Gambling with Magic

“Looks like the coast’s clear.” Rollnaldo said as he peeked out from under the manhole cover that was made from a jack of spades.

Eight and I stood at the base of the ladder that he was standing on. She began to dig around in the pockets of her shorts, until she seemingly manifested an entire roll of duct tape from them. “I need to do one thing first before we make a break for it.” She proceeded to tape her flip flops to her feet.

I stared in awe. “How did you manage to fit that entire roll in your pocket?”

“Believe it or not, I figured out a secret way to make the pockets on women's pants actually usable.” She patted her front pocket proudly. “Enough chit chat from you, Recruit Number Four. We need to get moving.” She abruptly ended our conversation and began climbing up the ladder behind Rollnaldo.

Part of me genuinely was curious what her secret was, but at the moment there were more pressing matters. I followed the two of them as we ascended out of the sewer. Fresh air shot up my nostrils, partially cleansing them of the poo poo diarrhea smell of the sewers.

It was night time now, and the streets appeared to be empty. I wouldn't have been surprised if a curfew was issued thanks to Eight’s antics this past day. The three of us moved under the cover of the shadows, as we approached a giant castle entirely constructed of giant playing cards. Surrounding the castle was a wall that was also made from playing cards.

Once we were directly in front of the wall, Rollnaldo held up his hand, halting us. “Lucky, give me a boost.”

“I'll do it, Recruit Number One, my beloved!” Eight loudly butted in.

“Shhh. Are you trying to get us caught?” He reprimanded her. “No, Lucky's picking me up. I don't trust you… and for the record, you're not my type.”

“I get it, you're playing hard to get. It's a good thing I like a challenge.” She delusionally disregarded Rollnaldo’s rejection.

Lifting him up on my shoulders, he peaked over the top of the wall, scanning around the castle grounds.

“What do you see?” I whispered.

“There's a guard stationed at every entrance, but I think I know how we can get in.” He scaled down from my back. “I should have just the tool in my pocket.”

“Wait, what do you mean pock-?” My jaw hung open with surprise, as he seemingly pulled a box cutter from thin air. Since he was a dice, he didn't actually wear clothes, so I wasn't sure what pockets he was referring to… nor was I really sure I wanted to know. Somehow he managed to one up Eight’s usable women's pants pockets.

“It's a good thing everything in this city is made from cards.” He proceeded to slice a square into the wall big enough for us all to crawl through.

I wasn't sure who decided to build an entire city out of cardboard playing cards, but it was a good thing it was in the middle of a desert because a good rain would wipe the whole city out.

Rollnaldo led the way through the hole that he cut into the courtyard, as Eight and I followed suit behind him. Immediately upon entering, he shushed us. “Quick, hide!”

Near us, was a bush made from shredded cards. One by one we each dove into it.

“Don't move a muscle.” Rollnaldo spoke as softly as he possibly could.

The sound of footsteps rang out, as a patrol of two individuals strolled directly in front of our bush. Both of them were anthropomorphic playing cards. Each of which held a spear that's tip looked like a spade suit. The card person on the left was a five of diamonds and one on the right was a four of hearts. They casually walked past us not seeming to notice us or the hole we had cut into the wall.

After they were a far enough distance away, I took a deep breath after holding it that entire time. “What now?” I quietly uttered.

Rollnaldo held out his box cutter again. “It's simple, we just keep cutting through walls until we find where the governor's at.”

It almost seemed like too easy of a plan, but if it worked then who was I to complain.

Cautiously, we crept about twenty feet across the courtyard up to the castle itself. Once again, Rollnaldo effortlessly sliced another hole into it. Creeping through it, we entered a dark empty broom closet. From there, we squeaked open the closet door, which led into a long torch lit hallway that was completely empty. The card suits that detailed the walls started to hurt my eyes.

“Doesn't illuminating a building made from cardboard with torches seem like a fire hazard?” I pointed out.

“This castle typically gets burned down and rebuilt at least once a month, so you're not wrong.” Rollnaldo agreed.

Whoever created not only this castle, but the entire city must have really liked cards, so much so they sacrificed having any sort of practical building standards.

At the end of the hallway was an empty wall, which Rollnaldo approached and poked a hole big enough to peep through.

He held his eye up to the hole. “Get ready, I'm almost certain the governor is in the room beyond this wall.” With his box cutter, he sliced a big x in the wall and pushed through it.

The room we entered was a vast cathedral-like corridor full of columns made from rolled cards that extended up to the ceiling. Down the center of the room, playing cards were laid face down on the floor with their red backs facing up, creating something like a red carpet that led up to an extravagant throne that was of course made from folded up cards.

“Halt, intruders!” A series of voices echoed through the throne room. Immediately a group of six card guards stormed in and surrounded us with the tips of their spears pointed at us. Rollnaldo dropped his box cutter and all three of us held our hands up.

“You three just can't stop causing trouble today, can you? You know breaking and entering is another crime.” A disembodied male voice rang out. It was slightly higher pitched, typically a tone most men could only reach by getting kicked in the nuts. “Unless maybe you three came looking for a private magic show...”

There was a puff of gray smoke that was intended to create a smokescreen to mask the guy being lowered down from the ceiling with a rope and harness. Unfortunately, the illusion failed miserably.

Once the smoke subsided, the card guards stood down, as a man with a curly mustache wearing a red velvet suit with a red top hat on his head emerged. On the front of the hat was the image of a black spade stitched into it.

“Is this guy like a jester or something?” I murmured to Rollnaldo.

“No, that's Andy-Ka-Dabra. He's the governor.” He muttered back.

Andy-Ka-Dabra walked directly up to me, holding out a deck of cards. “Pick a card, any card.”

Not particularly sure what the heck was going on, I complied and pulled a random card from the deck, which was the king of hearts. “Now what?” I blankly stared at him.

He held the deck back out. “Go ahead and place it back on the deck.”

I slipped it back in and he proceeded to shuffle. He then pulled a card from the top. “Is this your card?”

“No, not even close.” I responded in an unamused tone. He had presented me a three of clubs.

“That's because it was behind your ear.” He waived his hand behind my ear with a card obviously already being held in it.

“That's still not it.”

He held up a nine of diamonds with a look of denial on his face. “...are you sure?”

“Yeah I'm sure. My card was the king of hearts.”

“Okay, how about this then.” He pulled off his top hat and held the opening upright. “For my next trick, I'll pull a rabbit out of my hat!” He reached his hand into the hat and pulled out a white rabbit by the scruff of its neck.

The trick might have been impressive, if it wasn't for the pile of rabbit crap sitting on top of his bald head. Rollnaldo, Eight, and I all stood silently as a cricket noise chirped in the background.

“Tough crowd.” He remarked, as he placed the rabbit back on his head and put the hat back over it.

Eight began to fidget around as she became antsy. “We didn't cut through your walls for a magic show, baldie. My super secret domestic terrorist organization is here to deliver you my list of demands and to challenge you to a Gamble Showdown!”

“It's not much of a secret when you come right out and tell me about it.” He responded.

“I know. We told her the same thing.” I chimed in.

“Well, if it's a Gamble Showdown you want, then I have no choice but to abide by royal decree… but don't think this means my performance is over.” Reaching into his pocket, he grabbed a fist full of silver glitter and tossed it up into the air. “Magic, magic, magic.” He echoed through the room, as all the lights suddenly went out and a red curtain fell from the ceiling…