.Swan Song

Inside, the atmosphere was far more terrifying than I had imagined. Flames had spread everywhere, forming a sea of embers whose heat stung to the bone.

Only a few steps in, I already felt a painful burning sensation on my ankles.

I knew I didn't have much time…

Most of the stairs were already charred. Some of them crumbled and broke when I stepped on them. I was forced to find alternative footholds; banister poles, wall ledges, or anything that was still sturdy. Several times I had to swing and climb just to get one floor higher.

I ascended floor by floor. Falling, slipping, even being hit by burning pieces of wood multiple times; pushing through debris and hot dust swirling in every direction. But I didn't stop. I kept finding a way.

In my mind, I briefly hoped that the fourth floor hadn't been completely engulfed by the flames. I clung tightly to that small hope, so I could save the baby in time.

But it turned out... my assumption was wrong.

The fourth floor... its condition was almost just as bad.

With visibility dwindling, I no longer relied on my eyes. Now, only instinct worked; sensing direction, guessing where the baby might be.

Fortunately, the baby gave me a signal—a faint cry almost drowned out by the roar of the fire.

That sound led me to a small room on the right side of the corridor. With all my remaining strength, I kicked down the door.

And there I saw it...

A tiny baby, lying on a small bed almost crushed by debris. A dividing wall seemed partially collapsed and nearly fell onto the mattress. But miraculously, a half-toppled wardrobe held back the rubble.

Carefully, I embraced the baby, holding it tightly in my arms—wrapping its tiny body more thickly with a blanket I found near the bed.

With bated breath, I exited the room and began searching for a way down.

But as soon as I reached the threshold of the stairs, my steps halted...

All I found were stairs completely burnt away. There was no longer any foothold.

I paused, momentarily at a loss for what to do. My mind raced, searching for an escape amidst the enveloping fire and increasingly suffocating smoke.

But in the middle of that deadlock, a loud knock came from the direction of the window—followed by a voice shouting from outside.

"Hey! Over here, quick!" yelled a firefighter through the thick smoke shrouding the window.

Without a second thought, I immediately ran towards the window. My breath was ragged, my body almost unable to withstand the heat that continued to burn from all directions.

“H-Here, sir... the baby…” I stammered, handing the baby through the narrow gap of the window.

The firefighter took the baby from my hands and held it tightly in his arms. “S-Stay right there, okay? I’ll get the baby down first,” he said before climbing down the rescue ladder hanging from the side of the building.

Moments later, he returned, coming up toward the window, his face now showing a bit of relief. “Come on! Step onto the ladder—it’s okay, I’ve got you!”

Enduring the searing pain in my feet—which were now almost roasted—I forced myself to climb towards the window. I tightened my grip, trying to hold on until I could reach the rescue ladder outside.

But once again...

Something happened so quickly; the building's roof collapsed and immediately fell onto the window where I was about to exit—sealing it shut with burning wood debris and metal fragments.

“Hey! Try lifting it! It should be light, man! Hurry…!” shouted the firefighter from behind the pile of rubble.

But I just stood there in silence, trembling.

I... I had no strength left.

Half of my body was already burned, my skin blistered, and the pain was excruciating.

My vision was also blurring; it felt heavy just to open my eyelids.

Yet, amidst the last vestiges of my consciousness, I could still manage a faint smile. In a low voice, I replied to his shout, "I-I'll find another way, sir..."

I don't know where that conviction came from.

Slowly, I began to run out of options. Staggering, I dragged my steps towards the upper floor, the only direction I could still go.

I took off the thick jacket, which now only added to the burns on my skin, leaving my body fully exposed to the hot air.

I lowered my head for a moment, staring at my arm—now blackened and throbbing with pain. My skin was cracked, radiating a sharp, searing agony that made my body slowly fall apart.

Ah…

I was starting to lose control. This pain... it had far surpassed anything I could endure.

On this sixth floor, everything started to blur, and there was only one decision that kept calling to me like a whisper.

At the end of the hallway, I saw a large window. A window that looked like an exit, the only empty space not filled by fire or debris.

A window that emanated the thick darkness of the night, framing the red blaze of fire around it.

With my body half-conscious, I crawled towards that window. My hands and feet trembled as I climbed its barrier. Below, I couldn't see anything but shadows and hear sounds.

I took a deep breath—perhaps my last.

Then I jumped.

And let it all end…

…

But fate, cruelly...

I thought everything would end instantly. I assumed my death would be as swift as my jump and over in a flash.

But it wasn't.

This consciousness still held me here, making me realize I was still alive... lying on the hard, cold ground.

I could feel a piercing pain throughout my entire body. Warm blood streamed from my head, pooling on the side of my face. My arms and legs were crushed, twisted into grotesque positions.

My breath was heavy, as if my lungs refused to work with several broken ribs. My body was hot, as if roasted in embers; the pain was utterly agonizing.

Faintly, I became aware that I was now surrounded by many people. Their shadows circled my prostrate body.

Then, a familiar sound of crying echoed from a distance—the sound of the woman from earlier. I could feel her trying to push through the crowd with hurried steps and uncontrollable sobs.

"Th-Thank you, sir... Th-Thank you... I'm so sorry..." she whispered faintly, her voice breaking. Cradling her baby, she knelt beside me, resting her forehead on my charred chest.

She repeated her thanks and apologies countless times, over and over, in a gesture of profound regret.

But I was happy to see her baby safe. Still breathing... still crying... that meant it was alive.

Grow up and take good care of your mother, just as she fought for your life tonight. She cried... she screamed... she pleaded for your safety. Someday you'll understand how meaningful a mother's love is.

Don't worry about my sacrifice. I am a nobody. Life and death are merely about passing the torch in a relay race.

If someone ever blames you for causing a death with your presence—then hold your head high.

Because your presence allowed someone to die with honor, by giving another person a chance to live.

Because by saving you, that was also another way for me to survive.

Don't lament this event too much; it was all the will of nature to continue the process of life through different individuals.

…

Soon after, I also felt someone else approach. The soft voice, full of regret, came from the firefighter from earlier.

“I’m sorry, sir… if only I had gotten there sooner…” he said, sobbing, his sentence cut short by heavy breaths.

I actually wanted to answer him. But my body was too damaged for that. My lips were numb, and my mouth could only open slightly without uttering a single word.

You came just in time.

Your urgent knock on the window earlier was more than just a glimmer of hope.

I can't imagine, if you had been even a little late, that baby might have been roasted with me.

So please, don’t carry that guilt too deeply.

Your duty here isn’t just about saving one or two lives.

You carry much more than that—protecting the hopes of many; the lives that still have a home to return to, families waiting, and love that anchors itself to their survival.

It’s alright...

Consider this a risk. In a job as tough as yours, there's no guarantee that everyone can be saved.

Besides, to save one innocent soul...

Exchanging it for one stained with shame and sin—was far too cheap a price.

Thank you... for being there.

…

Now, all that remains is the cold—slowly creeping from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes. A cold that gently deceives the pain, masking the heat of my burns and pulling my body into a long, unbroken silence.

Slowly, I felt someone move beside me. With care, they lifted my head and rested it on their lap.

They stroked my forehead so softly—trying to ease me into comfort in what little time I might have left.

And with each moment, the cold deepened...

My vision blurred, as if veiled by a blinding layer of white fog, dissolving the edges of reality.

Even my hearing faded, leaving only a long, hollow hum—a distant lullaby from a world slowly slipping away.

So… this is what dying feels like.

Forgive me…

But this is how my life has always been—

The result of a journey that forever walked in the wrong direction.

A path with no signs. No clarity about what role He ever meant for me to play.

Only imperfection, ever faithful, trailing every step I took—guiding me from behind.

Even when I tried walking the right way, it always ended in a dead end.

And hope? I never found it. Not even in places they claimed to be the holiest.

Though memories stayed within reach, the answers… they lived only in the pockets of my own fantasies.

And from there, I began to fall—spiraling into a world dark and silent.

There’s nothing I can offer, except blood and tears.

I’ve tried to walk the path of good, even in blindness—feeling my way through a life so empty, filled only with lies stacked upon lies.

Because I knew… I lived in a world no one else could see.

A world where only my senses could feel and understand.

And now I try to leave behind every infection that was never healed…

To leave behind every wound that never truly closed...

In the weariness of exhaustion...

In the fear I never had the chance to share.

...

And to You, who are above—

No need to trouble Yourself by tormenting me for the happiness of others.

I can do it myself...

Thank you for giving me the chance to live within the mirage of paradise You created.

As a final conjunction—the close of the tyranny of perfection You glorified—You bestowed upon me life... as a heap of lowly, breathing flesh.

Once again, thank you.

...