Volume 1 Chapter 5: "I Can't Even Live A Normal Day"

The two men, once loyal, now hollow puppets, backed away.

They didn't even seem to know what they'd done.

And yet... silence said everything.
The shame, the slintness, the way she couldn't meet his eyes.

Something had been stolen... and it would never return.

She was violated ninety-nine hundred million times right in front of me... and I just sat there, watching. Helpless. Pathetic.

Just like when I saw Elwin melt.
Just like when the masked man killed my mother.
Just like when they broke my butler, tore apart his nephew... again and again.

And I-I did nothing.

Nothing.

"Sorry, my grandfather...

Sorry Elwin...

Sorry Yurina Soruma...

Because now I am not feeling anything but a feeling to kill him as fast as I can without giving him any suffering.

I want to give him a peaceful death.

I want him not to feel what I felt, what Elwin felt, what Butler felt, what his nephew felt, what my mother felt.

There is nothing in my heart..." I whispered.

Next moment, the chains broke into pieces...

I could feel it now.

A surge within me.

Not rage.

Not fear.

Power.

A power beyond anything I had ever known.
More than Shen.
More than what he thought was possible.

"At last... your power has finally awakened huh?" Shen said, voice calm... but I could hear the happiness beneath it.

I didn't say a single word.

I stepped forward. Slowly, Deliberately.

"What happened? Are you that scared your feet are not moving now?" Shen said.

I stay silent, stepping toward Shen.

I stepped forward. Or rather, I ceased to be bound by time.

In the time it took for a Planck moment to flicker, Shen's defense shattered.
"I moved," I whispered., "at the speed of Planck."

I get close to him and touched him...

The next moment, he was turned into ashes...

"So, you have finally died without any pain?" I said.

I looked at butler and saw him disappearing... not only him, but also his nephew and my wife were disappearing slowly at the same time.

"Looks like they are going to return to where they were before because... I killed Shen just now, so his summoned persons will be returned to where they were before," I whispered.

They looked at me with a gentle smile and said,
"I am sorry"

"I am sorry?

Is this word for me?

Am I worth getting sorry from my butler, his nephew, and my wife?

After all, I saw them tortured in front of me with my own eyes, but did what? Nothing! Nothing... I just saw them not did anything for them...

Just shed some of my tears and screamed and did nothing...

My wife was violated by them, and I did... of course, nothing, so why were they saying sorry to me?" I whispered.

Then all of them completely disappeared.

"So, what to do now?

I remember the last time creating an image of a place...

At that time, there was only one thing on my mind... to marry Yurina at any cost...

But now I have nothing but a lot of trash thoughts in my mind..."

The next moment, when I blinked, I saw I had returned to the place where I was summoned from, at my home outside.

"What happened just now?

Why did I arrive here without using my powers?" I whispered.

Then I started to walk through the hospital with calm, dead eyes...

"Why am I going to the hospital?

To see her tired from what happened to her because of me?

No, I am going to give her myself and tell her to slap me, kick me... if needed, then kill me again and again..." I whispered.

Then, finally, I arrived at the hospital...

I stepped toward the room where she was for her operation, but then I stopped...
"Wait...

I can't...

I can't go to the room I-I am scared...

I am scared to see her with that sad expression...

I can't..." I whispered.

When I was going to run from the room i heard Yurina laughing gently...

"Wait...

Is Yurina laughing?

Why would she even laugh after all that happened to her?

Has she lost her mind?

Wait...

If I were back in time with the same place, pose, expressions like before, then it means..

Butler, his nephew, and my wife Yurina were Fake...

They were just some fake clones...

Which also means that my family is safe right?" I whispered.

Suddenly tears began to fall from my eyes fast...

I ran toward the room...

"She can be mine again...

She will have no sadness in her eyes, only happiness like before..." I whispered.

Then I entered the room but said nothing and saw Yurina beside a young man...

At that moment I heard something...

She said, "Darling we are honored with our second child... I am very happy"

"Wait...

What did I just hear now?

Her husband is that man?

But I was her husband right?

So why is she saying him her husband?

Why?" I whispered.

Suddenly many memories began to arrive in my mind...

I smiled...

"So, the past, present and future has been changed huh?

Thank god it has finally changed..." I whisappered.

At that moment I had a different world in my mind and that was perfect.

Because the memories of mine now was new.

New about my past, present and future.

Because after hitted by truck kun all story changed.

After getting hit by him I was reincarnated in this world in the body of a rich family youngest son instead if the boy which I had reincarnated in before...

This time, the immortality power was not in the previous boy, but in rich family's youngest son, which is me now.

The memories in my head was after getting hit by truck I opened my eyes, being chained and kidnapped, and got all experiment like before in lab like before.

But this time my mother was not involved in all this... only her assistant was...

Then I got to goddesses and gods then killed the godesses and gods by mistake like before after destroying the lab.

Then I heard a voice like before, then got to her.

Then I returned and after returning to the house Yurina which was my wife but in this timeline is not fall in love with my eldest brother and brother was in her love too.

After a while they got married.

I accept it without hesitation controlling my tears and heart.

I asked mother to let me live in another house.

And she gived me permission and then I began live in my house which my father and mother brought for me.

After many weeks mother asked me that they are getting me married.

Like before I accept it without hesitation.

Then next day suddenly she told me to get ready for marriage because today they have arrange it with a girl which have background like our.

I accept it like before without asking anything.

The family where I was going to get bride from asked my this world mother to do this fast as she could.

I get married to her but after some days we all find out that she is mute and had always fever.

My mother asked me to give her divorce but I declined because I was aware of my previous life suffering where I had no mother no father only butler but then he died.

So I declined to give her divorce and told my mother if she did something wrong then I wouldn't see her face again.

But life is always bad and good right?

She was not able to speak.

And she had always fever.

At start I hated to take care of her but after many weeks passed...

Suddenly I began to like her.

She had a cute smile on her face everytime...

If I would say anything she become embarrassed.

She was now my life but...

After two years she passed out...

She was passed out because of me...

Because I left her in hands of my servants to take care of her because I had argent work.

But my mother always kept hatting her so she asked all my servants to get leave from work for that day.

When I returned home to saw her cute smile on her face instead I saw a closed eyes with suffered expressions.

I ran toward her and carried her in my arm and said,
"Hey, wake up! See I am back like I promised... come on wake up"

But she didn't answer cause she was dead before I arrive.

After her funeral, everthing just... stoped.

I didn't eat.

I didn't sleep.

I just sat there, replaying everything... over and over again... like some sick film I couldn't turn off.

And then, as if this world wasn't done with me yet, I found out about my mother.

About her work.

Then I had big fight to my mother...

We fought.

I don't even remember what I shouted.

She just stand there... face pale, eyes trembling.

"I-I didn't know... it'd go this far," she whispered.

Lies...

So many damn lies.

I couldn't breathe in that house anymore.

So I ran.

No destination.

No plans.

Just the streets.

Cold pavement.

Empty corners.

I wandered for days.

Many weeks passed.

And then... I was about to do something I can never take back.

I was going to break into a stranger's house.

I didn't even care who they were.

I just needed money.

Something.

Anything.

That was the story burned into the back of my mind now.

It was now my new past, present and future.

My tragedy.

My spirit.

And yet... despite everything.

I thought maybe, just maybe, it was all over now.

No one was hurting anymore.

The pain ended.

Or so I told myself.

But then...
"... ah ..."

My chest tightened.

Her face... the new girl... the one I thought I could finally protect...

... flicked behind my eyes.

She's gone too.

In my mind there is not only her face...

But there are more faces and that faces are My caretaker which was my first love.

Elwin my second love.

Yurina my third love and wife which is now my youngest brother wife because timeline has changed.

And my fourth love and wife which is now dead Yuisi lourina...

Now Yurina is saved but...

My caretaker and Elwin are died like before.

While I was thinking about this...

Tears.

Hot. Silence. Endless.

"A-aah"

A broken gasp left in my throat.

Before I knew it, I had collapsed to my knees.

My hands trembled.

My vision blurred.

And for the first time in so long...

I cried.

Not because I was weak.

Not because I wanted pity.

But because my soul...

was breaking.

I cried...

Then suddenly, the women who was my mother in this world stepped out of the room... the same room where my brother sat with Yurina... the women who, in my previous timeline, had once been my wife... and now belonged to him.

She looked at me.

Her eyes widened the moment she saw the tears silently failing down my cheeks. Before I could say anything.

She ran toward me and suddenly fell to her kness infront of me.

"Please..." she whispered, her voice trembling... I finally understand. I finally know why you were so angry at me back then, I-I was blind"

Her hands clutched my sleeve as her forehead pressed to the ground.

"I am sorry. I am really sorry... Please come back. Please call me mother again. Don't leave me like this... please, my son"

Suddenly... my body moved its own.

I didn't even think.

Before I realized it, I had wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into tight embrace... like a child desperately clinging to something he had already lost once before.

And then.

"A-Aaah... Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh-!!"

I screamed.

I cried as much my throat would allow. The dam finally broke. My chest shook violently with each breath, and my voice cracked, torn apart by the weight of grief I'd kept buried for so long.

She didn't say a word.

She simply held me tightly and gentle placed her hand on my head, strocking my hair as I trembled in her arms.

"It's okay now," she whispered, again and again, "It's okay now... cry as much as you want, my son..."

After a while I stopped crying but at that moment.

My body refused to move... but she didn't leave me there.

Quietly, she held me from under my shoulder, and even as I shook and cried,
she walked with me... slowly, painfully... back to that place which in my new memories I once called home.

She gently laid me down on the bed.

Without saying a word, she pulled the blanket over me... just like my real mother when I was baby.

My this world mother reminds me kind of my real mother...

Then she sat beside me, placing her hand softly on my head.

She stayed like that for a long time... quietly, gently... her touch warm and trembling.

Not as a stranger. Not as someone from this world.

But as my mother.

Time passed.

I don't know how long.

When I woke up, the room was dim...

The evening sun casting golden stripes through the curtain's edge. My head was still warm.

Her hand was still there, gently resting my hair.

But now... she was asleep.

Her back lightly bent, her face serene, like she had finally relaxed. As if protecting me, even in her dreams.

I stared at her long time.

That face... wasn't my real mother's.

And yet... my chest tightened.

I think I have considered her as my real mother after my orignal world real mother.

I took the blanket draped over me...

And slowly covered her with it.

I didn't want her to feel cold.

Then, quietly, I stood up and walked toward the door.

As I stepped into the hallway, the soft wooden floor creaked slightly beneath my feet.

And that's when I saw him... my brother.

He was standing outside.

His back was straight, but his eyes were wide and trembling, like he'd been waiting there forever.

For me.

Suddenly his eyes moved toward me.

Our eyes met.

He froze.

Then... without saying a single word... he sprinted toward me.

And wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"...!"

His embrace was firm, desperate.

This was very different from the butler and my this world mother hug.

This was the hug of my worried brother...

"Thank god... Thank god you are awake... I am so happy" He whispered.

I could feel his heart pounding through his chest.

So real.

So warm.

It hurt more than anything.

"Sorry..." I said. My voice felt so small, like it belong to someone else.

"...Sorry for being a fool... for not seeing how much my family loves me. For thinking I was alone. For trying to run away..."

"I am really sorry brother"

My voice broke at the end.

And for a moment, neither of us said anything.

He simply held me tighter.

As if afraid that if he let go, I would disappear again.

Then my this world father who was sat on sofa walk toward me and began to cry but not screamed.

He said, "Don't ever disappear again you don't know how worried we was for you"

I said, "I promise, I wouldn't disappear again"

Like this now I had my new father, mother even I had a brother.

I was happy as I was thinking that I am honored.

Like this years kept passing I live with my family every day I talked, I joke, I laugh, sometimes i cried.

I turned twenty five...

My birthday was being celebrated and then in my birthday celebration I saw a girl who was remembering me of a anime girl or rather say hentai anime girl.

Seeing her body for a moment my body began to grow...

My body was never grow before but seeing her it grow...

No I think my body was grow before too it was grow when that damn lust goddess was touching me.

Suddenly she get close to me and said,
"Thank god you are here"

"What? What do you mean" I asked.

Before I could say anything I was in a place I even don't know.

Anywhere see was white only.

Then I saw there a big tree.

"Where am I...

and why...

I can only see a big tree here because wherever I saw is empty white place...

I honestly think this tree is beautiful

Can I touch it?" I whispered.

I stepped toward the tree...

"I think I can touch it after all there is nothing here which is telling me I can't touch it...

So I can touch it right?" I whispered.

Now I was right infront of the tree...

I raised my hand slowly...

And touch the tree...

In the instant my skin met the bark...
the world split open.

Pain.

Birth.

Screams.

Love.

Deaths.

I don't know how many voices.

I don't know how many lives.

But I think it was far beyond one hundredth million... billion... trillion...

Tears falling, blades clashing, prayers whispered, lies screamed, children born... and gods dying.

I lived as many girls.

I lived as many boys.

I exprienced their life.

Every moment...

Every second.

All pain.

I was tortured every cruel ways each time.

I died every cruel ways each time.

Or rather... they died.

And I just experienced their pain... felt it as if it were mine.

That was cruel.

"W-What... w-what was that...?

What did I just see...?

I... I can't hold all these memories...

Not before death but also after their death.

I have lived every single day of their life...

Every single second..." I whispered.

The tree I just touched was not just ordinary...

It was the Tree of innocent... those who died in...

Cruel worlds...

Cruel timelines...

Cruel pasts...

Cruel presents...

Cruel futures...

They all suffered because...

Their own family kicked them out...

Their own family abandoned them.

Their lovers betrayed them...

Their own relatives killed them...

Their own loved one used them as test subject.

Their own loved used them as nothing but a tool for themselves.

Not like me... who became god-like.

They lived and died... as human.

And after dying, the creator give them a mission.

Their mission was...

To carry honest souls into new worlds... to give them a second chance.

When they died, they found themselves inside a truck.

A truck that carried good souls... human,

Animals, even forgotten spirits... to other worlds.

To give them peace.

Some passed...

Some failed.

But they kept trying.

Interesting fact is that...

Sometimes they weren't a truck.

Sometimes... a horse.

Sometimes... a boat.

and many things else.

And one of them hitted me too in my past...

Those souls... those "carriers"... have a mission.

They must bring happiness to one hundred million billion lives before they are allowed to enter heaven.

I know this...

Because I have seen it.

I have lived it. I have felt every tears, every breath, every quiet smile and loud scream... from their first birth...

To the day they finally reached heaven.

And now...

My brain has lived many lives.

Each one suffered like hell.

Now.

I can't move.

My legs are frozen.

My arms won't respond.

My whole body is paralyzed.

Let's remember what I said before about truck-kun when I was being tortured each time.

Flashback,
"I swear, If i ever return to my world I will burn all truck factories"

Back to the present...

...I was foolish.

Truck-kun wasn't my enemy.

Truck-kun was a human and a broken soul who just wanted to give me a peaceful life.

"He carried billions of broken souls across cursed timelines...

And I insulted him..." I said.

I looked up at the sky, eyes hollow.

Then I dropped to my knees, eyes wide open, but seeing nothing.

My mind was here.

And not here.

Many voices screamed, whispered, wept, laughed, and died inside me all at once.

Children...

Parents...

Lovers...

Killers...

Heroes...

Victims...

All of them...

Me.

I gripped my hand.

"I remember being born..."

"I remember dying..."

"I remember chocking on blood I never bleed."

"I remember holding hands I never touched."

"I remember kissing someone I never met...

And mourning them for fifty years."

I saw flashes ... a sword through my chest, a baby in my arms, a battlefield, a classroom, a noose.

I remember the sound of bones breaking... I remember calling someone "mom, sister, wife, father, brother"... who was she? Was she me?

I couldn't tell anyone.

Which memories were mine?

Which ones were stolen?

Which ones were gifted?

... Which ones were punishment?

My hands trembled.

My body was whole.

But my mind...

It had been shattered, rebuilt, shattered again, and now...

Now it was something else.

Something beyond human.

I whispered:
"I wish I could die..."

But no one heard.

Not them.

Not me.

I lowered my head.

And smiled.

A smile no god, no devil, no one could understand.

A smile carved from madness and mercy.

"But I can't."

"Because I am immortal."

And then...

"Hah...

Hahahahaha...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!"

I laughed.

I screamed.

I laughed again.

A broken laugh that echoed across universes.

A laugh that made even Truck-kun stop mid-traffic and look away in silence.

Because in that moment...

Even the world reliazed...

I was never coming back.

Then suddenly I heard a familiar voice,
"Hey, long time no see right?"

I turned my head slowly behind me.

I saw the masked man.

The one who tortured me one hundredth millon billion times.

The one who tortured my butler and his nephew infront of me...

The one who violated my wife by my loved one infront of me using them as his tool.

The one I killed a long time ago Shen...

"H-How... How the hell are you alive?

I know I have killed you so how are you alive? Tell me Shen! now..." I asked.

"I have surprise for you wanna see it?" Shen asked.

"Surprise? What surprise do you have for me?

I know you aren't that kind of man who give happiness to others so what surprise do you have" I asked.

"Get ready it will be begin in ten seconds" Shen answered.

"Ten seconds? So long for me..." I said.

"Don't worry you will get a better surprise by waiting for ten seconds" Shen said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Now five seconds remains be ready for your surprise... Five..." Shen said.

"You even start counting huh?" I asked.

"What do I do now?

I have no strength to even blink or move so how would even I stop him" I whispered.

"Four..." Shen said.

"I believe he is going to do worse than before.

I have to stop him...

But I can't... because my body can't even move a bit" I whispered.

"Three..." Shen said.

"What do I do?

I would suffer like before...

Stop thinking this non sense ...

Because I would win for sure." I whispered.

"I already for your surprise now" I said.

"Two..." Shen said.

"Come on, count fast as you can! I have a lot of works I have to do, you dumba**..."

"One..." Shen said.

"Yes, now show me what is my surprise now, you dumba**..." I said.

He raised his hand and then clapped.
"And now..." Shen said.

Suddenly, a swarm of insects came out of nowhere...

"W-What is this?

Stop!!

Stop this now Shen!!

Please!!" I scremed.

"I found out that you are afraid from insects...

So, I thought of a way to get my answer... I turned your entire universe into insects.

And just now, I have transported them all here. Now, I am watching you panic.

You are afraid from insects, aren't you right?" Shen asked.

"Their eyes are so scary...

Their mouth are so dirty...

If Shen is telling the truth then that means...

From them all, there are some insects which are my family...

I can't...

I can't see my family like this...

Enough!!

I have seen my family suffered everytime because of me...

And now this is happening again...

But I can't do anything...

I am very scared from them..." I whispered.

"Please... Shen I am begging you please stop this right now...

Please..." I said.

"I will never stop them...

I want to see your new and strong power from before...

So show me Shin..." Shen said.

"No I can't...

"I am not even able to move so, how will I be able to show my power to you" I asked.

"I will not save you Shin enjoy your suffering for always" Shen said.

"What do I do now?"

Chapter 5 ended...

From author Banri Tada: Thank you for reading it.

If you like it, then let me know your thoughts in the comments, Chapter 6 will release next Sunday.