Chapter 17

I dreamt about Her then. Not Selene… The cat.

She appeared on a sunny meadow, and I ran to her and buried my face in her soft fur and quietly wept.

“Do you regret coming here?”

Her soft voice rang in my mind.

“I don’t know…”, I whispered, trying to forget about everything that had happened.

“You don’t, Rina?”, she asked, and I let go of her and stepped back.

She gazed at me, but I looked away with a frown.

“Fine, I don’t regret it. But it’s still not fun to be here.”

“Why?”

She smiled, and an endless stream of images of my companions flooded my mind.

“Stop messing with my head!”

“You do it to yourself”, she replied patiently.

“It is not that easy to be here.”

“I never said it would be.”

I frowned.

“What… What if I mess up again and they…?”

“You didn’t mess up in the first place. You don’t need me to tell you that. You know it.”

I shrugged.

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be happy…”

I woke with a startle and sank back on the bed. I lay in my chamber in the castle of Akka. The evening light sifted through the window, dancing on the golden ornaments that decorated the room. I looked around, and a warm feeling spread through my body, and I felt myself smiling. She wanted me to be happy…

I glanced around. There was a bowl of weird-looking, purple fruit standing on the table by the wall, and I got up and walked over to it. I took one, sniffing it before carefully taking a bite. It was sweet, and only then did I realise how hungry I was, and I took another one and glanced around. My eyes fell on the aegis lying on the nightstand table. A pang of guilt and shame shot through me, but I hesitantly put down the fruit and walked over to it. The soft light reflected on its smooth surface, and I picked it up and sighed.

“Fair enough. She never promised it would be easy.”

I put it around my neck. I didn't want Karim to… There was a hard knock on the door, followed by Uruk’s voice.

“Rina… Are you awake?”

I froze. He must have known I’d tried to leave. What should I say? The good thing about leaving was that you didn’t need to deal with the consequences. I took a deep breath.

“Yeah..”

He opened the door and walked in, filling the room with his presence.

“We will meet with the Queen and King later,” he announced, and I nodded. “Come”, he gestured. “We need to discuss a few things beforehand”

I took a step and then paused as guilt and shame overtook me.

“Uruk…” I said without looking at him. “I left...”

He walked up to me and patted my shoulders.

“But you come back,” he said, smiling.

“But..”

I looked at him, but he just shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. I made my choice. I will ride with you to Tarnis.”

I followed him out, and as we walked through the hallway, all I could think about was how the other would react seeing me. How Selene would react…. I regretted what I had told her in the harbour, but I didn’t know how to make it right. My strategy had always been to leave, so I didn’t have to deal with meeting the person again, but now, I couldn't.

I was happy Uruk was with me, though. He was straightforward, and even though I didn’t always understand him, I somehow felt a mutual understanding between us. Karim, though… I didn’t know how he would react. He was kind, but he wasn’t like Uruk, and I had seen his inner struggle that occupied his mind as we travelled. And Selene…. I shook my head as Uruk halted before the door. He smiled, and I took a deep breath and followed him into the small study.

They all waited for us, sitting around the table.

“May Goddess bless you, Rina. You look rested.”, Karim smiled.

I glanced at him, but he seemed happy to see me. So maybe Selene hadn’t shared our earlier conversation with him. I glanced at her.

“Thank you for coming, Rina”, she said quietly.

She didn’t meet my eyes, and not knowing what else to do, I sighed and joined them at the table. There was a map spread out over the table, and Karim leaned over.

“We are here”, he said, pointing to the northeast. “And Tarnis is here”, he pointed north to a place between the mountains.

He shifted the map and put a finger on a place far in the south.

“We had planned to take you to Eldoria. It is our stronghold and my home city. You would be safe there, and we would, with your help and with time, have strengthened the alliance.”

His voice was solemn, sounding like one of my teachers at school, but his words reminded me of what I had done, and I looked away. He must have noticed, because he paused.

“Rina.”

He looked at me softly.

“Our plans have changed, but the sun will rise again.”

He smiled, and Uruk added,

“What we had planned wasn’t without risk, even if it felt better for some of us. It would have taken time to strengthen the alliance, and if the Imperium had realised our plans before it was done, and made their move, we wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

“What will change with this new plan?”, I asked.

Karim took a deep breath and said,

“After the fall of Tarnis, many started to doubt our chances. Many declared themselves neutral, and some withdrew their support and are now part of the alliance only in name.”

“And some.. “ Uruk added, “Willingly or not, betrayed us”

Karim looked at me.

“What you did yesterday will force everyone to take sides and act quickly. And it could be to our advantage…”

I nodded, remembering what happened yesterday and how Altea had swayed on the spot when I promised to help them.

“How will we know which side they are on?”, I asked, already suspecting the answer.

“We will travel to their lands and let them swear a loyalty to you”, Uruk replied.

Just as I had thought. I didn’t like it, but it didn’t matter. It was me who had started it. If I had decided to say something else to Altea back then, then… I sighed. Why had I said that? From all the choices I had… I paused. Choice. I looked at Karim.

“I made my choices and…?”

He looked at me, surprised at first, before saying,

I made my choices

and paid the price.

I don’t regret

walking this path.

I smiled and repeated after him.