Chapter 10: Stalactites

In the The Tears of Nephelai, the player never really sees the ceiling of the Well-Done Dungeon, and I'm here to report that it's nothing remarkable.

I've stared at this ceiling for about 4 hours now. In any other situation, I would think this to be an incredible waste of time, but since I can't move right now anyways, all I can do is look at the ceiling. I don't even have enough strength to roll over. I've been counting the stalactites to keep myself entertained. Doing so has reminded me of simpler times, when a younger me went hiking with my parents. I would always get stalagmites and stalactites confused, so I just called them cavesticks for a long time.

Ah, I lost count.

Well, I survived the battle. Somehow. The Bratty Ratties have all been defeated. Just like in The Tears of Nephelai, the bodies of the enemies all poofed away in a cloud of blue smoke. One of them even dropped loot. I feel like I should be happy that I survived, but all I feel is confusion. Everything about this battle system is super inconsistent.

For one, unlike the Hero, my battles are more like an Action RPG. The notion of taking turns does not apply to me. In some ways, that's good, and in most ways, that's bad. In the context of an Action RPG, a clever player can dodge most of an enemy's attacks. For someone like me, who clearly lacks defense, this is an enticing tradeoff.

But the gift of moving around freely also comes with the caveat of learning the attack patterns of every enemy I encounter. I have a slight advantage going in based on enemy animations and my understanding of their stats and movesets, so it's not all hopeless. Even with that knowledge though, actually fighting an enemy hand to hand provides so much more variables than one could account for. I should've realized that with Reuben, or even with Cooper, but I suppose I was a bit hasty.

That's simply a reality I'll have to get used to. Having my battles be in the style of an Action RPG is fine. But having the system actively favor my opponents is a whole different problem. A Bratty Ratty scratched me, and I bled. Wouldn't it be fair to assume that if I hit them with an axe, they would also bleed? I'm not someone who is particularly partial to blood or anything, but the dull thud of my axe against the very exposed Bratty Ratty neck provided me with the most profound sense of disappointment I've felt in a long time.

And also, a sound effect played when I hit the damn thing! Why?!

That goes against everything I know about my current status! There's no background music in the town or down here, nor in battles. Every time I do an action, the jingles are absent. When I fought Cooper and Reuben, my soundscape was silent. Why did a sound effect play during my battle with the Bratty Ratties? There's no explanation for why it happened, this system is inconsistent!

I can't even be happy about the prospect of leveling up! After the four Bratty Ratties were gone, I heard the “battle clear” sound effect that has graced my ears many times. As soon as I heard that, I knew the game was kicking me while I was down. I don't feel stronger, and my wounds aren't healed. In The Tears of Nephelai, a level up gives the character a full heal, and all their HP and MP is restored. Assuming I'm at Level 1, I should have received experience points.

My bleeding, aching wounds tell me that the dream of gaining experience points died with those Bratty Ratties. I’m not going to be leveling up in this lifetime.

I feel terrible, physically and mentally. Even though I have scratches that I should theoretically be able to ignore, I don't have the motivation to get up. These feelings mimic the aftereffects of meeting the Hero. Does the game punish me for trying to do my own thing even in battle? Or is this the result of that strangely powerful adrenaline I felt during the fight? I can't figure out the pattern, and that annoys me.

How am I supposed to enjoy a challenge run of The Tears of Nephelai when the game can't even decide its own rules? Is there something I'm missing? What possibility have I not discovered? Before I confronted Mast Tersheff, I absolutely wanted to figure out what the intricacies of my system are. I wanted to make the rules bend to me just in time for the Frying Festival. With the special day being so near now, it’s clear I won’t reach that goal. All I can do in the meantime is experiment and hope for some good luck.

For now, I think that'll do.

After counting the stalactites yet again, I conclude that I can see 274 from this position. That's quite a lot, if I think about it. If Mast Tersheff was buried under here, he'd surely suffer some grievous injuries. Mast Tersheff does make a reappearance later in the story, and his design does become more intimidating. At that point, he's missing an eye, his fuzzy fur has changed color, and he's got multiple scars. The Hero and stalactites surely did a number on him.

If Mast Tersheff truly has any sense about him, I think I'd like to prevent that. There doesn't need to be any hardship for someone who is already going through tough times.

My stomach grumbles as I stare at the ceiling again. I've been purposely eating light for the upcoming confrontation, but it sure isn't pleasant. I miss my usual ramen brand that I could just easily prepare in a couple of minutes. I miss a soft bed. I'll never know the conclusion to that manga I was reading, and my online acquaintances will eventually only view me as a ghost. It could be argued that my vanishing wouldn't have an effect on anyone, and overall I had no lingering attachments, but there are still certain aspects I can't help but miss.

I’m not sure I’m completely fine with compromising on this though. Maybe the reason I'm pursuing the Hero is because I miss my previous life more than I thought. Beyond even just a picture of my parents, that pendant is the only evidence that I ever existed somewhere else. Did I value my past life that much? I didn’t think I did. In my last life I became a shut-in who barely went out. I worked from home, and I had groceries delivered to me. In a world that was cruel, I made it bearable for myself. It wasn’t the best existence, but it worked. Did I really cherish a life where nothing moved?

I took my surprising new form as an opportunity to explore the outside more. I mean, in a world where I know almost everything, surely it wouldn't be cruel to me, right? An opportunity like this could lead me to many new things in a way I could understand.

But my status as an NPC has denied me even that hope. Once again, the world throws confusing rules at me, ones that contradict each other and make no sense. I thought I had understood something one day, but the answer became different the next day.

The Tears of Nephelai never changed. It was an older game that never re released, and was never updated. That's why I liked playing it. The experience of fully understanding something grants me a comfort that I crave. It's fun to discover new things, but it's better to understand everything. At least, that's what has always worked for me.

At times like this, I wonder if I'm just desperate to not forget things I held precious to me. I’d like to say I know what I want, but sometimes, I’m not even sure what I want in the first place.

Ah, geez. Something about my current pathetic position is making me remember my previous life and spiral into a dangerous thought process. Now that I can't constantly distract myself with the new experiences of this world, I'm forced to fully acknowledge what has happened to me.

I should break out of this mindset. Regardless of how I felt back then and how I feel now, this is an opportunity. If I'm already here, then I just need to focus on what's in front of me. If the world is confusing, then I’ll make it bearable. There's no comfort without struggle, I already knew that. I'm just in a bad mood because something that I thought I knew has become twisted by my own presence. I've polluted the very game I love by becoming a character inside it, and now the rules I cherished have broken apart.

But it is what it is. I'll just do what I have to. If I need to become the Demon King to shut myself away again, then I'll make that happen. All I need to do is try my best to enjoy everything in the meantime, and everything will be fine. Once the game ends, I’ll live as I please, and even if things are confusing, I’ll find my own way to understand the world.

Since my body still refuses to move, I start counting the stalactites one more time.