"War Breaks Out!"

"Race to the Sea"

I made my way through the crowded hall and trekked toward the front entrance. The majestic nature of our school's front gate is a sugarcoat of what actually happens here. Those who visit from the district's administration board take on look at the front entrance and give a decent rating on the school. The district has no time and money to thoroughly examine and change the school so there is no point in trying to get them to do so. I've only attended this school for about a month and I feel confident I understand the complex nature of its existence. I understand the reasons on how this school magically keeps itself alive. Yet, that is irrelevant to the situation on hand. 

Lynn A. Kawanaka, she has so many A's in her name it almost reflects her report card. Maybe it's her repressed nature that brings her attracted to an 'average' student such as myself. Maybe I am a decent person? I can't swallow that pill yet. Also, why am I even thinking this? This is a one time deal and a one time deal only. This hallway traffic really gives me way too much time to think. My thoughts encase my body and they bring me to another world beyond this planet. My thoughts are nothing but consistent speculations and other shit that can flood my mind. It's hard to realize what is in front of me. As I think these words, I feel my body once more. A sudden impact to my chest, the air from my lungs eject stronger than usual and blast out my throat. I'm thrown off-balance and confused. Did I just crash into a kid? After a split second moment of pondering, I realize that I indeed have crashed into a kid. I take a look at the floor in front of me...that kid before me is none other than Franco. 

"Hey Johnny, how was class?" Franco speaks to me while still on the ground. Does he not comprehend the fact I have just pushed him down. He rubs the back of his head and breaks eye contact. Reluctantly I reach my arm out to lift him off the ground.

"I'm sorry about that Franco." I say as I finish lifting him.

"Oh it's no trouble." He looks down and then makes eye contact with me.

"Class was alright, right now I'm going to meet Lynn to hand out with her." I guess I have no shame in explaining my situation which lead me to ram the guy.

"Where are you two 'love birds' headed to." Franco asks this question with great exaggeration. As he swoons his words, I can only contemplate committing second-degree murder right now, or maybe attempted battery/assault. I feel the frustration build within my body.

"We are not love birds," I hammer this point down firmly, "we are just friends going to the mall." I say with slight tension in my voice. I begin to clench up, I'm already stressed out about the situation and I don't need this kid interrogating me about it. I feel embarrassed and pissed off. I am losing my cool right now. 

This boy, he starts to prepare himself for his next words. I had a gut feeling that he was going to provoke me. A happy person he appears, but I know that his happiness comes from harassing others. I may not know too much about you Franco Vargas, but I know you are not to be trusted. My worst nightmares manifested, "so...do you plan on you know what?" Franco seriously says this to me. Tilting his head in my direction, about to elbow me.

"I don't know what." I say with repressed anger, fists clenched.

"Are you going to fuck?" Franco finalizes his suspense with the most vulgar thing I've heard from him thus far. I stand back, frustrated by the embarrassing questions he has paraded me with. He danced with my clear confusion and distress. I lose my composure. Who the fuck says that? I don't know him that personally so who the fuck asks that? In complete shock I profusely stare at him.

"No." I reply with a firm and tense voice. My muscles are going to have a spasm if I continue to clench this intensely. I cannot help it, I feel offended. A wave of heat surges my body, from my toes to my head I feel a sense of embarrassment. The question is so inappropriate, it's so personal, it's so stupid. I'm not the type to boast about who I've fucked! Yet, here he is pushing me. I'm stuck in utter amazement to the uncomfortable conversation that just took place. 

He gave me a wink and a sassy grin, "Alright then man, good luck with her." He then waltzed away. Waving as he disappeared into the opposite end of the hallway. Where the fuck was he even going? The front gate is the way that I'm heading. 

I'm no stranger to sexual talk, but I am a stranger when it's personal. Franco looks so innocent, why would he ask that? It's a mystery, an anomaly. Once again that guy surprises me. I don't understand him. He seemed to be the most innocent guy here, and that's saying a lot because teen pregnancies are a common place in these neighborhoods. Still, that situation makes me uncomfortable. I try to drown it out as I proceed toward the front gate. 

I make it to the promised land, the front gate. In the distance on my final stretch I can see Lynn. She looks the exact same as earlier which is obvious. I then start to question, could I be attracted to her? No, I will not be. There is no way. She's not my type. She isn't right? I don't know. I have to forget my troublesome mind in the moment. No longer can the construct of my deeper thought present a barrier from connecting to the outside world. I have to stop overthinking. 

"Hey Johnny!" She exclaims to me while darting her hand in the air to flag me down. It's as if she's trying to get a film crew to get the right angle on me as millions watch to see me go on a 'date' with Lynn Kawanaka. I feel like I'm coming in for a landing on runway twelve. Using her exaggerated hand gestures as a guide I think to myself; holy shit this girl probably gets no attention at home. 

In a nonchalant voice, "Uh, hey there Lynn. So, how are we getting around? How are we getting to the mall?" Realizing I should have asked this question earlier, I'm asking now. How are we going to get across town to the mall? It isn't super far, but I don't feel like walking across the city with her, and especially not through some neighborhoods we might have to pass by. 

She then tells me, "The bus can take us three quarters of the way there, the walking distance from that point is not too far at all." Lynn is a lot more organized than I imagined, she knows her bus routes. Come to think of it, it is a strange detail that there is no bus stop at the mall, most malls are hotspots for buses and it would help bring more of a crowd. 

I put my hands together, "That sounds like a plan." I reply to her strategy and almost immediately she grabs me by the hand. I've never actually been grabbed by the hand like this before, especially not from a girl. I shiver slightly and my body jolts. My sense of touch is sensitive, I haven't been touched much in my life, I don't believe I can remember a warm embrace of another person's hand. It's a strange feeling, I feel kind of uncomfortable, like it's wrong. I might have to ask her to stop. Yet, the feeling of warmth surges me, but the enjoyment is cut short as she begins to race me to the nearest bus stop. As we cut through the grass field I can feel my arm get sore from the yanking on Lynn's behalf. 

As we are dashing she turns to look at me, she takes notice to my confused face, "The bus gets here in five minutes." She says to me then smiles. I now understand the rush.

I grasp reality for a second and ask, "Why didn't you think of the time earlier?" We could have left for the bus as soon as we met at the front gate and talked on the way there.

"Live in the moment Johnny, just flow with things and catch up later!" She exclaims her enthusiasm. After we cut the grass fields, we make it to the bus stop. The bus stop is as basic and broken down as you can imagine. The plastic screen that simulates glass is graffitied on and scratched up. The movie that's being advertised is a poor quality comedy. Above all the bench was rusted and not all of the bolts were there to hold it to the ground. As I visually explore my surroundings, the bus arrives just in time. The door for the bus opens and the bus driver looks like she's been doing this way too long. An older woman she doesn't even say hello. Lynn enters the bus first and pays with her dollar, I then reach into the pocket of my jeans and grab a loose dollar that I had. Right as we find a seat for the two of us, the bus jolts forward and I fall into my seat. Lynn then gets a little closer to me, "So...how was your day?" She asks me an arbitrary question as her first real engagement with me.

I nod my head and look toward the seat in front of me, fixating my eyes on the handrail that sits atop the seat, "It was a day, not too bad," I tell her without much passion, "I kept running into Franco and that was weird." I finish my recount with Franco because I know she knows him.

"Are you and Franco friends?" She then proceeds to ask me.

"I wouldn't say we are friends, he's a nice soul and we have had conversations here and there." I speak the half-truth about Franco to avoid getting to deep. The situation we had earlier still bothers me to some degree, but I don't need Lynn knowing about it.

"You seem to be the type to push people away Johnny." She says to me in a voice that sounds both confrontational and demeaning. I feel a little offended by her words. My body immediately tenses as she brings her head closer. What the fuck does she want with me?

She then puts her hands out in front of me and approaches me with more trust, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I get this feeling that you close yourself off. I would like to get to know the inner Johnny, the one that not many see." She then places her hand on my shoulder. I don't believe I've had a hand placed on my shoulder before in this manner. The action almost makes me lose sight of the situation, but I anchor my conscious back to the world. 

I pull back a little, she lifts her hand from my shoulder and places it upon her lap, "What could you possibly want to know about me?" I say these words to her in a voice that sounds more insecure than defensive, but I do mean to be defensive. I don't want to verbally assault her, so I hold back my tension.

She then raises the excitement with her own voice only slightly that it's still appropriate for the situation, "Just tell me anything about yourself." She says in a brighter tone. I take a moment to pause and think, then she does the same. Placing a finger on her cheek she soon lights up with an idea, "How about this, what is your favorite childhood memory?"

Now that is not something I would know since my childhood wasn't much to be honest. I stumble with my words, "Uh...I-I mean, I'm not very sure--" I begin to look around the bus.

"Come on, there has to be something fun that you did as a kid, you had to at least have one fun memory." She then gives me a hard stare and my eyes make contact with hers again, she places her hand slightly closer to my own. 

"Listen, I grew up in a place where growing up was hard. The only childhood memories I had were with my friends, but that was rare and far between." I say with concern, instead of frustration I feel concerned. I feel like I can't escape speaking about the past, but the past has nothing to offer. I feel an inner heat rise up from me. My sanity feels like it is diverging and creating a sinkhole of lava.

"Well what friends?" She asks.

"Well, there's my friend Nathan...and...my friend Luis..."

"Near"

Spending time with Lynn and realizing how different of a person she is to myself as well as noting the similarities. I can't help but remember what it was like to be younger and even stupider. I used to hang out with my friend Luis almost everyday, we would hang out with Nathan too, it would be our own little trio. One of the last times we got to hang out together, the situation was almost as unorganized as with Lynn;

During the summer between eighth and ninth grade, right before I became a freshman in high school, me and Luis bussed it to the Los Angeles River to explore like we did as kids. Usually these kinds of days were typical, nothing was of note except that this time we missed the last bus of the night. Staying out later than usual we had to walk home, and I tell you that walk was brutal...

"Luis, are you fucking kidding me?! If your ass didn't want to explore that broken tunnel, then maybe we wouldn't be walking home in the middle of East Los Angeles late at night!" I was clearly frustrated with the predicament we faced. The consequence of Luis' decision to explore further than usual. We had fun, but now we had to pay the price for that fun. The walk down that first street was depressing. We had passed a liquor store that was both lively and dead. The bright fluorescent light beaming from within the building stuck out in the poorly lit streets of East Los Angeles. The wires of the telephone lines follow the sidewalk, and the cracked streets from thousands of cars speeding over the asphalt over the years reminds you that this city doesn't look as good as you thought as a child. What was once your home, the place where you can imagine no counterpart, was now a desolate place that you wanted to escape. 

Luis was there to interrupt my overwhelming thoughts about the scenery, "Johnny, you act like everything is supposed to go as planned. Answer me this, we had a good time right?" Breaking my frustration, Luis gave a comforting smirk at me. I forgot just how easy it was for him to deal with me. He knew me better than I could know myself at times.

"I-I mean..." I stuttered with my words.

He looked at me with victory in his eyes but humbleness in his heart, "Exactly. This is just the consequence of a good time bro. Every action has a consequence of the opposite, if a good thing happens then a bad thing will happen, if a bad thing will happen then a good thing will happen. It's going to be alright man, there is no need to be upset if we enjoyed ourselves in the moment. Now it's time to push through this punishment together." Luis told me those words, and I can't forget them. His tone was comforting, he was able to dig out my angry and cold shell that I can place for protection. He had a deep mind for our age and I know he's going places.

At the time I gave into his philosophy, "Yeah, you're right, I just hope we don't get shot." I was afraid in the moment, back then I was always afraid, nowadays I'm still afraid and paranoid.

That was a surprisingly beautiful night. The stars couldn't show because of the smog and lights of the city. There were clouds masked in the darkness and the downtown skyline was clearly in view. Although a sight like that is a reminder that you are nothing in this city, it made me feel a sense of comfort, like even though I was miles away from my bedroom, I was still home. 

Separating from Luis was one of the more difficult parts of my life. Luckily, he is still around he just attends another high school. Without him I do feel a little lonely, however I know that he is still here in this city that we share. Luis is one of the greatest minds that I have known, very calm and collected. Luis tries to respect nature and fate, he avoids hindering and complaining. Luis flows with the world and he only wanted the best for himself and those that he cared about. Going to different schools is sad, but that is life really. You meet those who are most compatible with you, and some unforeseen circumstance diverges your friendship, then you might be forced to deal with those who are incompetent in your eyes. However, even miles apart I'll still be friends with Luis.