Ch 3 - Dylan

Meeting up with Alex became a habit where we could just talk about anything at all, and we didn’t even need to talk about anything specific. We talked about things like how shitty my father is, or how he really cares about his sister, or how I’ve been trying to kill myself, in which he always talks me out of, or sometimes how he wouldn’t shut up about his favorite bands and how he enjoyed making music, which gets him pumped up, but melancholic at the same time for some reason.

“Hey, wake up, sleepyhead! You’ve been sleeping in since you started going out again at night. I sure hope you haven’t been doing anything questionable.” Natalie warns.

“What kind of questionable thing do you think I would do?” I laugh and shoot her a reassuring smile.

“Whatever it is, make sure you keep safe!” She warns.

“I guess I missed going out, so I sometimes grab a drink from the vending machine and walk around. I’m okay though.”

“Alright, alright! I concede. It does seem like you’re less grouchy lately. Speaking of, I’ve been thinking. Maybe it would also do you some good to get an indoor hobby. Maybe try picking up an instrument, perhaps?”

“...So I could be like that guy from the band you really like?” I teased.

“Hey! Being in a band is a great way to be popular with girls!” Natalie retorts.

“Duly noted. I’ll be one of those rock stars if I ever get out of this place alive.” I say, only half-joking this time.

“You do that. No beer, though! You’re still a minor!” She says, hitting my shoulder.

“Hey! I don’t even drink beer!” I say, shaking my head. She laughs and exits before I could say another word.

Damn it, Nat. I laughed it off and watched the movie she brought for me, and then went up the rooftop to see if Alex came up, but he wasn’t there. Huh. Weird.

I hang around the ledge where I first met him and look down to the ground. It’s funny how much of a difference time makes. I’ve been driven to the edge so many times now that I’m starting to think I just might be meant to be kept alive, or at least I’m hoping.

I stare down the ledge like I’m in some kind of trance with my head still in the clouds. I feel like I was never meant to live a peaceful normal life in the first place. I’ve been hoping for something, anything to pull me out from this shit.

At this moment, as if the world suddenly decided once again to go against me, I feel a chill down my spine and the cold wind leading me off the building, as if there’s a voice telling me to throw myself off.

I can’t breathe. It hurts. I feel nauseous. Air. I need Air!

“Dylan? What are you doing here— Dylan?” A muffled voice fills the silence.

“Dylan! I need help over here on the rooftop! It’s Dylan… Yes… Over here!”

Is that… Natalie?

I woke up with a really bad headache the next day.

What the hell happened last night?

What I think I remember was being up on the rooftop. Alex wasn’t there, and I saw the ledge, and then…

And then…

A nurse checks in on me while I try to make sense of what happened. A few minutes later, Natalie enters and rushes into my room distressed.

“Dylan! You’re awake!”

“I was so worried. What were you doing there?” Natalie cut me off before I could say anything.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me up there. I was just out for some air.”

“Do you know that the rooftop is off-limits? Dylan, you were up there all alone, and when I found you, you looked so pale, as if you’re…” She stopped.

“As if I were dead?” I can’t help but smile a little bit.

“That’s not funny.”

“I’m sorry, Natalie. It’s just been so hard for me, you know? I’ve always just been up here in my room, like I’m just waiting to die. I don’t know when I’ll get out of this place. Hell, I don’t even know if I’ll get out of here alive. I’m going crazy here, Natalie. Going up there on that rooftop may as well be the only thing keeping me sane.”

Natalie falls silent. After about a minute, she closes her eyes and takes a breath, resigned.

“Okay. Give me your phone”

“Huh?” I reach for my phone, still confused.

“I’m giving you my number. I’ll keep this incident a secret and allow you to go up the rooftop for your walks. I’ll cover up for you if I can, but you have to promise me that every time you go up here, you message me. I at least need to know you’re safe.”

“You’re the best, Natalie.”

“I trust you, Dylan. Okay?” I replied with a nod and

I spend the rest of the day sleeping things off as if I hadn’t slept for days, waking up only to go back to sleep.

I find myself constricted, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to think. A shadow seems to be lurking about. Another nightmare?

It’s just the chemicals, Dylan. I feel so light-headed, so weak, so… Wake up!

I wake up feeling like shit; not that it’s anything new anymore. It takes me a few minutes to get back to my senses. I’ve been having nightmares ever since I could remember, and they haunt me most nights, so it’s hard for me to sleep. I had nightmares about falling, my teeth falling out, and ones like this one where I’m frozen in my bed, unable to move.

“What the hell is wrong with me?”