you’ve got to be fucking kidding me

Something seems to have gone wrong here. Everything feels so strange. My memories are all fuzzy. What the fuck is going on? Where am I? Who am I?

???: Honey let’s try not to yell in front of our child, much less at the dinner table

Hold on…

???: Right, right, I’m sorry Martha its just that I feel like these shitty nobles truly have zero conscience.

Something is seriously wrong here…

???: I get that, but lets try to keep work and family time separate, no matter how important it is. Also, no swearing… Isn’t that right Adam? Swearing is a no-no. Open wi~ide!

A warm feeling washed over me and I happily obliged-

???: Oo~AH

Martha: Nice job Adam! Thats a good boy!

NoNoNo something is absolutely wrong here-- Why did I just do that? What the fuck is going on?

Martha: They say that the way parents act around infants at a young age had big impacts on them so make sure to be on your best behavior Hector.

Wait a second…

It can’t be…

Say it ain't so…

This is seriously unfunny.

I looks like I just reincarnated as a baby. What a fucking joke. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

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Anyways. It looks like I’ve reincarnated as a baby in another world as the son of some sort of high ranking official. And it seems like the people here also speak Basic – how convenient.

???: It looks like its time for you to eat again Adam - not that I would really care if you dropped dead though.

Ah, it looks like my ever-loving and ever-kind maid is here. The fact that I have a personal maid taking care of me is why I believe that I’ve been reborn as the son of some sort of aristocrat.

Maid: Right - Apparently I’m supposed to warm up this milk for you before you drink from it. You think you're some sort of cat or something?

Lifting the bottle with one hand and pointing her palm towards it with the other, the maid started chanting something:

Maid: In your suffocating embrace I thrive -- Warming

A faint glow appeared in the maid’s palm and embraced the bottle…That’s right, I forgot to mention that this world has magic. Maybe this won’t be as shit as I thought it would be.

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Pax: gabaaau

I think babies have too much free time on their hands. I want to try and read a book or do something productive, but I’m being watched almost all of the time. Not that I blame these people for trying to make sure a 2 year old doesn’t accidentally kill themselves. To them I just look like a normal child.

Maid: It’s time for your evening nap Adam, so be a good boy and go to sleep

Pax: okie

Indeed, I have decided to pretend that I do not retain the memories from my past life. I don’t know the stance this world has on reincarnation, but it definitely is not a normal thing to happen.

Anyways, the plan is to start grinding earlier than all the other guys so that I become hot shit in this life. I already have a head start compared to other newborns, but in order to be the best I still need to put in the effort.

I’m not going to hell for this am I?

Nah, if this isn't hell already then it doesn't exist. Besides, I never believed in hell in the first place. 

Maid: Goodnight

The maid said that as she left the room. I think her name is Ash? She has been my main caretaker. I guess my parents are too busy or just don’t care enough to raise me themselves. I only see my new mother a few times a day and my father about once a week when we have family dinners.

Probably better that way. Anyways, time to enact the plan.

Sitting up in a cross-legged position, the baby appeared as if in deep focus.

I’ve been trying to figure out how magic works in this world. I can’t seem to just call upon it with my mind or just will something into existence. As I had expected, I won’t be able to do much without some knowledge on the subject. Therefore-

Hopping off the bed, the baby crawled pathetically over towards a bookshelf located in the corner of the room. Struggling with all of its might, it was eventually able to get a book off of the shelf.

I’ve been having Ash read me books as often as possible, so I know how to read a little bit. This particular book seems to be saying something about magic, so I thought it might be helpful. It’s title goes, “Theories on the Fundamental somethings of Families of Magic”.

…reading in progress...

So this is what I have gathered so far:

There are three Families of magic, those being what the book calls Creation, Manipulation, and Augmentation. Furthermore, these Families are subdivided into hundreds of specific classes. For example, Fire Creation magic or Wind Manipulation magic. 

People tend to only have aptitude for one Family of magic, and all other Families are near impossible to learn for them. It's a good idea to only use on class of one Family because a deeper understanding means stronger magic. 

The most common Family that people get is Augmentation, followed by Manipulation and then Creation.

The rest of the book seems to go into the hundreds of different classes of magic in each of the families, and some exceptions to the rule. Not particularly helpful for me at the moment, but it seems that magic is much more versatile than I had initially thought.

Putting the book back onto the shelf, the baby continued digesting all of the information he had just read.

Apparently it will be difficult to learn the basics without first knowing which Family of magic I was born with aptitude towards. I know there are magic tools that can tell you which Family you have, but I have no idea how long it’ll be until I can get my hands on one.

Well, I didn’t really expect my new life to be a cakewalk.

And so, the baby went to sleep calculating his next moves for his rise to power.

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I brute forced it.

One month after initially reading the book titled “Theories on the Fundamental Speciation of Families of Magic” Pax had found out his Family of magic and began practicing. Contrary to Pax’s hopes, Augmentation (the lamest Family) was what he had been assigned.

I guess it’s no fireballs for me. Augmentation involves strengthening and changing the properties of materials. It’s most commonly used to strengthen your muscles so you can punch harder. Definitely useful and practical, but just not as cool as the waterbending or Unlimited Blade Works that I had been hoping for.

No use crying over spilled milk I guess.

Though he had thought that, Pax had already began training his new magic.

It seems there are two steps to casting a spell. First, visualize the phenomena you are trying to create. Second, draw mana from somewhere (youself, a tool, or the world) and inject it into your conceptualization.

Its not as easy as I had expected. I can’t get a good feel for mana, and the conceptualization needs to be extremely precise. I’m talking down to the chemical level.

…Probably.

Honestly I could really use a teacher or something right now. These textbooks are so wack.