Gambling in Jail…Again

“What the heck were you lugging around bombs for!?” I snapped at Rollnaldo, as the two of us were once again sitting in a jail cell.

“I’m telling you, those aren't mine. Somehow a few of my crates must have gotten switched. I'm not sure when, but-...” He pounded his fist on his other hand, as he came to a realization. “Daddy issues!”

“What?” I looked at him confused

He shook his head. “It must have happened when that crazy chick crashed into us.”

I smacked the dungeon wall, which was made from playing cards, in frustration. “Great, how the heck are we going to prove our inno-... I can't do this.” The tight lime green floods, which were still on my body, were starting to cut off the circulation in my legs and ‘crotch region’. Undoing the fly, I immediately pulled them off, stripping back down to my underwear. “...as I was saying, it's not going to be easy to prove our innocence.”

“Yeah, I'm aware of that. I swear if that chick was here I'd-.”

A loud explosion drowned out what Rollnaldo was saying. A cloud of dust and card fragments shot toward us, as a giant hole was blown into the side of our jail cell. As the debris settled, it revealed…

“Well, speak of the devil.” Rollnaldo remarked.

Emerging from the hole in the wall, was the purple haired chick from earlier.

“Where the muck are my bombs, you mucking muckers!?” She angrily stormed into the cell.

“Where the pip is my merch, you pipper!? Rollnaldo shouted back at her.

Footsteps echoed down the hall, as guards were rushing over to investigate the commotion.

She rolled her eyes. “Tch, I swear this is turning into a cluster.”

“You're the one who blew a hole in the-... mmmmm” Rollnaldo's words became muffled mid-complaint, as she shoved him into a potato sack.

“You're lucky you're hot.” She remarked, as she tied the top of the potato sack, fighting back Rollnaldo as he struggled around inside. She turned her attention to me. “I only brought one potato sack, so either you can come willingly…” She pulled what appeared to be a sock from her pocket. “Or I can knock you out with this bar of soap I shoved in a sock.”

As two slotomaton guards turned the corner, she instinctively threw something at the ground, which erupted into a plume of purple smoke. Grabbing me by the collar of my hoodie, she forcefully yanked me along with her as she made her escape. I could have probably resisted if I wanted to, but I couldn't let her kidnap Rollnaldo. Without him to guide me, I would be completely hopeless in this world.

♣️♣️♣️

“We should be safe down here.” The purple haired chick gave a sigh of relief. “Good going, thanks to you two, now we have to hide in this sewer that smells like poo poo diarrhea until the heat’s off of us.”

The sewer we were in was dark and damp. Somehow though, it too was constructed from playing cards…very soggy and rancid smelling playing cards.

“What are you talking about? This is all because of you!” I lashed out at her.

“Mmmmmm.” Rollnaldo rustled around in the sack that she was still holding him in.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” She proceeded to set the bag down and untie it.

Rollnaldo took a deep breath, as he angrily popped his head out. “Who the pip even are you!?”

“I'm Crazy Eight, the leader of a super secret domestic terrorist organization, but you can just call me Eight.” She responded surprisingly straightforwardly.

“Its not much of a secret when you just come out and tell us about it.” I retorted.

“Ah, shoot…” Eight murmured under her breath. She paused for a moment, realizing her mistake. “I guess there's no other way…” She looked back and forth at me and Rollnaldo, as she nodded at us. “Welcome aboard my new recruits… and future husband.” The last part she whispered to herself.

Rollnaldo and I turned to each other, then turned back toward her. “Nah, we're good.” We answered in unison.

“But why not?” She seemed genuinely surprised by our immediate decline.

“For starters, you kidnapped us and drug us into a sewer.” Rollnaldo stated the obvious.

“Not to mention all the trouble you've caused us. Thanks to you, we got arrested… again!” I added. “What even is the goal of this ‘domestic terrorist organization’ of yours?” I made quotation marks with my fingers as I spoke.

“Don’t mock me!” She flicked me in the forehead. “I'll have you know that before you both went and lost my bombs, I was planning on blowing up that bridge that goes across the canyon.”

“What would you even gain by doing that?” I wondered.

“What do you mean? The Dicey Desert Provence is cut off from the rest of the kingdom by Card Count Canyon. That bridge is the only way in and out.” She attempted to elaborate.

“That almost makes sense, but the bridge is made from playing cards. The governor of the province can just order an army of slotomatons to rebuild it. At most it would only be a moderate inconvenience for like a week.” Rollnaldo decided to burst her bubble.

“Yeah…but… but…” She couldn't figure out how to respond.

“Alright, well good luck with whatever this is, but I think that's our cue to head out. It should be dark by now, so I think-.”

“Wait!” She shouted over him. “If you two aren't going to join me….then I'll make you!” She pointed directly at me. “You're a gamblord, I challenge you to a Gamble Showdown. If I win, you’ll both become official members of my super secret domestic terrorist organization, whether you like it or not.”

I let out a huff. “Do I really have to do this?”

“Gamble Showdowns are enforced by royal decree. You don't have a choice.” Rollnaldo nodded.

Eight crossed her arms. “Go on, I'm the challenger, so you pick the competition, undie boy.”

“What can we even play down here?” I turned to Rollnaldo for his input.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know, do rock, paper, scissors or something.”

“I guess we'll just do best two out of three in rock, paper, scissors then.” I responded, putting my hand out in a ready position.

Eight put her hand out as well with a serious look on her face. “I'm ready whenever you are.”

The two of us simultaneously lifted our hands and spoke, “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

I held my hand out, balled up into a fist… At the same time, she covered it with her hand flat.

“Paper covers rock!” She exclaimed.

“This is only the first round, don't get too cocky.” I smirked. Little did she know, I had a trick up my sleeve…

“Rock…” we started.

Suddenly, I began to glow with my blue aura, as I activated my gambling sorcery.

“...Paper, scissors, shoot!”

I held two fingers out, while she had her palm faced down flat.

“Scissors cuts pap-.”

“Looks like it's my turn to activate my gambling sorcery.” She began to glow with a purple aura. After about five seconds, it anticlimactically faded away and she changed her hand into a fist. “Rock smashes scissors. I win.”

“All you did was switch your hand. How is that not cheating?” I pointed at her, accusingly.

She shook her head. “That's not true. My gambling sorcery allows me to redo one turn in any game.”

“You got to be kidding me! Rollnaldo, you saw that, right?”

“It would have been one thing if she just changed her hand, but she used her gambling sorcery to do it, so that move is perfectly legal.” He elaborated.

Pulling something from the front pocket of her shorts, she walked over to me and slapped it onto my chest as hard as she could. “From this day forward, you'll be Recruit Number Four.”

On my sweatshirt, she had stuck a sticker that read, ‘Recruit #4’. She then went to Rollnaldo and slapped another sticker that read, ‘Recruit #1’ onto the bottom right corner of his face.

“If he's number one and I'm number four, who are numbers two and three?” I wondered.

“There are no two and three, I just don't like your attitude. Maybe if you work hard, I'll promote you. As for the dice being number one, I just think he's hot so…” She attempted to stand as close to Rollnaldo as she could, but every time she got closer than a foot to him, he'd side step, putting at least two feet between them.

I rolled my eyes at her. “Now that you've forced us to join your made up terrorist organization, what are we supposed to even do?”

“Honestly… I really didn't think that far ahead.” She took a moment to ponder my question. “Blowing up that bridge is going to be hard without my bombs…and the entire city is on the look out for us…hmmm…” She snapped her fingers as a light bulb went off in her head. “That's it. We'll break into the governor's castle!”

“Listen, all we came to this city for was to cross the bridge into the Wager Woods Province. Neither of us wanted to get roped into any of this in the first place.” I attempted to reason with her.

“Thats perfect! You can't cross that bridge without a government issued player's card anyways. If we can get to the governor, we can force him into a Gamble Showdown and make him grant all our demands.” She tried to persuade us.

“I think we've gotten in enough trouble for-.”

Rollnaldo put his hand up before I could finish my thought. “She actually has a point. If we defeat the governor, we can force him to give us a player's card and we can have him sweep all our legal issues under the rug. It'll be like killing two birds with one stone.” In a surprising turn of events, Rollnaldo sided with Eight.

I reluctantly sighed. “I guess you got a point.”

Eight excitedly pumped her fist. “Looks like we're all on the same page then!”

It seemed like whether I wanted to or not, we were about to break into the governor's castle…