The Easiest Mission in the World (Or So I Thought)

The next morning, I woke up earlier than any reasonable human should ever do.
I guess sleeping on the floor isn’t ideal when your back was designed for gaming chairs, not medieval rocks pretending to be wood.

“Mnh...” I yawned, rubbing my eyes like a lazy cat.

I turned my head toward the bed that was, theoretically, mine.
And there she was… Evelyn.
Fast asleep. Peaceful. Her posture somewhere between “untouchable goddess” and “sloth after ten mugs of beer.”

I crept closer, like I was sneaking into a level 99 dungeon…
Not because I was planning anything weird, okay?! Just… curiosity. Scientific curiosity.

Truth is, she looked really cute while asleep.
Nothing like her awake version that stares at you like you’re a debt-ridden cockroach.

And then…

CHAK!

One eye popped open, paired with a devilish smirk straight out of a romantic comedy villainess.

“What were you doing, Ren? Enjoying the view while I slept defenseless?”

Defenseless, my ass… I thought, cold sweat forming on my forehead.

“W-what?! No! Of course not!” I stammered with a tone that blended nervousness, shame, and… guilt?

Wait... why do I feel guilty if I didn’t even do anything?!

Evelyn let out a soft giggle, clearly delighted with her emotional torture tactics.
She was enjoying every second of manipulating the innocent (and obviously virginal) soul of a poor protagonist like me.

“W-well then…” I cleared my throat, switching topics like the tactical coward I am. “Let’s go find a quest for today, sound good?”

We stepped out of the room, and the first thing that greeted us was a racket worthy of a goblin wrestling tournament.
Seriously? This early and they're already like this? Do these people even sleep?

We headed downstairs, still half-asleep, and there they were—our favorite perfectly synchronized receptionist twins.

“Good…” said Lyra in her formal voice.
“…morning,” finished Lina with her charming smile.

How do they do that?! Twin telepathy? Forbidden spell? Some cheap trick to save dialogue budget?

“Good morning, Lyra! Good morning, Lina!” I replied cheerfully, smiling like the midday sun.

Today was my first official day as an adventurer, and not even a skeleton horde could ruin my hype.
It was my moment. My saga. My story.

We approached the quest board like we were picking the fate of the world…
Or at least, the fate of our physical safety.

I crossed my arms. Took a deep breath.
Scanned every scroll like an accounting ninja reviewing invoices.

Then Evelyn, eager to participate in our brand-new start, picked out a quest and showed it to me like she’d just found the Holy Grail.

“Hey Ren, what do you think of this one?”

(Eliminate a venomous dragon terrorizing the eastern mountains. Reward: 50,000 argens and a proper burial if you fail.)

…

“NO WAY IN HELL!!” I shouted, stepping back like the scroll was radioactive. “Are you trying to get us killed on our first job?!”

“Coward…” Evelyn muttered under her breath, just barely audible.

“I HEARD THAT,” I shot back with a glare that screamed: you’re going on my blacklist of quests.

No way I’m fighting a dragon on day one. Tch. Who does she think I am, the protagonist of a serious novel?

I went back to my tactical scanning of the board, this time looking for something more… reasonable.
Something that wouldn’t turn us into weekly death statistics.

“Hey, Ren. Hey, Ren,” Evelyn said, tugging on my sleeve like an excited kid discovering a new cereal box. “What about this one?”

(Defeat a band of 200 raiding orcs terrorizing several villages. Reward: 20,000 argens)

…

Hmm… might be intere—TWO HUNDRED ORCS?! ARE YOU INSANE?!

I turned to her with the most forced smile in the multiverse.

“Evelyn, sweetie…” I said in a voice sweeter than a level 5 charisma potion, “maybe I should do the picking, okay?”

She pouted like I’d just denied her favorite dessert.

“Let’s see…” I mumbled, flipping through another scroll.

AHHH DAMMIT!!

“Why are all the quests so hard?!” I yelled to the ceiling, ruffling my hair like someone freshly diagnosed with Main Character Syndrome in a hostile world.

Evelyn approached from behind with a voice that clearly had an ulterior motive.

“Hey Reeeen…” she sang with malicious sweetness.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” I exploded. “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY LOOKING FOR WORK TO SURVIVE?!”

The vein in my neck nearly critted.
Ah, the irony… screaming like a lunatic while trying to find stable employment. That’s called character, baby.

Evelyn stayed quiet… and then unleashed her ultimate weapon.

Watery eyes.
Quivering lips.
Head tilted slightly.
And that “they left me in the rain and I only wanted love” face that should be illegal in 36 kingdoms.

And of course, the whole guild turned to look at us.

Well, to look at me, like I’d just kicked a kitten in front of an orphanage.

Their faces said it all:

“How could he treat such a cute girl like that?”
“Is this the protagonist? Seriously?”
“That poor celestial creature…”

Okay… maybe I did go too far.

I sighed, scratching the back of my neck in defeat.

“I’m sorry, Evelyn…” I said with a guilty tone.

“I just wanted to show you this…” she replied in the softest voice imaginable, one that could melt adamantite.

She held out a quest.

(Take “Princess,” the apothecary’s dog, for a walk. Reward: 3,000 argens)

...

3,000 argens just for walking a dog?!

IS THIS A DIVINE PRANK?!

Why hadn’t anyone taken this mission yet?! What’s the catch? Was it actually a dog… or a shapeshifting assassin?

Don’t think, Ren. Just take it before someone with fewer morals (or more stats) grabs it first.

“This is great, Evelyn!” I said excitedly, trying to sound naturally thankful and not like a man obsessed with profitable pets.

Her face lit up instantly, like someone had plugged her into a happiness battery.
Her smile lit up the whole guild.
And her demon tail wagged like a max-level joy detector.

I slapped the paper down proudly on the counter, expecting at least a round of applause or a congratulatory pat on the back.

Lyra looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite decode.
Surprise? Pity? Silent warning?

Lina, on the other hand, giggled softly—like someone who knew something you didn’t.
And that, my friends, is never a good sign.

“Quest accepted,” said Lyra, professional as always.
“Good luck…” added Lina, with a smile that was way too sweet to be comforting.

Luck? But we’re just walking a dog… right?

With that ominous sentence hanging in the air like a curse, we left the guild for the apothecary’s shop.

From the outside, the shop was downright charming, with a window display full of flowers in every color—like someone had mashed a garden, a pharmacy, and an Instagram aesthetic page.

We walked in.
Ding-ling.

The little bell above the door chimed with that magical elegance that makes you feel like you're in a romance novel… not a survival one.

And the smell…
Oh gods, the smell.

Flowers, herbs, sweets…
A heavenly mix that made you feel like you were floating in paradise.

It smelled just like when I was with Cynthia and Evelyn in that celestial place… though, you know, minus the lethal fanservice.

While I headed toward the counter, Evelyn went straight for the flowers, like a bee hypnotized by pollen.
I heard her murmuring things like “So cute!” and “I want this one in our room!” in the voice of a spoiled noble girl visiting a magical nursery.

I, on the other hand, marched seriously to the counter.
Time to meet the famous apothecary.

The woman who greeted us was a textbook grandma.
Short, a little chubby in the most huggable way, with short white hair and those glasses that hang from her neck on a little chain—like sacred relics from another era.

I approached politely.

“Um… Hello, ma’am. We’re here for the quest,” I said, placing the paper gently on the counter like I was offering a peace treaty.

The old lady, in the middle of her alchemy ritual with jars, herbs, and probably illegal magical ingredients, looked up and adjusted her glasses delicately.

“Ohhh, young man! I’m so glad you came,” she said in a voice so warm and comforting I almost asked her to adopt me. “No one’s accepted the request in ages…”

Huh? But why? This mission’s easier than breathing! 3,000 argens to walk a dog—come on!

Then she raised her voice, calling toward the back of the shop.

“Princess, come! Look, these young adventurers will take you for a walk!”

Woof woof.

And she appeared.

A tiny black fluffball, tongue out, sparkling eyes, and a little pink bow on her head.
A creature so absurdly adorable I almost got a sugar rush just looking at her.

She ran straight to me, and without hesitation, I scooped her up with maximum care.
Immediately, she started licking my face with god-tier puppy enthusiasm.

Awwwww, what a precious little thing! Can I keep her? Is adoption a thing in this world? What do I need, a royal seal?

Evelyn, still absorbed in the flowers until now, turned her head like she’d heard the call of pure cuteness.
She ran over.

“Look, Evelyn! Look how adorable she is!” I said, holding out the creature like a kid showing off his Christmas present.

“She’s super cute!” Evelyn replied, her eyes sparkling like she’d just seen a baby unicorn.

Her demon tail wagged at dangerously unstable speeds.

And then…

“Just one thing, dear…” the old lady added with a kind smile—that kind of smile that should come with warning music. “When she leaves the city… she gets a little energetic.”

The way she said it.
The dramatic pause.
The smile.

Everything screamed: “It’s a trap.”

But of course… I just nodded like a happy idiot.

We left the shop with hearts light and souls at peace.
Evelyn carried Princess in her arms, as happy as if she’d just adopted the most adorable creature in the universe.
And I was just as happy.

Why? Because our first job was an absolute steal.
The kind that shows up once a year, in fine print, on the last page of the magic supermarket catalog—and you happen to snatch the last copy.

We headed toward a field just outside the city. An open area, quiet, with grass and butterflies…
Perfect for running.

Or so I thought.

Princess began to squirm in Evelyn’s arms, restless.
Evelyn gently let her down.

And then…

FWOOOOOOOSH!

The tiny dog bolted like a magic-steroid-powered bullet train, leaving behind a dust cloud worthy of a post-apocalyptic scene.

Yup. Energetic indeed…

“Let’s go, Evelyn! We can’t lose her!” I yelled, taking off after her like my life depended on it.

But it was pointless.
Absolutely pointless.

That little furball was moving at speeds that broke three natural laws, five physics theories, and one Responsible Pet Ownership Act.

“D-damn it! Where’d she go?!” I panted, lungs begging for early retirement.

And then…

grrrr…

It appeared.

A monstrous shadow emerged in front of me.
A massive, towering creature with fangs like spears, claws that dug into the earth like blades, and glowing yellow eyes that screamed:
“I’m going to devour you, unarmored protagonist.”

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” I shrieked, voice cracking into near-sobs.

“That’s Princess,” Evelyn said calmly.
Like she’d just said “that’s the hallway lamp.”

W-wait… Princess… don’t tell me—

Yup.

There it was.

On top of that demonic creature…
The pink bow.
Unmistakable.
Ironic.
Terrifying.

“Hey, Evelyn… you knew something, didn’t you?”

She looked away with that fake innocence of someone who just cast a forbidden spell.
She definitely knew something.

But before I could give her the holy sermon she deserved…

CHOMP.

Yeah.
She ate me.

Just like that.

No goodbye, no “mind if I chew on you a little?”, not even a “surprise plot twist incoming!”

She just opened those massive jaws and swallowed me whole like I was a limited-edition, Kurosawa Ren-flavored dog treat.

…Is this how my story ends?
Eaten by a dog named Princess?

After that terrible moment… darkness.