sorry

???: I’m home

…

No answer came from the empty house, not that the boy expected otherwise. He calmly stepped inside, slipped out of his shoes, and put his backpack down. Though he had never done it before, he proceeded to go straight to a cabinet in his kitchen and pull out a drink. However, this simple action seemed robotic if viewed from the outside. He pulled out the drink as if he had been rehearsing this moment over and over in his head for a long time. It was similar to the way a nervous boy would imagine a hundred different scenarios before asking out his crush. A slight feeling of nervousness and possibly excitement washed over him as he pulled the bottle out, but before he could properly sort out this strange feeling he was interrupted.

???: That’s some pretty strong stuff you’ve got there Pax

A beautiful woman wearing a pure white sundress appeared in the doorway. She playfully tilted her head as if teasing the boy.

Pax: That’s the point

He brushed her off and walked past her back into the hallway. After entering the bathroom, Pax accidentally made eye contact with his reflection in the mirror. Eyes that had a dead look to them peeked out from the greasy long hair covering the upper half of his face.

Pax: Disgusting

He hated that face. Those eyes, those cheeks, that nose. Not to mention the scrawny body attached to it. But even more than the outward appearance, Pax hated what was inside that reflection. He hated everything about that boy he saw and it took him all the restraint in the world not to punch that stupid mirror. Today though, Pax was thankful to the mirror for helping himself prepare for what was coming next.

Pax exited the bathroom to retrieve a certain knife from his bedroom. This particular knife wasn't particularly high quality, the only thing special about it was a strange glyph located on the blade. It looked like 4 circles partially overlapping one another. Pax wasn’t sure why he chose that knife in particular, it just was appealing to him in a strange way.

Returning to the bathroom and standing before his bathtub, Pax took a swig of the drink he had taken from the kitchen earlier. And then another swig, and another-

Pax: *cough cough*

???: Now, Now. We’re not in any sort of rush here you know. Also its not like that will really change much.

She hadn’t made any noise when walking into the bathroom but Pax wasn’t startled in the slightest because he had expected she would be coming soon.

Pax: Shut up

Though Pax thought that the drink tasted horrible, he took one last sip before setting the bottle down on the spotless floor.

???: This way Pax

Now sitting in the tub, the woman called Pax over in a provocative way. He couldn’t help but feel enticed by her long legs and pretty lips. Naturally he did as she said and entered the tub, getting his clothes soaked as he came in. In response, the woman snuggled closer to him and caressed his head. Then she whispered into his ear

???: Good job. Now for the important part…

Pax raised the knife that he had been holding in his right hand the entire time. His nervous excitement now turned to fear as if his body disagreed with this plan. Breathing out, Pax cleared all thoughts of fear and regret from his mind, steeling his resolve. A single tear still managed to escape from one of his eyes as his trembling hand moved the knife into position. Thoughts rapidly started swirling through his mind. He saw his anger, excitement, disgust, sadness, and loneliness all swirling together until it reached a climax when Pax lowered the knife into his wrist.

It hurt. A bead of blood formed where the knife had stuck into the left side of Pax’s wrist. Pax clenched his jaw but his entire body was now shaking as if revolting against his will. Sweat was coming from all parts of his body and adrenaline was pumping in his head. He could barely hold onto the knife in his hand but-

???: Let’s end this

A wave of calm washed over Pax’s body. With his hand no longer shaking and his thoughts completely focused he committed fully to what he was about to do and cut through the rest of his wrist in one clean stroke.

Pax: AAAGGAGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

The pain was unlike anything he experienced before. His whole being was screaming at him as warm elixir spilled out from his body.

Pax: HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTSITHURTSITHURTSITHURT SITFUCKINGHURTSFUCKFUCKFUCKSHITFUCKIINGFUCKGODFUCKAAGHFUCKITSHIT

Pax screamed in pain and grasped his hemorrhaging wrist as all thoughts but pain were cleared from his mind. Tears streamed down his face and fell into the crimson bath water.

???: Calm down and look at me.

Taking the boy’s face into her hands the woman said such. Her face was now close enough that Pax could feel her warm breath. He could have easily kissed her if he tried, and he definitely wanted to but somehow couldn’t find the strength to do so.

???: There is still one more left.

Pax’s bloodshot eyes looked back at his right wrist. Next thing he knew, he had somehow managed to cut his second wrist. It hadn’t gone as deep as the first cut, but it would be enough. The pain was still very much present, but Pax no longer screamed. It felt as if he had dissociated with all pain.

Leaning back and dropping the knife onto the floor, Pax looked up at the plain ceiling obstructing his sky. The woman had disappeared, leaving behind cold and numb feeling that was now rapidly washing over his body.

Why had it come to this?

Where did I go wrong?

Why was I born this way?

As Pax’s consciousness started fading he was reminded once more of his last remaining family member. His father would come home from his business trip some day to this scene.

Dad…

I-

I’m sorry

???: Sorry? There is nothing that needs to be forgiven. You finally did something right –Lust.