Chapter 16 – Haru’s Confusion

Haru barely remembered how she got home. One moment Aya’s breath was ghosting over her ear, her voice like velvet-wrapped fire; the next, Haru was fumbling her apartment keys with trembling hands, heart thrashing against her ribs like a caged bird.

She slammed the door shut and sagged against it, clutching her chest.

Why does it feel like this? Why can’t I breathe?

Her lips still tingled with the phantom memory of that kiss in the rain, of Aya’s hands anchoring her like nothing else in the world existed. And then—those words, low and husky, echoing in her skull on a merciless loop:

“Tell me I’m wrong, Haru.”

Haru groaned, burying her face in her hands. Her pulse was a chaotic drumbeat, drowning out reason.

“I’m… I’m not like this,” she whispered to the empty room. “I’ve never… with a girl…”

But no matter how many times she told herself that, it didn’t erase the truth clawing its way to the surface: Aya wasn’t just a girl. Aya was Aya. Aya, who had been her anchor on her first terrifying day at Misora High. Aya, who teased her until she laughed even when she wanted to cry. Aya, who looked at her like she mattered.

Aya, who kissed her like she was something precious—and claimed she wanted her.

Haru squeezed her eyes shut, heart hammering. What do I do now?

---

Her phone buzzed on the nightstand, startling her. A message from Yukari, the bubbly music teacher who’d been the closest thing Haru had to a friend at work (other than Aya).

Yukari: You okay? You looked… weird today.

Haru: I’m fine! Just… tired.

Yukari: Liar. Want to talk?

Haru hesitated, fingers trembling. Then, before she could overthink it, she typed:

Haru: Can I call?

Seconds later, Yukari’s bright voice chirped through the speaker. “Haru-chan! What’s going on? You sound like you ran a marathon.”

Haru curled on the futon, knees to her chest. “Yuka… I… Something happened.”

“Uh-oh. Tell me everything.”

Haru hesitated. How could she even say it out loud? But the dam was cracking—she needed someone to hear the mess inside her.

“It’s Aya,” she blurted before she could stop herself.

A beat of silence. Then a knowing hum. “Kurozawa-sensei, huh? What about her?”

Haru’s cheeks burned. “She… kissed me.”

The squeal nearly burst Haru’s eardrum. “She WHAT?! When? Where?!”

“In the rain,” Haru whispered, voice barely audible. “After school. She… she said…” Her throat tightened, but the words spilled anyway. “She said she wants me.”

“Oh. My. God.” Yukari sounded like she was physically vibrating through the phone. “That’s… Haru-chan, that’s huge! How do you feel about her?”

“I—” Haru’s breath hitched. “I don’t know! I’m so confused. I’ve never… I mean, I’ve only ever thought about men before, and Aya is… she’s my best friend! We live together! If I mess this up, everything will fall apart!”

“Haru.” Yukari’s tone softened, cutting through her panic like a balm. “Close your eyes for a second.”

Haru obeyed, reluctantly.

“Now,” Yukari continued gently, “when you think about that kiss… what do you feel? Honestly.”

Haru’s pulse thundered in her ears. Her mind conjured it immediately—Aya’s lips on hers, firm and warm, the desperate heat of her embrace, the sound of rain drowning everything but their breaths.

Her stomach flipped violently. Heat curled low in her belly, spreading like wildfire.

“I…” Her voice cracked. “I felt… like the world disappeared.”

“Uh-huh,” Yukari said softly. “And when you imagine her smiling at someone else like that?”

Something sharp and ugly stabbed Haru’s chest. The thought of Aya leaning close to someone else, kissing someone else—

“No,” Haru whispered hoarsely. “I hate it.”

“Then I think you have your answer,” Yukari said, her voice warm and sure. “Your face says it all, Haru. You love her.”

Haru’s breath caught like she’d been punched. “I… love… her?”

“Yeah,” Yukari said gently. “And it’s okay if that scares you. But don’t run from it. You deserve to be happy—and so does she.”

Tears pricked Haru’s eyes before she could stop them. She mumbled a shaky goodbye and ended the call, clutching the phone to her chest.

---

The apartment was silent except for the faint hum of the heater. Haru lay back on the futon, staring at the ceiling as Yukari’s words echoed in her head.

Your face says it all, Haru. You love her.

Love.

The word felt terrifying. And yet… warm. Like sunlight breaking through clouds.

She thought of Aya again—Aya laughing over midnight takeout, Aya leaning casually against the doorway, Aya pulling her into that kiss like she was something Aya couldn’t live without.

Haru pressed trembling fingers to her lips, a sob of confusion and wonder catching in her throat.

“Do I…” she whispered into the stillness, voice quivering, “do I… love her?”

Her chest ached with the weight of the question. But deep down, beneath the fear, an answer stirred—wild, reckless, and undeniable.

--

Haru curled on her side, heart pounding so loud it drowned out the rain. She didn’t have the courage to say it out loud yet—but for the first time, she wanted to.