Doubt

Now that my training under tutelage was over and done with, I would be continuing on my own for a while. Thankfully however, my master, Xenia, had left me with a few tips and exercises to help me conduct a routine of sorts.

In the morning, around nine, and after a consequencial breakfast to gather enough energy to last until midday, I would go for a hike in the mountains where I underwent the practical evaluation. Carrying two swords, a camping kit and ustensils to cook for two meals all the while.
Then once I found a good spot to set up camp, I would take a dip into a nearby pond or in 'the monkeys' lake' to calm the swelling of my muscles and regulate my blood flow before starting the real workout.

Said workout included everything from regular push-ups and weight training to long distance running. And then, once I was done with this part –an hour for weight and another one for running– I would finally be practicing my swings and stances with a sword. By the way, all of my workout was done with my sword tucked in its scabbard and strapped onto my back.

Once that would be well underway, it would then be a matter of minutes until my tummy would start to protest about its lack of nutrients. Taking this sign as my clue, I would grab a few tools and go hunting. 

In this mountain, wild beasts, the equivalent of wild animals from earth, were the most active in the afternoon. And luckily there was a good variety too. On the morrow of concluding my test, I had been able to catch three rabbits and a boar for example.

Today I want to catch an elk though.

As my thoughts started to greedily consider which target to prioritize for that day's meal, I suddenly caught sight of a bear. 

Hey it's actually freaking huge! 

To provide an estimate, I would say it was around three meters tall. Its fur was grey and his claws long and sharp. It was easy to imagine that if they grew so imposing and threatening, it must have been because of the existence of monsters. That being said, I did not intend to confront such an outstanding opponent so soon. My aim for the day was the elks I learned about in a book documenting the species from this area.

Stealthily distancing myself from the predator, I elected to head back to my camp and to head into the opposite direction from here to resume my search.


After about thirty minutes into my new hunting ground, I finally found what I was looking for.

Great seems like this one didn't get a buff at least.

Using gaming lingo to ease my tension, I examined my target from a distance.

First I need to fire an arrow just above its leg to prevent it from running away, then I close in with my sword and dodge the antlers to strike at its over-extended neck.

Taking my time to calm my breathing and pull the string, I finally let loose the arrow.

Damn too low, will it be able to flee !?

After letting out a pained scream, the elk obviously tried to run away. But it couldn't. Okay nice. 
Leaving my bow on the ground to make sure it wouldn't have the leeway to try and adjust to the pain in time, I swiftly rushed forward with my sword held low ready for an upward slash.

Fwoosh!

With a feint followed by a slide, I dodged his anklers by a hair's breadth and skipped by under its nose to thrust my blade deep into the base of its neck. It tried to scream but could no longer, it was checkmate. I got to my feet and gave it a finishing blow aimed at its heart.

So far so good, now I need to be quick if I don't want its meat to spoil.

As a parting gift in case we didn't see eachother until she departed, Xenia had gifted me her notes on hunting methods and on how to dissect wild game the previous morning. Thanks to those I had almost no issue doing a good job out of the elk's carcass.

It's still rough on the stomach though. And it stinks...

Once I was done putting away the meat I would use in a clean cloth and recovered my bow, I hastily made my way back to the camp by the small lake. 

Using the basic spell ignite that I managed to learn following sir Prakia's instruction, I was able to light a small bonfire and enjoy roasted elk on skewers. On the side I prepared a potato stew using the leftovers I brought which had been provided by Nelly, the cook, and completed the dish with edible herbs and mushrooms I found around the woods.

Hugh yikes... Roasting it isn't enough to be rid of the foul smell... I'll have to ask Nelly for spices next time.

Rabbit and boar had been okay with a soup or a stew on the side, but as it turned out, larger animal's meat seemed to require a lot more preparation.

I'll have to take it as a valuable experience... Right now I need to fill my belly and that's the most important.

On my way to conclude my body training for the day, I gathered my belongings, took a small nap against my backpack and descended the mountain. After a bath, the afternoon training would be on magic.

                                                                         _______________

The next day, on the eve of my master's next deployment, Xenia asked to join my training to see what I came up with. Unfortunately, it turned out I wasn't doing too hot that day.

“Hey, did something happen since the other day ? The light in your eyes seems to have grown dull.”

Is it that obvious ? No actually, she is simply too perceptive I think. What a pain.

“Is it holding an unfamiliar weapon ? Your desire to go back to your world ? Or maybe it is the guilt from refusing the request of people who have treated you so well since they welcomed you?”

"..."

“Because in the first case, all I can tell you is that it'll come with practice and time. Now if it's about returning to your home world, you don't need to worry about anyone's feelings, mine included. I only suggested to train you because you looked determined and that I thought I could gain something from teaching someone unfamiliar with this stuff. And I won't regret it, ever. Now if it's about that guilt I mentioned earlier, listen, you can just throw it away.”

“I can't exactly do that, I mean-”

“So what if they treated you well ? They are the ones who summoned you in the first place, are they not? And against your will to boot. So what do you owe them exactly ? Didn't they also tell you that 'it's only normal to treat our esteemed guests approprietely ?'”

I understood what she was saying and I also understood that if they treated me so well it must have been because they had expectations for me, especially since I had never been adamant about returning to my world. 

But still, It doesn't feel right to me to just up and leave at my own convenience...

Actually wait, now that I think about it I never felt the urgency to use a way back since I came here, why's that ? I mean, considering how I want to function I understand how my priority had to have been survival and information gathering at first, but then ?

As I was starting to slightly panic, Xenia's calm, even voice, brought me back to my senses.

“This is a lot to take in, sorry, let's just stop here for the day. That said, I really think you ought to consider finding an answer to the question I presented to you. So please use the remainder of the day to think about it a little at least. Otherwise there is no point for you to undergo this training. A life is more fragile than you'd think.”

Im doing everything I can to survive in this world but I wonder if it's the right choice. I thought that any experience would be good to have while I was here since I had been given the guarantee that I would be able to go back to my own world, but I'm actually risking my life out here. And I'm not even sure this specific kind of experience and knowledge about swordsmanship and hunting would even be of any use to me once I go back. So is there really any point ? How do I even feel about this new life ? Do I want to help these people ? Do I want to create bonds with them ? And if I don't, should I just go back and ignore their plight then ? Would it only amount to self-satisfaction to accept their kindness, help them, and yet still refuse to befriend them or at least accept their feelings ?

Leaving me frowing and speechless, my master started going back the way we came without waiting for me.

Wait, did she forget about this sword ?

In my hands rested one of the straight swords she usually had at her waist.

Hold on...

After feeling all around my belt and my bag, I realized that I had in fact forgotten to bring my usual sword with me.

Yeah okay, there is no need for perceptiveness at this point. 

Her sword felt heavy. Still nothing compared to the greatsword I tried before, and yet, it felt abnormally so nevertheless.

Then with nothing better to do, I decided to head back to the castle and retire to my room.

To be honest this daily life is positively thrilling, I learn to perform what the NPCs I used to control did in my games, I get to meet people from a culture far removed from anything I could find in my world in this day and age. And while I have no guarantee that I would be able to come back to the same fulfilling life I used to lead back there, strangely I don't seem to feel so bad about it.

                                                                      _______________

Now what ?

It was five in the afternoon, and neither did I feel like writing in my diary nor did I fancied taking a stroll through the castle or the gardens, so I just sat there on my bed, my eyes unconsciously laying on the sword I left hanging at the door by it's sheath.

Is it really okay for me to want to remain in this world for a while longer ? Unlike most other people I lead a healthy and wealthy life, I had friends, parents that took care of me, and an occupation that was fulfilling. I shouldn't be lacking anything, and yet there is this discomfort...

And what happened to the plane after I vanished anyway ? Did it make it to the airport safely ? Was I the only one to vanish ? Did it happen to other people aboard ?  Were they also sent to this world? Maybe I could meet one of my friends if I looked into it?

"..."

Now that my mind been freed from the urgency of gathering intel and figuring out how to settle down in this new environment, the questions I tucked away in a corner of my brain were flowing out endlessly.

Had my teammates replaced me ? Did I even have a place to return to ? Did my time here amounted to the same as from where I was from ? Would my parents still welcome me home if I came back from somewhere unknown and had lost my job in the process ? Would they even believe me ? Would I be allowed the same freedom now that I had put them through so much stress and made them worry for my life ? Would I have to take over the family business as a result and give up on my hobbies ?

I hate that. I absolutely loathe the idea of succumbing to my emotions. 

"I need to clear my head."

Following this feeling, my feet lead me to the one place where I would be able to find some peace and quiet; the library. But right as I opened the door-

“Oh-”

Ah

There she was, the teasing princess.