Everything about it made him cringe. Grabby fell on his butt. His hands pressed to his chest. Tears bloomed on his lower lid and dripped in fat drops. Neither of them could move due to the weight of the sheer cringe.

“-concentrated cringe!” Grabby gasped.

-----

Jorseph examined the three keys he swiped. Finding out what these opened would be way more fun than sitting all morning reading some old books. Since Grabby was occupied, he didn’t have to sneak around. Not that he couldn’t just say he was looking for something to read. He wandered the hall until he found a short door. None of the keys worked. Then he found a cabinet. None of the keys worked. With so many keys on the back of Grabby’s chain, Jorseph wondered how many were duds.

An old metal door labeled cleaning supplies stood set back into a wood frame around a crumbling plaster brick wall. The first and second key didn’t work. Jorseph sighed in frustration. Maybe he would go read after all. The third key slid into the old lock. With a sharp turn, it clicked open. The door creaked into a dark room. Jorseph reached along the rough side wall for the light.

A swaying bulb shone brightly. Jorseph adjusted his hood over his eyes, checked behind him, then entered the supply closet. He left the door slightly ajar behind him.

Scrap wood and half eaten tiles sat next to a rusty bucket. An old mop sat in murky water. The shelf contained a bunch of odds and ends, boxes of nails, a doll head, a hammer, a green painted crow bar, and multiple boxes of gribble traps. A leather satchel caught Jorseph’s eye. It looked out of place wedged between the edge of the shelf and the gribble traps.

It was stuck in place pretty tightly. He almost fell backwards pulling it out.

The back of his sneaker jostled the bucket. The whole room trembled. The light bulb above his head swayed. Another earthquake? As he shifted to the center of the room, the tremors calmed down.

The satchel clasp was sealed but unlocked. Inside, a book tightly wedged boke exposed its spine.

“Another book, lame.”

If it was tucked away in here, it might be more interesting than anything on the shelves. Hopefully it wasn’t pictures of imp girls. He didn’t need that kind of trauma. This looked like a safe enough place to read it. He pulled the book out of the satchel by wedging it back and forth. The cover read: Lilly. There were several stars glittering. A crescent moon glowed brightly. The oval red ruby glowing from the center caught his attention.

Light from the bulb gleamed off the gem. The leather cover ran smoothly against his palms. Bottom hands tucked into his hoodie. Middle hands supported the book. Top hands opened it.

Pages turned violently as the book forced itself wide open. They buzzed as pages flipped left and right. Symbols flew upward in the vague shape of a human form. Jorseph struggled to close the book.

“Monster! Our lives! Give them back!”

It refused to close. A whirlwind of symbols caught his body as the book shot from his palms. Letters shot against his chest until he slammed his head on the back of the shelf and passed out. The symbols swirled over Jorseph’s body like a sarcophagus of ink.

“Give it back! I’m human. Human! GIVE IT BACK!”