Fated Paths

The words carry the weight of the stars with them, almost as if that’s why there are none in the sky. My mind is full of things forgotten and unattainable, pondering on why my name can’t be spoken, why my thoughts and feelings have taken this form.

I pause for a moment, with the only sound for solace being the rain that’s begun pouring, painting the world in a transparent haze. I look up towards the empty sky, with only the moon for a light. My hand clutches around this message that was shot from somewhere by someone, unable to make a decision or even come to a conclusion, I guess my only choice is to run…to the edge of this world.

Where or what that entails, one can only find out by trying. I wipe the tears away from my eyes while gazing up into the void of the sky.

Is that even the sky? I ponder to myself, wondering if something so empty is truly above me or below me. At this point, anything could be real and not real all at the same time. The weight of everything that’s been said so far lies at my feet, in the puddle of my sanity left by my tears.

I question whether or not taking another step was even worth it, but then again, wondering why the moon continuously spins around the Earth wasn’t going to help me either.

The world around me is quiet, cold and painted in a spectrum of grey hues. Each one carrying the reminder that I’m far from home, and far from any answers. As i begin to walk through the city centre, staring at the flowers that bloom without colour, and the leaves that shake without sound.

At least the world around me isn’t at a standstill, I conclude, the world around me was moving, but each second felt like an eternity had passed. With each step I took, echoing throughout the world around me, each raindrop piercing my overwhelmed silence like an arrow through glass.

They often say that movement is greater than stagnation, yet each step I take seems to stagnate my thoughts even more. Each problem I find seems to pull me closer to the ocean. Each crash of the waves pulls me further under. As I take a step, trying to reach out, I inevitably get pulled back again.

“Will this ever stop?” I question, almost as if asking the world around me for an answer, but like I expected, the world doesn’t answer.

Perhaps it’s time I tried to ask myself?

I stop and lay my gaze towards something shiny, something that is able to reflect the light that fights through the clouds. I walk over to it, questioning what could still hold some light in this monochrome world.

Before my eyes lay a phone, not an old-fashioned one, but a smartphone, the edges were curved, and the back was black in colour. I wasn’t too sure how it got here, but for some reason, the feeling of the phone brought me a sense of solace. It was almost a fragment of the old world.

A fragment of me…perhaps.

I held the phone up to and pressed the button to turn it on, but all it returned me was the sound of my finger pressing against the button. Disappointed, but the feelings didn’t settle in my face; instead, mixed feelings were returned.

A sense of overwhelming calmness.

Like the waves were lapping at my feet, pulling me further from shore, but I didn’t mind.

I wasn’t thinking, but thoughts filled my head. I wasn’t talking, but a conversation formed. I wasn’t listening, but the sounds of the leaves filled my head. I continued my stroll, taking it one step at a time, with the phone clutched to my chest, the only reminder of home.

Was this calmness, or delusion? I questioned, wondering if the stress from everything had made me lose my sense of reality…and self.

I get to a point in my stroll where the parts of the buildings that were further from me begin to warp. They look like they have colours seeping out of them, but as I get close, the buildings stop. As far as the eye can see, the world in front of me is full of colour, hope and vibrant.

The world behind me was still painted with the hues of the moonlight.

“I guess, even the most perfect world can lose its colours,” I say, reaching my hand out to try and grab even a strand of colour. Before I could, my hand was stopped by something, a wall.

Ripples spread from where my hand made contact with this wall, and as I spread my fingers out, more ripples spread through the transparent wall.

Only able to see but never to touch.

Always in reach but never grasped.

Forever chasing what cannot be held.

I ponder the meaning of what it means to chase things that may never be held.

Why spend our lives chasing something if it isn’t guaranteed?

“Is there any point to the pursuit if the goal is unattainable?” I question, trying to draw the logical conclusion from my emotional question. I see the faint outline of a hand that reaches out and touches mine. The only thing separating us is a barrier that cannot be seen.

A voice from beside me speaks out and asks me what it is I seek. I turn to see the familiar lady in white. Her snow-like dress flowed around her body.

“I seek the ability to wake up without questioning who I am, to walk through life without a regret to do with myself,” I answer, my gaze shifts towards her crimson eyes, a direct contrast to her pale white skin and white lashes.

“You seek acceptance and forgiveness for yourself?” she questions, her voice calm and reassuring.

“But what do you seek forgiveness for?” She asks, her face seems puzzled as she asks this question.

“For not being the person they thought I would be. For not rising up to their expectations, I guess.” I reply, while my grip tightens around the phone that lies beside me.

“You carry the weight of their expectation?” She inquires, her eyes look calm and kind, almost as if their inviting me to open up.

“I guess I do,” I reply, before pausing for a moment to think.

“What’s your name?” I ask, realising that despite all her help, I hadn’t asked for her name once.

“Hmm, a name…”She pauses for a moment, almost as if trying to find one that would be the perfect fit.

“You can call me The Shorekeeper.”

The Shorekeeper, I think to myself, wondering how the scorekeeper became the overseer of this realm.

“I can tell you're wondering you know.” She smiles, her face lighting up with a sense of satisfaction.

“I’m the one who looks after the border between your body and your thoughts…” She pauses for a moment, taking only the amount of time needed to breathe “I watch over the thoughts that can cause waves, and ensure they don’t harm the shore”.

“I see…thanks for the explanation”, I pause for a moment, waiting for my thoughts to catch up. “You seem to know everything”, I inquire, wondering at just how amazing this woman is.

“I know what you seek, but not what you don’t. I know you and this world”. She replies, her voice as calm as it was when we started, her eyes staring into my soul as if they were consuming me.

My gaze lowers” Tell me which one is stronger? Is it the person who shoves everything within and has the strength to walk through life with a smile on their face. Never letting their thoughts or true feelings come to light.”

I pause for a moment, only to take a breath.

“Or is the stronger one the person who looks at it all and faces it. The one who lets it all be seen and still continues to walk through life?”

“Which path is…the correct one?”

“Which path do I choose?”

The Shorekeeper places her hand underneath my chin and tilts my head higher. Her eyes reflected my face or rather the state of it.

“The strength of burden or the strength of revelations” She whispers, her voice a silent retreat from the world around me. “Both paths carve scares into the soul, but not all scars mean the same thing.”

Her gaze settles into mind, clear and merciless. “To carry quietly is to endure, yes. But silence corrodes. To confront aloud is to risk judgment, rejection, and pain. Yet it is in exposure that we find connection, and sometimes…redemption.”

She brushes a strand of hair from my cheek, and her tone softens, peaceful like the sounds of the waves.

“You ask which is stronger, but strength is not the question, is it?”. She leans in closer, her eyes like endless oceans.

“ The real question is…”

“What kind of freedom do you seek?”