.Swan Song

Inside, it was far worse than I imagined. Fire raged everywhere, a sea of flames scorching down to the bone.

Only a few steps in, I already felt burning pain searing my ankles. I knew I didn’t have much time.

Most of the stairs were gone, charred to ash. Some crumbled under my weight. I was forced to climb using rails, walls, anything still standing. Several times I had to cling and crawl just to reach one more floor.

I fought my way up, floor by floor. I slipped, fell, got struck by burning debris, swallowed dust and smoke. But I kept going.

I held onto a fragile hope—that the fourth floor wasn’t yet completely devoured by fire.

I was wrong.

The fourth floor was just as ruined.

With my sight dimming in the smoke, I stopped relying on vision. Only instinct guided me now.

Then, through the roar of fire, I heard it—a faint cry. A baby’s voice.

It led me to a small room on the right side of the corridor. Summoning the last of my strength, I kicked the door open.

And there—

A baby lay on a small bed, nearly crushed by falling rubble. A wall had collapsed halfway, stopped only by a broken cupboard leaning against it.

Carefully, I lifted the baby, wrapping it tighter in a blanket I found nearby. Holding it close, I turned and began searching for a way down.

But at the stairwell, I froze.

Nothing remained—only charred emptiness where stairs used to be.

I hesitated, mind racing for escape, lungs filling with smoke. Then—bangs on the window. A voice cut through the roar.

"Hey! Over here, quick!" a firefighter shouted through the haze.

Without a thought, I staggered toward him, gasping, my body nearly failing.

“H-Here, sir... the baby…” I stammered, handing the baby out through the window.

He grabbed it firmly. “S-Stay right there, okay? I’ll get the baby down first.” He climbed down the hanging ladder outside.

Moments later, he returned, more relieved. “Come on! Step onto the ladder—it’s okay, I’ve got you!”

With my legs scorched raw, I forced myself toward the window, clutching for the ladder.

But then—

The roof collapsed. Debris slammed into the window, sealing it with burning rubble.

“Hey! Try lifting it! It should be light, man! Hurry…!” the firefighter shouted.

But I just stood there, trembling.

I had no strength left.

Half my body was burned, skin blistered and peeling. My vision blurred, eyelids too heavy to keep open.

And yet, in that fading awareness, I smiled faintly. “I-I’ll find another way...”

Where the resolve came from, I didn’t know.

Dragging my broken body, I climbed upward—the only way left.

I took off the thick jacket, which now only added to the burns on my skin—leaving my body fully exposed to the hot air.

I lowered my head for a moment, staring at my arm—now blackened and throbbing with pain. My skin was cracked, radiating a sharp, searing agony that made my body slowly fall apart.

I was starting to lose control. This pain... it had far surpassed anything I could endure.

On this sixth floor, everything started to blur, and there was only one decision that kept calling to me like a whisper.

At the end of the hallway, I saw a large window. A window that looked like an exit, the only empty space not filled by fire or debris.

A window that emanated the thick darkness of the night, framing the red blaze of fire around it.

Half-scorched, I crawled towards that window. My hands and feet trembled as I climbed its barrier. Below, I couldn't see anything but shadows and hear sounds.

I took a deep breath—perhaps my last.

Then I jumped.

And let it all end…

***

But fate, cruelly...

I thought it would be over instantly. That death would be quick.

It wasn’t.

I was still alive, sprawled on cold ground.

Pain consumed me. Blood poured from my head—soaking my face. My arms and legs were broken—twisted grotesquely.

My chest heaved, ribs shattered, lungs refusing to work. My body was aflame with agony.

Dimly, I sensed people gathering around me, their shadows circling.

Then I heard a familiar cry—the mother’s voice. She forced her way through the crowd, clutching her baby.

"Th-Thank you, sir... Th-Thank you... I'm so sorry..." she sobbed, kneeling beside me, lowering her forehead onto my charred chest.

She repeated her thanks and apologies over and over, in desperate prayer.

But I was glad. The baby lived. Breathing, crying—that meant alive.

...

Grow into adulthood.

Take care of your mother, as she has fought to keep you alive tonight. See her tears, hear her cries, feel every prayer she whispered only for your safety.

One day, when you understand the world more deeply, you will realize the immeasurable love of a mother—one who kneels, humbles herself, just to see you breathe.

Don't worry about my sacrifice. I am a nobody. Life and death are merely about passing the torch in a relay race.

If someone ever blames you for causing a death with your presence—then hold your head high.

Because your presence allowed someone to die with honor, by giving another person a chance to live.

Because by saving you, that was also another way for me to survive.

Don't lament this event too much; it was all the will of nature to continue the process of life through different individuals.

***

Soon after, I also felt someone else approach. The soft voice, full of regret, came from the firefighter from earlier.

“I’m sorry, sir… if only I had gotten there sooner…” he said, sobbing, his sentence cut short by heavy breaths.

I actually wanted to answer him. But my body was too damaged for that. My lips were numb, and my mouth could only open slightly without uttering a single word.

...

You came in time.

Your knock on the window was more than hope.

If you had been a moment late, the baby would have burned with me.

So please, don’t carry that guilt too deeply.

Your duty here isn’t just about saving one or two lives.

You carry much more than that—protecting the hopes of many; the lives that still have a home to return to, families waiting, and love that anchors itself to their survival.

It’s alright...

Consider this a risk. In a job as tough as yours, there's no guarantee that everyone can be saved.

Besides, to save one innocent soul...

Exchanging it for one stained with shame and sin—was far too cheap a price.

Thank you—for being there.

***

Now only cold remained, spreading from head to toe. Cold that dulled the pain, masked the burns, pulling me into silence.

Someone lifted my head gently onto their lap.

They stroked my forehead softly, trying to give comfort in what little time I had left.

The cold deepened.

My sight blurred, shrouded by a white mist erasing the edges of reality.

My ears heard only one long ringing hum, the song of a world drifting away.

So this... is what dying feels like.

...

Forgive me.

But this is my life...

The result of a journey that forever walked in the wrong direction.

A path with no signs. No clarity about what role He ever meant for me to play.

Only imperfection, ever faithful, trailing every step I took—guiding me from behind.

Even when I tried walking the right way, it always ended in a dead end.

And hope? I never found it. Not even in places they claimed to be the holiest.

Though memories stayed within reach, the answers… they lived only in the pockets of my own fantasies.

And from there, I began to fall—spiraling into a world dark and silent.

There’s nothing I can offer, except blood and tears.

I’ve tried to walk the path of good, even in blindness—feeling my way through a life so empty, filled only with lies stacked upon lies.

Because I knew… I lived in a world no one else could see.

A world where only my senses could feel and understand.

And now I try to leave behind every infection that was never healed…

To leave behind every wound that never truly closed...

In the weariness of exhaustion...

In the fear I never had the chance to share.

...

And to You, above—

You no longer need to punish me for the sake of others’ joy.

I can do that myself.

Thank You, for letting me live in the mirage of heaven You created.

As a final conjunction—an end to the tyranny of perfection You glorify—You gave me life... as nothing more than flesh, breathing.

Once again, thank You.

...