10. Light

-v2-7/8

I’ve never quite understood the meaning of my rescue. So far, the only person that seems to benefit it is Jevannah… That is if I succeeded at becoming a torchbearer.

What does it mean to save someone?

Is it by bringing them to a safe place? Then the torchbearers already did that part. According to Vol, no Undeaths ever attacked this city before, which means these people are already safe.

Is it by turning them to the light? Then Jevannah already did that part. The brightness and the warmth proved able to change a person's mood. I can attest that.

Is it by providing them what they need? Then the city itself already fulfills that purpose. There are drinks, and if someone gets injured, the clinic is surely able to treat them.

If that’s the reason, why did I try to save that person from before?

That person does not need to be saved.

Instead, what do I get? Blood. My blood on my left arm, and another person’s blood on my right hand.

That is not saving a person. That is violence.

Then what is it then? Their behavior? They said they don’t want any help.

But I still did anyway.

…

It’s like doing the impossible.

***

When I explained what happened, Regan was furious. It’s not the fact that I failed to save someone, nor me getting caught by Thorne, but the fact that my wound were not applied with matoto extracts. We then rushed to the clinic.

Bal Do tends to my wound by removing my poorly tied bandage, then applying matoto extracts and fresh bandage. Regan waited outside.

Bal Do: ‘It’s good you came here quickly, if not, the infection will occur and then… huhu… If Doc’s not here, no one can treat infection… huhu…”

Bal Do seems glad I made it here before it happens, still, their sad expression and that creepy ‘huhu’ do not match well.

Me: “What happens if the infection occurs?”

Bal Do: “The evil dark curse will spread and eat through your body… and then the darkness will claim its victim… Only Doc knows how to treat that… huhu…”

Me: “How come darkness seeps in this bright place, and into someone’s body?”

Bal Do: “They say darkness grows for every little sin they refuse to repent… huhu…”

Maybe that’s what happened to that person before… There is black spots on their legs and face, and there are some open wounds. If these wounds are not treated, then…

Bal Do: “You must’ve had it rough, Baldy.”

Me: “I got into a fight that I don’t want to commit… But… I couldn’t bring them here…”

Bal Do: “I had these kinds of patients before… huhu…”

Me: “These people have been to this clinic before?”

Bal Do: “Yes. They had unusually many bruises and cut wounds all over their body. Tending them wasn’t an easy task… huhu… But then I noticed something.”

Bal Do: “Their body temperature was unusually low… huhu… Without enough heat, their wounds would be unable to heal.”

Low temperature… That is what happened to that person and Jevannah’s meditation. What are the correlations between those two?

Me: “Have you tried warming them up?”

Bal Do: “The firestone did… And it didn’t work… huhu… I am not an expert at dealing with… People’s insides. At least when a person feels cold, infections spread slower… huhu…”

Me: “...How long until the curse claims the body?”

Bal Do: “I don’t know… huhu… Once infection occurs, death is certain. If it were a normal person like you, it may take 3 to 4 VINES… huhu…”

That means a person with low temperature can stave off death for much longer… Nevertheless, they can’t avoid death.

Done with tending my wound, Bal Do gave me a bottle of matoto extract for me for free. Before I left, Bal Do gave me one piece of advice.

Bal Do: “Your actions are noble, but remember… You can’t save everyone… huhu…”

Is Bal Do right though? Perhaps, within my explanation from before.

But deep inside, I disagree. No matter how I look at it, I can’t stand at the people who suffer.

How can I prove to them that I can save them?

***

As soon as I get out of the clinic, Regan smashes my head with their fist.

Me: “OUCH!”

Regan: “You IDIOT!”

Me: “...Sorry.”

Regan: “I know you heal fast, but that does not mean you are immune to infection. If it occurs, then…”

Regan's face completely changed, from angry mentor, to a man about to shed a tear. Regan then wraps me with their bulky arm.

Regan: “I am glad you are OK.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

It’s just like before. I am glad to be alive.

Regan truly cares about me, like a guardian… No… Like a part of the family…

Family…?

…

Me: “Regan… Is it true that we cannot save everyone?”

Regan: “Yes.”

Regan answered it without any sign of pause or doubt. For Regan, the answer is clear.

Me: “...Why?”

Regan: “Because I am selfish. I have seen many deaths before. My fellow followers died fighting for what we thought was true… I left them behind, because my survival is… More important compared to them. That is why I fled here.”

Me: “You’re not from here?”

Regan: “No. I was from the other sector, much further away from here.”

Me: “...You can’t save them?”

Regan: “No.”

If Regan said that, then it’s truly impossible… That is if…

Me: “If you could save them, then-”

Regan: “I couldn’t, Baldy. Even if I somehow could turn back time, the death would certainly come to us anyway.”

…

Regan: “But I am alive. I can learn from our mistakes...”

Me: “What do you learn?”

Regan: “To never let it happen again. I amended that when I came here.”

Is this the reason Regan came to this place? To not let others die the same fate as Regan seen before?

I cannot say to myself that I am strong. If I weren’t trained, then I would certainly lose that fight…

Regan: “Come, the time has come for you to become a torchbearer.”

It’s almost the third VINES. If I can’t become torchbearer, then my dreams will fade away forever.

***

-v2-8/8

In the front of me lies a table, with a single mug. After all this time, I finally got myself a ‘real drink’, a refined matoto juice. The bitter taste? Gone. The burning sensation? Gone. All that’s left is the refreshing sensation and its sweet taste. This would be my last drink, as I have no idea what I will become if I succeed or fail.

Despite the nice drink, it didn’t quite help me. I felt anxious.

I put down the mug and stare at the giant firestone. Jevannah stands in front of me, while Regan, Fervil, Herith, and Oskar watch me from behind. According to Jevannah, this is the first time the city has done some kind of ritual for torchbearer inauguration, approved by the mayor itself.

Jevannah: “Citizens of Masapas. In front of you stands a candidate, willing to bear the burden of the light. May the eternal flame light us to the right path.” Jevannah announces that before walking to me.

I clench my fist. I gulped. My legs are shaking. The eyes are watching me.

Jevannah taps on my shoulder.

Jevannah: “When we’re done here, come to my office.”

Eh?

Jevannah then joins the group of people behind me.

My test has begun.

…

First, I close my eyes. I take a deep breath, and exhale. I relax my hands. I stop the shaking on my legs.

I have to clear my mind.

I let go of the feeling of being watched and the chatters. There is only me.

I let go of the feeling of anxiousness. There is only one thing to do.

I let go of the external feelings, my body, the uncomfortable. There is no threat.

I let go of my past events, of what I’ve done before. I let go of my thoughts about the future, of which no hand cannot grab into. There is only now, the present.

When I let go of everything, I finally have nothing.

This is where I put a point.

The point began to sprout, like branches, slowly filling out the nothingness.

I have entered the state of meditation.

***

On the white expanse, two people stand each other.

???: “We have finally met.”

In front of me stands a man, as tall as I am. The man has short hair, a faceless white face, and a featureless white body. The hair and the voice is the one I am familiar with. Very, very, familiar.

???: “Do you ‘still’ remember me?”

Me: “I do not remember you.”

???: “You do not remember me… So be it.”

That faceless man then starts walking around me.

???: “So, you want to become a torchbearer?”

Me: “Yes.”

???: “Why?”

Me: “Because I want to return the favor.”

???: “ *chuckles* …Admirable.”

At that moment, I saw a cloud coming from the horizon.

???: “Then, I assume you know the requirements?”

Me: “To show my dreams.”

???: “What is your dream?”

Me: “To save those who cannot be saved.”

???: “To save those who cannot be saved?”

Me: “I cannot stand them suffering in pain!.”

The cloud gathers in the distance… A laugh follows.

???: “HA HA HA HA, AHA AHA AHA… You… Really? Is this a joke?”

Me: “What’s so funny about that?”

???: “But it’s a lie, isn’t it?”

Me: “...What do you mean by that?”

???: “You were never meant to save people!”

Me: “But I want to…”

???: “Let me tell you your evil deeds. It’s a long list, you know? You killed the unborn child.”

Me: “What…?”

???: “You watch your father die while you do nothing.”

Me: “...No, I have not done such thing-”

???: “You watch your teacher die slowly while you do nothing.”

Me: “...No!”

???: “You intentionally let your mother be executed.”

Me: “No.”

???: “You let your sister die in vain.”

Me: “No… No…”

???: “You shove your blade at your brother.”

Me: “No!”

???: “You slew the high general. A fine man, in fact.”

Me: “No! No!”

???: “You took part in the massacre of the masses.”

Me: “No! No! No!”

???: “And when you don the armor, pretending to be the Angels of Justice, you send your comrades to their deaths, and you try to kill me?”

Me: “SHUT UP!”

???: “You denied it… How pitiful. A shame. You are much worse compared to the False Maker.”

Me: “I DID NOT DO ANY OF THAT!”

The clouds enlarge themselves, grumbling, showing its grey color. It's coming here fast.

Like a storm.

???: “Your name is Ann, which in literal sense, the grace of the maker, the False Maker!”

Me: “I SAID SHUT UP!”

???: “You still foolishly deny it. The False Maker gave birth to the world’s curse! You pretend to be the savior, you tricked the people to believe you, but all you’ve done is the opposite! You didn’t realize… The damage you’ve done is enormous! You are a liar!”

The storm is getting closer. I can feel its powerful force… The storm carries the dust. The dust quickly clogs my mouth, my nose, my ears, and blinds my eyes.

Like a prison.

A strange voice comes from inside me.

???: “You revel in this, don’t you?”

That strange voice multiplied. From one to a group.

???: “I didn’t raise you like this!! You’ve disgraced our family!!”

From a group to a crowd.

???: “How come you did this to us?”

From a crowd to a mass. Thousands to millions, angry, and resentment. Their screams overwhelms me.

???: “KILL THE FALSE ANGEL!”

???: “YOU SHOULD’VE NOT BORN IN THIS WORLD!”

???: “YOU ARE THE WRATH OF THE FALSE MAKER! CURSE YOU LIAR!”

Me: “STOP THIS! NOOOOOOOO!”

Finally, the faceless whispers to me.

???: “You should’ve kill yourself much sooner.”

The dust inside of me accumulates to my lungs, my stomach, my brain, and my blood vessels, slowly ballooning my body, before my eventual demise.

This is the sin I am carrying.

In the midst of the storm, a shower of red petals bursts, before they are carried by the storm into nothingness.

I am death in the end of that story, but in a stroke of luck, a ray of light appears, piercing through the dark storm.

The light dispersed the storm, leaving both of us in the same place again, standing each other, in the white expanse.

The atrocious acts from my previous life… What does a man have to do when they commit a sin?

Me: “I must atone for my sins.”

???: “ *chuckes* …Here we go again. Whom do you want to fool again? Jevannah? Regan? Thorne? Fervil? Bal Do? Herith? Vol? And everyone else? The False Maker came to toy with people’s lives again.”

Me: “I’d fool everyone!”

???: “Oh… Funny… You would do that again so you can kill them later on?”

Me: “No! They would've been a fool to trust me! Thus, If they didn’t trust me, I can save those people!

???: “You… Really?”

Me: “If they believe they cannot be saved, then by fooling them, they can be saved!”

I wanted to save those who cannot be saved. In order to do that, I’d have to fool them. They will think they cannot be saved. Thus, they will be saved.

???: “That’s impossible! The child of False Maker is full of crap! How can you save those who cannot be saved in the first place?”

Me: “I’ve said this before aren’t I? I said that this is my dream.”

A dream is but a naught, a thing that sounds preposterous. Despite that, they have weight. It does not matter if no one believes in it. They are a tool to fool, and I am the one who wields it!

???: “No! Nonsense!”

Me: “I’ll make the impossible possible!”

After that, I take off my worn out cloth, and throw it in the air. The cloth flies afar before it burns away.

I put my fist on my chest.

Ann: My name is Ann! I shall give you my Body, my Soul, and my Spirit! Grant me your power, and I shall make this dream come true!”

I saw that faceless man, and realized they had been fooled. That man laughed maniacly. Their bodies slowly become darker and darker.

???: “AH HA HA HA HA HA… You amuse me! I can’t believe the child of the False Maker plays the game again! Very well… The true self of yours has been shown. You are now mine, and I am yours!”

As the faceless man turned black, that man began to fade away, like a smoke. This white expanse then cracks, breaking piece by piece, showing the real world.

And so ends my judgement.

***

Just as I returned from my meditation, I returned from my senses. I opened my eyes, and saw a bright light coming above me.

An object floats above me, spinning for a while, before slowly drops into my hand.

I have just manifested an object. What I am holding right now is a small tablet with a single drawing carved on it. The tip of the tablet resembles some kind of key. It is light.

A key to open the things that cannot be opened. Perhaps this is what I wanted.

Then, the people behind me started applauding me. Everyone’s smiling at me.

Regan: “You did it, Ann!”

Fervil: “I know we can count on you!”

Bal Do: “Congratulations, Ann… hihi…”

Herith: “Way to go, Ann!”

As I celebrate with them, Jevannah taps on my shoulder.

Jevannah: “I have a present for you. Turn around.”

When I turn around, a brown box appears on the table.

Jevannah: “Open it.”

I open the box lid. What is inside is a yellow robe, woven beautifully with the pattern of Livitus and its blooming flowers. It is a high quality robe. Beneath the robe, there are white long pants. Plain but good.

Jevannah: “A custom of this place. Torchbearers born in this sector wear this yellow robe, and you deserve it.”

I immediately put the robe and the pants on. The robe lining feels soft and warm, and the size totally fits me.

Ann: “Thank you!”

A cheerful group of people is happy to see me. I am truly blessed.

That’s right, I almost forgot. While I stand in front of everyone, I have to say something.

Ann: “Everyone. Thank you so much for rescuing me. Bal Do, thank you for treating my wounds and giving me these sandals right here. I’ve never ran as fast before.”

Bal Do: “Oh ho, you embarrassed me… hihi…”

Ann: “Fervil, thank you for always serving me drinks. I know I didn’t like it, but if it weren’t you, I wouldn’t last from dehydration.”

Fervil: “Happy to serve you the same thing again, Ann.”

Ann: “Oskar, thank you for rescuing me, and cutting down those VINES. I’ve learned much because of you.”

Oskar: “...Mmm.”

Ann: “Jevannah, thank you for showing the light unto me. The support you gave to me is invaluable… And this robe, this is amazing… Thank you!”

Jevannah: “Ah, haha. I’m glad you liked that robe.”

Ann: “Lastly, Regan. Thank you for everything you’ve done. You carried me, you taught me, you trained me, and you cared for me… You were like-”

Before I could say that, a force came to my eyelids, forcing tears to come out… And it’s impossible to hold back. I am truly a crybaby.

Ann: “You were… You were…”

Regan steps forward, and for the third time, Regan hugs me.

Regan: “You’ve worked hard, Ann. The training, the things I’ve taught you, finally bears fruit.”

Everyone steps forward and then hugs us.

Beneath the huge firestone, illuminated with golden light, we gathered in unison, celebrating the newly minted torchbearer, and for the first time, the people called me by my real name.

***

Currently I am at Jevannah's office, alone with Jevannah. This time, the office gets even more untidier, with papers lying on the floor, many of them outline some kind of research.

Jevannah: “Allow me to congratulate you again for becoming a torchbearer.”

Ann: “Thank you...” I paused a bit.

Jevannah: “What is it?”

Ann: “You seem… Confident about my results. Do you really trust me that much?”

Jevannah: “Of course. The cloth you offered earlier helps to sweeten the deal.”

Did Jevannah really plan everything here, from that cloth to the ritual before?

Jevannah: “Now, I have told this before, but let me repeat again. You are a torchbearer, and the person that relinquishes their light becomes a follower. Since I have put my hat down, I am now a follower.”

Ann: “I’ve been thinking… What are the differences between those two?”

Jevannah: “As a torchbearer, you have an ability to summon a ring. Stretch your hand forward, and imagine that you are wearing a ring.”

As I do that, a gold thread suddenly appears from my wrist, then goes to my finger, forming a golden ring. There are four rings, located in my ring and middle finger on my left hand, and index and little finger on my right hand. The rings clench tight on my fingers. The ring on my index finger seems to shine brighter than others.

Jevannah: “I assume you can see them… That ring comes from your heart, hidden inside, stretching all over your body. That ring is what we call a ‘Control Ring’.”

Ann: “What do you mean you assume…?”

Jevannah: “Only you can see them.”

Ann: “So, what does this ring do?”

Jevannah: “This ring allows you to register any available followers to your side. When they are on your side, you can share your light with them. How many rings do you have?”

Ann: “...Four?”

Jevannah: “That means you can have up to three followers. Fittingly enough, I’ve arranged three fine men for you. You just need to find them.”

Ann: “Does that include you?”

Jevannah: “No.”

Four people in total, that sounds awfully familiar…

Jevannah: “Now, let’s cut to the chase. I promised that I will tell you my dream, right?”

Ann: “Yes.”

Jevannah: “The cloth you offered to the firestone… That man gave it to me. The moment I wear it, I know that man is a brilliant person.”

Ann: “The one who whispered to you?”

Jevannah: “Correct. After I became a torchbearer, I immediately searched for that man, but I couldn’t find them, until I heard a rumor from Fervil… That man has already left for western sectors!”

Ann: “Do you know that man's appearance, at least?”

Jevannah: “All I know is that man likes to wear anything but black.”

Ann: “About the dreams…”

Jevannah: “The phrase ‘seek what you can’t seek’ inspires my dream. I want to relight this world!”

Bald people really do have the same wavelength then! Maybe I could tell my dream to Jevannah.

Ann: “For me, I want to save those who cannot be saved.”

My words seem to have struck Jevannah. Jevannah’s face frowns a little…

Am I making a mistake here?

Jevannah: “A great dream I suppose, fitting for us indeed, but a piece of advice, be careful whom you tell your secret to.”

Ann: “But, you just told me yours-”

Jevannah: “That is because I know how to make it happen.”

Ann: “Is that possible?”

Jevannah: “Yes. You see, this office wasn’t mine before.”

Ann: “Regan already told me about that.”

Jevannah: “Then I’ll get to the point. I borrowed this office and some of Fervil’s money through a deal to start up my plans. The texts I’ve read here claim that there is a way to light up this ancient civilization, and these methods are spread across the sectors. The problem is that in this dark world, it is very difficult to pinpoint where to go.”

Ann: “So what’s the solution?”

Jevannah: “I hired a planner named Seco who claims to have a way to establish a route to a destination, but Seco hasn’t arrived yet. Reports said that there’s a rescue signal nearby this city. I assume that is Seco. I want you to go rescue Seco, and when you’re done, I want you two to work together.”

Ann: “Rescue signal?”

Jevannah: “Do you still remember the light I did during your rescue?”

Ann: “That is a rescue signal? I thought it meant differently.”

Jevannah sighs, then rummages the pile of papers before grabbing a thin book.

Jevannah: “This is the manual for light and sound signals. You should study it before you go.”

The book contains the drawing from those tomb tiles before! Beside those drawings, there are descriptions explaining the meaning of it, as well as symbols regarding the signal.

Jevannah then shows me a small blue object with a lens, two buttons, and a handgrip.

Jevannah: “This is a ‘Flash Coder’. Press the button on the top to show a blink. Hold that button to show steady light. Press the button on the front to show a cross light.”

This device is surprisingly light and fits in my hand. With manual on my left hand, I study some of the signals used on the field, detailed below here:

o = Blink light

- = Steady light (longer than blink)

x = Cross light

I = Blank

[ o o o I I ] = Fast, Hurry, Rescue

[ x - x x I ] = Field, Open, Expanse

[ o - o I I ] = Door, Gate

[ - - o I I ] = OK, Copy, Point

[ - - o x - ] = People, Many, Group

[ x x x I I ] = Work, Combat, Task

[ - - - - I ] = Wait, Moment, Hold

[ - x o o I ] = Attack, Forward, Offense

[ o - - o o ] = Memory, Remember, Don’t forget

[ x x o o x ] = Stupid, Idiot, Foolish

I’m not sure about the last signal… Perhaps it’s used for mockery… in the distance. There are still more, but the highlighted part seems to denote their importance. I can study the rest at another time.

Jevannah: “There’s still more. I want you to have these too.”

Jevannah gave me a blue looking pistol called ‘Flare Lock’ and a blue bell called ‘Echo Maker’. Both can be used to send signals too.

Jevannah: “Regan will teach you the rest on the field. Now go, before it’s too late.”

As I went downstairs, I noticed something from that manual. One of the symbols has the same drawing as my tablet.

The symbol on my tablet means ‘Light/Torch/Bright’.

> [ E R R O R ] W.A.P.