Lol* H*tler Versus Sigma Male

As I stepped into the forest, I heard the buzzing of insects, the droning of bees… and, wait—did I just hear the sound of butterflies?

Okay, never mind. Let’s focus on something more important.

At that point, I had no clue what lay ahead. Probably death. A swift and brutal end to my miserable little life. But at least for now, I was safe.

For now.

I didn’t know what kind of sick options the future was about to throw at me. So, I had to start thinking tactically—strategically. What was the best way to survive?

First rule: confuse the enemy. Honestly, I was ridiculously lucky today. Not only did I escape from that aura-farming, long-chinned boss man, but I also made it out alive from that white-haired kun.

Come to think of it, that level of luck was borderline supernatural. But luck doesn’t stick around forever. Or even twice, for that matter.

So next time I found myself facing another deadly encounter, I’d better be prepared. If I stumbled across an enemy and had zero plan, then bluffing was my best bet. Just full BS mode—layer lie on top of lie—and pray it worked.

And if the bluffing hit a dead end? Well, I’d fall back on those “skills” I picked up during university. You know, the time I studied engineering by day and joined the drama club for the extra credits?

Yup. That’s right. I once played a hero who thought death couldn’t kill him. Full circle, huh?

The plan would be simple: tap into my acting skills and pretend to be some overpowered badass in this insane world. Combine that with a little brain power to pull off smart tricks and clever manipulation, and boom—outwit these reality-breaking monsters without ever throwing a punch.

Wit over magic. Mind games over muscles. At least, that’s what I hoped.

Maybe being cunning was actually one of my strong points. Or… so I thought.

Anyway. Time to move forward and make my way through this mysterious forest.

As I wandered nonchalantly under the trees, I suddenly heard something. Footsteps. Multiple pairs of them. Coming from the west—9 o'clock.

I immediately froze. Then I crouched down and began sneaking, slowly and carefully, toward the edge of the forest.

Turns out, a group of people were passing through—dozens of them. Marching on foot, quiet and serious.

And not just any group of people—no. These were famous characters. Well-known. Iconic. Leading the pack was—

“THERE’S NOTHING TO LOSE! WE CANNOT LOSE THIS WAR!”

Of course. No surprise there.

A blonde German girl in full military uniform. Looked like she was twelve. Her soldier’s gear practically swallowed her tiny frame.

Next to her stood a red-eyed dude who looked like a literal devil. No joke—horns, aura, the whole edgy anime package.

And when I glanced around, I spotted… elves? Elves?! And demons too?

Hold on—weren’t these characters from anime shows I used to binge-watch?

What was this? Some kind of multiversal anime crossover? An all-star battle royale?

I had no idea who they were fighting, but the little girl kept shouting her speech:

“LET’S TURN THEM INTO PIECES! THEY ARE A GROUP OF PIG BSTRDS WHO ARE AGAINST THE ORDER MADE BY GOD!”

Yeah. That gave me chills. Real goosebumps. These lines didn’t sound cringey at all—unlike the wannabe villains I’d heard earlier.

It was like watching a live-action performance. Flashbacks hit me—drama class in college. That one time I performed as Thanos Valdigold. Honestly, I felt like I belonged in this moment.

I guess me and her… we weren’t that different, motivation-wise. Though I’d probably never admit that out loud.

“RAGE, MY SOLDIERS! RAGE! GIVE US YOUR HEART! LET’S TEAR DOWN THE OPPOSITION!”

Oh. Wow.

Yet another German anime icon, rallying her absurdly OP squad like a war general. And I swear to God—I saw the Kamehameha guy standing somewhere in the back. What the hell was happening?

So… German vs German now? Guess I should’ve brought popcorn. Too bad I didn’t have any.

Suddenly, the group charged into the clearing. And just like that, the battlefield exploded into chaos.

I didn’t catch all the details, but blood was flying everywhere. Magic spells lit up the air like confetti at a rave. Aura farmers clashed swords on the frontlines like this was some tournament arc on steroids. Healers and support casters took cover in the back, ready to patch up any wounded tanks.

If I’d been caught in the middle of that? I’d be dead meat.

So, naturally, I stayed put. Sat quietly behind the tall grass, just watching. Hoping I’d survive long enough to—

SWOOOSH!

A surprise attack struck my face. My beautiful cheek.

One of the fighters had somehow noticed me—and nailed me with their weapon.

I looked down at the object that hit me.

A freaking lance?!

Oh my god. I was actually this close to dying, wasn’t I?

Nope. Nope nope nope. I am not dying like this. I needed to run. Find somewhere safe. Or at least somewhere less lethal.

Without wasting a second, I bolted out of the grass and sprinted for my life.

This time, I was heading east. Maybe I’d find a different part of this world—or some backdoor into a place that didn’t have literal anime gods fighting on every corner.

I ran so fast, I forgot about everything else. Even though my stamina was already in the red (old soul problems, smh), I just kept going.

“Ouch!”

I tripped.

My left foot slammed into a tree branch and launched me off the ground—straight into a cliff. A steep one. The kind that screamed, “You’re not coming back.”

Was this the end of my life?

Maybe. But at least… no regrets.

I tumbled violently, my body ragdolling down the slope like a poorly rendered physics glitch.

And then, just when I thought I was about to be turned into river paste—I stopped.

Not by hitting a rock. Not by a miracle bounce.

No. I hovered. Inches from the river, and another deadly drop below it.

It was as if magic had caught me mid-fall.

I couldn’t move. My entire body was frozen. But I turned my head—and saw her.

An angel?

No… an elf.

A gorgeous elf with silver hair and piercing purple eyes. She stood above me, calm and collected, like this was just another Tuesday.

“Hello there. Are you lost or something, hm?”