Questioning

“Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” I ask Yui and Hope as they wait at my door. Since they both lived closer to each other, Yui had insisted on walking me back home first. “You can always stay the night, and I’m sure my parents wouldn’t mind.”

“No, that's fine,” Yui said, holding up a hand. “I wouldn’t want to impose, and besides, I almost wish something would happen so I could try out those powers again. L- UGGH!” She suddenly falls to her knees, clutching at her stomach.

“Are you okay?” Hope and I asked together as I knelt beside her, but she sprang up just as quickly as she’d fallen.

“I’m fine, I was about to s-... She stops herself again, looking up and then back to me and Hope. “Say my guardian’s name,” she said, obviously choosing her words very carefully.

“We can’t say your names?” Hope asked, also looking up. She paused as if waiting for a response, but then spoke again. “Why can’t you tell me now?... Ugh, fine.” Hope tugged at the ends of her hair and then promptly turned to leave, only turning when she realized Yui wasn’t next to her. “Well, come on,” Hope insisted. Yui just turned to me; her face held a smile bigger than I thought possible for her face.

“See you later,” she said, skipping down to meet Hope. “Let’s hope we run into more spirits on the way home.”

“What?! No! Why would we want that?”

“So I can clobber them, obviously,” they bantered as they exited the gate and headed down the street.

I went inside and heard the sounds of Papa snoring, fast asleep. As I pushed my broken door open, I saw the exact figure of light hovering near my dresser, like when he’d first appeared. Though he still appeared as a ball of light, I felt an aura like a human. The glow shifted, and I felt as though he was pointing at my bed.

“Sit,” he said sternly. I could feel him willing me to go to bed, so I climbed in and sat down on my knees. The air felt heavy as I waited for what happened next.

“I suppose an apology should come first,” he says with a small sigh.

“Apology? What did I do?” I wonder, furrowing my brow and tilting my head.

“Not from you, to you,” he says, taking a deep breath. “I never had any intentions of hurting Pearl, and I apologize that I had to threaten to do so to properly motivate you to leave in a timely manner.” I look at him, even more puzzled than before.

“I’m sorry you made me do this awful thing,” I thought. “That wasn’t much of an apology.”

“But it is all the apology you shall be getting,” he says in a self-assured tone. “Now, an introduction is in order,” he says in a resigned tone.

“Introductions? I guess that makes sense,” I thought, straightening my posture. “Just make a good first impression, and then everything should be-”

“Not you,” he says with a dismissive scoff before I can say anything. “I’m already very well acquainted with you, so allow me to introduce myself.” His words were sharp and impatient. His aura didn’t shift as he began his introduction. “My name is Khanethael, pronounced K-han-et-tha-el—right-hand angel to St.Michael the Archangel and second in command of the armies of heaven after him. I was personally appointed to be your guardian angel by the one true God, and since then, I have watched over you every minute of your life. I’m sure you have a great many questions that I will answer, but first, I have one for you.” His words were concise and wasted no breath or words. He spoke more directly, as if he were giving a report rather than having a conversation. He paused for a moment until I realized he was waiting for my answer.

“Oh- um, please ask away then,” I said

“How much do I need to disclose to prove to you that this is real?” He asked.

“I don't understand,” is all I could say.

“Alright then, guess we will be doing the full dump,” he said, seeming to lean back on my desk.

“Full dump?”

“Just stop me once you’ve heard enough,” he said, not responding to me. “As I already stated, I have watched over you every minute of your life, so we can start with the basics.”

“Hold, how could you-” I began to ask, but he just kept talking.

“Yuki GoKegawa, only daughter and youngest child of Samson and Serana GoKegawa.” He begins, firing off facts about my life in rapid succession. “You were born February 15, in the year of the Lord 2042, according to the Gregorian calendar, at ll:23 P.M., A sabbath day, eight days before the doctors expected.”

“That’s weirdly spec-”

“You were 45.5cm and weighed 2.953 kilos at birth. You’re now 152.1 cm and weigh 41.7 kg.”

“How could you know-”

“You were baptized in your family church, First World United Methodists of Tokyo, though it wasn’t called that at the time. It was the Sunday after your father returned to Japan. Your first sin was at three years, four months, and 13 days old. Most recent sin was your disrespect to your mother during your Bible study; before that, you lied to Yui that Hope was going to join the choir club.”

“I’m not sure that cou-”

“You’ve achieved marginally average academic performance thus far. No outstanding athletic achievements or talent for making friends. If not for Yui and Hope, you’d most certainly be a friendless outcast.”

“That’s a little ru-”

“Your favorite food is parfait with extra strawberries, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream. Your least favorite is green apples and caramel.”

“Don't make me out to be a pi-”

“Your first menstrual period was-”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!”I yell, finally shutting him up. He leans up from his relaxed position, glaring at being interrupted.

“So, have I convinced you then?” he asks in a condescending tone. “I could also date the last time you wet the bed or that time you-”

“I SAID THAT’S ENOUGH; YOU’VE CONVINCED ME!” I throw a pillow from my bed at him, but it just passes through him like he’s air.

“Glad we got that out of the way,” he says, relaxing again. “So how about we get some of your questions out of the way, hmm? Don’t bother asking. I already know what you’re wondering, and I have work to do once you go to sleep, so let us get started, shall we?”

“How could you know what I’m gonna ask bef-” I begin to ask, but he cuts me off again.

“So you stopped consistently wetting the bed by age eight but still did it on occasion until-”

“NOOOO!!!” I cry, throwing my other pillow at him; again, it passes through him like air.

“Let’s start with these,” he says, looking down at the pillows. “I will make sure to explain it as if you were a toddler so you can understand.

“Why would-” I try to say, but he doesn't react

“Because I do not want to be forced to explain again because you did not understand,” he said condescendingly.

“That’s a b-” I begin, but he cuts me off.

“As you saw, physical objects do not affect me. That is because I am a fundamentally spiritual being without a physical body. This means I can move through physical objects at will,” he says, leaning more and passing through the wall behind him, and then pulling back. “This is also why only you can perceive me. Normally, angels are imperceivable to humans, but I’m currently making my presence known to you through extreme, conscious effort. You are not ‘seeing’ me with your eyes so much as perceiving me with your soul. However,” he says, leaning down and picking up the pillow. “I can interact with the physical world to a degree if I choose. Such is the case with all angels, fallen and otherwise.” He tosses the pillow in my lap. “Understand so far?” he asks.

“I guess so, yo-”

“Yes, I’ve always been present. As my extensive knowledge about your life events has made clear, I have been observing you since before your birth. The reason you did not know was that I did not make my presence known. This is also the case for other angels. You will not know they are present unless either they or I make them known to you.”

“So wa-”

“I reveal myself to you now because The One True God has chosen you to join the war against the son of the morning, his true name I dare not say, and his fallen angels.”

“So was th-”

“No, what you saw in the park was a dead human soul, like your Abbot said. Fallen angels are a different beast entirely, one you will learn more about as you fight them.”

“Fight them? So-” I try to ask, but he cuts me off again.

“Yes, you will get power like Yui did. It is called transfiguration. When you transfigure, I will grant you access to power. No, that stunt with your cross was not part of your power; that was something unique to the cross. It is rather powerful to be able to fend off a wandering sprite all on its own, but it would be next to useless against all but the weakest of demons.”

“So wi-”

“No, I will not grant you access now because, on your Abbot’s orders, you are to be kept from combat to every extent possible. No, I do not know why, but it is not the place of a servant to ask why; simply obey.” I sit looking at him, confused. “How’d he know exactly what I was going to ask before I ever asked it?” I thought. “Could he also-”

“No, I can not read your mind, but I do not need to when your face is easier to read than a book. You should really thank your mother for keeping it covered like that rather than fighting her. Now, any other questions before I attend to my other duties?”

“Other duties?” I asked, still more confused

“Yes, you do not think Heaven’s armies run themselves? Or that the Second in Command is unneeded to ensure their smooth operations?” he asks as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“But I thought you were my guardian angel now?”

“For now,” he corrects. “Once you die, I will return to my post in heaven,” he says casually.

“What do you mean when I die!?” My heart sank at the thought. “Was I going to die? Was I in danger? What did he plan on doing that would lead me to death?”

“Well, of course, you are going to die. All humans do. Unless the end times come before then,” he continues casually.

“What do you mean? Don’t you know when that’ll be since you’re the se-”

“SILENCE!” he screams, suddenly shaking the whole room. My ears ring at his words, and I feel sick from the shockwave. “DO YOU MEAN TO MAKE ME AN EQUAL OF THE ALMIGHTY?!” he continues just as loudly, his words kicking up a breeze that makes my hair whip around uncontrollably.

“How would I-”

“IF THE SON DOES NOT KNOW THE DAY NOR THE HOUR, THEN HOW SHOULD I?” His words shoot through my head like an ax. I feel like it’s being torn apart just by his shouting. After a moment, the wind dies down, and his voice is still full of scorn.

“Do NOT! Compare me to the all-mighty. Should he be the Sahara, I would not even be a single grain of sand. Should he be the ocean, I am not even a raindrop. Should he be the sun, I am less than the smallest speck of dust.'' His words, while lower in volume, carry just as much anger as he hovers over me. After a moment, I hear him scoff, saying, “Enough of your questions, to sleep with you.” And with a snap of his fingers, I’m completely knocked out.

When I awoke, I felt a dull pain in my eyes. The spring morning sun shone on my face, making it all the harder for me to open them. After rubbing my eyes, I looked around my room. The events of the night were so unbelievable that I was almost hoping it was a dream. My door barely hung on its hinges, and the handle was wholly smashed, informing me it hadn’t been a dream, at least not all of it. I searched from one end to the other without seeing any sign of Khanethael, so maybe he was a figment of my imagination. That made the most sense; I’d had a terrifying nightmare, and Papa had come to comfort me. It seemed like a reasonable enough story, if a bit embarrassing. I was just about to get out of bed, as if that was the case, when I heard a voice from above me.

“It was not a dream,” it said. I snapped awake and looked up. There, hovering above me was the same ball of light.

“Guess it wasn’t a dream.” I think I'm heading downstairs. Mom and Papa are already there. Mom is at the stove while Papa reads the newspaper and sips orange juice from a coffee mug.

“There she is,” Papa says as I enter the room. “Did you manage to fall back asleep after last night?”

“Eventually,” I said, taking my seat. Mom set eggs and toast in front of me just as I sat down. I try to eat normally, but I just can’t get last night out of my head. I didn’t want to ask Khanethael any more questions and get him mad at me, so I guess I should ask Papa.

“Hey, Papa?” I eventually say.

“Yes, dear?”

“What… What do you know about guardian angels?” I ask, much to Khanethael's displeasure. I feel his intense gaze upon me as he hovers closer to my face.

“Not much, why do you ask?”

“Just curious, I guess.”

“Well, off the top of my head, they’re supposed to watch over us, protect us from evil… Few other things I’d imagine, but nothing comes to mind at the moment,” he says, tilting his head from one side to the other. Khanethael backs off from me a bit and shifts to look just above Papa’s head.

“No, she has not transgressed yet; questions are fine,” he says.

“Who’s he talking to?” I wondered, concluding it must be some other angel I can’t see, perhaps my Papa’s guardian angel. I thought about my next question carefully, wondering how to word it.

“What-what would you ask your guardian angel if you could talk to him?” I settled on it. Papa puckered his lips and looked upwards, considering his answer carefully before speaking.

“Not sure; I’d probably wanna apologize for making his job difficult. Can’t imagine I make it easy on him-.”

“At least he is self-aware enough to realize it,” Khanethael comments.

“But nothing, I won’t ask Jesus when I eventually meet him.” He grinned and looked at Mom, saying, “First, I’ll have to ask why he gives the most beautiful woman since Mary, the mother of God, to me?” Mom looked away, her cheeks reddening.

He went on to ask several more questions, ranging from humorous to flattering. I scarfed down my food as quickly as I could without Mom griping at me to get out of the crossfire of their flirting. Heading off to school, I wanted to meet up with Yuki and Hope as soon as possible, but we were separated due to our language classes. “If only I didn’t have French as one of my first languages,” I thought as each tic-tok of the clock took at least a minute to pass.

Once lunch started, we sat outside at a table in the courtyard. While the courtyard itself was pretty packed, we managed to nestle in a corner a ways away from prying ears. Or at least we tried, “You figured all that out in one night?” Yui cried out in shock and drew eyes our way. Apparently, Yui had interrogated her angel on how to become stronger, while Hope had been up nearly half the night picking her angel’s brain about all sorts of things.

“Do angels even have brains?” I pondered as Hope kept explaining. “I mean, they have to have something like a brain, or at least a body part used to process thoughts and-”

“We do not have brains as you're thinking of them because we do not have physical bodies like you,” Khanethael said, cutting off my thought.

“Huh!?” I gasped. “I thought he said he couldn’t read my mind, but he just-”

“I was not reading your mind,” he corrected, derailing my train of thought. “You were mouthing your thoughts like you always do, and I read your lips. I already told you your face is an open book, and that cloth does not block my sight.”

“Wait, I always mouth my thoughts!?”

“Yes, you started sporadically just after you turned five, but by nine, it had become a consistent habit,” he explained. “Be grateful your dress blocks human eyes, though. Otherwise, others would surely think you a strange fool for always mouthing what you're thinking.”

“You okay, Yukki?” Yui asked, looking at me concerned. “Why’re you looking off into space?”

“She’s probably talking with her guardian angel,” Hope interjects.

“I thought we were supposed to do that in public? Hey, why'd you tell me not to do that?” Yui asks, looking up.

“Yui!” Hope says, waving at her to put her head back down. “It’s so that other people don't think we’re crazy. Others can’t see them, so it looks like we’re just talking to ourselves.”

“Ohh, that’s right,” Yui says, nodding along. “I guess Yukki just has an advantage; she can just whisper under her nikamma or whatever, and nobody will notice.” Her face flashes as if coming to a sudden revelation. “Is that why you’ve always mouthed things to yourself? Have you been able to see your angel all this time and just didn’t tell us?”

“What? No, and what do you mean by mouthing things to myself?”

“Ya know that thing you do where you just go-” she says and then begins to flab her lips as if mumbling.

“I do not do that!” I cry, slamming my chopsticks down. “Do I?”

“Yeah, ever since I’ve known you, at least,” Yui says confidently.

“Tell me she’s lying,” I commanded Hope. But all she can manage is a dispassionate “well” and a smile.

“Oh God, why?” I question, planting my head on the table.

“Honestly, I thought that was why you started dressing like that,” Yui continued. “To cover it so nobody else would see.”

“Can we please drop it?” I ask my head still on the desk. For a second, I’m almost worried that the red of my cheeks will pierce the brown cloth just like it did my skin. “Change it back to the topic at hand? Yui, were you saying something about how to become stronger?”

“Oh yeah, right.” She says, forgetting my embarrassing habit, just as Pearl is presented with a new toy. “So I asked how to become stronger, and he told me that he could train me further in my martial arts. Isn’t that cool!” She said with joy and enthusiasm radiating from her eyes. “Of course, I wanted to start right away, but he said I had to sleep; it was such a buzzkill. But said the best way to become stronger right now is to keep myself from sin.”

“Keep yourself from sin?” Hope asked.

“Yeah, he said, the closer my walk with God, the more powerful I’ll become. Pretty cool, right?”

“Interesting,” Hope said, looking like a scientist who just made a significant discovery. “That could suggest our powers wouldn’t come from the angels themselves but God, or that they have to keep a special distance away from us to prevent falling to sin themselves, or maybe-” She looks up slightly as if hearing a new voice. She’s silent for a moment and then looks downcast. “So that’s another thing you won’t tell me,” she lamented, looking disappointed.

“What do you mean, another thing?” I asked.

“Well, last night I asked him a lot of questions, but didn’t like too many answers. Of course, I wanted to know about major disagreements in the faith like the nature of Christ, the end times, creation of the world, and such, but for so many of them, all he gave me was a Bible passage.”

“A Bible passage?” Yui asked.

“Yeah, apparently, they aren’t allowed to tell us anything faith-related that we couldn’t find on our own, and the best way to make sure they don’t do that is to give us Bible verses relating to our topic instead of giving us answers directly.”

“But wouldn’t the answer change depending on what translation you used?” I asked, thinking how our family's Geneva Bible wasn’t the most popular English translation anymore.

“I asked about that too, but all he said was, ‘That’s where you must rely on your faith.’ he actually said that to a few of the questions, so I really left with more questions than answers.” Hope looked down, and I caught a rare glance of frustration in her eyes. “It was just like asking my father questions. Never giving me a straight answer, and answering my questions with more questions.”

“Maybe you could give us a list of questions to ask our angels, and they’ll give us different answers,” Yui suggested.

“That won’t work!”Khanethael says sternly, glaring at Yui and then at me. “We shall all give the same answer.” I flinch at his harsh words, and I notice Yui and Hope doing the same.

“Did you guys just receive the same backlash as I did?” Yui asks

“I think so,” Hope confirms, and I nod.

“Rest assured, you are not the first to try deceiving us in this way, so there is no point in you even trying,” Khanethael says confidently.

“They sound so confident,” Yui says under her breath, taking another bite of her bread. We all eat in silence for a moment before Yui’s eyes pop with another epiphany. “Hey, wait a minute!” she yells, scaring Hope, so she nearly drops her sandwich. “What about that order of Mary thing The Abbot was talking about?” I look at her, surprised; in all the commotion last night, I’d completely forgotten about that. I look to Hope in earnest, hoping she’ll have the answers. Instead, I’m met with another exasperated sigh.

“‘The Abbot will explain that to you in due time’ is all he’d tell me,” she said, much to our disappointment.

“Oh, come on!” Yui says, slamming her hand on the desk and nearly crushing the remains of her bread. “Are there any questions he actually answered? Or was it all ‘refer to your Bible,’ ’ rely on your faith,’ and ‘The Abbot will explain in due time’?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Hope says, shrugging her shoulders. “Yukki got anything useful out of yours?” They both look at me, and I glance up at Khanethael, feeling his gaze intensify.

“Do not share details about my person with them,” he says with a stern look. “It was to build a relationship with you, not for you to gossip about.” “Build a relationship? Gossip?” I wonder what he thinks of me when Yui breaks me out of my thoughts.

“She must be getting more info,” she says, looking at me eagerly.

“Not really,” I say, putting down my chopsticks. “He spent most of it telling me my whole life story, explaining why others can’t see him and how he can interact with the physical world, then yelled at me and put me to sleep.” I feel his gaze intensify at my words, but I do my best to ignore it as Hope looks puzzled.

“He put you to sleep?” she asks.

“Yeah, just snapped his fingers, and I was out before my head hit the pillow,” I explained, snapping my fingers to emphasize the point.

“Fascinating,” Hope says, twirling a finger in her hair. “Can you do that too?” She asks, looking up.

“We can all control your bodies like they were our own,” Khanethael begins to explain. As he does so, Yui and Hope look up as if they are also receiving an explanation from their angels. “As told in the Gospel of Luke, when the Archangel Gabrielle came to tell Zechariah of John the Baptist's birth. Zechariah questioned the Archangel, and Gabriel rendered him unable to speak until the birth of John. Much like that, I can control all your body's subconscious processes. I cannot move your arms and legs as you do, but I can control things such as your heart rate and your feelings of hunger, block or intensify pain, and even control the flow of blood to aid in regeneration or keep you from bleeding out.”

“Fascinating,” Hope says again. “What about sleep? Yukki said she was forced to sleep. Isn’t that mostly brain chemistry?”

“That I have limited power over,” Khanethael explains. “I can induce or reduce feelings of fatigue. All I did last night was stop reducing your feelings of fatigue. Given how exhausted you already were, you fell asleep nearly instantly.”

“So you can’t create new feelings or sensations, just sharpen or dull those that already exist within our minds?” Hope asks.

“Essentially, yes, but there are far more restrictions when it comes to feelings that lead to sin. We all have the same control, but I will not exercise it so that no one can say your sin or virtue is not upon your own head.” The way he spoke made it almost seem as if he were having a conversation with Hope, even though she couldn’t see him. So then…

“Why did you say ‘I don't exercise’ when talking about controlling my feelings that lead to sin?” I ask, much to the surprise of Yui and Hope. “Had they been told something else? But didn’t they already say we’d all get the same answer?”

“Because that is up to the discretion of the guardian angel,” Khanethael explains. “We have free will, the same as you, but given that we are created perfect and have no pathway to redemption, our penalties for sin were not taken by Jesus Christ, the Son of God. They shall be upon our own heads, and we shall pay for them in full at the end of days.” His words are heavy, and I feel the air become heavier at our table as he speaks. Yui and Hope look just as downcast, so they must’ve received a similar answer this time. We eat for a moment in silence, and I contemplate Khanethael’s words, making sure to keep my lips closed. “So angels will have to face their punishment at the end of days. Could that be why he’s so displeased with his station?”

“If you have a question, then spit it out!” Khanethael demanded, nearly making me choke on my food. “Your eyes look like one with a question, but as I already told you, I cannot read your thoughts, and I refuse to look at your mouth while you perform such a disgusting display!”

“Disgusting display? Did he mean chewing?”

“How is it that all humans perform such an essential duty of the Lord wrong? Surely, he did not look in such a way while on the earth, and yet they have learned nothing from his example.” While he continued prattling on, I piped up with an idea, rather fed up with his attitude and demeanor.

“So after school, you guys wanna make a stop?”I ask excitedly. “The diner near the station is releasing a new parfait, and I figured we could split it.”

“Nah, that’s okay,” Yui says, waving her hand. “We can’t split it because I’d want it to drown in the caramel, and Hope would want a lot of apples, and we know you can't stand either. I actually have a better idea of what we will do after school today.” She rubs her hands together with an eager grin.

“Why don’t we go looking for more ghosts to fight?” I look at Yui, shocked but not surprised that she would suggest an idea. Her grin of excitement couldn’t be any further from Hope’s mouth, falling agape with dread.

“Huh?” is all I could manage to say. Her words took me by surprise as well.

“Come on, if we go and find more, then you guys will be able to see what cool powers you get. We could even get some more answers out of that Abbot guy.”

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea,” I say, trying to change her mind. “I mean, didn’t The Abbot say he’d contact us about our next mission?”

“But would it be better to show some initiative? Come on, Hope, you agree with me, right?” I turn to look at Hope, and her face is ashen. It’s not hard to imagine why, thinking back to last night's events. Hope had been clinging to me, crying. I’d seen her freak out during a scary part of a movie, but nothing like that.

“I doubt Hope will agree with you. I mean las-” I begin to say, but Yui cuts me off.

“Hope’s a big girl,” she says. “She can answer for herself if she wants to go or not.” Yui turns to Hope and smiles expectantly. “You think it’d be great to go ghost hunting, right, Hope?” I look and see Hope’s hands shaking and her lips are trembling. I’m not sure if Yui just doesn't see it or if she doesn't care, but she pushes further. “Come on, Hope, just say yes, and we can g-”

“NO!” Hope says a bit louder than she probably meant to. “No, I don't want… that was… I-” she stumbles and stutters over her words, then begins packing up her lunch.

“Hope you do-” I try to say, but she’s already packed up and rushes out of the classroom. I look at Yui, who seems more shocked by Hope’s reaction.

“I… Didn’t mean to…” Yui starts to say, but doesn't finish. I turn away to chase after Hope, leaving Yui staring at her food.