Once again, at the top of The White Pillar

As I reached the top of the marble I've climbed thousands of times before, I found myself in front of him. I mustered all the strength my battered, bruised body could and stumbled my way closer. 

"Seita, I once again, I welcome you to the greatest heights of The White Pillar. You-" But I wasn't hearing any of her words.  They were words I have heard numerous times before. And she knows that too, yet not once has she bothered to change them. I continued getting closer, limping towards Goroa. And finally, once I was within arm's reach, I felt my leg muscles weaken, and finally felt to the ground with a pathetic thud.

Yet despite my legs no longer able to carry my forward, I reached out my hand and grabbed the hem of her tunic. "...Again." I whispered, my voice raspy. And I could hear Goroa, the Goddess of Creation, give a sigh in exasperation, as if she had expected me to say those exact words. Maybe because it's been the one consistent thing I have never failed to say.

"Look..." Goroa crouched down. "Don't you think it's time to cut it out?"

I raised my face from the cold floor, and looked up at her. Her expression wasn't one of genuine concern, but the kind of look you give someone who does something so dumb it's almost pitiful.

"If it had been 10 times, I would understand, sort of. But..." She took hold of my cheeks with her hands, and forcefully raised my face. "37,733 times?! Are you nuts?!" She let go of my face, and began pacing around the room. "I get you have good intentions, but don't you think it's getting ridiculous?" Goroa walked towards the balcony, and leaned on the guard-railing, gazing upon the city below. "I think it's time you threw the towel and returned to your world."

At her comment, I gathered some strenght and stood up. "Not this again..." I've heard this lecture before. Not once has it made me change my mind, but she refuses to stop. I approached Goroa, standing beside her on the balcony. "You know I can't do that."

"You don't want to, that is." Goroa turned towards me, a stern expression on her face. "You know how this works. You know that by reaching the top of The White Pillar, I will grant you any wish, within certain boundaries. And you know all you have to wish for is for me to take you back to your world. So why don't you?!"

Goroa's tone was all too familiar. A mixture of irritation, anger, and the tiniest hint of compassion. "Why do you keep wishing to return back to the very beginning?"

I stared into Goroa's eyes. Her look was unflinching. like a mother scolding a child. I've never liked when she gives me that look. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. "It's because I love them," I stated with confidence. I had thought about the question before. It took me several loops to understand the answer myself. "Miria, Lutos, Shianna, the people of Lycidae... I love all of them." I clenched my fist tightly, to the point I could feel my bones hurt due to the wounds. "Every single time... Each and every single one of those 37,733 times I've been able to reach the top like this... It has been because of them. Because of their help."

I could tell Goroa had gotten even angrier, her voice filled with fury. "What are you saying?! You know these people are-"

"I know!" Despite my tiredness, my words matched her tone of voice. The frustration surged from the very bottom of my heart. "I... I know that already! You don't have to say it. Even despite that, I still love them. To me, they mean everything. And I can't abandon them. Not until I know they'll be happy."

Goroa expression shifted. She was clearly taken aback by my outburst. And then, her expression turned back to normal, as she took another deep sigh as she once again leaned on the guard railing, this time placing her chn on her hands. "Since when did you get a bleeding heart?"

I gave her a small smile. When did I become like this? It was obviously along the way, but I guess I never realized it. Nevertheless, this is who I am now. And I don't regret becoming like this. "Who knows? It'll take me another try to find out."

"Heh." Goroa gave a dry chuckle. She was clearly amused. I guess she didn't expect her little experiment to turn out like this. Sometimes I wonder what her goal actually was with this whole thing. Taking me to another world, making me go through countless trials, taking me to my limits... I've never understood her reasoning behind it all. And I don't think I'll bother to ask either. Knowing her, Goroa would just expertly sidestep my question or invoke her classic 'that's a divine secret' line. "A lot about you is different, but some things never change, huh? You always want to get what you want."

"That's about the only nice thing I have going for me. My, uh, perseverance."

Goroa looked wistfully down at the city. "I'm sure the people down there would disagree with that. But I digress."

Goroa turned towards me fully, her expression recovering her seriousness. "Now then, Seita. It's a formality at this point, but I need you to answer me clearly. What is your wish?"

I gave her a confident smile. It may be my 37,733th time, but I'll never give up. I know I can do this. "I wish to go back to the beginning of my adventure. I want to go back to when I first arrived at Lycidae."

"As you wish." Goroa snapped her fingers, and an all-too-familiar light began to envelop me. It's the light that will transport me back to the very beginning. Goroa crossed her arms, and looked towards my fading body. "I think it's pointless to ask, but how many more times are you going to do this before you give up."

I kept my smile intact, and gave her a thumbs up. "As many times as it takes. I will get my happy ending." 

Goroa laughed out loud. "Right, right. Shouldn't have bothered to ask. That's on me."

And so, my body was transported once again, back to the very beginning. So begins my 37,734th attempt. I may not have a plan to save everyone yet, but I'll figure something out. Yeah, it may have not worked the last 37 thousand times, but it'll work out eventually. I have learned a lot about the things that will happen and about how to prevent or avoid them, so this should work. This will work.

And so, I woke up at the usual cave. Dark, musty, silent... A classic. I stood up, dusted myself off and got ready to head out. As long as I keep my head up, I know I can do this. Nothing will stop me from repaying everyone's kindness, make them happy and returning to my world victorious. And if I fail, I'll reach the top of The White Pillar once again and come back here until I succeed!

Or so I thought, because on a point of my adventure I thought I had complete mastery over, i instead found myself lying on the ground, pupils dilated, skin pale, voice gone, coughing blood. I was poisoned. Not due to a betrayal or due to an heroic act of bravery, but due to my overconfidence. An overconfidence of thinking I knew how this world worked. That the beginning, middle and end of my story was mine to control and figure out a solution to.

And so I laid there. My friends screaming my name, hoping for a response. No antidote to cure me, no light magic to heal me, no goddess to grant my wish. As my eyelides got heavier and my eyes closed, I began to wonder: Maybe I should have I taken the chance of going back to my world when I could?

... No, it's fine like this. Right now, everyone is okay. If I die now, everyone will be okay. There will be no journey and no accidents. No struggles and no pain. Everyone will go back to their daily lives and survive. They'll live. This is the happy ending I wanted. So this is fine. I did what I could.

As my consciouness returned to nothing, and i could faintly feel my friend become more hysterical, a smile appeared on my face. This is the closest I'll get to a happy ending.