Ch 2 - Dylan

My body jumps up as I rub my forehead in an attempt to get myself together. I’ve been having more and more nightmares lately, which might have something to do with how much I’ve been having more suicidal thoughts. I check my watch, and it reads one o’clock in the morning. It’s annoying to say the least, but I get up and head to the rooftop for some air.

Once I got outside, I found someone sitting comfortably in one of the benches. It’s the guy who interrupted me the other night. I think he was looking for his jacket. When he notices me coming in, he smiles and gestures for me to join him. I sat down opposite of him on another bench and I took in the late night breeze.

“Hey, I’m Alex! You are?” He greets me, obviously waiting for an answer with a smile that has no right to be there this early in the morning.

“Oh. I’m Dylan.” I answer. He smiles again as some sort of affirmation.

“So, Dylan, what brings you up here on this fine morning? Last night too, I hope I didn’t bother you or anything.”

“I uhh-”

“Speaking of which, if I may, what were you doing here last night? If I didn’t know any better, I would assume that you were—” He raises an eyebrow and stares directly at me. I look away, and his smile fades into terror.

“Oh.”

We sit in silence and the discomfort grows. I struggle to find the words to tell this stranger how I feel, how I’m so dissatisfied with how things are, and how I’m so done with my life right now. As the tension keeps building, I try to speak

“I…”

“Hey, Dylan.” He begins to speak.

“I’m glad you’re here talking to me in one piece. If walking in on you had stopped you from jumping that ledge, then…”

“Stop that. I don’t think you can even begin to understand how I felt that night, or how I feel right now. I don’t think it’s right for you to act like you understand me.”

“I know that, and I’m sorry if it seems like I’m being presumptuous. You’re right. I wouldn’t know how it feels like to be you. I’m my own person and you’re your own, but all I know is you don’t deserve to just throw yourself off of this building.”

For some reason, I can’t bring myself to hate him. He means well, after all. On the contrary, I’m glad that I could at least talk to someone about it, even if I don’t really have much to say. I guess it’s better than just writing everything down in a stupid notebook.

“Hey, look. It’s really late. We gotta run, or else we might get caught. Tell you what, I’ll be here every night if you want to talk.” He gives me an empathetic smile that half annoys me, but at the same time gives me a hint of comfort.

“Yeah.”

We both sneak out quietly and go our separate ways and I return to my room and get ready for bed, but I’m greeted by Natalie, who looks at me with a look of disapproval.

“Uhh… I couldn’t sleep.” Sweat forms on my temple.

“Uh huh. A likely story. You worried me! At least leave a note for me or something, Dylan.” She then smiles and signals for me to get back to bed, which I comply with.

I slept in the next day and asked Natalie if she knows someone named Alex who’s probably about her age and also a patient here. She stops and thinks for maybe a whole minute, but she confirms that she doesn’t have anyone who fits the description. I find it weird at first, but there are a lot of patients here, and Natalie couldn’t possibly know all of them.

Later that night, I sneak out again to the rooftop, making sure to leave Natalie a note this time.

“Went to get a drink and some air. Be back in half an hour or so. -Dylan”.

I spot Alex there again standing near the ledge, just enjoying the view and wide awake, humming an oddly familiar song. It might be one of the songs Natalie shared with me. I sit down on one of the old benches.

“I feel like I’ve heard that song before somewhere.”

“Really now?” He gives a satisfied smile and waves, leaning on the ledge to face me.

“So, how are you doing lately? You seem a bit less on edge. Are things looking up?”

“I uh... I’m working on it.” I give a resigned smile as we talk.

We talk for a little bit more and then we both leave after about an hour or so. Natalie’s a great friend, but I’m glad I could talk freely with someone other than just her.

Once I got back to my room, the first thing I noticed was Natalie’s reply over my note.

“Normally, I wouldn’t let you do things like these, but I’ll allow it since you don’t get to go out much. Just make sure you’re well rested and don’t forget about your condition. Don’t make me regret giving you my trust!” I smile at her note and head off to bed. 

Nat's so sweet.