Winds of Change

The winds of change and hope came crashing down around Sota, replaced with anxiety and dread. 

He sat there, reading the message over and over, as if the repetition might change the outcome.

That was not how it worked. 

[Riku (Queen)]: Hey all, bad news :( I'm not going to be able to make it to our hang out this Saturday.  Had a family emergency come up...

[Ren]: Oh, no! I hope everything's okay...

[Riku (Queen)]: Nothing too bad. Don't hold up on my account, though! Just make sure you two eat enough for me! <3

Sota closed out the text and opened his phone app, rapidly dialing Riku's number. Thirty seconds later, a flamboyant voice rang out. 

"Can't stand the thought of a weekend hangout without me, huh?" Riku teased. 

"Something like that...what the hell, man!?"

Sota could hear Riku's performance of a 'gasp' over the phone. 

"I'm hurt, Sota!" he replied, playing up the drama. "You don't believe in your dear best friend?"

"You and I both know you're full of it," Sota growled. "I know you don't act that way when something actually happens. So I repeat...WHAT THE HELL?!"

Even Riku paused after Sota yelled into the phone. Sota didn't intend to get himself so wound up, but this was the last thing he needed right now. He knew Riku didn't owe him anything - a nineteen-year-old should be capable of handling something as simple as a date. 

What irritated Sota, however, was the context. Riku had just spent a whole night talking up how he was going to have Sota's back through this, and now he was bailing with only a couple of days to spare?

"I really tried, Sota, but I can't do it..."

Sota took a breath, collecting himself. Riku's tone had shifted from extreme flamboyance to seriousness. Sota thought about Riku's perspective for a minute. Riku could be flakey, sure, but he owned his flakiness. 

That was what Sota had expected when he called, a flamboyant acceptance from Riku about playing hooky. This serious tone, though, was different...

"This is related to what happened to your sister, isn't it?"

Silence overtook the call for a moment before Riku responded. 

"Would you believe me if I told you that it doesn't really make sense to me, either?" Riku admitted. "I guess it's bugging me more than I expected it to."

"I mean, how could it not?" Sota asked, his inner voice starting to take a dark turn. "There's no real way around it being pathetic on my part..."

"I'm gonna need you to do me a solid and NOT take this the wrong way..." Riku emphasized. "I've known you since grade school and I know you wouldn't do anything to cause harm to Ren. This is a me problem, and I don't want it to impact a day where you're trying to establish something meaningful."

Sota laid back on his bed, phone still held by his ear. If anyone understood complicated emotions that made no sense, it was Sota. He also could understand that the situation would leave Riku with intense mixed emotions. 

He did not want to put his friend through that, but it also left him with a burning question...

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Just go and hang out like we planned to," Riku responded. "You managed to keep each other company through several hours of a tournament, and that's not a particularly exciting event. It should be no problem for you to fill a day with fun shenanigans around town. Just don't get in your own way..."

"This changes the whole dynamic, though," Sota noted. "If it's just the two of us, she could end up thinking it's more of a date..."

"I mean...that was kind of the point, right?"

"Not like this, though! This feels like it's way more manipulative. Ask the young girl to hang out, and then all of a sudden the 'neutral party' can't make it?"

"If Saturday does go well, then you're gonna have to cross that bridge no matter what. Better to get it out of the way earlier than get your hopes up, if you ask me. Either way, I know you got this, Sota."

The conversation ended soon after that. 

Sota sat there with his thoughts. He was not happy that things had taken this turn. At the end of the day, though, it was his own fault. He had done his best to crawl out of the despair he had been soaking in, but had mistakenly latched onto Riku too harshly. 

Was it over? Should he cancel? Sota wrestled with these thoughts for several minutes. Was he going to cause awkwardness that would bleed into his martial arts classes? The one thing he had left?

He typed out a "maybe next time" message, then erased it. He typed out a "I had something come up" message, almost hit send, but then erased it. It was him versus his demons. They were loud, and they were convincing. They might've won, they normally would've won, but a clear thought came through. 

--One more time. If you truly believe this could become something special, you can survive risking it one more time.

It landed loud and In the end, he took a deep breath and landed on an answer. 

Riku not being there was going to make him more anxious, but he was still a fully-grown man that had lived through a lot worse. He had to get it together. 

Sota grabbed his phone and sat up. He flipped over to the group text.

[Sota]: Sorry to hear that! I'm still happy to hang out this Saturday. Assuming you're still up for it, Ren?

He sent the message before there was any reason for him to second-guess himself. He focused his mind and got his head in the game. Riku had done more than enough assisting - he needed to stand on his own two feet. 

He went to put the phone down, expecting Ren to either respond much later or not at all. To his surprise, however, the phone went off again after only a few moments. 

[Ren]: That works fine for me! I can send you over my address so you can pick me up Saturday morning!

He was surprised by the quick response. He got a bit nervous about if she decided to ghost him - as that was a regular occurrence when it came to girls. That being said, it'd be pretty hard to ghost him if he was picking her up from her house. 

Or, at the very least, it would be a unique first on his end. 

***

Ren sat in class staring at her phone. She'd still agreed to go, even without Riku. She was eager to enjoy her first time out with others as a teenage girl. 

With that being said, the implications of the change were starting to pop into her mind. 

-- Without Riku there, it's just going to be Senpai and me. Kind of like a date...

As this thought began processing, it led to a whirlwind of emotions hitting her in rapid succession. 

First and foremost, like a truck, was the 'date' emotions. She thought about Sota - someone she admired and respected greatly. He was older, he was more knowledgeable, he was kind. The idea of going on a date with him spiked her excitement and anxiety. It was like her 'teenage girl' hormones had dialed up to 11. She held back the urge to let out audible excitement, her face turning as red as a tomato at the idea. 

The moment was incredibly short-lived, though. 

Directly behind the 'truck' of her initial emotions, came the 'train' of her trauma. Years of neglect, abuse, and manipulation cascaded over her. 

When one experiences great trauma, for great lengths of time, it's inevitable that they start to blame themselves for some of it. They think they messed up, they think that's what they deserved. 

So why, after receiving all of this, would she deserve that kind of happiness now?

-- There's no chance this is a date. Senpai is too far ahead of me. I'd be an idiot to think he'd go on a date with a girl like me...

And that was it. Just like that, the emotional turmoil of the 'date' was gone. It didn't take much of anything to convince herself of her 'truth'. 

--Still, I was valued enough to get invited out with them outside of class. That's more than enough for someone like me...

There was a heavy negative connotation to 'someone like me', even though Ren didn't realize it. Any further thoughts, however, were interrupted.

"Ren!" the teacher yelled, snapping her back to reality. "Put your phone away!"

"Sorry, sir!"

She quickly closed up her phone and pocketed it. 

"C'mon, teach..." one of the other students called out. "If any of us did that, you'd be reading our texts out loud. Does the 'teacher's pet' get a pass?"

Everyone in the class began laughing. The teacher looked to Ren, contemplating the idea. Technically, it would've been 'fair' to treat her the same as the others. Ren's pale expression of pleading and horror, however, made him falter. 

"Since it's never happened before, I'll give you this one pass..." he sighed. "If the rest of you want a freebie, then maybe you should get your grades up and study like she does..."

His decision was met with a bunch of grumblings and cusses in Ren's direction. Ren didn't care, though. Causing a scene could've snowballed badly, especially if her mother caught wind of it. 

Ren focused hard for the remainder of the school day - her energy levels high with the upcoming weekend plans. Unlike with Sota, Ren's trauma rarely affected her productivity. That might sound like a better outcome to the uninitiated, but in many ways, it was worse.

It's not that there weren't emotions to feel. Rather, it was that she had never been given any opportunity to process any of the horrors she had been through. She was constantly in survival mode, and so the chance to heal never presented itself. Her brief moments to herself were spent crying, but it was only ever enough to relieve stress before diving back into it all. 

On the outside, with her grades and martial arts as good as they were, it would seem like an effective strategy. 

But someday, that would lead to an immeasurable uphill battle for her.

***

"Soooo... I see the red princess has decided to still hang out with our beloved Senpai. Good for you, girl!"

Ren looked up from her bag to see Riku standing over her, wearing his usual teasing expression. He and Ren had become fast friends since she began at class months ago. With Sota absent, she was the next best person for Riku to chat with and pick on.

"Well, yeah," Ren replied, taking a sip of water. "I'm sure you two would've done the same if I couldn't make it, right?"

"Sure! But if it's just you and him, doesn't that make it like a date?"

Riku awaited Ren's response. He enjoyed his playful banter, but he had more complex reasons for pushing this topic. He thought perhaps it'd be a good way to gauge Ren's interest in Sota. If Ren was completely against the idea, then maybe he could find a way to interject before things got awkward. He didn't want to set Sota up for heartbreak. 

Deeper down, however, there was another reason. One that was even unknown to Riku himself. 

Subconsciously, he couldn't help but think of his sister when faced with this situation. What he wanted, above all else, was to make sure Ren didn't end up in the same boat. He knew 'logically' that Sota wouldn't act in that manner, but his heart needed more. Was Ren vulnerable to the same manipulation her sister had been?

He waited with bated breath. Would Ren show interest, or be completely against the idea?

Her response, unexpectedly, was laughter. 

"Don't be silly, Riku! There's no way Senpai would be into someone like me. This is just a hangout, you know that."

While Ren still didn't hear the self-deprecation in 'someone like me', Riku could, and it made him nervous. That type of self-view didn't make him comfortable that she wasn't vulnerable to having her emotions manipulated. 

"Humor me, then," Riku chuckled, keeping up his teasing facade. "Let's say it did end up being more like a date. What would you think?"

"Do you know something I don't?"

"Nope!" Riku shot back. "I'm just a gossip queen is all! I like to imagine what could be. I'm a hopeless romantic like that!"

Ren pondered his thought. Riku felt a bit bad about the deceit. He was uniquely good at lying, and it wasn't something he was proud of. Especially towards Ren, who he felt like he had a sibling-like connection with.

"I guess we'd see where it went, then," she admitted. "He a nice guy and has always been kind to me. That being said, the age gap is something we'd have to discuss. Also, I think I'd need to better understand why he picked me out of all people..."

"I don't know, Ren," Riku teased. "Older guys are pretty smooth. Aren't you worried he's going to have some 'smooth story' prepared?"

"Fuck, no."

Her curt and vulgar answer, being as quick as it was, caught Riku off-guard. 

"I've spent my whole life reading and dodging lies," Ren admitted, a gentle tone to her voice. "I have to 'read' people who are narcissists on a daily basis. They have decades of experience, but I can still see through them. Just like I can see through you - and the fact that your 'teasing' isn't as innocent as you're playing it off to be..."

Riku took an instinctive step back. Getting called out like that - with such a monotone inflection - made even his skin shiver a bit. 

"Senpai may be very smart, but he's also genuine," Ren finished. "I don't think he'd lie like that, unless he was lying to himself. Even then, compared to the others, it'd be so obvious."

Ren chuckled at the thought of Sota trying to 'act' his way through a lie. Riku, on the other hand, was completely off-guard at her words. 

He knew Ren was mature for her age, but this was different. It wasn't your typical 'naturally mature' girl. This was forged through something dark. Something that made her just as much of an 'adult' as him or Sota.

To that thought, Riku's heart felt reprieve and he laughed with her. 

"I'll at least say this," Riku finally replied. "Sota is definitely a good guy, but don't sell yourself short. He'd be lucky to have someone like you. I'll remind him of that too, if need be. Us queens need to stick together!"

Ren seemed surprised by Riku's 'lucky to have you' statement. With that final note, Riku said his goodbyes and walked away. His heart now felt several pounds lighter than it had over the past week. 

--There's no doubt left in my mind. This is entirely different from my sister. The stage is now set for a new story, and this story will most certainly have a happy ending.