Behind glass walls

„Can I copy your homework?“

Rebecca, who wasn't paying attention to her surroundings, too busy doodling in her notebook, tensed up. Her head snapped around, coming face to face with one of the girls from her class. Her gaze landed on some invisible point over the girl's shoulder and with almost robotic movement reached into her bag to retrieve her homework sheet.

„Thanks!“

The girl snatched the paper and rushed to a group of other girls from her class who sat by a window, waving it in the air like a flag. Once she was at a safe distance, a quiet huff escaped Rebecca's lips as she picked up her pencil and turned her attention back to her unfinished doodle of a small brown dog with a bone in its mouth. I should have said no... With a deep, annoyed sigh, she closed her notebook and leaned back in her chair. I don't even feel like drawing anymore... Looking around the classroom, she spotted one girl sitting alone in the very front. From what Rebecca heard, her name should be Maya. She had met her few times before since they both get to school pretty early, so they had the opportunity to talk face to face and Rebecca actually found herself gravitating towards her. She had this aura around her that one just had to notice. Rebecca truly wished to be friends with her.

But she was pretty late and Maya already began hanging out with two other girls from their class, Sophia and Victoria. She looked around, not seeing the two anywhere. This was her chance. Slowly, she found herself standing up from her seat and making her way to the front so she can talk to her. 

„Hi!“

She leaned against her desk, putting on the best smile she could muster. Maya looked up at her, her blue eyes meeting Rebecca's brown ones, but was quiet for a moment. When she didn't say anything, Rebecca took it as a sign to continue.

„The homework was pretty hard huh? Uhm, so anyway... I have some time today after school before my bus arrives. Wanna go get ice cream?“

Silence. Maya just stared at her, her face expressionless. And Rebecca just stared back, confused. Did she say something weird? Was the invitation too forward? But then, Maya took out one of her airpods.

„Did you say something?“

The world seemed to close down upon her. Fierce blush flared up across Rebeccas face, covering her usually pale skin all the way to her neck. She felt eyes of her classmates on her, whispering, laughing and pointing in her direction. They saw... They all saw! Shame began to build up inside her. She should have noticed that Maya had airpods. How is she supposed to get out of this situation? Her, the ever so composed, mysterious and ,according to rumours going around, unapproachable individual. Her eyes darted around the classroom, but everyone seemed to be minding their own business and not sparing her even a second of their attention. 

She felt a bit relieved, maybe she just overreacted. But one way or another, she still needs to face the girl sitting in front of her. She quickly composed herself and stood straight, pulling her hands from Maya's desk as if it burned. 

„Nothing just, if you maybe don't want to go get some ice cream after school!“

She did it! Despite her initial shock and embarrassment, her invitation was said. She couldn't help but to feel a bit proud of herself. But despite that, she didn't dare to put her hopes up.

„Oh, uhm... I'm already going with Sophia and Vicky.“

There it was. The awaited rejection. Despite that, she still felt a pang of disappointment deep down within herself. A small, bitter feeling that ate up her very core of confidence. She wanted to ask if she can maybe join them, but the words died on her tongue. She won't force herself on them, that's not how she want to do it...

„I see..“

An awkward silence followed, broken only by conversations of their classmates. They just stared at each other until Sophia and Victoria came and while they didn't voice it, Rebecca noticed a small glint in their eyes, the message clear: 'What are you trying to do?' Without further words, she just mumbled something that fell deaf even to her own ears and quickly returned to her own seat, pretending to be interested in a particular picture that hung on a wall... After few moments, laugher reached her ears. She didn't even need to turn around to know who it belonged to. She put on a black hood and buried her face into her palms, tears welling up in her eyes, but she blinked them away. 

What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Did I come off as cold? Was my smile a bit too forced?  Those thoughts kept on spiralling in her head. This was her fault. Maybe if she had actually tried harder and came out of her comfort zone... But a small, selfish part of her wanted to believe that it wasn't her fault, that it was fault of everyone else for not accepting her the way she was, but at the same time she knew that it was a rather childish thought...

It's already been a month since she began attending this high school, having big ambitions and aiming for the hardest subject in school, 'Pharmacology and Biotechnology', hoping to meet young, intelligent and ambitious people, someone who will share her visions and understand her opinions. But later, as she sat there in a chemistry lesson, the feeling of belonging was just a distant dream. And while she aced every question thrown her way, her heart was getting corrupted by the power of her own thoughts. Thoughts about being invisible in everyone's world.