The Roar of The Exile

But sometimes, the scars run so deep that a lifetime is not enough to heal them. And it hurts even more when it happens to someone you love, rather than to yourself. When they leave this world behind, it hurts. But what if their death was caused by someone else’s hands? Wouldn’t that pain cut deeper? 

I am Ruu Akaru. I turned fourteen last July.

My goal in life is simple — to become a man worthy enough to support my mom.

Well… she's not exactly my biological mother.

A lot has happened since I was five. I lost my real mom to cancer. I was devastated. Completely lost. As if someone had pulled the ground out from beneath my feet.

After that, my father remarried, a widow with a daughter, mostly to give me the emotional and physical support I needed. But even then, I couldn’t bring myself to truly accept her. Not as my mother. Not at first.

And then, tragedy struck again.

Just a year after their marriage, I lost my dad too — this time to a car accident. I was only seven. That loss… it shattered whatever was left of me. It shattered even the faintest ray of hope that remained, leaving me in a state of utter despair. 

I stopped eating. Stopped talking. Locked myself away. The weight of grief was too much for a child to carry alone.

But she pulled me out of it.

She rescued me from that abyss. She gave me warmth. She gave me love. Love that wasn’t bound by blood. She treated me like her own son if not something even more precious. And slowly, I began to love her too.

She worked harder than anyone I’ve ever known. She made sure we never felt the absence of anything — not love, not comfort, not hope.

What she’s done for me over the years… I’ll never be able to repay. Even if I crafted her shoes with my own peeled skin — it wouldn’t be enough.

That’s why I want to grow up as fast as I can.
So I can finally protect her… the way she protected me.

[Beep-beep… beep-beep…]

“Ugh! Shut up, you stupid clock! Why do you always ruin the best part of my dreams?” I groaned loudly.

I threw the blanket off and lay still for a moment, eyes fixed on the ceiling.
A few seconds of silence. Just enough to breathe.

Then I got up, dragged myself to the bathroom, and splashed cold water on my face.The mirror reflected someone I barely recognized—
a tired, worn-out version of me.
I let out a heavy sigh.

Today is my final exam. The first stepping stone to becoming a man.

“Ruu, come down! Your breakfast is ready. Hurry up. Your sister's almost finished!” I heard Mom calling.
I stepped out of the bathroom and shouted back, “Yeah, I’m coming! Just putting on my uniform!”
I quickly came downstairs and saw Sora already done with her meal.

“You already finished, Sora? You know we’re going to school together, right? Doesn’t really make sense to me why you’re in such a rush,” I said while pulling out a chair at the dining table.

She stood up from the table and replied, “Yeah, I know. I just have some homework left to do. Now I can focus on it without worrying, thanks to a full stomach,” she said with a smile on her face.

“Oh, I see. Okay then, do your work and wait for me a bit.”

“Yeah,” she replied, leaving the room.

I sat down to finish my breakfast. A moment later, Mom pulled out a chair and sat across from me.

“Ruu, are you doing okay?” she asked softly.

“Yeah. What do you mean by that? As you can see, I’m as fit as ever.”

“You can’t fool a mother’s eyes, Ruu. You look so tired. Are you pushing yourself too hard?” she asked, her face filled with concern.

“Come on, Mom. It’s nothing like that. I just slept a bit late last night — I have an exam today. And I need to score really high on it,” I said, a little excitement in my voice.

“Ruu, I’m your mother. I know you’ve been pulling all-nighters lately. But your grades aren’t worth your health, are they?”

“No, mom… It’s not just about getting good grades,” I said, turning my gaze back to my meal.

She spoke more softly now. “Ruu, if you’re doing all this for me, you really don’t have to. I’m your mother. I take care of you not because someone forced me to — it’s because I love you.”

I looked into her eyes, desperate. “But I want to repay you for the rest of my life for all your support.”

“I don’t want anything in return. You don’t need extraordinary grades to prove that you’re special. You’ve been special to me since the very first moment I held you. Your worth to me is beyond anything in this world,” she said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I got worried and quickly rushed to her side. Grabbing a towel from nearby, I gently wiped her tears. She looked up at me as I said, “No, Mom. I’m not trying to prove anything. I just want to protect your precious smile.”

She calmed down, and I returned to my chair to finish my meal. When I was done, I stood up and walked toward the door. But just as I stepped outside the room, I froze.

For a moment, I said nothing.

Then I turned back.

“Mom?”

She looked at me and nodded.

“No one forced me to worry about you or devote my life to you,” I said, my voice louder now. “I do it because I love you.”

Without waiting for a reply, I picked up my school bag and rushed out the door.

My sister was already waiting for me outside.

“Oh, you’re still here? I thought you already left,” I said, trying to sound casual, though a hint of desperation slipped through.

Without responding directly, she smirked and said, “Someone sure loves his mom a little too much.”

Her words made my face blush red.

“Stop saying weird stuff!” I muttered, not angrily, but flustered. “Let’s just go to school. We’ll miss the train at this rate.”

I grabbed her hand and started walking quickly, dragging her along.

“Wait, wait! You’re walking too fast! I can’t keep up!” she called out.
I tried to ignore her, but she just wouldn’t stop rambling.
I smirked to myself — if she was going to keep teasing me, maybe it was time to embarrass her instead.
So, I suddenly stopped in my tracks.

“Onii-chan? What happened? Why did you stop all of a sudden?” she asked, confused.

“Oh, nothing,” I said casually. “Just had an interesting thought.”

“And what’s that?”

I grinned with a slightly mischievous smile. “Well… let me just show you.”

“What? Show—”

Before she could finish, I grabbed her with both hands and lifted her up.

“Hey! What are you doing?! Put me down! Put me down!” she yelled, pounding her fists against my chest.

“Nope. Not happening. I’m carrying you all the way to the station,” I said, already running.

She sighed in defeat. “Why are you doing this…?”

“Hmm… no reason. Just wanted to make you embarrassed,” I replied.

“Idiot…” she muttered with another sigh.

A decent number of people stared at us along the way.

“Oh no, I’m so embarrassed,” she said, blushing bright red and covering her face with both hands.

We finally reached the station. I gently set her down. We hopped on the train and eventually arrived at school.

“Alright, see you after school then. And don’t try to go home alone,” I said.

She nodded and ran off toward her classroom. She’s a year younger than me.

Anyway, I headed to my own class too.

“Good morning, Akaru,” said Yoshida, waving at me as soon as I entered the classroom.

“Hey, good morning to you too.” I waved back, though a bit hesitantly. It felt kind of awkward.

Since childhood, I’ve never been that good with people outside my family. I always had a hard time making friends. Sure, I had a decent number of them, but our relationships were never that close. We’d exchange greetings, maybe talk about some random stuff at school — but that was it. I was never really open, and because of that, I often ended up in awkward situations, feeling uncomfortable and out of place.

I went to my seat, put my bag under the desk, and started getting ready for the test. It was maths, so I pulled out my pencils, geometry box, and everything else.

There were still around five minutes left before the teacher came in. My desk was beside the window, so I glanced outside and noticed a tree branch nearby. A nest sat on it. A mother bird was feeding her chicks. It was… honestly, one of the most beautiful things I’d seen in a long time.

Yeah… whether it’s a wild animal, a bird, or a human — a mother does everything to protect the child she loves.

I don’t think I would’ve seen it this way if none of the things in my life had happened. Maybe I wouldn’t have even noticed it. And even if I had, maybe it wouldn’t have made me feel anything.

But now, it did.

Suddenly, Satoshi came over to me and said, “Hey Akaru, got a minute?”

I was a bit startled.

“Y-yeah? What’s up?”

“Well, we’re planning to go to the amusement park after school — you know, to celebrate surviving the hell that was this exam week. Since today’s the last one, we figured why not. Honestly, we weren’t sure if you’d want to come, since you don’t really hang out with us much… but I thought I’d ask anyway.”

He wasn’t wrong. Maybe under normal circumstances, I would’ve said no. But I’ve realized recently that I need to work on my social skills — otherwise, I’ll just keep running into these awkward moments. Still… I had no idea where to start.

This felt like a golden opportunity.

“Yeah. Why not? I’ll come.”

“Oh really?” he said, looking a little surprised.

“Y-yeah…”

“Alright then, see you after school!”

Right after that, the bell rang, and the teacher walked in to hand out the test papers.

“Okay class. All silent now — the test begins.”

I was actually excited. I had worked really hard for this.
But the moment I saw the questions… my heart sank.

What’s wrong with these questions? Why are they so absurd… so out of place?

They were the most irregular problems I’d ever seen. The stuff I thought wasn’t important — the topics I barely reviewed once or twice — showed up the most.

And since it was a math test, there were parts I just couldn’t solve. I had hoped to score above 90%, but now it looked like I’d be lucky to get even 70%.

I may not be the smartest student out there, but I really put in the effort for this one.

At the very least… I thought I deserved an 80%.

This test really hurt me inside, even if it wasn’t visible on the outside.
I thought this would be the stepping stone to becoming a man.
I thought I’d do well, feel proud, and slowly begin walking toward my dreams —
to become someone reliable for my mother.

In this world, grades might not define a person…
But they sure help when you want to achieve something.
And on the first step, I failed.

I was genuinely depressed.

After the test was over, Satoshi came over to me again.

“Hey, come to the campus gate after you pack up your bag. We’ll go together.
Trust me, it’ll be worth it,” he said, sounding excited as he was about to leave.

“Satoshi?” I called out, stopping him.

He turned back. “Yeah? Something wrong?”

“Umm… sorry, but… I don’t think I’ll be able to come. You guys go without me.”

“What? But you said you’d come before the test, didn’t you?”

I scratched my head awkwardly. “Y-y-yeah, sorry but… I have my reasons.”

“Your reasons?” He frowned. “At least tell me what they are. I already told Nakamura — he left first to buy the tickets so we wouldn’t have to wait in a long line.”

I looked down at my shoes and mumbled, “Sorry… I can’t tell you the reason.”

He smirked — but not the funny kind.
It was a twisted smile with a hint of laughter… bitter, disappointed, eerie.

“Of course you can’t,” he said coldly.
“You don’t even believe in us, do you? You don’t think we’re your friends. We’re just useless nobodies to you, aren’t we?”

He said it loud enough for the whole class to hear.
They all turned and began whispering.

“No… it’s not like that…”

“Oh, you don’t have to pity us!” he shouted even louder, and then turned away —
spitting on the floor like he’d just stepped on garbage.

He made quite a scene.

Everyone stared at me.
But I didn’t say anything.

They whispered among themselves and left one by one.
In the end, I was the only one left — sitting alone at my desk, silently.

What went wrong?

Maybe I should’ve been more honest. Maybe I should’ve told them.
But even if I did… would they really have understood?

These thoughts clouded my mind. I was a little lost in them — and in that fog, I completely forgot I had told Sora to wait for me after school.

Then suddenly, the silence broke.

“Onii-chan?”

I turned around.

Sora was standing right beside me.

“Oh, Sora? I almost forgot about you.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured that might be the case. That’s why I came to say goodbye.”

“Okay, let’s go—wait. Did you just say goodbye?” I asked, confused if I had heard her wrong.

“Yeah. I did.”

“But why? We’re literally going home together, aren’t we?”

“Well, about that… actually, me and my friends decided to go to the amusement park. So I can’t go home with you today. You go ahead and tell Mom that I’ll be late.”

“Oh... That’s news to me. You never told me you had plans like that.”

“Well, I only just found out too. They already planned everything for me, so I couldn’t really say no.”

“I see. Have fun then. I’ll let Mom know.”

“Thank you!” she said, hugging me.

She was about to leave but paused for a moment.
“Hey, Onii-chan, did something happen?”

“What do you mean?” I said, trying to play it cool, making sure she didn’t find out anything about what happened earlier.

“You looked kinda sad.”

“Really? Don’t worry, I’m fine. It’s just your imagination,” I replied calmly.

“Oh, is it? Then take care,” she said with a smile and ran off.

They're also celebrating the end of exams, huh?
Maybe I should’ve gone with Satoshi and the others too.
Now I’ll have to walk home all by myself...
I muttered to myself, as the crowd around me slowly faded away.

I took the train and finally reached my city. I was walking alone. I looked up at the sky. But it looked empty—no stars, no moon.
It felt a little empty inside me too.
But remembering my mom’s face gave me a little strength. It calmed me. The emptiness slowly began to fade.

After a couple of minutes of walking, I finally reached home.
I tried to fix my expression before stepping inside, so Mom wouldn’t notice anything.
As I turned the handle, the door swung open effortlessly.

Huh? It’s usually locked…

"I'm home."

No response.

Maybe she stepped out? But why would she leave the door wide open? That’s not like her at all…

But then I heard something. A strange, muffled noise—coming from Mom’s room.

My footsteps grew heavier as I moved closer, each step sending a chill down my spine. Something didn’t feel right. The house felt off. The air itself was tense.

I reached her door.

It was slightly open.

I pushed it gently.

And then—
Time froze.
My breath caught.
My chest tightened.
My vision blurred.

There, in the half-lit room, I saw everything I wasn't meant to see.

My mind couldn’t process it.
I didn’t want it to.
But the truth was undeniable.

She wasn’t alone.
And she wasn't safe.
My mother.
Pinned down.
Struggling beneath a man I had never seen before.

He was violating her making sickening sounds.

She looked terrified. Helpless. Helpless.

I didn’t think.
I didn’t speak.
I just moved.

Rage took control.
Every fiber of my being screamed for action. Anger crashed over me like a tidal wave, pushing out all sense. I didn’t hesitate — I charged forward, fists tight and ready.

I grabbed the man by his collar, pulling him off my mother.

“Get off her, you bastard!” I yelled, voice shaking with rage.

He stumbled, caught off guard, but I didn’t stop. My fists came down hard on his face again and again. Blood splattered on my hands. Bone cracked. But it didn’t matter.

All I felt was fire.
All I could see was red.
All I could hear was the sound of my own fury crashing against him.

“You think you can touch her?!” I shouted, striking him with all the force I had left.

But still, it didn’t feel like enough.

My mother—shaking behind me, unable to speak—was all I needed to see to know that I couldn't stop.

With a fierce, almost demonic smile, I locked eyes with him and stood up, my anger boiling over uncontrollably.

“So, you really violated my mom with that thing, huh?”

“You vulture! Take this!”

"AAAAAHHHHH!" He screamed in pain as my foot crashed down hard.

“Ha! Yeah, that’s right! Take it! Take it! Take it!”

I smashed him harder, his screams rising with every blow. Rage clouded my mind—I couldn’t think straight anymore. Then, suddenly, his screams stopped. Only a heavy, haunting silence remained. He was dead.

“Whew… You’re dead already, bastard…”

Fatigue hit me like a wave, and I sank to the floor. I turned to look for Mom—but she was gone.

Where did she go?

The silence in the house twisted into something cold and sharp, crawling down my spine like ice. I forced myself up and started searching the room.

“Mom? Mom?”

No answer.

When I stepped into the dining room, I froze. What I saw stole the breath from my lungs.

Mom—hanging there lifeless.

My world shattered.

“No, no! No! Not again! Oh God, why is this happening to me again? Why? Why? What have I done to deserve this?!”

Tears poured from my eyes like a flood, my fists pounding the floor over and over.

“Why does everyone I love die so soon?! Why?! Am I not even allowed to experience even a little bit of joy?!”

I kept punching—harder and harder. I couldn’t control myself. All rational thoughts had long abandoned me.

My hands were soaked in blood, skin torn open, bones cracking—but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop.

Not until everything went numb.

But even then...
My tears didn’t stop.
My agony didn’t stop.
My screaming didn’t stop.
I just couldn’t stop myself.

My screaming only got louder—louder and louder.
I kept shouting, trying to let it all out—all the pain, all the agony.
But no matter how much I screamed, not even a fraction of it escaped me.

Still, I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.
I kept screaming,
kept tearing my voice apart—
until my throat split from the strain, and blood surged up, choking me.

And then—

I collapsed again.
Drowning.
Drenched in despair.

My mind went blank.
Swallowed by the dark.

After that… I didn’t remember much.
Just the sound of footsteps… rushed, chaotic… neighbors storming in, yelling something I couldn’t process.
All of it… just noise.
Everything else… got eaten up by the dark.